i need help on a mother in law situation?
552573
My Mother in law is the same way. Does your husband know she does not like you? Does he stand up for you? THAT is what is important. This lady sounds way more than ridiculous. You can't have a car??? She knows she is in control and she is using that to her advantage. She WANTS you to leave your hubby........sounds like her goal is to make you miserable so you leave. Best advice? I KNOW this is hard but be as sweet as pie to her, almost sarcastic sweet. This will get to her more than anything. Talk with your husband, once he sets her strait that he loves you and there is nothing she can do to change that, things will get better! Good Luck
877543
Relationships with in-laws can be so difficult.  I know it is none of my business, but why in the world are you living with them?!!!  It would be really nice if you and your husband could have a place of your own to live.  It would not fix all the problems, but it would certainly help out a lot.  You and your husband need to stand together whenever you confront your in-laws.  Maybe your husband needs to do the talking for both of you so they will know that you both agree with what you are confronting them about.  It will be difficult for your in-laws to accept that you and your husband are one now and that they should not interfere in your marriage.  And what is the deal with them not letting you two open your own bank account?  Aren't you adults?  Don't you have your own money?  Why is it any of their business?  Why is your husband letting them control the 2 of you?  Is he having issues "letting go of mommy's apron strings" or something?  \n\nI would suggest that you both see a family/marriage counselor and ask him to help you find a way to deal with your in-laws.  I have a similar problem with my in-laws which almost broke up our marriage, and our couselor suggested that my husband and I confront them together in a loving manner.  He said that if they still refuse to respect me and refuse to change the way they treat us, we need to stop being around them.  In my opinion, you and your husband need to make a decision to put your marriage first if you want it to survive, and do not let anything or anyone come between you.  Find a way to move out.  I'm assuming it is their house since your mother-in-law has removed your belongings from the rest of the house.  You and your husband need to put some distance between yourselves and his parents.  He needs to let them know that he has a family and responsibility of his own now that they cannot interfere with.\n\nAs for how to deal...  That is so difficult.  Continually forgive them for the things they do.  Don't hold on to grudges.  Don't let anger eat away at you or turn into hatred.  It will ruin your health, your marriage, and your whole life.  Continue to stand up for yourself and for your marriage.  And also remember that when you have a child, things are most likely going to get worse with your in-laws, so be prepared.  I wish you the best and hope that you can find your own place to live and maybe a family counselor as well.
961192
Tell your husband either he says something or you will. You're an adult and don't need anyone telling you what to do. And if you're the one to say something, his mother is not going to like what you have to say. You're tired of this crap and will put a stop to it.
843177
You are a good mom and my heart goes out to you, that's horrible.  Well, you have to pray for starters, ask God to take care of this for you.  And LISTEN.  That's the best thing you can do for those kids is let them vent, let them have a comforting place in your home......sounds like you provide that already so good on you.  That woman needs some serious couselling.  I'm afraid she won't change unless she decides to OR unless everyone involved can clear their head, be ready and strong, and STAND UP TO HER TOGETHER.  She's picking on her daughter because she can, that's what bullys do.  It will be hard but if you all stand together and tell her her ways are unacceptable, she may get worse for a while or she may not speak to anyone for a while, but she will be forced to think long and hard about it.  From there, the choice is hers.  She does not have the right to cause this much grief to all of you and she needs to decide to stop, or spend the rest of her life without you all.  Your son and daughter in law are blessed to have you, good luck.
855475
If she's kind hearted, be thankful. Many mother-in-laws do MUCH worse things. Get a tub, put a label on it, store the clothes. Think of it as shopping in advance. If you must, donate them. Don't assume what her reasons for this are, it may make complete sense to her. By the way, if she does this every year you must have clothes that fit them from two Christmases ago. Personally I think, be kind, let it go, life is short.
318609
I'm planning a wedding and dealing with a mother-in-law... \n(and we're in a similar situation)\nIf you want more people to come offer to pay for them!  I konw traditionally it's the bride's family that pays for the reception and all that... but if you would really like to have a few more of your family members there then I'd say offer to pay and talk to them about it.  It's a lot to ask for an extra 25-30 people.  That can be thousands.  \n\nAlso, Your son is a man.  Let him handle it.  But if you decide to get involved don't do any passive-agressive stuff cause that can get between him and his fiancee.  I'm sure if he had a problem with it he'd speak up.\n\nMy future MIL is always blaming me when anything dealing with her son is to her disliking.  They are adults making decisions and plans together.  Speak with them about it and make sure that you view them as doing this together.\n\nAnd this is just my 'blah blah blahing' but please try to make sure that you're not expecting too much from your son's wedding.  It is his wedding and his fiancee's  wedding.
491495
You can't.\n\nMy mother in-law was a leach to our marriage for 2 years after she left my father in-law and then it got worse when my wife was pregnant and we had our first son. I hold my mother in-law 50% responsible for destroying my marriage with her interference.
956005
Your mother-in-law is'nt a psyco case. in fact you are very lucky to have such a caring mil and you should be greatful to god.\n\nshe stops you from going around the house wihtout a bra because you are a young girls. your mom in law has been with the men in the family for a long time now and they wont think about her in any other sense. but you being new to the family will attract attention easily.\n\nshe is following her meternal instinct of prevention is better thatn cure. why even take a chance of your being in trouble?\n\ninstead of abusing her like this be glad that even after marriage you are getting the same love and care of a mother.
767822
I agree with what several answerers commented: make mommy-in-law pay 1/3 of the mortgage and bills if everything is supposed to be equal. If she were on her own she would be responsible for 100% of her own expenses - therefore this is a great set-up for her. \n\nHe sounds very selfish and/or uneducated. If his mother isn't insisting on covering a portion of the expenses (medications, groceries, rent, utilities, etc.) she is nothing but a leach. He may be a predator and his mommy dearest may be his partner in crime. If I were to try to bring my mother to live with me she would absolutely refuse unless I agreed to let her handle some of the expenses. My dad is the same way - he carries his own weight and would want to make sure he did his part. It's all in how you are brought up, dear. I would never feel comfortable in a situation like yours - his mother is a bigger priority than you are. I'm not sure how old she is but if she is drawing social security, a pension, public assistance, or whatever she could still have a life of her own, unless she is an invalid or has debilatating health problems. She could move in with a widowed friend and have someone her own age to converse with and do things with.\n\nThe only time I ever paid a portion of the house payment was when I made more than my husband did. We sat down, made a budget, and figured out where monies were to be allocated. I was the saver and he was a spender so I kept a separate savings account that I had money automatically deducted out of my check for. If we needed to draw on that money for emergencies or special expenses we did so only after discussing it. It was never a control thing - it was just a smart thing to do in this day and age. We both agreed that it was smart for me to have my own account (we also had a joint account) once he started earning more than I did, just in case something were ever to happen to him. I also built up credit in my own name - it's just an intelligent thing to do in case anything were to happen to him and I was on my own.\n\nAnother point to ponder in your relationship (you may want to bring this up now before you have a mortgage payment) is what happens if you decide to get (or accidently become) pregnant? What if, for some unforeseen reason, you are unable to work? What about child care expenses, etc.? Kids aren't cheap. Is he going to be able to handle all of your joint expenses alone, if need be? When my husband wanted me to quit my job after I was diagnosed with breast cancer, we agreed that he would pay for 100% of everything for several months while my checks went into savings, just to make sure we could make it on just 1 paycheck.\n\nThere are always options - you just have to consider them.
1076001
Your mother-in-law is as good as your own mother.  She is a religious mother after you married her daughter.  If you can understand the bond between you wife and your mother-in-law, you need not be explained anything further.  It is always rewarding to help a sick person irrespective of your own relative or somebody else.  A sick person always needs help.  You must support your mother-in-law during her sickness considering she is your own mother.  You will be rewarded by the God for this act of kindness.
842658
Your mother in law is forgetting the meaning of THANKSgiving.\n\nDO NOT let your marriage be dragged into the mess.  If you ate with your MIL last year then YOU and YOUR husband should honor your sisters wish to have the whole family together.   Explain to dragon lady that this is the first time in years your family has been together and RE invite her to enjoy a day with NO work. \nI lived it the WRONG way for 23 years I spent holidays at my in laws because we are neighbors and my mother in law DEMANDS it.  My mom lived 3 hours away and my  household was used to the big family get together next door.  SO we ALWAYS went to the in laws...So MY mom had a 3 or 4 person Thanksgiving .  \nMy mom died in June and I wish I had spent more Holidays with her. \n\nIf YOUR mother in law lives near by,  and your husband sees her regularly~  Then let her whine about Thanksgiving.    She should NOT be allowed to manipulate YOUR life with YOUR husband.    Visit her for PIE at her home after dinner, but do NOT give in and eat there.\n\n\nSorry so long , but TRUST me... I lived it the wrong way for 23 years...
953071
Tell your mother in law she needs to get a tonguectomy.  LOL\n\n\nYour mother in law is always telling you what to do, but are doing what she tells you?  It's very simple.  The two of you together need to tell her to keep her nose out of your personal affairs, and if she can't manage to do that then she will be out of your lives for good.  The choice will be hers to make.
953617
Queen Bee and M are both correct.  Also if the mother-in-law won't part with it offer to buy it back.  Explain that this is very hurtful to you and if this is the only way to get the ring back you will pay her.  Unfortunately, legally there is nothing you can do.  If you have to cry and make her feel guilty that's what you should do.  She should be a big enough person to realize that SHE is not the person you intended to have that ring since you would NEVER have given such an heirloom to anyone else but your daughter.  Common sense indicates you don't want anything like that going to an in-law!\n\nAdditional comment:\n\nAfter reading your additional details I think you should write them all off.  The mother-in-law has some nerve thinking you SHOULD PAY!  And even more nerve trying to fight over something that shouldn't have been given to her in the first place.  And your son-in-law is a wuss because he won't just pay his mother himself and return the ring to you.  I wouldn't buy ANYONE ANYTHING!  Take your money and spend it on yourself.  I think they are all ROTTEN to be doing what they are doing.
778090
sound like the twin of my ex mother in law. I am assuming her hubby isn't around to torture anymore. Hubby feels like she is protecting his interest. He needs to be reminded of who his interests really are. Ultimatum time. Don't let this unhappy person get you down to her level, where she will be more comfortable with you. Move away. Find her a Hobie, like "find your way home"
149996
Move out. Tell your hubby it is me or mommie. no one needs to exist where they are slaves to thier inlaws. I cook I clean I work my butt off sounds a lot like cinderella except there will be no prince charming to help you out.
191627
Man, throw 'em away! You don't want your mother-in-law to know your an alcoholic.\nBesides, she might want to drink yer stash for the morning.
785505
Your first mistake was giving a cell phone to a punk 12-year-old. \n\nUnless you are planning on divorcing your wife, the woman who is your mother-in-law is going to STAY your mother-in-law. That being said, you have a few options:\n\nOption 1: Do not retaliate against her. She knows what she did was wrong. Instead, focus all of your energy on getting right with your 12-year-old, including - and maybe most importantly - counseling, to help the child figure out what is behind all the self-destructive behavior. Sounds to me like this is one angry kid, and, given the dysfunctionality of your family, I can't say I blame the child. Sounds like there is a lot to be angry about.\n\nOption 2: Get a lawyer and file charges of false reporting (which lead to your arrest) against your mother-in-law. You may be awarded compensatory damages like loss of wages and defamation of character (which is pretty hard to prove). This result would put a few sheckles in your pocket, but will certainly do nothing to bring any peace to the family. By bringing charges against your mother-in-law, you will effectively drive a wedge between her and your wife, which may already exist and will certainly be made worse by this action. You have to decide if it is "worth it" in the long run. It is highly unlikely that your mother-in-law will be sentenced to any jail time, so, put that revenge pipe-dream to rest.\n\n3. File action(s) in Court to prevent your mother-in-law from having contact with your children. This will likely not be granted, as one of your kids is already in her custody. The best you can hope for is that the Court will agree that the woman is somehow a threat to the children and will mandate that her visitation with the children be supervised. \n\nCourts make decisions based on what THEY perceive to be "in the best interests of the children". Judges have seen it all and don't really care how mad you are about what happened. Your best bet, in the long run, would be to arrange for family counseling. This action on your part will go a long way to show a Judge that you, too, are taking the children's best interest to heart, and putting their welfare ahead of your own agenda.\n\nI understand why you are so mad. YOU need to understand that your anger - while justified - will likely not get you anywhere given the way Courts look at things these days. Keep a level head and you will be more likely to prevail. One last thing - my own personal experience in Family Court is - the one with the most expensive lawyer "wins". Sad & disgusting, but true.