My very good friend's bf passed away and since then she is always upset, how should i help her?
554438
Just listen to her and be there for her.
205222
Usually this person is in need of bringing closure to past conflicts. Let them talk...let them express. Even help them contact old acquaintances they feel the need to say things to before they pass. \n\nOften times, this person has to come to terms with their fate. It then becomes such a peaceful time for them because they have accepted the end. Help your friend get here. Go through old memories. Remind them of experiences that helped mold their life. Accomplishments. Make them feel that their life was "lived." It helps them realize that they made a mark on this world. Ask others to come by and show respect and admiration for what they were able to share in their relationship with this person.\n\nYour friend needs to feel their self worth before accepting that it is now time to go. I have no doubt that you can do a wonderful job helping them get there. \n\nI'm so sorry for your impending loss. It is oftentimes harder on those left behind. But you are doing a wonderful thing. This will be remembered.
1074091
Live a life that is worthy of him being your friend!\n\nNo easy way to get over a loss, but I am sure he would be glad to know he is missed!\n\nHE would not want you to be crippled by this though, so by living a life of honor, people will reflect that to the friends he had. People associate you to the people you are friends with so be a great person and honor his memory!
287164
First of all I must commend you for thinking so much of your friend. She needs friends right now. When a family is in that situation they do tend to spend a lot of time at the hospital, and not at home.\n\nDo they have any pets? You may want to offer to go to their house and feed them or walk them. If they are at the hospital a lot they are not really concentrating on eating and may get caffeteria food because it is easier. Is there something you can bring them to eat, or make something to put in their refridgerator when they come home? \n\nDoes their yard or plants need watering? Any little household task you can help them with will go a long way for comfort.\n\nBeing their for your friend by just listening and helping where you can is the best help you can give her and her family. Trust me when this is all over and things get back to normal she will remember you for your kindness and compassion.\n\nI do hope her brother is getting better every day, and will keep him in my thoughts and prayers.
303485
You are a very strong and kind person and I wish you all the best of luck with your gf.\nMy friend is a manic depressive and her partner has been with her for 5 years now. He loves her to bits but at times has felt like he was making himself ill aswell. He learned that he had to put his own wellbeing first sometimes, so that he was able to give her the best he could. At one stage though, he did try to reason with her, by telling her that he had 'stood by her all this time' and she still wasn't getting any better. At this point, she ended it, blaming him for the way she was (she had been depressed from a young age) and evidently got worse. When speaking to her, she felt that he was only with her in the hope that she would get better. This was an awful pressure on her because she knew (as well as he did) that there was every chance that things could get worse and she may never improve.\nSo, I simply give you this advise, take care of yourself and satisfy your needs and ambitions. If she pushes you away, don't retaliate with any blame or make her feel that she owes you something for your time spent with her. Simply allow this to be the oppurtunity where you get some time for yourself. Meet with friends, take up a hobby, whatever. Most importantly, don't make her feel that you are leaving her, always be contactable and tell her where your going and when you will be back. Simpy let her accept and know that you are always there for her but also for yourself.\nPlease also understand that she may or may not improve. If you can't see a future with her if things don't improve, then maybe you should rethink your situation. \nMy friend is improving (and happily living with her partner) and is now working. She is a lovely person and I admire her strentgh. \n\nI wish you all the best of luck,\n\nHappy Birthday for Monday!!\nxx
1023243
Dealing with a depressed friend is never easy.  I know all about it.  My best friend in the whole world has suffered with deep depression since her car accident last August.  It is difficult sometimes to find the right words to say to her.  I keep telling her to look at her positives and don't focus so much on her negatives, perhaps this will help your friend.  \n\nYou may want to approach him to do some investigative work to pinpoint for his ownself what person(s) or thing(s) make him feel depressed about.  Then after he does this, ask him if there is anything he could change to correct the problems.  If he says "no there isn't" then ask him to make a list of all of his good points and acknowledge all his accomplishments in life.  See if you can focus on the good and positive things in his life as opposed to his negative things.\n\nAlways encourage your friend as best as you can.  Be willing to listen to him and be as positive as you can not only with him but with yourself.\n\nLet him know that you care very deeply for him and let him know that you will support him with all of his decisions.\n\nEvery once in awhile, mention to him about therapy and seeing a doctor about his depression.  Medications and therapy go hand in hand.\n\nGood luck to you and your friend!  I hope he feels better soon!
67683
I think you should be commended for being s caring and considerate of this peson!!!!!!!\n\nRather than cause her grief by hounding her about her work, you're trying to find a solution that fits her...which would then help you as well. You're putting her first. I'm amazed and blown away by it. You're a GEM of a person! Sincerely.\n\nAs I'm sure you know tho, when it comes right down to it, and as unfortunate as it is.....time is the only cure for this affliction. It's awful to go thru. Aside from that I'm afraid all you can do is give her whatever she needs from moment to moment. We all deal with this differently. Sometimes one needs constant distraction; friends, work, activities, etc. Other times it's alone-time. Solitude to ponder, grieve, and wallow for a while. Figure out what this is for her, and maybe you can recruit some of the others to help, maybe without letting on what's going on (unless it's obvious).\n\nI'm guessing but it may be that the best thing all the way around is, that you take the hit and try to pick up her slack. It may sound like I am saying that in a very perfunctory manner, but it may just be easier for you....and she....that you help fill the void while she gets what she needs.....time.\n\nAt the same time, she does need gentle reminding that she still has responsibilities to uphold. Perhaps if done right she may be able to use this as a crutch or distraction while she's at work, and then use her home time to wallow, cry and be miserable.\n\nMy best of luck to you. Nice to know there are folks like you around!!
456985
don't aggravate her by asking what's wrong a thousand times trust me on this my bf was going through the same thing with me, just hug her and tell her you love her often not just when you are about to leave her or get off the phone, tell her often and during your everyday conversation let her know out the blue that if theres ever anything she wants to talk about , you're there no matter what time it is or how petty or small she may think it is, you're always listening, there maybe times where she don't want you to say ANYTHING but just for you to be there to listen so let her know you're there tell her everyday so when the time come and she want to talk she already know that you're willing to listen
675145
Try to stay as far away from her as you can.  This person is clearly not a friend.  It's understandable that y'all miss your other friend (the one that passed away) and everything, but she's in a better place...and LIFE GOES ON as hard as that is.\n\nAlso, it seems too 2-faced to be doing that - telling you to your face she'll go to the wedding and telling other people she won't do it.  You sure don't need somebody like that in your life.  Death is part of life and she needs to move on, just like you're moving on now.  Good luck, girl friend, and congratulations on your wedding.
753746
You are just going to have to keep being there for her until she comes to. She's still in shock. Just let her know how much you love her by being there for her.  She'll come to on her own. If not then get her some counceling. to help her handle her grief.
41131
This is a very sad situation.  It's hard to know what to do.  I guess the best you can do is to show your friend that you care about her.  This can be done in a number of ways, such as those suggested by the previous answerers, or just by hugging her, telling her you love her, and doing nice things for her.  I'm sure you'll figure out a way.
512535
You both are young. The death of a loved one at any age is hard. All the other answers says it all. You can't cheer her up. Nothing will at this time. You didn't say if she believed in God. But that is what is helping me right now.It was her Mom's time. It's sad that she had to go via car wreck. Let her cry. Here are some ideas that I have done and will do myself(I lost my 82 year old Mama in March this year). I planted a small flower garden in her memory. Nothing big or elaborate. My Mama loved flowers any and all. Her b-day is in a week. We still plan on having her a party.I'm getting helium balloons and we are going to write her a special message and let them go. We realize she won't get them, but hey-Who knows?? Just be there when she needs a shoulder to cry on. Let her remember her Mom. Remind her of something funny her Mom did. Don't let her dwell on the bad times that all mothers and daughters have. I can tell you; us Moms wouldn't want our children to remember those times. Sit down with her if she wants to look at pictures of her and her Mom in happier times. Some people will tell her thats the wrong thing to do. Maybe-Maybe not. God will help her.Have her read scriptures in the Bibles that will encourage her.Just be her friend.Her Mom is just a memory away.I'll be praying for you and her.You will have a rough road being her friend, her pain is yours. God Bless you for wanting to help her.
444139
Well you seem to be going through alot! I am sorry! I will be praying for you and your friend! I wish I had all the answers -but I don't! Off course you want to help her- she is your friend- but it sounds like she needs help you can't give her! You need to decide do you want live with her! Can you deal with all the drama? Really search yourself- because she is going to need support and a lot of help! I wish you the best! You sound like a really good friend- when she will let you be her friend! A word -- never cheat! No matter what a person says to you! Just not a good plan! You take care- if you like to talk- http://360.yahoo.com/cloeenloe
36111
i agree with SEMAJ.  if she is really a good friend then she'll listen to you.  tell her that in your opinion, her bf is trying to control her and you can see that.  and ask her if she wants to be controlled by him.  tell her that you dont have any intention to ruin her relationship but you are just trying to warn her and you are being a good friend.  you dont want her to get hurt someday so the if the bf is controlling her and its just ok for her dont feel bad.  she'll realize it and tell her no matter what you'll be there for her.
347820
You should feel the way you feel, and not how anyone else tells you to feel.  That's the only possible answer. If you worry about a lack of feeling upon this persons death, you must understand the psychological shock of such an incident.  It takes time to come to grips with it. If you were truly close to this person, the grief and pain WILL come-believe me.  The most important thing is not to repress it.  You must let it come, you must grieve, and you must deal with it.  Don't ignore it, or bottle it up.  Let yourself feel it.  To ignore it is to harm yourself, and disrespect the memory of your lost one. God bless, and my condolences.
882682
You miss your friend.  Thinking of her, remembering things from the past keeps her alive in your heart and mind.  \n\nA lot of people go through a long life, and when they are gone, they leave nothing in anyones heart.  She left you with memories, which will live on with you forever.\n\nEventually the sadness  will ease, sorry for your loss.
419950
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your mother must have loved your father very much and we can only imagine the pain that she's feeling right now. If you want to help her, be there for her, let her cry, let her be depressed, let her talk about your father or not. Four months isn't that long of a time frame to move past the grief of losing your best friend and life partner, so first and foremost, give her the time, space and permission to grieve the way she needs to grieve. Remember, she's not only grieving the loss of her husband, she's grieving the loss of her entire way of life...it's a difficult adjustment.\n\nAt the same time, encourage her to make small steps toward a 'normal' life again (although, to her, life will never be 'normal' as she knew it again). Take her out to lunch, to a movie, shopping or just for a cup of coffee. Invite her to your house for dinner, if you have children, bring them around. Maybe take a class together at your local community center. All of these things will remind her that there is still life all around her. \n\nIf you're concerned that her depression goes beyond what would conceivably be considered normal for intense grief, then encourage her to speak to a therapist about it. I know you said she would never consider medication, but maybe she doesn't need it. Maybe she just needs someone to talk to, someone who can give her tools to cope with her pain and grief. Another option would be checking into grief support groups in her area. These groups are a great source of comfort and support...she will be surrounded by people who understand the intensity of the pain that she's feeling right now and will have the support of those who have worked their way through it so that she can see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. \n\nFunny thing about grieving...we all do it differently, yet no one does it wrong.