Military Families How Do you Deal?
546703
You chose him because you loved him and saw something in him you didn't see in any other man. \nHe has a job. Nearly all men have jobs. He has a really important job that is respected and I would hope you would respect him. You should feel sad and alone. You're married and you didn't want to be left alone. I can see where that wasn't part of the original deal. But you did marry for "better or worse" and if this is the worse, you're doing ok.\nIt is worth it. I believe with every part of my being that he misses you more than you ever realize. He is sad and alone and misses what he could have with you if he were here. \nI would find a support group or at least a counselor to talk to. Sometimes ministers are a good resource. Don't give up. Hang in there.......
528509
I'm in the army and so is my husband.  you never get use to it it always sucks.  Just try not to dwell on it.  Try to stay occupied with something while he is gone and live for the moment when he is there.  I read a lot of books or make quilts while my husband is away or browse on here.  In fact, my husband is gone for a month right now.
705432
Being a military wife, yes, it's hard when my husband is deployed for long periods but I have gotten used to it.  I have my own job, activities and friends to bide my time with while he is away.  I knew what I was getting into when we got married and I'm sticking with it.
814080
Do I no how you feel!! Welcome to the Black sheep of the family club :0)\n\nMove out of the house. You are the strong hold of the family. This is how I rationalized my situation. Now that I have been out for quite a while I get phone calls for help from my family. What should I do, or this is what mom is doing how can I....\nAs far as not being able to release the same way they do to you what I did is find others outside of the family....Parents are supposed to be there for there kids but in todays world this is not always the case.\nGood luck it will not be long before you are out on your own...
1028012
Think like a soldier. When you have an impassable problem what do you do? You still get past it. That is what you must do. Have you told him of your fears? I tell ya what, if your kids are all okay with it, then you better hold on to him, that's rare! Go for it!
103060
I am not a soldier...anymore.  I was active duty army for 2 1/2 years and also did a tour in Iraq.  I am now a soldier's wife.  My husband just left a week ago.  I know what you are going through.  You need to understand though that when he says he doesn't want you to worry...that's the truth.  I told my husband before he left that I don't want to know if he gets fired upon, has to shoot anyone, etc.  I would rather just stay in a lovely state called denial. LOL  When I was in Iraq I made that mistake of telling my mom when I was shot upon...I never told her about another incident.  I didn't want her to worry. (Keep in mind...is was there in the beginning)  Give him some time...hopefully he will start having some stories that he cares to share soon.  I am am yahoo messenger quite a bit...my email address is in my profile.  Keep your head up...good luck!
556544
My nephew in law is already there.  Sweetie?  Take your camera if you have one and make sure to see him off.  Let him know how much you love him and that your thoughts and prayers will always be with him.  Let him know now how much you need him to come home and why.  Sometimes, your words will be enough to carry him through the fire. Spend as much time with him as possible before he goes and create some lasting memories with him just in case...know what I mean?\n\nI talk to my Creator every day about all the young men and women who are in Iraq, and for the ones whose lives ended there also.  You have to accept the fact that there are going to be casualties and prepare your own self for the worse.  I pray it doesn't happen to your Dad. Pray to whomever it is you pray to and be confident about his safe return.  And write him lots of letters and send moto-mail. I cannot stress enough to you how important it is to spend every minute you can with him before his deployment.  Okay?  I hope this helps.  ((((((Sheri)))))\n\np.s.  Try to put together packages of stuff for him like, believe it or not?  Baby wipes, beef jerky, lotion, soap, foil packages of single servings of tuna for sandwiches, easy to open/preparation type foods that require no cooking., candy bars, vienna sausage, etc.
722301
Nobody wants their loved ones to go overseas to war, but there's not much you can do about it. The best thing you can do is keep in contact with him while he is there, support him as often as you can, and pray he comes home safely.
1160213
well dont send anything that the Company Commander will be able to rip him apart for..they like to open mail, and if there is some good personal pictures, or nicknames they will eat your son up with them..\nI was in the Coast Guard..and any letter is nice, just about what is going on..but dont make him feel like he is missing something, make it sound like things are boring there right now and he is better off where he is, the last thing he wants to hear is that he missed so and sos BBQ, and all the fun everyone is having..encourage the whole family to write not just Mom, but Dad, siblings, close friends and cousins
79692
Your base is likely to have an office to deal with family issues and concerns of servicemen. Ask around, or try the website of your branch of service. Your efforts to serve your country should not cost you your relationship with your children and you are likely to find support from the government should you choose to engage your ex-wife in a custody battle.
1129824
I'm not a single parent but I had to act as one while my husband was in Iraq.  I think that the hardest thing is not having someone to share the stress with.  People always asked me how I did it, I mean, I was pretty much a single mom while he was gone.  I always said the same thing, "I know my husband will be coming home.  I know I'll have help when his deployment is over.  I know that this is temporary.  Most importantly, I know, generally, around when my reinforcements (my hubby) will be arriving!"  I don't know how people do it when they don't have the knowledge of partner coming to help them soon.  I have an immense amount of respect for single parents.
516142
The self-discipline and mental toughness that people get in the military have a downside.  As a result of this they try to solve their problems on their own and try to ignore the pain.\n\nIf he refuses to get help, here are some things you can try:\n\nGet him to join some sort of veteran's organization where he can be around people who have 'been there.'  This way he can be around people who can talk to him from a perspective he recognizes.\n\nThe next thing you can do is go to Amazon.com and order the book: 'An Operator's manual For Combat PTSD' and talk him into reading at least the first few chapters.  I was in denial about my own Combat PTSD until I read these chapters and got the feeling that they had written those chapters about me.   IMO this is an excellent book for anybody with Combat PTSD because it educates you on what the mechanics of the injury are and how to live a normal life in spite of it.\n\nThe next thing you can do is go to your local Veteran's Outreach Center on your own and talk to the people there.  They can give you lots of advice, support and provide you with your own coping skills.  They can even direct you to support groups for the spouses/SO's of people with combat PTSD.\n\nIf all else fails - email me and we can discuss this off-line.
443755
i would tell an adult atleast. tell your teachures. they can do everything that is needed. they are trained to deal with family desturbances. i hope you are all right. noone should have to deal with problems like that.
844046
i have been a navy wife and i have been an army wife.  it depends on where you end up being stationed for either on what it's like.  when you are in your home city (or close enough where you don't live on post or deal with the FRG) you're only real source of what's going on is your husband - which is actually helpful as you don't hear 40 different things - none of which are right, and you don't get 4 billion emails about crap you don't care about, and you don't get stuck in the damn rumormill.  \nit was fine in the navy - when he left, i stayed with my parents in san diego because that was where he was stationed.  we are abroad now and we did the blue to green so we are now army.  it's a wonderful experience, but at the same time totally frustrating!  my FRG (i'm sorry, FRG is Family Readiness Group and you refer to the leader as the FRG) never  sends me any relevant information about my husband's unit and yet i get all this useless information that i don't care about.  there is supposed to be a POC (point of contact person) who calls at least once a month - i've been here 6 months, 2 months with my husband gone and she has never called - i don't even know who my POC is!  granted, i don't go to the FRG meetings - but why would i go when they don't do anything that is relevant to me and they make it difficult for me to go with a 14 month old?  \nalso living on post leaves you very vulnerable to the rumor mill, it seems especially the higher ranked enlisted wives do it.  they also tend to wear their husband's rank - abosolutely unacceptable!  myself and the 3 ladies i have made friends with are the wives of an E3, an E5, and 2 E6's (one E6 is only friends with me) so we don't care, and that's the way it is supposed to be in housing.  your rank does not go with you when you are out of uniform.  everyone gets the same respect out of uniform and since wives are never in uniform... yeah.  but it tends to not work that way.  there is this whole web of crap to deal with.  i tend to not.  i have also already made it clear that if i am included in this rumormill i will take them to court on charges of slander and defemation of character - i won't put up with it, but most wives will and that's why it's so widespread.\n\nif you are going to be stationed abroad, don't expect any help from the army to get you to your husband quickly - it was 6 months for all the paperwork to go through because no one could tell us everything we needed to do it so as we got one thing done we were then told another thing we needed to do and since he was already in europe and i was in arizona it was very difficult.\n\nother than that, it's fine.  you get to meet new people, have new experiences - if you live on post it's like it's own little world... kinda wierd to me, but you may like it.  and depending on your personality and what your husband does in the army you may not ever notice the rumors spreading like wildfire.\n\nmy tips, make friends with your housing person before you get a residence on base, find out where everything you NEED is at on base (they give you lots of useless info you have to sift through) and try to make friends with your neighbors, they are going to be the people you see most.
1075939
Deployments never get easier.  My husband is now looking at his 3rd deployment to Iraq, and I feel the same way I did when we got news of the 1st one.  I know when he does deploy, the first couple months will be the hardest, and then I will get back into my routine of being a single mother again, waiting faithfully for his call or a chance to IM and see him on the web cam.  \nJust keep yourself surrounded by positive people, other military wives, and your FRG.  \nIt is a given, as soon as he deploys something always happens at home, the car breaks down, the washing machine quits on you, the kids get sick, ( my sons appendix ruptured 3 days after my husband deployed last time).  Remember that you are not alone.\nIf you need someone to talk to feel free to contact me anytime.\nGOD BLESS OUR TROOPS
531554
I understand how you feel. My spouse is in the service and it kills me when he has to deploy. Unforunately, you can't stop him from going but you can do alot to help the time pass. \n\nSurround yourself with friends and family, pick up a hobby, concentrate on raising and playing with your baby, go to the gym or go swimming, start an online journal....the list goes on.\n\nTry to keep your head up. Letting your Husband know that you are upset will make him upset and we both know that'll just add more stress to his situation. It'll be hard but try to stay positive.\n\nIt is definitely tough....but remember....there is nothing like a great homecoming.\n\nI hope I helped. :-)\n\nGod bless.
154050
if you want to support them directly, adopt a soldier.  all it means is just send them some letters and care packages.  it means the world to them.  \n\nif you have kids, see if your kid's class wanted to have some as a pen pal.  its helps everyone.  \n\nyou could help at a uso.\n\nif you know someone who has been called up, offer support to their families.  \n\nall the money from those $0.99 yellow rubber band bracelets go directly to uso's\n\nthere's a million ways to show your support.  some take as little as a hand shake and a thank to a returning troop.  thank you for supporting the men and women who serve now and  who have made the ultimate sacrifice.