in a relationship with a parent. help!!!?
536081
I was in the same situation that you are in. Mine was also 5 years of age. This child hated me. Wouldn't give me the light of day. So this is what I did. I would ignore him at first. I found out what he liked and disliked. I started to watch power rangers with him and other shows. At first he didn't like it but then he got used to me being there. I would also play cars with him. Same way with the TV show. One time I asked him if he wanted to go with me to go get some hot wheels. Now we are really close. You just got to get at the child's level. Interact with the child more. The child maybe a brat at some times but show it. Kids can see right through you. This is there way of testing you.
946427
Play it down, some mothers push their daughters into relationships and maybe your mom thought because he was at your place for Thanksgiving that the relationship is more than what you both want it to be.  Next time you see him just tell him your mom does that to you all the time to pressure you into forming a long term relationship.  Bye the way I find it a bit odd that your guy would take it so seriously, so he must be leary of committment to a certain extent.  Play the whole situation down and for your own sake ease off on the guy for a while if he really likes you he'll come around.  I feel badly for you though, it must have been embarassing. One other thing I'd have a chat with your mom and ask her to please never to put you in that position again.  Just tell her that you'll let her know when she's allowed to tell someone your dating that she loves him, sounds as if she was inviting him to be the "SON IN LAW" and he probably freaked.  Good luck
740711
You are an adult so why are you allowing your mother to dictate to you whether or not you have a relationship with your father?  I have been in that situation too and although my kids dad was NEVER involved I didn't stop her from seeing him when he finally decided to remember that he had a child.  A mothers true love is unconditional and if your mother has that for you then she would not hurt you this way. Your fathers other children are your brothers and sisters and you shouldn't be forced to stay away from them because of your mothers bitterness. You should see your father and give your mother her time to accept the fact and if she can't then there's no unconditional love for you.  You have to live your own life now and it's her choice whether or not she's in it.
1121502
Perhaps you could ask her indirectly. Carefully crafted words are the key here to achieving your desired goal.....having a boyfriend. Okay, step 1) find a time when you and your mother are relaxing, no phones, dinner is finished, house is clean. 2) Begin the conversation like this: "You know Mom, I am now ___ years old, and I was wondering if you would allow me to go to the movies with _____________. I know you have not had an opportunity to meet ________, but I can invite him by the house on _________. He is a really nice guy. Now, if you do not have a boyfriend, and no prospects, then I would suggest that you address your mother in this manner: Mom, I have really matured over the last year and I would like to respectfully request permission from you to go on a date occassionally with a carefully selected boy that I will bring home first for you to meet.  Don't be shy about it. Be assertive, without being pushy. Tell her what your heart desires, and do it in a kind, courteous, confident and mature manner. The way you approach this request to have a boyfriend is important. You have to let your mother know that you are ready for this big step in your young teenage life. \nNow, be honest in your evaluation of yourself here okay? Think! Really think here! And answer my question truthfully! Question: Have you been on your best behavior over the last year? Have you done everything that has been asked of you by your mother? Have you gotten into any serious trouble lately? Did you make good grades and behave appropriately in school? These questions are important, because if you have been cutting up and acting like a trifling little hoochie mama, it is highly likely that your mother will say no. But if you have been a perfect angel, and behaved appropriately over the last year, then I dont see any reason that your mother will not agree to your terms. Also, let her know that any boy you meet, you will bring them home to meet her, and your curfew is 9p.m. weeknights and 10:30 on weekends. Or, if your curfew is later than this, use your current curfew. Well, I hope this helps. Best wishes to you. And have fun.
567819
It's tough being a teenager.  I fought with my parents all the time at 13.  Every gray hair my mom owns, I gave her when I turned 13.  It's okay to have opinions and be passionate about them, but I think teenagers see things from a much more idealistic view, which is reasonable, because they haven't had to go out into the real world yet (where you have to have a job and money and all that boring stuff).  Your mom has seen life from a more realistic and sometimes pessimistic view.  She wants to be as passionate and idealistic in her opinions as you are but can't because the adult world changes that.  It's about living day to day.  But sit her down, calmly.  It's hard, but no matter what, be calm.  Even if she yells, be calm.  It'll force her to calm down too.  And tell her you love her and that you want to spend more time with her but that you want her to understand you and to help you understand her.  Communication is key at this stage.  I wish I communicated with my parents more.  But if you bottle up, it'll come back to haunt you, trust me.  So try to calmly sit her down and talk to her.  She loves you very much and wants the best for you.  It's just hard letting her little girl grow up.  Reach a compromise.  Good luck!
1044029
I have similer problems. Me and my girflriend love eachother but her mom doesnt want us to go out. Right now her mom doesnt even know that we are boyfriend and girlfriend. I can only call her about once every week. What we decided to do was be boyfriend and girlfriend but start going on actual dates when we are 16 so that we can drive ourselves. Just ask your dad if he can come over or soemthing and see if that works
349965
I definitally think you should call him! If he is having issues about him thinking that no one cares about him like his parents, maybe him knowing that you care regardless and someone that isnt soposed to care or isnt responcible to look after him cares or loves him enough to look in on him, might just make him see that regardless of what his parents are doing or not doing somone out there gives a shiznet about what happens to him and someone is out there to give a helping hand and give guidance when they dont have to do it, by all means stay in touch with this kid, if he really doesnt have his parents he can have you, i wouldnt pressure him to talk to you about everything but just let him know that you will always be there and you will always hear him out, no matter how lost or confused he is :) Dont be just one more person to turn their back to him, thats just going to make his situation worse ya know :) *HUGS* its awsome that you care!!!
639434
You have a child now so the stakes have completly changed. If she is hateful and you have no parental control over your child, then you have ever right to want to leave. I understand you love your boyfriend, but sadly sometimes as a mother you have to choose between your and your bf personal happiness and the happiness/well being of your son. I think you should explain to your bf how you feel and tell him he can leave w/ you or you can go on your own. Then follow through w/ getting a place of your own, if he understands then he will come with you. You two can still go over everyday & check on her, but you need your own life as well!!! I hope everything works out for you and your family.
518128
Your mother is only here for a week.  Dedicate your time with your family, unless you want her to meet him...\n\nThere is plenty of time to be with your boyfriend
788537
The time to discuss these issues is when your dad comes to pick you up or drop you off to your mom's ... just as you will change boyfriends when you start to date til you find one you really like, he has divorced your mother because of differences between them and found someone he likes better.  its not about you and you should not approach this as a competition between you and your stepmother.  Usually the reason step parents don't get along with their kids is because they are both competing for the attention of the husband/father.  She has a responsibility as a parent to help you grow up safely and she also needs to be treated as a "mom" by you two kids.  That means you should not exclude her and only talk to your father, This is an extended family. You can choose to be part of it or you can choose to fight against it for the attention of your father.  This is not fair to anyone, not you, not her and not your dad.  You might even sit down with her and ask her what her expectations are of you two kids so you know where her thinking is  in this relationship
21004
speak up, the mother of the child still wants that control she thinks it is her kid and shell do want she wants. there will be lots of problems but always smile to the mom and but you must put your foot down and not let her control you and him. yes they have a child together and that is it. trust me i deal with it all the time. it is not the childs fault though. but you do need to speak up not bossy just say we want the things to stay here for when she is here. and dont invite her over. your going to have to let her go from your lives and let her have her own with the child her and your boyfriend are over and it sounds like she is just trying to hold on to something?...  good luck
15751
It depends on your partner's relationship with his/her parents. Because even if you don't think its necessary, it may be important for your partner-to-be, and he/she may not tell you.  Its hard, because if you want to keep it a surprise, you can't ask him/her directly. I would just probe indirectly, and see how he/she feels (or ask mutual friends to do the investigative work)
367511
Well you could write them a letter about how you feel and leave it at that! And then go on with your plans together. They will either learn to live with their son's decision or they won't.\n\nThe parents aren't the ones in this relationship and if you both love each other, do what you need to do to be together. DON'T NOT be  together because of them. they are not in this relationship you both are, and you two should be happy. They'll get over it, it may take years, but at least you won't have to worry about your mother-in-law butting into your business, right off the bat.
997983
well, my mom is the same way and im 13!!! i tell her that he is just a friend and she trusts me so just say that he is a friend, and if your parents are around, don't show any emotions toward him like hugging or cuddling!!
1013896
OK lizzie as long as you love each other you're parents are going to have to  deal with it, and you guys need to tell them that (in a respectful way of course) that is so gooooood that youre waiting til you get out of school. but any ways let youre and his parents know that you guys are willing to take youre relationship to the very top and youre going to need their support , if they love you guys which im sure they do their going to to be happy about this because it makes you two happy.\ncongradulations , i wish you guys the best
633327
a year and a half? Your parents can't be that upset, you both are mature young adults (I hope) and you shouldn't hide the fact that you care about someone.\n\nGood Luck
382497
Be grateful that he isn't a deadbeat daddy for one thing! Talk to him about how you feel. I don't know the specifics about your relationship, but think about WHY you feel he is obligated to his baby's mother. Of course you should understand that he has a responsibility to his son.