what advice can i give to my mother in law to be?
543074
Mostly, your future mother-in-law will just need someone who will listen.  Just let her express her feelings as she has to grieve over love and marriage lost.\n\nFor those who are telling him to get his future \nmother-in-law in line, that isn't what the question was.  Don't you read?  Also, not all mother-in-laws are interfering and, contrary to stereotyping, many men/women love their mother-in-laws.  Makes me wonder how the young can be so jaded that they assume all mother-in-laws fit the phony stereotype.  Grow up!
525867
Hey there, just to let you know, all the mother-in-laws in the world are jealous of their daughter-in-laws. The least they'd think is that some little bit*ch has come along to steal the little boy she's loved for years that she's raised into her little man. That's the rule of the nature. Heard of Odipeous? I don't want to get too Freudian about this. But I hope you get it. I wouldn't be surprised that you mother-in-law has lust for her own son; in that case, she's a sick piece.\n  You should let you fiancé know that you're the one he's marrying and having children with, not that bit*ch of a so called mother of his. If he ever gives you any bull about not being nice to his mom, you need to let him know that if he won't put you first, plenty of men out there would. In that case, you don’t need some mama’s boy anyway; he can just live with his mommy for ever if that’s the case.\n  On the other hand, maybe that mother-in-law to be of yours is just getting used to the idea that she's losing and that you're winning.\n  I wouldn't be surprised if that mother of his, if she's white that is, is a racist; in that case, as long as your fiancé loves you and respect you, just cut her out of the picture. If she's the same race as you, she's just being old fashioned and nevertheless, a stupid bit*ch for you to disregard.\n  So, don't even think about sucking up to her. It's that unpleasant bit*ch that's suppose to show you some respect. Remember, respect is earned, not given. Just because she's the mom of you future husband doesn't mean you're to give in to her stupid game. As long as your man knows better, which I presume that he does, he'd know that he's going to come home to you for years and withdraw further and further away from his "mother" to the point that miserable old witch would regret being a bit*ch to you.\n  So, as long as your fiancé puts you first, you should disregard that miserable old woman and realize that you're winning and she's losing. \n  You have my sympathy. Keep your chin up. That miserable old thing isn't worth your time or emotions. You’re here to make yourself happy, not to make that miserable old fool happy. She doesn’t matter at all. Marry this guy, cut her out of the picture, and be happy!
1012894
Possibly she is trying to help and also wants to be a part of the family.  The best way to deal with it is respect.  Show her respect at all times and remember that the person you married was raised by this woman so she cannot be all bad.  You may also want to consider that it may be your attitude that is the problem.  Try to approach her not as your mother in law but as you would any other person you deal with.
412624
Think really hard and listen to her when she talks and THEN REMEMBER!!!!! People are always saying  I wish I could.....or when I was younger I wanted...... think of things she would really enjoy having. \nI would start by going to one of those photo places and getting a picture of your child/ren taken so that it is ready before mother's day. You should still have enough time. Nowadays it doesnt cost much to get them taken. \nThen put it in a nice frame and present it to her on mother's day with breakfast in bed. The picture could be on the tray. Have it signed on the bottom...to the best mom in the world. Do this before the kids wake up and arrange to have this song playing in the background: Making Memories of Us. Not saying country music is my favorite, But the words in that song are so powerful they would make any woman's heart melt in an instant:\nI 'm going to be here for you baby\nI'll be a man of my word\nSpeak the language in a voice you have never heard\nI want to sleep with you forever\nI want to die in your arms \nI'm gonna love you like nobody loves you. I'll earn your trust making memories of us.\nWould be great if you whispered it to her in her ear as the music was playing. \nThen tell her today is devoted to making memories of us because you love her so much.\nDo something special every hour.\nLots of moms want to spend the day with the entire family. Not sure if your wife does.\n*go to park and play baseball or frisbee together...flirt with her while you are there.\nTake out to lunch and really devote yourself to her. Open the door, push in her chair, attend to all her needs.\nBuy her favorite snack and give it to her midday\nRent her all time fav. movie and WATCH IT with her.\nAt night, make memories of the two of you together.
849984
The best advise you can get is from your mother. Don't be embarrassed. She can help you out.
975041
FOR SHAME on your father in law!  Doesn't he know that by not encouraging her, that he is actually DISCOURAGING her and sabotaging her ability to reach her goals?  He doesn't need to be "mushy" just to say, "I'm glad to know you're happy about the progress you've been making".  SHEESH!\n\nSo, I'm gonna recommend that you go to the store and pick up a whole bunch of greeting cards.  They don't need to be expensive, and they don't need to necessarily have wording that's related to the weight loss.  Just cards that let her know you're thinking about her.  Send one off to her every two or three days...If you need to, address all of them in advance so that you can just drop them in the mailbox.  But if you have time, include a note inside each one, letting her know that you're proud of the fact that she's working out...or that she lost one more pound.  Don't forget to remind her that the weight she has already lost is a great accomplishment, and that she doesn't want all of her efforts to be in vain.\n\nAlso, maybe your father-in-law can recommend a neighbor or someone from their church who might be interested in taking a walk with your mother-in-law once a week, or something.  Alternately, does she use the computer?  She might enjoy spending some time in the chat room on Richard Simmons' site...she might even find someone in her area who has had success, or needs a work-out cohort.\n\nI'm proud of you for being so concerned.  You can also let your MIL know that I'm proud of her for doing so well!!!
653421
kill her and hide the body!!! LOL just kidding, it is hard, the best thing you can do is have your husband talk to his mom, other than that you are sol. it is a funky little sitch because if he is not ready to cut the strings and you push him he will hold it against you, stupid i know but that is how it is. if you say anything to the mom she can easily manipulate it to drive a wedge between you two. only move if you have to for a job or something, because the phone can easily still work no matter where you go. so have your hubby talk to her first, then maybe sit down as a family to work out some rules or something. good luck on this sticky wicket!
191627
Man, throw 'em away! You don't want your mother-in-law to know your an alcoholic.\nBesides, she might want to drink yer stash for the morning.
303169
This is one of the hardest things to resolve in relationships, unfortunately. Keep in mind that your mother-in-law is also your wife's mother. I'm sure you already know that most people try to please, or at least placate, their mother. You're in a difficult position, but there are some things you can do:\n\n1. Communicate with your wife ... constantly. The two of you must not allow this to interfere with your relationship.\n\n2. Communicate with your mother-in-law. Do NOT retaliate in kind ... EVER! Do NOT lose your temper! She obviously angers you, but you have to be bigger than that. Ask her what it is that bothers her about you and offer to try and change at least some of those things ( IF you can and IF they are not part and parcel of who you are ).\n\n3. If you can afford to, you and your wife should find a competent marriage counselor to help you cope with this problem ... soon!\n\n4. When the baby arrives, I suspect your mother-in-law will want very much to see him/her as often as possible, particularly if this is her first grandchild. This gives you an excellent lever. Stress to your mother-in-law that this is both YOUR child and HER grandchild, and that both of you should want to do what is best for the child; and that her berating you will definitely NOT be good for the child. As an ABSOLUTE LAST RESORT, if you and your wife AGREE on this, BOTH of you have a talk with her mother and tell her, as gently as possible, that the TWO of you have decided to not expose your child to your mother-in-law's berating of you. Stress that, if she is willing to stop it, she can visit anytime the three of you agree. Let me stress again that this is a LAST RESORT, and should only be used if BOTH you and your wife truly AGREE!\n\nGood luck with this, and don't foget to seek that which is best for ALL parties involved.
641139
It's your mother. Screw other people and what they think.  Move her into your house and let the brother in law and husband fight it out with each other. You and your mom can watch from the sidelines.
1055586
Well, I am an alien to my mother in law! I am from a different country, different culture, and the worst thing: I'm independent!!! She thinks that my husband (her little baby!!!) should control every single thinking I have...   What I do: as I can't change her, I just Play the role!!!!!! Visiting her once a week, and sometimes inviting her to go out.. Thing that she'll never do, but ok, I did my best.  As much as I can, I keep her "apart" from my relationship, as well as avoiding mixing, even when we are together!!!! Consider that my husband was living abroad and he understands my way - it's more than enough!!!!And of course, praying to Allah to keep me on the right way....
88168
My mother in law was the same way.  My husband didn't want to get involved because he said it was like a soap opera.  But then he did get involved and we no longer talk to his side of the family.\n\nYour husband needs to get involved for the sake of your marriage. She needs to tell you why she acts like that.  Most likely it's the same old thing of she feels like she is loosing a son.  Hopefully she would be willing to talk about it.  I started with a very polite letter but face to face would be better.  Work out a way that she can continue to be part of his life if that is what the problem is.  But your husband needs to support you!\n\nWe would e-mail and I showed my husband everything.  She would also yell at me on the phone and then tell him I was yelling at her.  He figured it out.  We went through counseling and she couldn't even be honest there.  So that is when we both said enough and don't have any communication with them anymore. You have to do what is best for your family.\n\nProof is always the best but your husband should trust you there and be willing to work out a solution.  But if your mother in law won't talk about it there isn't much you can do but avoid her.  But don't let it affect you. I ended up having major heath problems because of the stress.  It's her problem not yours!
855475
If she's kind hearted, be thankful. Many mother-in-laws do MUCH worse things. Get a tub, put a label on it, store the clothes. Think of it as shopping in advance. If you must, donate them. Don't assume what her reasons for this are, it may make complete sense to her. By the way, if she does this every year you must have clothes that fit them from two Christmases ago. Personally I think, be kind, let it go, life is short.
619317
DON'T change for anyone but yourself. \n\nPlus, even if you try to change for your in-laws that doesn't really mean that they will accept you. They may do so on the surface, but deep down they still may not...and you'll gain nothing. Life is too short to pretend to be someone else and to be bitter.\n\nMy little suggestion is to be you and YAY for having a supportive husband!!! That's wonderful. If you don't have to be around your in-laws a lot, it shouldn't matter. \n\nMy secret: I loved to freak my ex's mother out with my views on various subjects, weird responses to questions, etc. But you have to be secure and not really care about if they like you or not to do things like that. Just a fun tip.
864179
Take a couple of dishes because you are so thoughtful.  And complement her on everything because you are such a gracious guest.  Get up and clear the table and wash the dishes because you know what trouble she has gone to.  Kiss her cheek and tell her thank-you for everything and tell her that, next year, you would like to relieve her of the duty...if she doesn't mind...but make her promise to tell you how she made EVERYTHING - so you can do as good a job.  One day you will mean it, once you get to know and understand why she is the way she is, you will be glad you were not antagonistic.  And your husband might not seem to notice as he is sleeping to the game while you are earning your angel wings - but in the end, it will be worth it.  Oh, and tell her you are thankful that she was such a good mother to your husband.
829206
your husband is the one that needs to put his foot down! tell him what is going on..and that you would NEVER put up with this kind of behavior if it were your own mother/sister. \nyou married him, not his mother...yes she is part of your family but she doesn't and shouldn't have a say in YOUR life together. \nhonestly i would look to move away! * that's what i encouraged my husband to do when we got married. we moved my mother in law to Hawaii! * \nif your hubby won't put his foot down then your going to be the one to say something. it may be hard, but YOUR HIS WIFE! that car you borrowed is YOURS as much as it is your husbands...you need to stand up for yourself.\nbe firm but cordial, and tell her that you understand that she loves her son very very much, but so do you. and you are his wife. \nhe is a grown man, and you two want her to be part of your life, but you don't want her controlling it. tell her that you feel like she doesn't like you, and that your trying your best to be a good wife to her son. but you will NOT let her make you feel guilty about the decisions that you make together as a couple. ask her how she would feel if HER mother in law butted in the way she did? \n\nperhaps talking w/your father in law might help? or a brother in law?
1183684
What you've suggested is really all you can do. You gave her good advice about communicating with her husband and going to counseling. Beyond that, it's really none of your business and not your responsibility.