only for Indians : why do my parents feel its ok for the husbands to cheat and that women stick on with him?
545713
mmmmmmmmmm if they think this way then u r wrong , u must try to improve them , if they arent improving leave it and u better be on right track in life , they might be of old thinking but i think if something is wrong and when u know it wrong and then also u r deyning that its not wrong then its a biggest mistake u r doing , so i think if ur parents are doing this thing then its totaly wrong , anyways , take care , bye
725604
I am a happily married woman. You can't blame yourself for what happens or goes wrong in the marriage, UNLESS you have done something wrong. Not all marriages last, but in that case they were never meant to be! I think women should share an equal role in the relationship and don't ever let a man control you. If you do then you deserve what you get. This is not the "old" days where the woman does what the man says. I know that if my husband would ever try to control me...he would be out...out the door! If you are insecure with yourself, then you need to find yourself and then proceed from there. I have my insecurities too, but that don't mean I take the blame for anything, especially if I didn't do any thing wrong. I am very happy with my marriage and even though it doesn't always go smooth, does not mean that I don't love him and he don't love me
225484
I don't know honey, I feel the same way, its like they are programed to be that way.  It seems that they feel after they get married than they don't have to keep things the way they were before marriage cause they've already got claim on you.
24814
Other countries may have different customs.  Some women may feel like it's their duty to their husbands.  Some men are more considerate of a woman's feelings and needs and they are more attentative.
1106675
I watched another woman and my (ex) husband break up my marriage. She tried to control and manipulate my kids, as well as my in-laws. After our divorce,they got married. As the years went by, my kids began to hate their step mother, and realized what I had said about their step mother were true. I ran into my ex-husbands wife after she went on vacation (without my ex). She told me that she wished she hadn't have came back, and also wished she never married my ex. From what my kids say, my ex is miserable with his wife. They've been married for 18 yrs. He won't divorce her 'cuz he knows she'll take him for everything he's got. She's told the kids that if she divorces their dad, she'll take him for everything he has.  Karma is a wonderful thing!
859466
Normally Indian males do tend to be loyal, but when tempted and find an opening do succumb to. The best course of action can be to approach the ex and tell her straight what you think of her and try to find out if she hereself is married and if true, things can be sorted out amicably. \nThe point of worry is that your hubby is doing it in a clandestine way. Since your mother-in-law does not seem to be interested in your problem, you would have to seek help from other sources, like your old friends, classmates and your parents. \n\nBut first thing first, you must ask your hubby and tell your view point and if at all he wishes to continue the relationship, tell him to be open and straight. Invite that ex to a dinner party in your house try to sort it out.
1131182
I agree but parents don't think about what they are doing in those terms.  Most claim to only want what is best for the children,  as they sit on their independent high horses claiming the "best" to be their selves.  It's turned into a "how can I get back at or hurt my ex",  the children's needs are rarely considered.  You are also correct that most often, it does seem to be the mother's doing this.  It actually makes me ashamed to be a female at times.  Women are often very bitter and vengeful when they have been hurt but feel they are "right" in their behavior because they have been "wronged".  It all boils down to little more than the fact that mommy and daddy forget how to behave like adults,  therefore their children suffer.
660953
Seems India guys think they are tops because of the history of India--- How can a guy be normal when hstory shows his heritage as a bunch of wife beaters!  THIS IS CHANGING -slowly!
314619
lol one of ma friends told her parents after she was married ... lolz ... her parents beat the shit outta her but got her married in a real way within a week n said get outta my face ... after she had a child they started seeing her again n apologized n juss said they were scared for her future .....\n\nparents wont over-react if they see that the guy can take care of u n really likes u ....... they prolly wanna say stop givin him sex just to see if he will stick around long enuff
932521
i think it puts the responsibility of the marriage on the parents, for they (and the matchmaker) are making the decision.  it is probably one of the parents that has more of a say in the decision than the other.  also the "other" parents or the matchmaker influence the decision heavily.  \n \nthe marriage in these cases is also going to based on financial and social considerations as opposed to "love", with the assumption that "love" and / or (at least) "attachment" will follow with time.    \n\nas far as i am concerned, i think that parents or older people may have better insight into what a young person needs, sometimes more than the young persons know.  the chance of happiness and a good life may be good.  \n\nbut the final decision of marrying is based on the young person with minimal contact.  \n\nconsidering that marriage is fairly weak in the west and divorce is rampant.  i dont think that people can judge an arranged marriage as worse.  \n\nmy friend left asia and went to the west because she was afraid of an arranged marriage.  her father was very old fashioned and stubborn, and she was afraid of his decision making because her religious views were different than her father. \nshe felt that she needed a say in the decision. \n\nbest of luck to you!
373858
No it's not normal. Sorry to say, in my opinion it's sick. Your mom should kick him to the curb, and take him for all he's worth. I am amazed at some of the answers on here, I don't know what kind of men you associate with but cheating is not moral and it's disgusting. No one should tolerate cheating. And seeing these answers from women, wow, what in the world!!! I would not even consider dating a woman who is ok with cheating.
419948
i think is is the same when you get down to it, but love is treated diffrently in diffrent cultures. women are treated like slaves in alot of diffrent cultures, but they are ok with it because they think that is what love is all about, pleasing your husband. love is what you make it, and as long as they are happy ith it , then i guess it is ok.
134360
I am not an Indian.. although I have had the same experience.\n\nI appreciated my ex because he informed me about what happened and he prepared me for it. He told me everything and I respected it... \n\nIt may be hard to understand at first, but that is the way that they were brought up/raised. That is part of them that no one else can take away, not even those people that they are in love with.\n\n(May be there are some parents who are more "open" to such kind of a relationship. But a greater majority of Indians are not, especially with their caste system. Actually, it does not happen only to inter-racial relationships, but also to relationships concerning people who belong to different castes. If one comes from a lower caste, then he/she is not acceptable to the family - at least that's what I was told. Not to forget the arranged marriages that's still going on until today.)\n\nWe loved each other then, we both knew that. (we were  together for 4 years) but we both could not do anything especially with his ill father asking him to stay away from me. I understood his plight being the eldest son and let him go.\n\nNow, we're still in good terms. We still get to talk/email once in a while without mention of commitment or love - just exchange of pleasantries. \n\nWe do not know what's gonna happen in the future. But for the time being, we're OK this way.
717541
For one it's the way she was taught, her mum probabaly always told her it was ok and that her daddy loved her and all that. It's sort of a brain washing. But also it's your parents-for some reason guys can hate their parents, but women aren't that great about it.
938138
I am a step mom to my husbands three children and he to my 3 children.  We both felt that when we married the other would have that right.  We each feel that if done in a proper way that the other should have that right.  We went thru the you are not my mom or dad things and that's ok but in the end what ever punishment was handed out was still there.  I do so because I want them to turn out to be responsible adults.  That's how we learn in life is by the punishments and rules in life are handed down by our parents and weather they are biological parents you will find rules suck but they have to be followed.  That's what works for us. I am mainly the one at home most with our last son at home so even though I am his step mom I punish more than his dad.  He does not like it sometimes but does abide by what I say.  Wish you lots of luck sweety!
1030704
I hear you.   And they shield themselves by saying that "All men cheat" and "All mean are pigs"...because if they realized that a good number of us have wonderful, respectful, loving partners/spouses, they'd realize that maybe something is wrong with them or their low expectations.\n\nI hear women say "It's fine by me if he goes to the stripclub" - and they really think they are fine with it.  But when they hear that your husband/partner doesn't go and that they respect and care for you, you can see in their eyes that they would love to have the same thing.   I guess they are scared of having high expectations...expect low and get low.\n\nI am thankful for my husband and his character.
125148
for me we date and see how we like the person.  We try to see if the love is there and if you can make it work.  Some people move in together and see if they would be able to live together then they get married.\nI was in India this summer and they still arrange many marriages.  Parents pick and they look at horascopes to see if they are compatible.  I believe the child still has the ultimate choice but most don't want to go agaisnt their parents.   Many Indian my age 25 were surprised i was married and still in college.  I was not ready for a wife because  i could not support her.  I tried to explain we both work and take care of each other.  Also when they asked how my parents felt i  told them that we did not ask for permission to get married we just told them that we were doing it they found that very disrespectful.  But in my culture it is not.  Your parents may give their oppions but they have no say in who you date or marry