If you've been married for awhile and are deeply in love with your spouse: tell me your secret?
544422
I was married when I was 16 and he was 18.  That was 21 years ago.  We are even happier and more in love now than when we were married.  We are each others best friend and ALWAYS make time for the other no matter what.  Communication is definately a must. You can't expect the other to know what is on your mind.  Neither of you are mind readers. ALWAYS respect each other.  Our rule is whoever gets whatever whenever.  Sometimes you need to just spice things up.  It has worked well even with having five kids from 17 down to 4 year old twins!  To really make sure it will last forever...add God and it will!
1130673
Well, hon, unfortunately you are trapped in a self created mess and you will have to face the consequences of your actions when they are revealed. Do I think your husband knows? Of course he knows! He may not know about it in concrete, factual terms, but he knows something is going on based on your actions, behavior and the subtle clues you've left behind. Unfortunately, when we are thrust into the throes of lust and passion, even though we tend to think we are being secretive and subtle about it, we aren't. In fact, we are screaming it across a loudspeaker. How? By the way we dress, act, and so forth. According to a private investigator I know, 98% of the partners of people that are having affairs KNOW that this is what is going on because they have "intuited" it. Thus, your hubby is asking probing questions to verify what he senses in you. It is possible however, and you need to be aware of this, that others have seen you with your lover, and may have reported it back to your husband. Again, as subtle and as cool as we think we are, we aren't. People watch.\n\nDo I think you should confess? Yes I do. This is risky because he may become so hurt and betrayed by your actions he may file for divorce, but this is a chance you have to take. Remember, as an adult you have to be responsible for your actions in life, and you have to sometimes pay the consequences for your actions. He may want to divorce you, or maybe he won't. In fact, he may want you to go for marriage counseling together to work it through. But you won't know this for sure until you carefully and sensitively discuss this with him. \n\nChances are he is going to want to know why you did this and you are going to have to look deep within yourself to find the root causes of your actions. You absolutely must take ownership of your actions, and apologize accordingly. You can't change the past now, but you can remedy it by acknowledging what you did and taking action to resolve the problem, build trust again with your partner, and forgive yourself. Look within. On the surface many of us venture into affairs because we want a different kind of attention from another man than what we are getting at home. Sometimes, we are drawn to someone because they possess something that our partner doesn't and we find it captivating. Sometimes we want to spice up our lives and have a bit of adventure, just as you said. But usually the root cause of our actions, beneath the excitement and forbidden nature of it all, is that we feel unappreciated, unloved, and undervalued by our partners and think - hope really -that someone else will give that to us. What we want, in effect, is a boost to our low self esteem, which is something we can garner from within ourselves rather than having to get it from outside sources.\n\nThe bottom line is simple: You are going to have to face the music, hon. I know you are scared of this, but maintaining a secret will create a larger wedge between you. This is far more damaging to a relationship because relationships must be built on honesty and trust, and without that, you have nothing. Relationships with secrets are doomed to fail because secrets always have a way of coming to the surface. And finally, unresolved issues between the two of you will affect not only your marriage, but your kids as well, and that isn't fair to them.\n\nI wish you good luck.
224649
Well I would first say that you have to communicate without all the loud talking of each other and most of all you have to be understanding because you know everyone is different in their own way, so you have to understand them and except them for them just as they would love you for you. An you both have to sacrifice sometimes to keep each other happy. In the end you'll both be getting what you want. Being honest is very important as well. You don't want to here something from another person about your spouse, so tell them first so they wont never be surprised and get upset.
179038
I am sort of in your situation, but in reverse.  I have started falling out of love with my husband.  I don't want to, and am trying very hard to prevent it.  I will tell you right now, I know why I feel the way I do, and have tried to tell him, but he just sees it as my nagging him.  When someone does something that hurts you, I believe that you should let them know so that he/she has the opportunity to recognize when it happens again, then stop it, or apologize if it does.  Well, the way it started with me: The failed attempts at communication and the fact that he acts like he doesn't have to lift a finger to keep this going...keep the flame alive so to speak.  I can tell you right now that the main reason why I am here is because I made a commitment to this man, but if I had not, I would have left him already.   Have you "listened" to your wife?  Does she feel loved?  Don't think that just because you come home to her every night she should feel priveliged.  Actually "make" her feel loved by doing the little things.  Open her doors (even as independent as some women are, this is still a sign of wanting to take care of her), write her a note, buy a card or flowers.  Take her out on "dates" even the movies is great.  Just hang out with her and talk about nothing, but have have fun.  She should be your best friend, the person you can joke and carry-on with...act dumb and laugh at and with each other.  Just let her know every day that you love her...genuinely.  Do not ever leave her or hang up the phone with a "byeloveyou".  Tell her "I love you and I will see you soon".  A lot of times the way you say something and the tone of voice say a lot.  If you are geniune, and let her know in your actions that you want to be there with her and be the one to take care of her, then she will do the same for you.  I may know what she is going through.  My husband says he loves me but more than not, I feel taken for granted and like an annoyance.  I can feel myself not wanting him anymore, and I can honestly say that I love him, but I am no longer in love with him. If you love your wife, give it everything you can with all of your heart.  Don't let her leave you (either physically or emotionally) thinking "I should have".
11555
Honesty is the best policy. Tell your spouse how you are feeling and what has been going through your mind. Then go in together and get some good marital counseling. Oh, and getting rid of the computer until the health of your marriage recovers is indeed a good idea.
267503
No!\nMy wife and I have been together for 8 years and I think we can safely say that we are more in love than ever. Most people find, however, that over a period of roughly 4 to 7 years of marriage, the intensity or sense of romantic passion fades and is replaced by a sense of comfortable security that can sometimes seem somewhat uninspiring. Security in love can make people “lazy” in certain way. Relationship therapists can suggest various ways to liven things up and put the “spark” back into married life, but I’m not sure how successful these strategies are in the long run. A related issue is that a lot of people find that marriage ruins their sex life. Personally, I think this is pretty much natural for long-term monogamous relationships. I suppose you can always come up with some examples of a couple who has been married for 40 years and still have a hot monogamous sex life, but at the risk of sounding pessimistic, I think this is incredibly rare, and I think that a lot of people unnecessarily beat themselves up over their inability to stay sexually interested in their spouse. I think the high rates of cheating and divorce provide good statistical support for everything I’ve said so far.\n\nMy wife and I have a lifestyle that works well for us (tho I don’t claim it will work for everyone!) We have an open marriage. This has several amazing effects. For one thing, I think it keeps us both “younger” in some sense. We can openly explore erotic and/or loving relationships, and this means that life can be periodically charged with what is sometimes call “new relationship energy” (NRE). This is that energetic feeling of “walking on air” and everything seems bright and beautiful in the world. Most married people are afraid of this sort of thing, and of course for some people it can lead to jealousy, but in our case it is good for BOTH of us. I find that my freedom to love others increases my love, appreciation, and erotic attraction for my wife.\n\nOf course a lot of people put us down and claim that their love is better than ours because we are missing something or whatever, but they don’t know us, nor do they have any deeper clues than we do about the true nature of love, meaning of life, etc., so I don’t let this bother me – although I do sometimes (like now) get on a soapbox because I think more people need to realize that healthy, happy people can explore alternatives to the standard monogamous marriage script.\n\nIn any case, I don’t see marriage ever killing our love-life.
115414
Be pure luck and the grace of God, I think I have found my TRUE love after 2 marriges and a string of broken relationships.\nWe are both happier than either of us have ever been and she says she feels the same as I do.
218488
I am not married, but I wouldn't stay married out of convenience. Instead, I would try to make the marriage work. I would try to identify exactly which of my needs (and my partner's needs) are not being met and how to fix them. I take marriage vows extremely seriously. I would never tell someone I would be with them until death do us part, for better or worse, unless I truly meant it.
665338
I love my husband so the married man i'm inlove with is married TO ME.
298093
I am in love with my husband and I have been for years.  Is it child love?  Much better than first love and we will always be each others only love!  We are the beginning and the end to each others lives.
1021113
I don't think you have to lay out every single secret that comes down the pike.  Some things you shouldn't have to share with anyone else. Generally, if it's important to the marriage, then go ahead and share it with your spouse.  But above all be sure there is trust between the two of you and never do anything that would threaten that trust.
479767
When it feels like it would be the logical next step.\nAsk yourself the following questions....\n\n1. Do we love, trust and respect each other?\n2. Do we share the same expectations of marriage? \n3. Do we share things in common that make us shout, cry and laugh? \n4. Do we agree on major life issues, such as children, family and friends, where we'll live and style of living? \n5. Do we have a way of managing conflict? \n6. Do we share the same views on infidelity and commitment to avoiding temptation? \n7. Do we love each other just the way we are today, without any hidden agenda to try to change the other?\nYou don't have to agree on everything. The important thing is that you and your partner have talked through these questions and both feel confident you can live and work together, knowing what the other believes
92770
Ok so you would like to know how to keep your love fresh after 6 years together? I take it you dated for 3 years and almost got married for 3 times or 3 years? We have been married for 20 years now. And the way we keep our marriage fresh is make dates and keep them; in romantic out of the norm places. Give each other little sex toys or items. For that hint of play tonite. Send cards to each other at home or work. Surprise each other with secret love notes. Have him/her follow a riddle trail through out the house or even city. Meet him/her for surprise lunch. In other words...to keep things happenin, ya gotta keep things happenin.
657874
do you feel conferable telling him/her what ever do you have any secrets with him/her do you feel conferable thinking about the futer with him/her when you think about marriage or having babies does it feel OK if so than you are in LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
424891
If you still love him,tell him the true. Do not make the same mistake I made. I'm been married for seven years, but I still feeling something for my ex-boyfriend. I know isn't love,but maybe butterflies in my stomach. That is strange or not?
34962
Incredible simple - BY TELLING HIM!\n\nMy wife and i, we met on the internet and where friends for 6 month, that she asked when do we get married?? :)))\n\nSo, just be straight and tell him.
692936
This is a seemingly growing problem. Years ago people were together more. Now it seems we barely get time to say hi and bye. Life has changed the dynamics of relationships these days. However, it doesn't mean it's impossible to reconnect on an intimate level with your hubby.\n    You asked can you fall out of love with your hubby after 5 years? And the answer is a simple, Yes. Can you also reconnect and fall back in love? Again a simple YES! \n  The first step was the realization that there is a problem. The next step and maybe the hardest step is to change the way things are. In order to make changes, (and I know I have said this before, but I think it's worth saying again) You have to do the exact opposite of what you are doing now. Which means stop doing what you are currently doing, it's not working! You mentioned you had no "us" time, and that is what I would start with first. MAKE COUPLE TIME! Put your child to bed and sit down and watch a movie together. Try to go to bed together and if nothing else, just cuddle. Talk about your day, and how you can make tomorrow better. You each need to talk about your dreams, goals, and what you want for the future. You each will have separate goals, but you will also need goals as a couple. \nI would also recommend counseling. You can use your pastor, (if you have one) A close family friend with whom you trust and can be neutral, or a professional counselor.\nOther things that you might want to try is a "date" night for you and hubby. Get a babysitter (one you trust) and go away for the weekend once every 3-6 months. Spend quality time together as a couple. it doesn't have to cost a fortune. All you need is a desire to want things to change and a creative mind. I wish you all of the best!