i have to write a legacy about my daughter for the grief support group.what kind of things do i say?i drafted?
548916
First off... I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter.  We lost our seven year old daughter, Rachel, to leukemia six years ago this month.  The loss of a child is a very, very heavy burden.\n\nTo me, the concept of a legacy can be boiled down to the word, "gift."  What gifts did your daughter have?  I believe that each of us has gifts inside us that are meant to be shared with others... painting, singing, dancing, cooking, laughter, service to others, gardening, parenting, fixing cars, smiles, carpentry, care-giving... We all have inner gifts that are shared outwardly with others.  What gifts did your daughter have?  How did she share them?  How did her gifts touch others?  How did they touch you?\n\nWere there special clothes (hats, shoes, jewelry) that set her apart... made her special... things she enjoyed wearing?  THese are symbols as important to you and your family as religious symbols are to believers.  What physical legacies did your daughter have?  Along this same line, did she have treasured possessions that were passed onto others (friends, family or even strangers)?  \n\nDid she win awards or special notice for things she did in her life?  Did she excell at sports or have hobbies?\n\nTheses are just a few ideas.\n\nMy own opinion here... I think in the end life boils down to two questions: How much did you love?... and, How much were you loved?  The fact that you are struggling with writing a legacy for your daughter and wanting to pass down her story to your other children and grandchildren says a whole lot about the love you feel for her.  There must be one heckuva story there.\n\nMy hope and prayer for you is peace.  Your grief is so very fresh and I'll bet it still cuts into your heart like a knife.  I wish you peace.\n\nMake notes about your daughter's life and try piecing them together.  Ask friends and family to help if you feel comfortable doing this and they feel comfortable helping you.\n\nMy best thoughts and prayers go with you on your journey
386670
I am  military widow. However you write it will be fine. I have many cards and letters from civilians to generals, and they are all different. I dodn't believe there is any proper grammer or format to give condolances and thanks.
178748
I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter. I can't even imagine what losing a child must be like.\n\nI do know journaling is good and a healthy way to guide you through this horrible time in your life. \n\nThe one bit of advice I can give you is don't try to be too strong, if you are having a day where you are just not in a good place, try to take care of yourself. Don't let others tell you how long you should grieve, or that you need to get over it.\n\nYour being in counseling is such a good thing and the reason I say this is I just started about 6 months ago, but I was holding on to pain from my parents deaths, and it was hurting me in more ways than one. I lost my dad when I was 15 and my mom when I was 23, and I am now 40. Over the years it affected my confidence and self worth, and much of this had to do with someone telling me to be strong and grow up. \n\nSo please take good care of yourself, and know that you will start in time to remember more of the happy times, and you will feel better, it doesn't go away it just goes to a place of acceptance where you can remember her and the times you shared together.\n\nYou will bring the pictures out when you are ready...it took me 25 years of hiding my family pictures and now I am putting them in a scrapbook, so healing can happen.\n\nJust hang in there and know you are thought of and know my heart goes out to you.\n\n\nHugs to you.
285128
You just need to be there for her.  Sometimes feeling like you have to say something can be uncomfortable for the both of you.  When my father died, I just appreciated my friends being there for me to talk to, I had enough people talking to me about what happened as it is.  Also, she may need time to grieve and sort things out.  If she wants to talk about it, she will.  Don't force her.
202231
YOU CAN'T TAKE AWAY GRIEF, sweety you can only comfort. Put your arms around her and hug her real tight, she'll understand. There are no words to heal the lose of a child only the willing and open arms of another. I live in Arkansas and I pray for my daughter everyday cause it's terrible out here. With GOD comes peace.
38743
my dear my heart goes out to you and your family, i know exactly well no i cant say i kn ow how u feel we all grieve in our own ways, visit my website a page i dedicated to my mother in the sources below, maybe this will help? i dont know, but its been 5 years this year since my mother has passed im am 28, your heart will mend in time, ask God to help you through your tough times, its not gonna be easy but he will be there for you when you are down I PROMISE IF U DO SEE MY WEBSITE PLEASE SIGN GUESTBOOK, AGAIN MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND UR FAMILY WELL IM TRYIN TO PUT MY HOMEPAGE BUT IF U WANT TO KNOW IT JUST PM ME ON YAHOO WITH THIS PROFILE NAME OK THANKS
1027575
I too have lost my mom and it is hard especially when it came to routines.  Try honoring her in a small way everyday.  Maybe it is listening to her favorite song on the car ride home or going for a walk when you get home to clear your mind.  Writing a journal is also a good way to help work through your grief.  It's hard and things will not be the same.  It will take time for you to get used to her being gone but that does not mean she is forgotten or that you do not think about her.  I still after 7 years think about her quite often.  As time has past the memories have become less painful and truly a blessing.  \n\nAlso think about joining a grief group, plan something fun with friends or your husband (if your married).  Getting out and trying new things will help make this difficult time a little less overwhelming and you will not feel so lonely.  \n\nMotherless Daughters was a book that I read that sort help me work through everything.
590226
I'm sorry for your grief i just lost my step dad in Aug and he was more of a dad than i could ever get..\n\nThe pain hurts because i lost so many if theres away I'm looking for it i spend day after day setting and talking as if he was still here at the grave site.\n\nWhat do you say we feel the same pain three kids and my wife are gone and i have one child left and I'm so scare of losing her.\n\nSomeone put a question in here and ask what was the saddest thing that ever happen to me and i cryed the owe time i wrote back an answer as i'm doing now..\n\nBless you and take one day at a time for two is to much and you will be okay.
275143
I would think a nice note to either the mother or the unborn child would be appropriate:\n\n"Dear little one, enjoy this book when your mommy reads it to you, it was one of my favorites"\n\nor \n\n"Dear {Mother's name}, congratulations, and I hope you and your baby enjoy this as much as I did."
163756
First I'd like to express my condolences for your family's loss. People deal with grief in different ways, especially children who may not know exactly how to express how they're feeling. I think it would be beneficial to you and your kids to get some grief counseling to help you all sort through your feelings during this tough time. It would be good to go as a family for support, but individual sessions could be beneficial as well.
693682
My last conversation with my cousin was about baseball also.  It was at his little sister's game.  He was the coach.  They won.  The team threw Gatorade on him.  He tried to hug me and I pushed him away.  We were just kidding around but if I knew that was the last time I'd see him,  I would've hugged him, covered in Gatorade or not.  I've thought about what I'd say for the past 13 years.  I've gone over it a million times.  But it doesn't really matter.  I know he loved me and I know he knew how much he meant to me.  It's hard to even write this.  I believe in my heart when people die, they know who loves them.  Nothing more has to be said.  I do talk to my cousin, I tell him every day.  Don't stop talking to him because he's gone.  Your dad loves you and he knows you love him.  I'm sorry for your lost.  May you find peace.
1015138
Just keep listening and being there for her.  You sound like a great daughter :)
157613
Fond rememberance and happy memories.\n\nGood luck and my condolences on your loss.
955101
Well here's an idea don't act so enwrapped to the relationshiop with him.  HIS DAD JSUT DIED you want to show you like him so show some comapssion towards the expired body.  You want to start talkin to him Start like this:\nHey i heard what happened to your father are you alright?\nHim: yea im getting over it.\nyou: wanna discuss it? \nHim: no i dont\nyou: well you should be at peace before you go on. What was he like? \nthen he'll tell you or cry i dunno \nthis only workd if you dont know his father otherwise itll seem obnoxious.
979818
Describe how much the deceased was respected and admired by you and others.\n\nMention a few of the deceased person's strengths, achievements, and successes.\n\nIf appropriate, include a short personal story or anecdote involving your relationship with the deceased.\n\nStrike a careful balance between the formal tone of a sympathy letter and its deeply personal nature.\n\nRemember that a mourner is emotionally drained, so keep your sympathy letter short--under one page in length.\n\nIf you can do so sincerely, offer to help in some way and include contact information such as your cell phone number and your email address.\n\nIf you have strong religious convictions, comfort the mourner with your belief that the deceased will find peace and happiness in a better world.\n\nPut yourself in the mourner's place and imagine the kind of sympathy letter you would like to receive.
826144
write an individual note to all my loved ones..family, friends, Pastor and future grandchildren i will never get to meet.\nI would call my parents.\nThen I would then crawl into bed with my young children and read them EVERY book i had told them i didn't have time for, and play EVERY game i told them i didn't feel like playing...Sing EVERY silly song I hadn't wanted to sing before... The last words that i would say, would be the ones I want them to remember forever..." Mommy loves you both JUST as you are...and I will always be proud of WHO you both are. i love you".  And that said, I would be ready to go...
1099745
I would just let it slide.  Perhaps it can be chalked up to a technical problem.  Or perhaps the names were left out by sheer accident.  If it was in something other than an funeral program, I might say something in passing, but you must have respect for the person that has passed on.  It would not be the proper thing to do, bickering at a funeral. \nPerhaps you can just put it on the back burner for  while until some of the grief wears away, and just politely mention the girls names being omitted.  If you find out it was something done out of spite, be the "bigger person" and don't argue about it.  If you begin to bicker, then you are letting yourself stoop to their level, and You are better than that!\nI hope you can find some peace on this issue, I wish you well.  Please don't let it get to you.