I want to do something for my husband even though we have been having a hard time together - what can i do?
539428
You've heard about how you 'can lead a horse to water'.... You can't 'make' your husband do something he doesn't want to do, no matter HOW much you love him. I do like the idea of the quiet time together with him. If things are to the point of being serious (you said you had been talking about splitting up) then I don't know that being overly affectionate when he comes home is the answer. Nor, is the trechcoat dessert idea (although I DO like that, just not THIS time). I would say go out and get him a card. (not to 'plug' anyone, but I have found some at Hallmark that say almost exactly what I want to express.) Pulling out pictures may be a little unfair.... Give him the card, let him read it, let him tell you (by his words AND expressions)what he thinks and how he feels. If he DOES want to make things work, tell him how much you love him and discuss what it's going to take to make things work. Once that is decided, then work everyday to make those things happen. \n\nGood luck.
154202
Support groups can be really great.  You should also make sure that you and your son are getting out and doing things: go to the park, the zoo, visit friends and relatives, etc.  It is too easy sometimes to spend too much time at home alone and kind of living your life on "hold" while your spouse is gone.  \n\nBesides, if you and your son stay active it will make the time go by faster, and you'll have more to tell hubby when you talk to him! :)
855761
People of all ages journal!!! If this helps you get though tough times then write till your fingers bleed!!!!\nWant to change how you look at the world..... Get a new journal and use it for only positive thoughts.....it's a little hard at first but you'll get to the point that you'll see the world in a whole new light!!!\nIf your having trouble in your relationship...maybe you should try and talk to your little hubby about the things you decide you cant' accept to live with...this way he knows what he may need to address in order to be a better man and husband!!\n\nKeep writing girl!!
828943
Maybe you need to approach this whole situation from another angle.  Like paying more attention to your self and do the things that make you feel good and boost your self steem.  I don't mean by going out and having an affair, but stop wallowing in self pity because you husband is a di*k. Once you start doing the things that make you happy, he'll come around to grovel and ask for forgiveness for being such a blind jerk.
1082057
every day just remember how much you love your husband and his child. that helps alot
71084
well, i he loves you then make him work for you. you are obviously a good wife cause you still stay by his side, but that only means you deserve the best. tell him how you feel. if all gets worse then you should think about talking to God. He cares for you and your child. if you ever need more advice feel free to email me. i hope all turns out well.
950078
You should have a discussion with your husband about the importance of communication.  Yes, you are still here because you love him.  He has to understand your hurt and disappointment.  You both need to agree to learn how to resolve your problems by communicating better and putting your marriage first above all else.\n\nYou said that you have been going through a rough time and  you were being stupid.  He was afraid of losing you.  If you feel like you've come a long way in your relationship, and the issues that caused the rough patch have been resolved, then let it go.  Don't throw it up in his face when something goes wrong, stick to the issue at hand.  If you don't think you can trust him, tell him so.  BUT I would encourage you both to get counseling; it will serve as a tool for you to move beyond what's happening now.  You don't want to get bogged down in resentment.\n\nIn his way, he recognized his mistake.  He distanced himself from everything associated with that situation.  He deserves a lot of credit for that.\n\nGood luck!
11555
Honesty is the best policy. Tell your spouse how you are feeling and what has been going through your mind. Then go in together and get some good marital counseling. Oh, and getting rid of the computer until the health of your marriage recovers is indeed a good idea.
1146329
Make a time to sit down and talk with him---try to do this with as few distractions as possible. Find out what kind of support he wants. Since he's complaining, insist that he be specific. After you've listened to him, then make sure he listens to you. Be specific about the support you are providing, and also tell him your needs. This is your turn to be specific. Write everything down, compare lists, and try to come up with compromises. This might help disarm the negative emotions. Just because he's in pain, doesn't mean he should be disrespectful and ungrateful. You can be sympathetic for his pain, and still take up for yourself. You and your husband are modeling an adult relationship for your children.
106635
of course first of all you must talk to your husband. tell him all that you know about his computer "games" and tell him how he makes you feel and how he has been treating you. give him time to talk. be open honest and blunt. if you are blunt to him he will be to you. don't spare andy feelings this is your life if things don't work out with your husband then take it from there but don't betray him even if things turn for the worse (divorce) my advise is spend less time with the friend ( i know it will be hard) and more time with the family. Try to salvage your mariage before you indulge your short term desires. Be patient and have will power. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS
332904
wow, must be that time of the year, and it is hard, especially when you have children, ask yourself will things get better???  and if you can do it, than you go girl, do you have family and friends for support???  then you need to arrange counselling with hubby, to see if you can work it out, or even ask him about that before you go, it will be hard on kids, but don't forget, they will need plenty love and security from you. all the best
74618
I'll pray for you, and your sanity, and your loneliness at your time of need.  There is no advice I can offer that will ever make you feel better about not having your wonderful husband by your side and in your arms each night, so I pray you have enough to carry you until you are able to be with him again.\n\nSince everyone so far has expressed support for you and him, how about your own personal fan club?.. For the both of you, we could all send a nice letter every now and then showing our prayers and thoughts are with you both, of course that would concern giving out your e-mail address, so I understand if you wouldn't want to.
477375
Sweetheart, you are getting a lot of advice.  Filter it carefully - including mine.\n\nIt's obvious that you care about your husband a great deal. What happened?  When did he start to mentally check out on him?  Are you two still interested in the same things?  \n\nThis happens a lot when husbands hit depressions and just don't know how to deal with.  Or there is unresolved conflict that is brewing underneath the surface.\n\nRemember that there is always a root.  You need wise counsel now.  Does he still love crawling in the sack, mounting you and rolling off going to sleep?  Because if he does, you need to have "the talk" with him after you screw him to the Third Heaven.  \n\nCommunication is the lifeblood of the relationship.  If you fear that you will be too emotional when you talk to him, write him a letter not accusing him (e.g. You should do something and you don't), but using the "I" language (e.g. I love it when you hold me or when we go for walks. Can we go this afternoon, etc.) \nattach it to a G-string with your best perfume and put it with his lunch or coat pocket...\n\nI don't know how long you've been married.  You also need to arm yourself with knowledge.  The book "His Needs, Her Needs" is an excellent start.  E-mail me if you would like a list of other resources.
546567
It is very clear that he has a short fuse. He doesnt handle responsibility at all and he feels like you dont do much. You should probably explain to him in a nice clear firm voice what you are feeling like and what you need from him and you may want to ask him if there is something that you are doing to make him act this way. To every action is a re-action. You both have to be willing to work at the relationship and you will always be working at it. All you can do is make sure you are doing everything you can to make him happy and make sure he really fully understands what your needs are from him. Then you go from there, if he doesnt listen to you and your doing everything he needs from you and he comtinues then you need to go to the next step which would be counseling. Basically if he is not willing to put forth any effort to make your life better and happier then you really do not have a marriage there. And then at that point you may want to play the hard role , if all else fails you can just act as though you dont need him. Start going and doing things on your own and with the kids and do everything else as far as the household but dont pay as much mind to him. ( Start moving on with your life) That may very well stop him in his tracks. Start doing to him what he does to you and if he really does love and care for you he will see it and just tell him "thats what you've been going through and you only done it to make him see it first person."
583446
NO NOT THERAPY. JUST SIT DOWN AND TALK ABOUT IT SERIOUSLY. IF HE NOT WILLING TO LISTEN AND DO BETTER. THEN MOVE ON. BUT THERE WAS SOMETHING BETWEEN YOU BOTH IN THE BEINGING SO TRY TO KEEP IT. MY HUSBAND DID SAME THING. ALL WONDERFUL BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED THEN ITS LIKE HE JUST QUIT. WELL I HAD ENOUGH SO I THOUGHT ID SPARK IT UP A BIT. I GOT TO WHERE WHEN I GET OUTTA TANNING BED OR SUCH THAT I SEND HIM A NAKED PICTURE OF ME. JUST TO FLIP HIM OUT. AND DAM GIRL IT WORKED. IT GOT TO WHERE HE WAS GLAD TO SEE ME IN AFTERNOONS. OF COURSE WE TALKED ABOUT EVERYTHING AND  I JUST LAYED IT ON THE LINE. BUT SINCE THEN HE HAS BEEN GREAT. WE LAUGH AND TALK MORE INSTEAD OF LETTING EVERYDAY STUFF DRAG US DOWN. KEEP TRYING BABY, IT WILL ALL SHAKE OUT GREAT. I PROMISE.
484529
Give him a second chance since you are married to him.  Marriage is actually a life long forgiving and acceptance cycle.  Remember, none of us are perfect and all of us can falter in one way or another.  Try to find other good qualities in him which you may miss if you keep reminding yourself of this one incident. God bless!
278352
I am currently in the same shoes as your husband.  It is tough when a man sincerely makes a change and tries to make good on promises especially if he hadn't in the past.  It seems that everything that is done in a positive manner is viewed as way of trying to influence the wife into coming back.  \n\nIf you can truly see that he is trying to change, but you are afraid of the pain then that is understandable.  Your feelings and "sanity" should be considered.  Here is the thing though, what are you doing to change???  Alot of times when someone is "done wrong", they feel that they didn't have a role in it.  Maybe you are the perfect wife, but I suspect that something that about you has played a part in your separation.  Not knowing your particulars, I would say work on making yourself a better person.  The change in you may make you understand the change in him.\n\nI sincerely hope that your husband has changed.  I hard when someone you love does not believe in you and the pain that is caused becomes unbearable at times.  But if he is fighting through all of that, maybe there is something about him that is redeemable.\n\nGood Luck and I'll pray for the two of you.\n\nWT