I need some good BLONDE jokes. Anyone with some really great BLONDE jokes?
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The exhausted blonde dragged herself into the doctor's office.\n\n"Doc, the neighborhood dogs bark all night. I can't get a wink of sleep."\n\nThe doctor examined her and found her some samples. "These new sleeping\npills work great. A few of these and your troubles will be over."\n\n"Great," said the blonde. "I'll try anything!"\n\nThe next week, she returned, looking even worse. "Doc, your plan stinks.\nI'm more tired than I was before!"\n\n"I don't understand how that could be," said the doctor, shaking his head.\n"Those are the strongest pills on the market!"\n\n"Maybe so, but now I spend all night chasing those dogs and even when I\nfinally catch one, I can't get him to swallow those pills!"
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LOL! Here's an equally funny one:\n\nTwo girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over 90 mph.\n\n"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "Any cops following us?"\n\nThe blonde turned around & had a long look at the road behind them. "Yeah, looks like it"\n\n"Are his flashers on?"\n\nThe blonde turned around again......\n"Yup....nope....yup.... nope....yup.... nope....yup....."\n\n:o)
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These were sent to me in an email one time.\n\n\n********************************************************************\nA blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. \nHer boss asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"\n\nThe blond replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."\n\nThe boss feeling very sorry for her says "Why don't you go home for the day. We aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."\n\n"Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." \n\nThe boss agrees and allows the blond to work as usual. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blond. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying. \n\n"What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?" he asks.\n\n"No!" exclaims the blonde. "I just received a horrible call from my sister and she said that her mom died too!"\n\n************************************************************\nDid you hear about the two blondes that froze to death in a drive-in movie?\n\nThey went to see "Closed for the Winter."\n\n************************************************************\nWhy did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children? \n\nShe heard that 1 out of every 4 children born in the world was Chinese.\n\n************************************************************\nA blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. \n\n"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.\n\n"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. \n\n"What?"sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"\n\n"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest." \n\n"So then?" asked the doctor.\n\n"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth." \n\n"So then?"\n\n"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."\n\n************************************************************\nDid you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall? \nThere was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.\n\n************************************************************\nA blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye. The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters. As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face. \n\n"Look, said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses." \n\n"I know,"agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames.\n\n************************************************************\nA blonde was shopping at a Target store and came across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.\n \nThe clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos. It keeps things hot and some things cold." \n\n"Wow!", said the blonde, "That's amazing, I'm going to buy it!" \n\nSo she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk.\n\n"What's that," he asked? \n\n"Why, that's a thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things co
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Real Funny.\n\nRead this one\n\nThe Deaf Genie\n\nA man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the\nbag on the counter.\n\nThe bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.\n\nThe man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one\nfoot high, and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag\nand pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well.\n\nHe reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench,\nwhich he places in front of the piano.\nThe little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful\npiece by Mozart!\n\n"Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender.\n\nThe man responds by reaching into the paper bag.\nThis time he pulls out a lamp. He hands it to the bartender and\nsays..."Here. Rub it."\n\nSo the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke\nand a beautiful genie is standing before him.\n\n"I will grant you one wish. Just one wish...each person is allowed only one!"\n\nThe bartender gets really excited.\n\nWithout hesitating he says, "I want a million bucks!"\n\nA few moments later, a duck walks into the bar.\nIt is soon followed by another duck, then another.\nPretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!\n\nThe bartender turns to the man and says, "Y'know, I think your genie's\na little deaf...I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."\n\n"Tell me about it!!" says the man...\n\n"Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"\n\nBYE - Imtiyaz G
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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?\nA: The blonde works in the dark!\n\nQ: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?\nA: The joystick is wet.\n\nQ: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?\nA: Her ankles.\n\nQ: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?\nA: "Have another beer."\n\nQ: What do Blondes say after sex?\nA1: Thanks Guys.\nA2: Are you boys all in the same band?\nA3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?\n\nQ: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?\nA: Shine a flashlight in their ear.\n\nQ: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?\nA: The more you bang it the looser it gets.\n\n Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?\nA: They're both empty from the neck up.\n\nQ: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?\nA: They both wriggle when you eat them.\n\nQ: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?\nA: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.\n\nQ: How do you get a blond out of a tree?\nA: Wave\n\nQ: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?\nA: They both have black roots.\n\nQ: What does a blonde owl say?\nA: What, what?\n\nQ: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?\nA: A brain tumor.\n\nQ: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?\nA: Two brunettes.\n\nQ: What's the Blonde's cheer?\nA: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."\n\nQ: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?\nA: To see what was on the other side.\n\nQ: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?\nA: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.\n\nQ: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?\nA: She realized she gave her last blowjob.\n\nQ: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?\nA: Because that's what they train for all their lives.\n\nQ: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?\nA: So her male would get delivered to the right box.\n\nQ: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?\nA: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".\n\nQ: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?\nA: In case she locks the keys in her car.\n\nQ: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?\nA: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.\n\nQ: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?\nA: So she could lip read.\n\nQ: Why did God create blondes?\nA: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.\nQ: Why did God create brunettes?\nA: Neither could the blondes.\n\nQ: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?\nA: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.\n\nQ: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?\nA: To turn the blinker off.\n\n Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?\nA: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.\n\nQ: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?\nA: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.\n\nQ: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?\nA: Because it kept falling out.\n\nQ: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?\nA: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.\n\nQ: How do you confuse a blonde?\nA: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.\nQ: Why does it work?\nA: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"\n\nQ: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?\nA: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!\n\nQ: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?\nA: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).\n\nQ: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?\nA: A blond doing cartwheels.\n\nQ: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?\nA: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.\n\nQ: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?\nA: She missed the Earth!\n\nQ: Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pr
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Funny! :)\nI got it right away, Raveman you must be more of a blonde than I am!
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1)Theres a blonde and a brunette walking in the park. The brunette says to the blonde "look, a dead bird". The blonde looks up into the air and says "where?"\n\n2)Theres this blonde woman driving her car down the road and all of a sudden starts swerving. A police car behind her notices this and pulls her over. The blonde says "thank god your here officer, these trees keep appearing in the middle of the road and i have to swerve to avoid them." The officer replies "thats your air-freshener."\n\n3)Why shouldnt you let a blonde use your computer? You'll end up with tipex all over the screen. (cos shes usin the word processor, inevitably makes a mistake and tries to tipex it out) [do americans have tipex?]
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why does the blonde climb to the glass wall??\nto see whats in the other side....\nhow do you get a twinkle in a blondes eye???\nshine a flashlight in her ear..\nQ. Why is it harder to make a blonde snowman, compared to a brunette snowman? \nA. You have to hollow out the head! \n\nQ: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? \nA: "Are you sure it's mine?" \n\nQ: What is the difference between a pregnant blonde and a lightbulb? \nA: You can unscrew a lightbulb. \nQ: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? \nA: They're both empty from the neck up. \n\nQ. How do you know that a blonde has sent you a fax? \nA. There's a stamp in the corner of the fax! \n\nQ. Why won't pharmacists hire blondes as secrataries? \nA. They keep on breaking those bottles in the typewriter! \n\nQ. How do you get a blonde to laugh on Saturday? \nA. Tell her a joke on Tuesday! \n\nQ. What did a blonde get on her SAT test? \nA. Nail Polish \n\nQ. What do you call a blonde who lives in Alaska? \nA. A Frosted Flake. \nTwo dumb blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first dumb blond said "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them. \n\nTwo dumb blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."\nhope you laugh a lot....plz give me those 10 points....i need them
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She was blonde and needed to ask for directions?\n\nShe was blonde and got lost?\n\nThe chicken decided the trip was too far too make?\n\nTo see what he could see?\n\nI just made these all up in my head.  Happy hunting.\nP.S.  Your joke sucked.  : )
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hahaha.....Both were very good,,,,,,,, Now would you be so kind as to please post some more jokes.......lol
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haha that is hilarious\nwhats the diffference betwween a blonde and a brick\na brick only gets laid once
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OH YEAH?!\n\n\nBlonde Jokes:\n\nThe Top 10 Dumb Blonde Inventions (11-18, I made Up and Found On Internet):\n\n1) Waterproof Towel\n2) Solar-Powered Flashlight\n3) Submarine Screen Door\n4) A Book On How To Read\n5) Inflatable Dart Board\n6) Dictionary Index\n7) Helicopter Ejector Seat\n8) Powdered Water\n9) Designer Camouflage\n10) Waterproof Tea Bag\n11) Wireless Dog Leash\n12) Silent Car Alarm\n13) Glass Hammer\n14) Brick Window\n15) See-Through Swimsuit\n16) Pet Rock\n17) Wooden Soap\n18) Pedal-Powered Wheel Chair\n\nMore Jokes:\n\nQ: How do blonde brain cells die ? \nA: Alone. \n\n\nQ: How do you change a blonde's mind? \nA: Blow in her ear. \n\nQ: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence? \nA: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear! \n\nQ: How do you keep a blonde busy all day? \nA: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner. \n\nQ: How did the blonde die ice fishing? \nA: She was run over by the zamboni machine. \n\nQ: How do you get a blonde to marry you? \nA: Tell her she's pregnant. \n\nQ: How does a blond spell farm? \nA: E-I-E-I-O \n\nQ: How does a blond kill a fish? \nA: She drowns it. \n\nQ: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat? \nA: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row. \n\nQ: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? \nA: Run....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth. \n\nQ: What do you call a blonde golfer with an iq of 125? \nA: a foursome. \n\nQ: What do you call a blond mother-in-law? \nA: An air bag. \n\nQ: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? \nA: Tell her a joke on Wednesday. \n\nQ: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? \nA: Trying to hold on to a thought. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? \nA: Because it said 'concentrate'. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde take two hits of acid? \nA: She wanted to go on a round trip. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet? \nA: She thought it was diet coke. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days? \nA: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering? \nA: The noise gave her a headache. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips? \nA: From trying to blow out lightbulbs. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? \nA: She heard that the drinks were on the house. \n\nQ: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? \nA: They don't know the route. \n\nQ: Why do blondes work seven days a week? \nA: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday. \n\nQ: What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and a dead skunk in the road? \nA: There are skid marks in front of the skunk. \n\nQ: What is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes? \nA: Elvis has been sighted. \n\nQ: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs? \nA: Some traffic signs say stop. \n\nQ: What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart? \nA: The shopping cart has a mind of its own. \n\nQ: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? \nA: She turned it over and used the other side. \n\nQ: What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra? \nA: Thanks for the refill. \n\nQ: How does a blonde commit suicide? \nA: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off. \n\nQ: How do you plant dope? \nA: Bury a blonde. \n\nQ: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? \nA: Wave to her. \n\nQ: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ? \nA: With a tire gauge! \n\nQ: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? \nA: Shine a flashlight in their ear. \n\nQ: How do you kill a blonde? \nA: Put spikes in their shoulder pads. \n\nQ: How do blondes pierce their ears? \nA: They put tacks in their shoulder pads. \n\nQ: How do you drown a blond? \nA: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bott
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A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me.  I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started".  \n\nHer boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"\n\nThe blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."\n\nHer boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.\n\nHe studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.  Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then  put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
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http://greatjokes.50webs.com/ here you can find a lot of good jokes,
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A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.\n\nThe clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.\n\nThe next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.\n\nFrustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.\n\nSure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.\n\nTo her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.\n\nThe blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"\n\nThe clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
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Take her head phone off...\n\n\n\nA blonde went to a beauty salon to get a haircut.\nWhen the beautician approached the chair where\nthe blonde was waiting, she noticed that she was\nwearing a walkman.\n\n\nThe beautician took the blonde to her styling booth. She asked\nthe blonde, "Please take off the walkman so I can cut your hair."\nThe blonde replied, "I can't do without it, just cut around it."\n\nThe beautician shook her head in disbelief and started cutting.\nA few minutes later the beautician stopped and asked the blonde,\n"I just can't cut your hair properly while you are wearing\nthat walkman. Please take it off."\n\n\nThe blonde replied, "I just can't live without it,\ncut around it please." The beautician started cutting\nagain and finally had had enough. The beautician\nreached down and pulled the earphones from\nthe walkman off the blonde.\n\n\nJust as she did so the blonde froze, then fell out off the chair and\non to the floor. The staff at the salon rushed to her aid only to\ndiscover she was stone dead. All were stunned! The beautician lifted\nthe earphones to her ear to listen to what was so important to the\nblonde.\n\nIn a soft but commanding voice she heard,\n"Breathe in.......... Breathe out............\nBreathe in.......... Breathe out............\nBreathe in.......... Breathe out............"
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Great Buddy. Women are really crazy\n\nAnother of that sort\n\nDeer Tracks\n\nThree blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!" \nThe second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!" \nThe third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!" \nThey were still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them. \n\nPain in the ...\nA young brunette goes into the doctor's office and tells him that her body hurts wherever she touches it.\n"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."\nShe takes her finger and pushes on her elbow and screams in agony.\nShe then pushes on her knee and screams, pushes on her ankle and screams...and so it goes.\nNo matter where she touches her agony is apparent.\nThe doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?\nYou're really a blonde."\nShe sheepishly admits that indeed she is a blonde.\n"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."\n\nSkipping\nA blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping."\n\nThe Muffler\nA blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her that all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out. After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing. \n"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working." \n"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!" \n\nBlonde in a boat\n\nThere was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”\n\nBlonde in a car\n\nA blonde walked into a gas station and said to the manager, ''I locked my keys in my car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?'' \n''Why sure,'' said the manager, ''we have something that works especially well for that.'' \nA couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing and he heard another voice. ''No, no! A little to the left,'' said the other blonde inside the car.