Should I NOT be such a BIG part in my kids and grandkids lives?
545722
You need to be a big part of your kids lives. Take it from me. I'm only 16, but I think I know what I'm talking about here. My mom was always a HUGE part of my life. Now, I'm a strait A student who's in many extra curricular activities. I've never had a detention in my life, never touched alcohol, nothing like that stuff. I know kids, however, who's parents AREN'T much involved in their kids lives. These children are one locker over from me in school, so I hear them talking. These are the kids that are doing drugs, having sex, flunking, and the kids that are always in trouble. My point is that if you don't stay involved with your kids lives, they could turn out like those kids. If your husband doesn't like it, talk to him. I can't help you there, but in my mind, there is plenty of time to spend with him after the kids move out.
883835
Ive got the same problem with my -- 'out-laws' But luckily for me they are going abroad this year so we are safe. Next year might be different though cos we've had some turbulent times and I dont think I will ever feel the same about them again.\n\nI would try and keep it nice for the children we have but if it weren't for them I wouldn't be bothering.
776029
Depending on the situation. When my parents are older I feel they should be the responsibilty of me and my siblings. The way I see it, they spent quite a few years looking after us, so we should do the same for them.
209181
I have a problem similar to yours. However, my step children don't visit often, and they are teenagers. My husband gets excited when they are coming, but when they get here, it's like they do whatever they want to do. If I try to set them straight, it causes problems between my husband and me. The best thing you can do is sit your husbands kids down and have a heart to heart talk with them. You have a life too, which includes more than just your step children. Tell them that they need to try and help out with the grandchildren when they are there. If they respect you enough, they will listen and not be upset with you. Good Luck!
928010
I hate to say this... but there's not much we can do. If the people you trust for every aspect of your well being tell you something, you'll believe it. Those kids don't have a chance until they become enlightened (which for many never happens). I'd just advice your wife to change her place of work because no amount of money or love for humankind should be enough to justify their behavior.
1001534
All you can really do is be truthful...you are only doing what you feel is in the best interest of your grandchildren  (and that they got mad because of you help)~~~pretty common scenario
533098
Yes...up until the time they are a legal adult.  Maybe parents should think about this before allowing so much permissiveness in their family. I am a strict Mother(no corporal punishment...but lots of consistency and time out and good choice/ bad choice options). I feel it is my duty, and moral responsibility to raise well mannered and caring people. I KNOW I am responsible for my children's actions.
879406
you have hit the nail right on the head. If they can't be a part of their lives,then they don't deserve the title DAD!
1138339
Try with all your might not to mind it. Everyone else's fart, it's just yours was not in the right time and place but you know when you appear like you didn't care about it, they wouldn't care too. Just go on with your daily routine and just look on it at a bright side, you have a story to tell to your grandchildren when it comes. I'm sure it will be a sure hit.:p
560882
just think about ur kids.it really helps.
693982
Hey , this sounds great to me.  You have a life long friend there.  Keep up the good work.  Go ahead and play with your toys and each other.  Enjoy being kids.
356088
I wrote and lost a very lengthy answer, (NOTE to all:..use sign in before answering anything to avoid this problem)\n\n I will try to summarize my previous thoughts.\n\nThe children are successful, and are most likely overwhelmed with their own daily pressures in their professions, they do not need more pressure from family.\n\nA mother who tends to be 'too caring', is one that may see their children's every success as her own, that is an unfair pressure to place or expect to be respected. She needs a focus of her own importance, children are not a hobby.\n\nThose specific words used to hurt may be because the children have been told how important their mothering bearing them was, or made to feel guilt because of their being born, hence the opposite words used to cause pain.\n\nFreedom should not be GIVEN, it was their right to have it all along, and way overdue. \n\nShe does care about them, she hurts from her own pride of not being seen as the most important influence at these moments in their lives. Many adults seem to want the relationships that they mold, instead of what they see being molded around them. She may need to find her own sense of accomplishments other than grasping on to her children's accomplishments being "IT", being proud of and taking pride in are two different things.\n\nSad, I do not doubt it, when you place all your focus so profoundly on a certain thing, and it causes pain, you want to run away, even cause pain back. She will survive, and even be stronger for it, and maybe even respect her children's wishes without adding more pressure to their lives. The children can not and should not base their own happiness on if they are pleasing their mother, they must please themselves first. They should not be asked to change themselves to please her either. \n\nWould I have said the same things in anger, probably, I did after all explode the night before being married, saying I would not have grandchildren to be pressured in the ways I had been.....Aaaahhhh.... Pressure... things are said, hurt is done, but family is family, and the PAST is the PAST, loved ones must be supported without adding a negative pressure or an expectation to live up to, a mother knows this, and should respect it at all times.
110348
It needs to be done to a certain degree, you need to be careful though to ensure you do not hinder their sense of independence and worth as they grow older. You don't want to go so far as making them seem untrustworthy or irresponsible.
660610
Not seeing my children grow up.
1064888
i think putting your family first is more important than spending time on the internet. families need to spend more time together. hope your kids and you liked it.
715134
Don't worry about it and don't lower yourself to their level.  Get something small for the grandparents from your kids. Stick to your budget or what you can afford.  If someone doesn't want to get you a present chances are if they were made to pick something out it would be crap anyway.
804966
Grandparents don't love grandchildren more than their own children although it can seem like that.\n\nThink back to when you were growing up and compare their lives to yours now.... I bet there isn't a lot of difference.\n\nWhen your bringing up children there is a whole lot of other responsibilities around you.....keeping house, the mortgage bills etc.\n\nWhen we have grand children because we don't have the responsibility of them we seem to be able to see them more clearer and enjoy them better. I don't think i am explaing this well\n\nAsk a grandparent if they have ever thought "I don't remember you doing that" or the biggest one "I feel like I missed out on this with you!"\n\nGrandchildren give parents a second chance to enjoy the growing up of children again.\n\nThat's all it is to relive and enjoy again children.