can marriage therapy help couples to change their ways?
549861
Hello Katie, my wife and I went to 3 different therapists. We had one issue, I wanted sex alot more than she did.\nThe therapists tried with us and we were both willing but what we found was that after several sessions, the therapist seemed to side with one of us making it hard to go forward. What we did learn was how to talk about this issue to each other and not be afraid to tell each other our true feelings. This was 2 years ago and since then, I can barely keep up with her sexually! I guess what I'm saying is therapy can work if your both willing but you have to find the right therapist. Also, talk to each other, it may be better than any therapy you can find.\nGood luck
594557
Yes, your marriage can be revitalized and your trust restored!  You will need to work together to rebuild it, but it can definitely become stronger and deeper if you both choose to make it so. It is a process, though, not an event. I am a Mars Venus relationship coach and if you'd like to learn how to work through this challenge, feel free to email me at marsvenuscoach@yahoo.com.
115378
while I would surely consider counseling as an option I would also recommend visiting the following website:\nwww.thetotaltransformation.com or call them at 1-800-460-2235 as they specialize in the very troubles you're dealing with and have very good answers and solutions....God help you and good luck
398300
I have to say no.  My ex-husband and I tried that but it doesn't work because even if you don't say how you feel it doesn't mean you don't feel that way.  Then it seems like everything is bottled inside and eventually you blow up.  It's a nice idea but not very plausible.  Another thing in marriage is it's not always so hard to forgive it's the forgetting that's the problem.  So, my advice is find another way counseling, talking, or if that's not an option I hate to say but divorce is better than being your spouses "roommate", you can't just stop caring even if you think you can.
209179
I don't know, we are working on the same thing right now, but I can tell you counseling is helping and may help you if you are both open to it. Trust on the other hand is going to take a long time, they tell me years.
1144968
Yes, some women change, because the man changes after marriage.
489308
Honestly? Yes! All things change. People change. Relationships change. Change is constant in all our lives. The real questions are who’s actively doing the changing? \nTo whom and what? And why? And in which direction? And what do you want to change?\n\nA relationship is between people. To change a relationship you have to change the people. The best place to start is with your-self.\n\nYou cannot simply expect the other to change - and they are going to resist your pressure to force them to anyway. But if YOU change, your partner and your relationship automatically have to follow.\n\nYou were once a baby. You changed. You became a young child. You changed again to a teenager. And again, you changed into a grown-up. \n\nDidn't you? Every time you changed, everyone around you did too and so did your relationships with them. People have a head start on life - changes. They are largely built- in until about twenty years old. \n\nThings happen fairly automatically and are largely to do with our bodies and minds simply growing and developing. And after twenty? Well\n\nWhen we are adults people change when they are thoroughly fed up with banging their head against the same old wall. They change when they cannot stand the boredom of continuing the way they are. They change when they find out, again, what they once and always knew - that they have Choice. that they Can!\n\nChange happens for all three reasons every day but some changes are good, some are bad, and a few are well - just neutral. \nWe need to learn how to be consciously aware of our own change process instead of remaining unaware and letting them just "happen to us", for good, bad or worse.
773068
My opinion is it doesn't work. Marriage become sour at the end of the day.
1152402
You mature together so things definetly do change.  People grow and change.  The question is-will you still love the person they have become?  That's what keeps the marriage strong.
803123
You can't stop them.  They are part of being human.  I would listen to your husband because it sounds like he's not going to change.  You really need to think about getting into therapy to figure out if you want to stay in the marriage.
1042792
Don't give up.  And don't beat her or your head against a rock!\n\nGet counseling.  For yourself first and then couples therapy.  You may need better boundaries (I highly recommend "Boundaries in Marriage" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend) or better negotiating skills ("Getting To Yes" Roger Fisher).  Counseling can help you pinpoint what skills you need to make it work.\n\nIf you go on like you are, you will likely just make matters worse for yourself or both of you.  If you get divorced, you will likely end up with someone else like her and still won't have the skills you need to deal with that behavior.  Plus you'll have baggage from this relationship and unresolved anger.  Not fair to carry that to a new relationship.\n\nIt's not the movies.  It's not that you have a good marriage if you marry the perfect person.  It's that marriage is good if you meet it's challenges.  If you learn the skills necessary to relate to (and help the growth process of) another person radically different from yourself.\n\nNo matter how frustrating she may be to you, there are things you can learn from each other.  And you may be surprised to find that you help each other heal in significant ways as well.\n\nI believe God uses us to further the growth of others.  Sometimes that's a pleasant process, and sometimes it's painful.  Seek counseling.  Learn the skills you need to make this a positive process rather than a contest of wills.
99338
I'd recommend getting a therapist or religious clergy person involved in this process.  You both need someone neutral to help work through trust issues.  However, the counseling will only help if you and your wife are BOTH interested in mending your relationship.  It will be a long road, but you can get through this with time and support.  It will be more important than ever to be honest with each other and make time for your relationship.\n\nWhile some say "once a cheater always a cheater" that is often true.  In my experience that's been the case most often.  However, it's not an absolute!  I've also experienced the other side.  People can change and people make mistakes.  Relationships need to grow and perhaps it was just in the growing stage during the affair.  If you are both committed to make it work you can get back to what you had.
632933
yeh, it's possible. and you can try counseling. i fell out of love. and i don't think it's gonna work for me.
774684
Well, I do alot of consulting work and I really don't advice people who are not yet married to rush into changing property interests because of the other mate. I know the answer you need but in good faith can't give it to you without knowing the particular reasons why you would want to do that.\nThe road to h_ _ _ is paved with good intentions.\nBuena Suerte
521949
Sometimes...but then if you REALLY want to try to keep it together a counselor really helps...my sis and her husband went to one and they have resolved all their issues...there life is so great now!!  Communication is the key.
732998
First and foremost how long has the change been in affect? Was it something to do with anger management? If so let the two of you date or just occasionally visit for a long while. Make sure his changes are permanent ones and not a facade or an act just to get you back. Men and women are real good actors when it comes to deceptions. Especially those who become really attached. \n\nI strongly suggest a marriage counsellor for both of you to attend. It would be in your best interest to be cautious in dealing with an ex. anything. If he refuses marriage counselling then try a Faith Based counsellor from your church. If he refuses any counselling at all then I would suspect the changes are only temporary. \n\nDo not condemn your family because they only want what is best for you in most cases. A marriage is a commitment that both parties must work out together. If one is not willing to work it out then there is a problem there. Your family might think better of it if both of you seek marriage counselling together to work out the problems. They too would probably see a effort on his part. But above all be true to yourself. Do not walk back in to this with blinders on. But do not throw the past in his face either. \n\nA smart woman knows when to be silent and just watch and listen. A good woman is a mans backbone and his helper if the man is a good man he will see this.\n\nGood luck.
565300
May I suggest a book?  "Recovering Love" by J. Richard Cookerly (available through Amazon)\n\nThis book is essentially about how to build/recreate/rebuild/recognize a healthy loving relationship.  It, not incidentally, will also give you a perspective to tell if your problems and his are valid or off in left field.  \n\nIt certainly sounds like you are resenting some of the sacrifices that you made and that is coming out subconsciously in the form of unreasonable demands. OTOH, it may be that he has been unwilling to make sacrifices for you, and now he's trying to sort of pad his account, so to speak, to make it seem like the relationship is more equitable than it really is.\n\nI applaud you both for going to a counselor.  They can really help sort out marital problems. It can work very well.  It worked for my first marriage for a long time(my husband had very severe emotional problems and when he stopped going to counselling for those problems, so it fell apart.)  That it held together for so long was a testament to our counselor.  (I hope that didn't discourage you, trust me that my ex was severely emotionally stunted)\n\nOne final note - what I really learned from my first marriage is that any two people can have a happy relationship during the good times - it's how you react to the bad times that determine if it is truly a healthy relationship.  If you get nothing else from the counselor, try to get practice on handling arguments, and working together during times when you have a problem.