can you give up a 12 year relationship now that a baby is involved?
551031
You know, a lot of people think that when a child is involved in a failing marriage that the best thing to do is stay with your spouse because it would be best for the child. That is simply not true.  Children are incredibly perceptive. They will sense the coldness and the distance. One of both of you may even grow to harbor resentment toward you child as this is the reason you stay together, miserable. Even if you go to great lengths to try to keep up appearences around your child, they will sense things are wrong. Children need to be loved, bottom line. As long as they know that this is something between mommy and daddy and has nothing to do with them, that it isn't their fault, etc. they will be just fine.  It is better for them to grow up in two loving, nuturing homes than one that is constantly in turmoil. Besides, staying in a loveless relationship is not good for anyone.\n\nDivorces can be difficult, for everyone involved, but time heals all things. As long as neither of you try to make the other out to be a monster to the child, things will work out fine. Be flexible and gentle with eachother, you once loved eachother enough to bring a child into the world, respect one another and always keep eachother informed in major decisions in the child's case.  In a very real way, this baby will keep you in eachother's lives for eternity. The younger the child is, the less "weird" things will seem when you both date anew.
1130032
You need to be more specific in your question. I don't think you can stop child support unless on or the other parent gives up all rights to the child.
275233
I was 20 and my low life ex left me with 2 baby girls.  It was very hard, now they are 13 and 14.  It is ever harder! But i have a great husband that helps me with everything.  Please learn from my mistake and wrap your life around your child.  Don't became wrapped up in looking for Mr.Right.  I was so focused on finding a father for them that I went from relationship to relationship and now they have a lot of bad feelings because I put them through it too.  Also, go to college.  There are MANY places that will help a single mother. They will even pay for your childcare while you go to school Take advantage them.  You just can't raise a child anymore on $5.00 or 6.00/hr.  That way you wont have to depend on anyone else. When have a degree and a good job then the right person will come along and you will be so secure that you wont have to depend on him.  I commend you on leaving your abuse relationship.  Remember God loves you and you deserve to be treated with respect and love.  If a man hits you one time, it is one time too many. You did the right thing!! Your going to be ok.  You will be a strong, independent mother and you baby will love you for that.  Just remember it's all up to you now, that baby's future is in your hands : ) Take care and good luck!
7606
I'm not sure about the age thing, but I can speak to the kids part. Becoming involved with someone with children has loads of potential pitfalls, but just as many potential rewards.  \n\nWhen I was younger and far more naive, I was involved for two years with a girl who had a son. He was only a couple months old when we started dating.  We were young, starry-eyed, and I at least had swallowed all the "love conquers all" BS that pop culture abounds with. In short, I believed that we were going to be together forever and I gave my heart to both her and her boy.  When I was away at basic training, she was unfaithful and the long and short of it was that when our relationship fell apart, I lost him as well.  The last time I ever saw him he was fast asleep, and the last time I ever spoke to him was when I was stuck in basic training, over a pay phone.  I stood there listening, knowing that I was losing the most important part of my life, and all he would say over and over again was "Home Dad!"  That was back in the dark ages of 1986, nearly twenty years ago, but it was the darkest and most painful time in my life, and it still hurts like hell to think about. \n\nIt was over ten years later that I dated a woman with children again.  I was older but no wiser really.  Despite thinking in the back of my mind that I should really be careful about this sort of thing, I fell in love with the kids as easily as with the woman I was dating.  Just couldn't help it really.  They were both girls, 3 and 7 at the time. They were 4 and 8 when I married my wife, and they're 11 and 15 now.  I love all three of them with all my heart and they have given me more happiness than anything else in my life, hands down.  Nothing comes close to being a father and husband.\n\nThe fact that you are scared is probably a very good thing if it makes you cautious in approaching this relationship.  You are opening yourself up to a whole different set of possibilities when becoming involved with someone who has a child, and not just for yourself.  Your actions may have a profound impact on the life of that child.  Only you know whether you can or should be involved with the child, and just how deeply.  Are you willing to be a father if things go right with this woman?  How much are you willing to give of your heart and what will you do if things then fall apart? Only you can answer these questions.  \n\nThe only solid advice I can give is that if you or the mother aren't capable of placing the child's well-being right at the center of things you should walk away now.  That child is much more vulnerable and far more powerless than either you or she, and your actions can have a profound effect on a young life.
1111333
No! You do not have to let a child under 3 go overnight any where with the father or any one else. Why would you stop doing what is right and healthy for your child for a man who chose to abandon him and now wants to show him off as a treasure? Do you love your son?
212667
It is possible but it might be harder because when you have a child, everything changes, your lifestyles and your thoughts about everything. Therefore, you might act different towards your friends. That's life. No relationship can remain the same forever. You can be friends forever, but you will feel different about each other. Personality changes as you get older, whether you are an adult or a child. If you want to remain friendship and is scared of losing your friends after you have a baby, try to invite you friends over to visit and keep the chains of communication open towards each other like before. You might not have too much time to go out with them like before, but all of you can still keep the good friendship.
933321
Oh how I can relate!  My husband is 32 and I am 23.  We have been together since I was 16 years old.  We are now married with 3 beautiful children and after almost 8 years are great.  I think it depends on the maturity of both couples.  I think people have a predestined idea that age is so important.  I am sorry but I have seen people who are 25 not be able to handle having a baby while an 19 year old can, my point, maturity.  If you are able to willingly work on your relationship then there is no reason why you cannot make it last.  You also need to believe in yourself and make sure you know what you want.  It is your decision and your's alone and no one can tell you what is best for you but you.
1094552
Don't even go there. Going any further is potentially child abuse. 12 year olds are sometimes very mature these days but really, I don't think they're capable of being "in love", especially with an adult authority figure. you're in a position of power, and if you were to investigate further, you'd be abusing your position. If I were you, and you were concerned, have a chat to a colleague you can trust, and see if you can get that child moved out of your class.\n\nJust my opinion, for what it's worth.\n\nAudrey\nwww.animalhomebusiness.com
1087103
Ooh...what a mess! Ok, first, should have waited a little longer to cohabitate. Now that makes it hard on you, your boyfriend and your son. All things in due time, my dear. Next, I do have some good news here...you'll probably always love your son's father in some small way because he shared with you an experience no one else has, which is creating your child together. This will change with more time, though I can't say if your feelings for your boyfriend will change. I loved my ex dearly but he wasn't in love with me. He accidentally got me pregnant and we both decided it was for the best for me to have an abortion. We're still great friends ever since we broke up, but that will always tie us together, even though no one else knows what truly bonded us. It took me time but I didn't move on until I was really ready and it sounds like you did. You're also really young and you already have a child so a lot of this could stem from those early 20's feelings of newfound independence and sowing wild oats. Only you can decide. Take some time for yourself and figure out what it is you really want. Once you clear your head, you might realize you do love this man, or you might soundly be able to declare to yourself that you don't. Remember that love takes time to build and establish, and you haven't been with this new guy for too terribly long. Whatever you decide, best of luck to you.
151506
i don't see why not? i have dated alot of guys who had kids and i had no problems with the guy (regarding the child), the kid(s) or the baby mamas.there are boundries u dont cross where the child is concerned.i had no bad experiences, u got 2 know the child comes first its his priority.he's going 2 have to get child space and my dear dont forget he's going to have to be in contact with the child's mother.
174064
Children of any age resent any "outside" interference from sources such as yourself in their lives.  They always consider that maybe, the parents will return to each other and they will be "one happy family" once again.  And, if by chance, your "man" was widowed, the kids think of you as the "Wicked Witch of the West" trying to replace their mom.  After 2 years, I would think you'd have a better hold on everything, but it appears maybe you and the "man" hasn't really sat down and discussed these matters for the future. But you state, its "your feelings toward the children" that you fear, not their feelings toward you?  Evidently, you can't accept the children and only want kids between you and your man.  Now that's a major problem and if I were you, and can afford it, I'd seek professional help on this matter.  And if you can't afford it, maybe the welfare people in your state might assist in financial matters?  I'd find out ASAP and get this problem either corrected in my own mind, or split with this guy knowing you will never accept his children as yours.
868241
at the risk of sounding judgemental, i'm really not sold on the idea of couples sticking together for the 'sake of the children'. we cannot give what we do not have, hence we cannot give our children happiness if we are very much unhappy with our partner. since you said you still love him, i want to assume that that is the reason you are staying in your relationship. therefore, you should use every effort to try to rebuild what you guys lost. but if you have too much pride to admit to him that you still care for him despite what he has done, you can always be friends or worst-case scenario, housemates with kids. good luck!
853275
No. It's not that he might be unworthy of trust, but sometimes guys do a turnaround after the baby is born. His priorities might change a lot once he has a kid. Hopefully he will jump in and help raise it, and be apart of its life. In that case, his feelings for his child's mother may change. If not, are you going to be supportive of his new commitment? \n\nNow, what if he doesn't want anything to do with the kid? What will you think of him then? Do you really want to be with someone like that? \n\nI suggest you keep it cool until the baby is born. He has got a lot going on right now, and things might change dramatically in the near future. Protect yourself, and be prepared to share him with another woman's kid.
426931
no!!! he made his choice to give you up. no offense. but he went off and got another girl pregent. if you take him back you are creating difficulties for yourself, him, the mom, and the baby and both families. he made his choice. he is missing out on life while you are enjoying it. plus being single ROXS!!!!
39726
I have been doing it for 3 years now and ex is major control freak..... You and your ex need to realize that its NOT about the 2 of you anymore but its about that wonderful child that you to created. That child is the one who gets hurt if you two can't work it out. Leave the Emotional baggage at the door and  do what is best for the child. DO what ever it takes to work it out....That means alot of giving even if you sacrifice more then what you want to..REMEMBER its about the child not the two of you ...
530500
WITHOUT TRUST THERE'S NOTHING. IF HE HAS BEEN DOING IT FOR 3 YRS THEN BASICALLY HE MAY KEEP DOING IT. IT ISN'T FAIR TO YOU TO PUT UP WITH WHAT HE'S DOING TO YOU. SURE HE'S YOUR BABIES FATHER, BUT IF HE'S A REAL DAD IF YOU LEAVE HE WILL STILL TAKE CARE OF HIS CHILD RIGHT? YEA YOU WILL STILL LOVE HIM BUT EVEN IF HE SAYS HE WILL STOP THERE WILL ALWAYS BE DOUBT SOMEWHERE IN YOUR MIND BECAUSE OF THE FACT THAT HE'S DONE IT ALREADY AND IT HAS BEEN FOR 3 YRS. DON'T STAY WHERE YOU FEEL YOU AREN'T LOVE. DON'T BE NO BODY'S DOOR MAT TO THE POINT WHERE THEY CAN FEEL THEY CAN STEP ON YOU AT ANYTIME!!!  GOOD LUCK!
43786
you can drag out the relationship but if he makes those kinds of comments now they won't ever go away. don't tell yourself you can just deal with it either because you don't have to and if you do it will blow up in the end anyway. not to mention, you're going to have a child to consider too. do you really want to raise a child in that atmosphere?