Healing from Emotional abuse?
548856
For the sake of your children and keeping your marriage, I would see someone.  This is deep seeded and if you don't seek counseling I'm afraid more "stuff" will push you into that black hole you won't be able to crawl out of and cause you to do something your family will suffer for later.  Go seek counseling BECAUSE you love your family.  I'm sure your husband will support you if he is a good man.  Best wishes to you.
993372
begin the healing process. It will be hard and will take forever. keep yourself busy. Goodluck
460981
Unless you can find a kind soul to take you in off the streets your chances of a happy existence are really not good. You need some stability in order to complete you education, which you won't be able to do if you are scrounging to find food and shelter all the time. Try to withstand the mental abuse for a little while longer until you are ready to strike out on your own. Seek family counseling, I bet lots of people can assist you in finding help. Running away should be your very last resort.
1014714
This makes me feel that your mother did abuse you - not physically or sexually but emotionally. This is a valid form of abuse, and like any other takes a lot of time and love to heal.\n\nI suggest that if you have now moved out of the family house, you write a letter to your mother, telling her how she made you feel, describing both positive and negative situations. See how she responds. If she responds negatively, denying or invalidating your feelings, then have very little to do with her. She is your mother, but there is no reason you have to see her if it makes you uncomfortable. If she responds positively to the letter, apologising, wanting to build a better relationship, try and build a new relationship with her.\n\nCounselling may help with this as this was child abuse. The most important thing is that you don't hold on to this hurt and get bitter, but let it go; your mother doesn't owe you anything. This is very difficult to do, but eventually you will be free from this pain.
660004
Yikes.....that has got to be a pretty disturbing thing to have to try and live with all the time.   I mean....it's a lot better to really "be there".....if you want to take part in things.   Like I have to tell you that, huh ??\n\n  And yeah, the child abuse that happened is almost certainly the reason that you developed this habit. \n\n  When you were a kid "removing yourself"  really **did** protect you from stuff that otherwise would have truely been too overwhelming to take in.  So at one time....it really was a truely protective and helping thing.\n\n  But now that you are older....it's kind of outlived its usefullness....as an everyday thing that happens.\n\n  At the same time....it may be things that....somehow resemble the abusive situations from the past are what set. it off now.   You know :  "Triggers".....as they are called ??\n\n  So yes....working through your abuse issues would probably be the *very first* thing that anyone familiar with abuse would recomend.  Not just for the depersonalization...but in the larger overall sense of things.\n\n   If you can find some resolution to....how you think and react to thoughts of things that still linger in your mind from back then.....and try and understand them from....you know....where you are now, now that you are older...that might give your ways of reacting....a different and more mature set of thoughts to work from ?\n\n   As you probably know.....working through abuse issues is no picnic.  It can be painful, and can take a long time.\n\n  But the outcome is that...you become more free from those old ways of reacting...and can move on.\n\n  And that's something that every abuse victim deserves.\n\n    Bob J.
594314
wow, must be pretty rough. i mean, no one expects you to get over it. look, i had a friend and the same thing happened to her and im gonna give you the same advice i gave her. some might say that you should take up counseling or go to a group meeting, but the sad part is that those meetings dont focus on just you and yourproblem. you have to find someone who you trust and love, usually a mom, sister, or aunt, and tell that person about what happened to you, and who did it. the guy who did this to you obviously isnt very considerate. just open up to a loved one and let them know whats going on. im sure it will help and they will be able to focus on your problem and not everyone elses.
632936
get out of the situation if you can. get your self away from the person who is abusing you! the reason why i put it that way is if you think or feel that you are not being treated rignt, chances are You are correct.\n you do not need bruises to be abused. even men are, but rarely feel free to say so because of how macho our society is.\n  here are a few questions to ask yourself.\ndo yu feel put down. are your friends asking you why you put up that all the time. \n   do you have to appologize for being you? critizied, corrected, or being told what ever you do wassn't not good enough.\n    do you feel like you are under a controll freak? what i mean is, all your time accounted for, are you told what to do all the time? if you work, is the time you leave and return so tight you get yelled at if there is heavy traffic?\n    if you have some sort of income, is every penny accounted for, with none left over for yourself. if you have something you need or want and there is money, do you have to ask, even if you ask are you denied it?\n     yelling, bulling, pushing, are clear signs of abuse. bruises, broken bones, rapes,and actual homicde are the end.\n abuse humiliates a person. it robs them of their identy. it can cause them to feel powerless to leave the person doing the abuse. in children in can cause confusion and rage so intense, that these emotions are almost impossible to controll growinging up if not given help.\n  with adults, the results still need counciling to recover from.\n the best way to honestly know if the situation your in is abusive, is to sit down with some kind of councilor, rabbi, priest,  or cleric. explain your situation, i'm sure, you will get far better advice that i can give you here.\n\n   good luck    looking
696018
I think your concerns are legitimate, and I think it's a good idea to consider carefully whether you want to let this abusive man back into your lives.  (I assume he abused you and the kids based on what you said.)  I think that people can change, but you should look for evidence that he is really serious about changing.  Enrolling himself in anger management classes or psychological counseling might be a good start.  Also, I think you have a right to be concerned about the timing of this "change of heart" and it sounds like you feel like he's using you, which sounds to me like a form of abuse.  I'd say, if you need help, get help from a battered women's shelter, an ecclesiastical leader, a counselor, or somebody else who can help you make a wise decision.  Remember to keep your kids in mind when you are making this decision -- think about what will be best for them.  God bless you.
404257
Take some prescribe medication and combine that with real good psychologist.  One who would be able to help you working through your emotional problems if you have any.  The important thing is you have to really want to be cure.  If you want to really be cure you will make the effort to work through all emotions.
471857
The key will be diversion.  When we focus on the problem or the issue, we amplify it and actually it cane become worse.  So the best advice is to do something different, each day.  The best thing anyone can do for any emotional concern is something physical.  It is as simple as walking.  Go for a walk.  Gradually make it a longer walk or walk for a longer time, but keep it fun and enjoyable, something you look forward to doing and want to do.\n\nIf you are physically able, begin a simply program of running.  I am 65 now and run regularly.  I can easily say, I work at staying nice and staying happy.  And it works.
819131
I think the trick is letting Him.  I mean, we're so quick to hang onto guilt about stuff, that we can't believe that we can ever be forgiven, be healed of our emotional hurts.  I say, the next time anyone asks Him for help, imagine Him saying, "Thou art healed."  Then BELIEVE it.  You'll be surprised how fast your tears dry up.  Even if you don't want to believe it, do...for about 30 seconds....then 30 seconds more...then 30 seconds more.  See if you're not up and smiling and dancing after that...In some ways, it is the power of suggestion.  But isn't that what God is--the "suggestion" that you are healed just by asking Him to make it so?
158596
You should consider going to anger management classes. My ex would say really mean things to me when he got mad and we thought about going to couples counseling and anger management classes, however he went to boot camp and that changed everything.
784945
Encourage him to get some counseling and some anger management classes. Unfortunately, there is nothing else you can do. He needs to make strides to get himself emotionally better. And the pain is not going to just go away, he needs to talk to a trained professional that will assist him in dealing with his feelings and moving forward with his life. Good luck and God bless*
64358
Having come to that realization is causing her a lot of emotional pain and if she is not angry now, she may feel that at some time in the future. She needs to address this  with a counselor so she can sort out her feelings. She may be blaming herself which a lot of abuse victims do, until she comes to the realization that it was not her fault. She needs to come to the realization that she did nothing to cause the abuse and also to place the blame where it belongs and that is on the person who did this. Whoever this person is, they violated her trust as well. She may need another person to tell her it was not her fault and I am not suggesting that you be the person to do that. I can't even say the counselor will tell her that because some counselors might but others let the person try to come to conclusions on their own. Each counselor has their own   method to help someone deal with problems. If she doesn't want to tell you the details then just don't ask. I would not even bring up the subject unless she wants to talk about it. I was never sexually abused but I know someone who was and these are all the feelings they had to deal with. The wall between you is probably a defense mechanism and it might be because she now has trust issues which are not your fault. The wall may come down with time but I can't really say for sure that it will. Sorry to hear that this has happened to her and that it has impacted your relationship.\nP.S. You obviously are deeply concerned and care for her and I hope she will come to realize that. She may just need some space right now while she works this out. Don't rule out a futre relationship with her but be extra kind, gentle and have patience with her while she sorts it all out.
340895
It is a terrible thing being abused by a parent.  You can deal with it andthough you think you have toughed it out, you still should get some professional help.\nYou just need to remember, that none of it for any reason was your fault.  You need to know that the abuser had issues and unfortunetly didnot deal with them except for lashingout at you.  Maybe as a child growing up, this parent was brought up in an abusive home.  Only she and possibly you will ever really know that but the deal is to forgive that abuser, and forgive yourself for there was nothing you did wrong and nothing you could have done to prevent it.  I am so happy you are out of that situation and would really like you to join a support group, or seek professional thereapy with a specialist because many times the cycle of abuse passes from one generation to the next, and many times, we don't realize this until it's too late.  These people help get inside of your head and really get to the core, and that does go a long way to being able to cope with it and not pass it on into your generation.\n  confronting the abuser is usually done at a certain point of the therapy and I would suggest not doing it until then.  It is very probable that you still have contact with this person and this person may still have an abusive nature, such as that which will come out more as verbal, emotional abuse as you are older now.\n  Please get someone to help you deal with it...they are trained and although you say you have pretty much dealt with it, you really haven't and you need to.............\n  Good luck and I am so sorry for what your parent did to you.  You were helpless and felt so unloved and so wrong all of the time, and believe me, this is not lawful and it is certainly not fair.  Good luck and stay tough.............
1106767
I would agree with the people who suggested PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) .. though perhaps it doesn't need to be labelled as that, to go through such an awful experience and lose your cousin and your friend .. plus you were driving .. I'm wondering if there are still emotional wounds inside that haven't healed. Sometimes we work on healing and it gets into our head - intellectually - but doesn't quite get absorbed in our heart - emotionally. Perhaps somewhere inside you feel a sense of guilt. I'm a survivor of child abuse, and we feel guilt over the abuse, over not stopping it, etc. even though now as adults we KNOW that we have nothing to feel guilty about, that it wasn't our fault .. but it takes a lot to really FEEL this knowledge. \n\nI think maybe it could be the reason for your moods, specifically BECAUSE you say "I feel I'm over it" and because you bring it up at all. If you were really over it, it wouldn't have popped into your mind as a possibility or even as a non-possibility. I believe you instincts are telling you where the pain lies. The trigger is not that experience of the accident, but day-to-day things that trouble or tire or worry you, these are the triggers that waken the old pain. The accident experience isn't the trigger, it's what GETS triggered, and the moods are the resulting feelings/behaviours of that. \n\nWhy not see a good therapist and tell her/him you'd like to process the feelings you have today about that experience, and find some awareness understanding and closure about it. What have you got to lose?  You have anger, fear, sadness ... if this turns out to be the reason, you can leave that baggage behind and move towards a happier way of living.  I hope you'll consider it.  You ARE depressed, and the best way to help yourself is to get some good help. If for some reason you don't have access to a therapist, please try a support group or a counselor, or at least a trusted person who will listen supportively and non-judmentally. I run a group online (free and anonymous) for survivors of childhood abuse/trauma, and if nothing else, you can always join us. It helps to talk and be listened to. I've put the link to my group below if you want. \n\nTake care of yourself and don't worry, you will get the help you need, and feel better.
771421
Good for you for making the very difficult decision to leave. I don't know if you have gone to counseling. That can be a good step in moving on. Some shelters for abused women have free counseling programs even for women who have not lived there. Also there are often non-profit counseling centres. If you are in North America call 211 or your local community information center for more details.\n\nI had a bad five year relationship that began to be physically abusive by the end. In my situation, I found that talking to an experienced counselor helped. I also got involved in activities that I had let slide when I was with my ex. I spent a lot of time reconnecting with old friends. It's a good time to explore new hobbies too. If you can't think of one, think of what you most loved doing as a child (painting, singing, writing...) and maybe take something like that up again. This is your time to find out more about you. I wish you all the best!