has anyone tried to work out a marriage after their partner had an affair?
535341
Didn't work.........I was willing........he decided to cheat again.
1186494
i had an affair with a married man for 18 years. i ended it last october.\nbest years of my life wasted.
151550
I am sorry to say this as the simple fact that you are asking  means you want to forgive your spouse. In my personal past experience as well as the experiences of my friends (both male and female) evrytime a cheater was taken back, they did it again. Some immediately, some years later, one with the same person (which hurts like you have no idea) and only ONE that has seemingly never done it again, BUT the trust has never been the same so the relationship has never gotten back to what it once was. Good Luck with your decision.
158736
These are really hard shoes you are asking us to put ourselves in....I don't think any of us could say for sure what we would do unless we were actually in this postiton. Try to take time to think about the information you have learned, what were the circumstances in you marriage at the time. Determine how your relationship has been since then. Was the affairs with different women or one? How did you find out, by mistake or did he tell you? Why did he tell you after all these years? Is he looking for a way out or has he been consued with guilt all these years and wanted the truth to be told? You have alot of questions to sort through in your mind, and in your heart. The best advise I can give you, is to listen to your heart. Give yourself a little bit of time to digest everything, right now the hurt, humiliation, betrayl, and disgust are fresh wounds, and might cause you to lash out and do something you really don't want to do just to hurt him. I am sorry you have to go through this hurt, I wish you luck love and happiness.
306976
Those of you that have said no to this, but have commented on why people cheat, and judge those that do, have really got no right to judge/comment unless they have been there and done that themselves or have been on the receiving end. As for me, yes I have cheated. Nearly 5 years into my marriage, we started having alot of problems. We weren't spending quality time together or communicating and there was no sex. When I tried talking to him on a deep and meaningful level, I got no input from him. I told him repeatedly that I was unhappy in our marriage and even to the point where I asked him if he would come to marriage counselling with me. He refused! I spent more and more time on the internet chatting to my friends until I got talking to a guy from Germany. Eventually, I was telling him about my marriage problems and how unhappy I was. From what started out as a friendship on the net and someone to talk to once or twice a week, ended up developing into something more and talking every day. It got to the stage where I hardly spent any time with my husband at all and he knew I was chatting on the internet. This guy from Germany told me he had developed feelings for me and was flying down to Melbourne to meet me. I kept it quiet from my husband and told him I was going away for a couple of weeks and that we needed the break. I picked this guy up from the airport and we drove interstate together and holidayed for two weeks. Yes, we had the most wonderful time together and when it was time for him to leave, he wanted to come back to Australia again and visit me. I felt so guiltly for cheating on my husband that when I returned home, I told my husband and also told him it was over between us and I moved out of the house. The guy from Germany and myself continued on with our relationship for about a year. The second time he came here, he spent a month with me in Melbourne where I was living at the time. Sadly though it didn't work out because long distance relationships are just too hard to maintain and there was no future for us because I found out in the end that he had no plans to marry and live in Australia. Some people think that people who cheat on their partners are scum, well most often than not, the people that are the cheaters, suffer as well. I'm not condoning cheating and I'm sorry for what I did but I not only lost my house (I left it to my husband)and security, but I nearly lost my family as well because they didn't agree with what I had done and my brother-in-law disowned me for awhile. If I could take back what I did, I would, but as the saying goes, what's done is done and my advice is to anyone that is thinking of cheating on their partners, don't! He'll end up finding out and if he doesn't, you'll have to live with the guilt for the rest of your life (if you have a conscious). For 2 to 3 years after I left my husband, I was an emotional mess. I cried constantly for the hurt that I brought upon my husband and also my family. If your marriage is in turmoil, communication is the key to a long and lasting marriage, so try and talk things through, seek a marriage counsellor if you have to and if all else fails, tell your partner you are leaving before you do something you will regret later! Life wasn't meant to be easy and you have to constantly put the time and effort in to make a relationship work! I learnt the hard way.....
565300
May I suggest a book?  "Recovering Love" by J. Richard Cookerly (available through Amazon)\n\nThis book is essentially about how to build/recreate/rebuild/recognize a healthy loving relationship.  It, not incidentally, will also give you a perspective to tell if your problems and his are valid or off in left field.  \n\nIt certainly sounds like you are resenting some of the sacrifices that you made and that is coming out subconsciously in the form of unreasonable demands. OTOH, it may be that he has been unwilling to make sacrifices for you, and now he's trying to sort of pad his account, so to speak, to make it seem like the relationship is more equitable than it really is.\n\nI applaud you both for going to a counselor.  They can really help sort out marital problems. It can work very well.  It worked for my first marriage for a long time(my husband had very severe emotional problems and when he stopped going to counselling for those problems, so it fell apart.)  That it held together for so long was a testament to our counselor.  (I hope that didn't discourage you, trust me that my ex was severely emotionally stunted)\n\nOne final note - what I really learned from my first marriage is that any two people can have a happy relationship during the good times - it's how you react to the bad times that determine if it is truly a healthy relationship.  If you get nothing else from the counselor, try to get practice on handling arguments, and working together during times when you have a problem.
240689
The sad and simple truth is that you can't. It takes two people to make marriage work, and one person working overtime to salvage something that may or may not be there is very heart wrenching and quite simply not fair to the person making all the sacrifices to make things work. Eventually feelings of resentment kick in and you end up fighting more than you did to start off with, because you're trying harder than the other person.\n\nThe best thing to do would be to accept failure (both your spouse's and yours,) and try to move on with your life from that point. Trying to hold on to the past when you're the only one working toward a brighter future only brings about more pain when the "end" eventually comes (i.e. divorce). Start preparing yourself for the worst, but know that you have done everything in YOUR power to save your marriage.\n\nLife will eventually work itself out, and you will be a happier person in the long run. Finding love again with another person can happen when you least expect it!! Good luck..
204744
Tried the swinger thing...husband ended up falling in love and going from fun to affair...on the flip side he loves me again but i can't forgive him for falling out of love with me.  And i've found someone else.
16338
No one can really do it for you.  However, have a supportive spouse to positively encourage helps and/or an exercise buddy is great motivation!  You just have to both be willing to pull yourself and each other out of the slump.  I am working on that myself!  Good Luck!  You can do it!
1081370
Yes, you can get over it if you really want to.  The first step is to truly forgive him and let all your anger and bitterness go.  Your marriage has been through a lot - and you have been through a lot, you should really get into marriage counseling.  Having someone to help you get your marriage back on track and sort out your feelings will really help.  Usually when someone cheats it indicates problems in the marriage and lack of communication - these are things that a counselor can help with.  Best of luck and know that your marriage can be repaired.
169650
Yes I have, quiet a few times.  But I got cheated on in my last relationship.  It was a slap in the face, I had never been cheated on before.  So my karma came back around and taught me a lesson.  I will never cheat again, I can't imagine causing someone that kind of pain.
399433
I did.\n\nMy marriage was in danger of falling over.\n\nIf a person is truly committed, they will do this. At the very least, go for yourself and clarify things in your mind.
794898
wow!  I have been married to my husband for 9 years this January.  We have overcome some horrible conditions.  I do not want to go into detail here online.  However, I love my husband despite the things we have been thru.  Infidelity was not one of the issues, but we were involuntarily separated for 3yrs 8 mos.  We have been thru things with our ex's...just about anything that could go wrong has...Now, we are best friends and know each other inside and out.  Trauma brought us closer...it is often not that way in marriages.  We're blessed that way..I had to spend Thanksgiving alone again this year...but we will get thru this.  So, the answer is yes.  Despite everything and everyone, if you want to overcome, you will.
437904
A lot depends on what broke it up in the first place. If it was infidelity, then no it will never work out. If it was a difference of opinion, probably so. If it was a petty little something, try again....It might work the 2nd time around. Good Luck!
432873
First off I can understand your frustrations but you must not betray your wife. To betray your wife would be an unforgivable act and the clock cannot be turned back. The only solution I can think of is for you to talk to your wife about your wants and needs and try and work out a plan together for how you can overcome this. Maybe an ultimatum is needed? I can see that you have obviously discussed this with her before with no result. I think you both need relationship counselling, if she refuses, you could go alone. \nI was once married to someone who wasn't affectionate and gradually our love disappeared to nothing. I was never unfaithful to him though. We finally split and as it happened it was the best thing that ever happened to me and i'm now with an ultra loving man.\nYou can't make any decision without at least trying your best to resolve your marital coldness. It isn't fair on your wife and it isn't fair on you or your families who will witness the aftermath. It could be the cause of much ugliness. Does your wife deserve this? \nIts worth remembering that all relationships set out in "luvvy duvvy" mode and even this new connection you have met will be more than willing to be loving in the early days but would things still be so cosy after a couple of years of reality living? Thats something you cannot foresee.\n\nGood luck :o)
374584
You need to back off and give your partner some space. He/she may decide that it is definitely over but it is their choice not yours you had the affair. You can't rebuild trust by playing games or taking quizzes on the internet. Try to be the best parent you can to your kids.
1068917
I couldn't and wouldn't.  I love the man I'm married to. If you love the other person...how can you betray them?  He/She may never find out...but.........you would always know. Can you look them in the eye after betraying them?  Could you live with yourself?  Would you feel the guilt?  Then maybe one day...the guilt builds up, you feel your mate deserves better than what you've given. There goes the relationship.  Besides..........."How can you REALLY be SURE you can get away with it?"    If it ruins your relationship, you didn't get away with it.  Think about it.   The grass isn't always greener on the other side. And you usually find a lot of weeds.    If the person you want to have an affair with is willing to do this knowing you're cheating....how can they trust you not to cheat on them if it were to lead to more than an affair?   Cheating is never the answer.   Be true to your man/woman.  And....be true to yourself.