i left my husband of 27 years oct 2005  he compulsively cheated on me the whole marriage  now he wants me back
553941
Don't go back with him.Especially if your doing well.It will only make you sadder in the long run.Take care of yourself.Don't worry about him.I wish you the best.God bless.
276854
As much as you seem to love this man I think you deserve a hell of alot better!  This man does not respect you as a wife or as a person.  He takes your feelings and stomps all over them.  He is being totally immature and sounds like a totally controlling man.  YOU deserve a man who is going to love you,respect your feelings, and wont run out like a spoiled child when u have a disagreement!  Temper Tantrums r for 3 year olds not grown men.  And the fact that he didnt even want to save the marriage and go to counseling says volumes about the kind of man he really is.  LET HIM GO!  Find a real man!  Life is way too short to be spending it in a loveless marriage.  I met my hubby in 10th grade in highschool and we have now been married 22 years!  My husband would never dream of treating me like this!  Cuz he knows Id kick his butt!  smile!  Get rid of him, let him run, let him take the cowards way out.  YOU told him u would file for divorce if he left again- and he left.  THAT alone says he doesnt care about the marriage.  I feel so badly for you, I know this has to be hurting you terribly and wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better for u but unfortunately I cant.  But I do believe in you.  You r a strong woman.  YOU can do this and you will find a man who will truly love you I PROMISE!  Lose this guy and get yourself a real man!  Good luck to u
1167222
I spent 10 years with my first love who did NOTHING but accuse me of cheating. Even after two kids and finalizing my faithfullness with MARRIAGE (which I regreat every day of my existance) YOU dont have to do a DAMN thing to prove that you are what you are, faithfull and a proud mom. Look at how awesome you are with providing for your kids no matter what curve ball life throws your way. It took me to 6 years to stop my putting up with his claims and accusations that I finally dusted myself up one day and realized, (1)How the Hell am I going to keep on putting up with this and (2) why would I put my kids through this? They are such incredible sponges and you are their role in relationships, family and love. My last straw was relationship counseling, that brought out alot of hidden insecurities that I never knew he had as well as shed some light onto several of his accusations. He actually WAS cheating for awhile and guilt wouldnt let him life it down. After 2 months of "trying for the kids" I left. Me and the kids got our stuff together, I fought for full custody and I havent been happier in a long time. There is a sole mate out there for you and HE will FIND YOU, not that you have to force it to happen just because you had kids with the guy. That is the worst reasons. You are making it alone (emotionally, and financially) you can do it without the added pressure of his stupidity. I have all the faith and prayer in the world on your side and you can get through this. You wont be alone, You will be Happy and Stress Free With Your KIDS. They need you. How old is your youngest? How old is your oldest? Dont hesitate contacting me for questions or advice. My heart goes out to you. PrncssNiki@yahoo.com
1037209
Yes to both!!!  You definitely should (get help if necessary) make a copy of his profile on a CD-rom or diskette and also copy stuff you can find in his email or Internet history.  This (along with phone records, if applicable) is concrete evidence in divorce court as proof of unfaithfulness.\n~~~\nFeel free to click my avatar/profile and contact me (and include your email if you want me to email you back).  As you can see, I have been helpful to others in the short time I've been on this site.  I cannot imagine your pain, confusion, shock, and humiliation, but I know that you don't have to put up with it, nor do you have to struggle through this trial all by yourself.\n~~~\nCheck out some sites for betrayed spouses, join a local group or organization, or visit a family therapist or marriage counselor.  Any of these sources could help you decide what steps to take for your sanity, happiness, and well-being - and that of your family/kids.
1005222
Every b-day, Every anniversary (for 21 years) that is all i heard was "All I want is a three way".  Well I gave in and needless to say we are headed for divorce court.  And yes it was my decision!  And yeah it was a tuff decision!  But i am doing it and i feel better for it.  When people talk about the intent to cheat was always there i believe in my heart that it is true.  What i did was give him the permission that he needed, in turn what i received was the attitude that i was the bad guy, that i did something wrong just so he could ease his guilt.  After I announced to family and friends that i was getting a divorce, he wasted no time going out and telling my friends and family that i am gay and leaving him for another woman (Yeah this after 22 yrs of marriage and the constant nagging).  Watch your step Honey, my advice to you is to stand your ground tell him to get off your back or it is over.  I could go on and on but i will spare you all the other details.
956126
WHY WOULD YOU WANT HIM BACK?\n\nWHY WOULD YOU SIT THERE AND WAIT FOR HIM TO DECIDE WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE?\n\nTAKING HIM BACK WOULD TEACH THE WRONG MESSAGE TO YOUR CHILDREN.\n\nIT'S BETTER FOR THEM TO COME FROM A BROKEN HOME THAN TO LIVE IN ONE.\n\nYOUR HUSBAND JUST DOESN'T WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ALIMONY AND CHILD SUPPORT.  BUT IT'S WHAT YOU DESERVE FOR HIS INFIDELITY AND ABANDONMENT.\n\nYOU SHOULD CHANGE THE LOCKS AND GET A TEMPORARY RESTRAINING ORDER.  WORK OUT VISITATION DETAILS IN A DIVORCE DECREE.\n\nYOU SHOULD NOT ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO SEE HIM ABUSE AND CONTROL OU LIKE THIS, AND THEY SHOULDN'T SEE YOU ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN OR ACCEPT IT WHEN IT DOES.\n\nHE HAS CLEARLY MADE HIS CHOICE AND IT IS NOT YOU OR HIS OWN FAMILY.  HE HAS STARTED A NEW ONE AND REPLACED YOU.  THERE'S NOTHING THAT CAN EXPAIN, JUSTIFY, OR MAKE THAT ALL RIGHT.\n\nWHY GIVE HIM ANY CONTROL OVER YOU?  HE'S NOT WORTH IT.
228242
My husband cheated on me shortly after we got together...but I did say he's my husband, right?  He swears up and down to never do it again, it's hard to forget, but I have forgiven him and am still, after 2 1/2 years trying to forget.  It's not easy, but I love him too, and don't want to let go.  He respects me for forgiving him, and since I gave him a second chance, he will be faithful to me.
1041332
wake up,he cheated on you so why have him back.chances are you will never fully trust him ever again.time to move on girl
681594
I cheated when I was in a teenage relatinship now my ex fiancee he is now married cheated on me 3 times says he didn't left for one girl then when they broke up he met his new wife he has cheated on her with 4 diffrent people and also has TRIED to cheat on her with me Now my new fiancee has been cheated on and he says he would never and could never do it cause he knows how it feels. He even tries to get my ex to stop cheating especially since he married that girl she has no clue what is going on. I tried to warn her and show her the signs
584443
It sounds like you loved him alot more than he loved you. its a shame that it took 3.5 years for all this to surface because each day you probably loved him more and more. After the 1st time he cheated his love decreased every day. Thats why he continued cheating on you. Yes you did the right thing. The right thing is always hard to do because it is right thing. Now we dont know his side of the story but cheating is cheating.
412387
Once someone cheats on you there is no going back.  I tried the whole forgiveness thing with my fist wife and ultimately it is something you just can't get out of your mind and since he already cheated on you before it is much easier to do it again.  I think he blew his chance with you and you will be better off with someone else.
558110
I am thinking that he's become abusive because he really isnt back to where he was....in his eyes.  And that would be something that HE needs to deal with.  Perhaps he needs some counseling on how to do that.  If that is impossible than it may be time for you to return to MT to have some form of life for yourself. But in there, you too should have some outside help, sot that you can release any feelings of guilt. I can certainly understand your frustration.  He seems no longer the person that you orginally married. However, that's not abnormal either.  We all change, both mentally & physcially, thus the high divorce rate.  I sincerly wish you luck in finding yourself again. Please include YOURSELF in your care giving! :)
1063192
You may never regain the trust she had for you. You can suggest counselling and also don't try to rush it. You have a lot of bad marks against you and really need to prove yourself to her. Also have you thought about what will happen if you get back with her? What made you get into the affair in the same place? Will this reoccurring bad behavior surface again. I'm don't deny that she loves you but just doesn't want to go through the pain of betrayl again. Take some time and get your priorities straight. Good luck
278352
I am currently in the same shoes as your husband.  It is tough when a man sincerely makes a change and tries to make good on promises especially if he hadn't in the past.  It seems that everything that is done in a positive manner is viewed as way of trying to influence the wife into coming back.  \n\nIf you can truly see that he is trying to change, but you are afraid of the pain then that is understandable.  Your feelings and "sanity" should be considered.  Here is the thing though, what are you doing to change???  Alot of times when someone is "done wrong", they feel that they didn't have a role in it.  Maybe you are the perfect wife, but I suspect that something that about you has played a part in your separation.  Not knowing your particulars, I would say work on making yourself a better person.  The change in you may make you understand the change in him.\n\nI sincerely hope that your husband has changed.  I hard when someone you love does not believe in you and the pain that is caused becomes unbearable at times.  But if he is fighting through all of that, maybe there is something about him that is redeemable.\n\nGood Luck and I'll pray for the two of you.\n\nWT
1130673
Well, hon, unfortunately you are trapped in a self created mess and you will have to face the consequences of your actions when they are revealed. Do I think your husband knows? Of course he knows! He may not know about it in concrete, factual terms, but he knows something is going on based on your actions, behavior and the subtle clues you've left behind. Unfortunately, when we are thrust into the throes of lust and passion, even though we tend to think we are being secretive and subtle about it, we aren't. In fact, we are screaming it across a loudspeaker. How? By the way we dress, act, and so forth. According to a private investigator I know, 98% of the partners of people that are having affairs KNOW that this is what is going on because they have "intuited" it. Thus, your hubby is asking probing questions to verify what he senses in you. It is possible however, and you need to be aware of this, that others have seen you with your lover, and may have reported it back to your husband. Again, as subtle and as cool as we think we are, we aren't. People watch.\n\nDo I think you should confess? Yes I do. This is risky because he may become so hurt and betrayed by your actions he may file for divorce, but this is a chance you have to take. Remember, as an adult you have to be responsible for your actions in life, and you have to sometimes pay the consequences for your actions. He may want to divorce you, or maybe he won't. In fact, he may want you to go for marriage counseling together to work it through. But you won't know this for sure until you carefully and sensitively discuss this with him. \n\nChances are he is going to want to know why you did this and you are going to have to look deep within yourself to find the root causes of your actions. You absolutely must take ownership of your actions, and apologize accordingly. You can't change the past now, but you can remedy it by acknowledging what you did and taking action to resolve the problem, build trust again with your partner, and forgive yourself. Look within. On the surface many of us venture into affairs because we want a different kind of attention from another man than what we are getting at home. Sometimes, we are drawn to someone because they possess something that our partner doesn't and we find it captivating. Sometimes we want to spice up our lives and have a bit of adventure, just as you said. But usually the root cause of our actions, beneath the excitement and forbidden nature of it all, is that we feel unappreciated, unloved, and undervalued by our partners and think - hope really -that someone else will give that to us. What we want, in effect, is a boost to our low self esteem, which is something we can garner from within ourselves rather than having to get it from outside sources.\n\nThe bottom line is simple: You are going to have to face the music, hon. I know you are scared of this, but maintaining a secret will create a larger wedge between you. This is far more damaging to a relationship because relationships must be built on honesty and trust, and without that, you have nothing. Relationships with secrets are doomed to fail because secrets always have a way of coming to the surface. And finally, unresolved issues between the two of you will affect not only your marriage, but your kids as well, and that isn't fair to them.\n\nI wish you good luck.
384555
I have been with my husband for almost 3 years and had an affair 6 mos ago.  I told him and he admitted to his shortcomings that led me to seek love elsewhere.  Now he says he will never leave me because I am the only woman he has ever been with that was that honest with him about something like that.
592450
take it from personal experience dont go back. cause i was cheated on by my ex and took him back cause he told me he loved me and had changed three weeks later he was back to his old ways. i tried to make the relationship work cause i was pregnant with his kid he didnt want nothing to do with me or the unborn child, i put up with it for awhile trying to talk to him about it but he didnt listen so i left him. and he and his mother kept ringin me up telling me hed changed i didnt believe him, his mother even told me to come and live with him so she could teach him how to treat me, he was 21 if he didnt no then he will never no. cause as far as his father was concerned i was a slut and he treated his mother with no respect so why was he going to change. i no of someone who went back to her ex three times and he hadnt changed. the only reason i took him back the first time was i was pregnant with his kid.