Do you know any good religious jokes?
553783
Bill gates dies and when he goes up to heaven, St Peter says "i'm not sure what to do with you, I mean, you did help lots of people, but you did invent windows 95, so I'm going to give you a choice."\nSo he shows bill gates heaven and he sees a lot of people standing around praising god. then he shows him hell and he sees a lot of naked people lying around on a beach.\nBill doesnt stop to think and he says "im going to hell"\nthe next day after a night of unbearable torture, he goes back to see St Peter and says "What happened, i mean what i saw and what was actually there were completely different."\nSt Peter looks at him with disgust and says "well, what you saw was only the screen saver."\n\ni dont know whether this is a religeon joke or a bill gates joke, but it will do for me.\n(Do you consider your self enlightened now)
1167016
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"\n\nGrandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all! day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."\n\nGrandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.\n\nThe little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door,and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"\n\nThe little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."\n\nThe minister fainted...
645190
You could try Googling 'Funny Jokes' then choose a topic.\nThere are millions of jokes out in ether land.
532390
Dude, that was awesome. Thanks for the laugh!!!! If that "pastor" had a church and you came and did not convert, he would "bust a cap in your ass for the lord!! beeatch"
117201
http://jokes123.com\nhttp://flash-jokes.com\nhttp://spicyjokes.com\nhttp://www.google.com/search?q=jokes
551779
An old man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: \n\nMan: I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.\nPriest: Are you sorry for your sins?\nMan: What sins?\nPriest: What kind of a Catholic are you?\nMan: I'm not.\nPriest: Why are you telling me all this?\nMan: I'm telling everybody!
825025
go to hell   L.O.L....very funny i liked it.... what do you think about this one ; A woman dies and goes to heaven. While waiting in line, she hears this terrible screaming and moaning. This disturbs her somewhat, so she tracks down St. Peter to find out what is going on. "Oh, that," he says, "that's just the woman in front of you. They are drilling holes in her back to attach her wings." The woman is still a bit upset by this and is pondering her position when the screaming starts again. This time it is louder and more blood curdling than before. She calls St. Peter over again to find out what is happening to the woman now. "Oh, that," he says, "they're just drilling holes in her head to attach the halo." The woman decides that she wants out and tells St. Peter that she has changed her mind and wants to be sent to hell. "Are you sure you want to go there?" he says. "It's a terrible place, you'll end up getting sodomized and raped and even worse!" "That's okay" says the woman, "I already have the holes for that!"
778561
Here's a joke......\nA young boy received a newborn puppy. "What are you going to name this puppy" said the father. "I will name him Jehovah's Witness",said the boy. A few weeks later the little boy told his father he wanted to change the name of his puppy to "Christian". "Why?" the father asked. The boy replied: "Because the puppy opened his eyes".
965237
www.ahajokes.com/office_jokes.html
995620
Go here:\n\nhttp://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
70804
Three couples want to join a church, but the pastor has a rule that all new members must go three weeks without having sex. \n\nThree weeks go by and the first couple comes back. The pastor says, "So how did it go?" \n\n"It was pretty hard, but we made it," says the first couple. \n\n"Well, welcome to our church," says the pastor. \n\nThe second couple comes back and the pastor asks them the same question. Their reply is the same as the first couple's. \n\nThe third couple comes back and the pastor asks them the same question, and they reply, "Well, we were doing pretty well until last night when she bent over to pick up that can of pork and beans and I just put it to her." \n\n"Well, I'm sorry, but you're not welcome to our church," says the pastor. \n\n"That's okay," says the third couple, "We're moving. We're not welcome at the grocery store either."
78354
I have alot!!\n\nThis guy was painting a tall buliding next to a church. He droped the brush, said "son of a b***h", climbed down the ladder, got the brush, then climbed back up and continued painting. This happened a few more times and everytime he said "son of a b***h". Finally the preacher came out and said "next time you drop the brush say praise the lord". So he dropped the brush, said "praise the lord", the brush floated back up to him and the preacher said 'son of a b***h"\n\n\nWhy is halloween Micheal Jackson's favorite holiday?\nFree Delivery\n\n\nA Cowboy walking into a bar and ordered a coke. He took a drink and said "this tastes funny". So the bartender got him a new one. And he said "thats better" then the bartender said\n"Me Indian, Me play joke, Me go pee-pee in your coke"\nThen the cowboy said "Me cowboy, Me run fast, Me shoot bullet up your A$$"\n\nThis next one I heard on a stand-up comedy show...\n"Drinking and Driving is fun. But getting in a wreak isn't. I was with my friends driving and we hit something. I don't know what it was, but when I woke up I was in a tree, the car was upside down in a ditch and there was a cop there"\n\nCop-Who was driving?\nMan-It wasn't me cause that's not my parking, I park on the tires.\n\nCop-I am trying to figure out who was driving.\nMan-I'm trying to figure out how I got in this tree.\n\nCop-Have you been drinking and driving.\nMan-No, I was f***ed up before I got in the car.\n\nCop-The way you are acting I think I need to give you a drug test.'\nMan- Go ahead, ask me anything. I have been doing drugs for years.\nCop-Do you have a drug problem?\nMan-No, I have planty of weed at home.\n\n\nThis one is fun to do to your friends...lol\nPerson 1- Did you blow bubbles as a kid?\nPerson 2-Yes\nPerson 1-Well, he's back in town and wants you number.\nBoth- lol lmao
528931
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you".\n\nHe nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you. " Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.\n\n"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.\n\n"Yes," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you. "The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are any way?"\n\n"Moses," Replied the bird.\n\n"Moses" the burglar laughed.\n\n"What kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?"\n\nThe bird promptly answered: "The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'!
114924
People, the joke is in the line "gentile disease". \n\nGo for the priest.
717927
haha! i shouldnt be laughin at this...but its pretty funny\n\n"God, please let me win the lottery! just this once! i promise i'll never ask for anything again!"\n\n"Jesus, please send me a sign. should i dye my hair dark and get it layered, or blonde and wavy?"\n\n"Lord Jesus, i have been a good Christian...so could you repay me by running my mother in law over w/ a car?"\n\nI would honestly love to hear some peoples prayers =)
1103412
God is a joke... jokes don't have genders
1133779
Does this one count?\n\nTwo kids are in Sunday School.  A girl who keeps falling asleep sits next to a boy with his pen out. The teacher asks, "Who created heaven and earth?" the boy pokes the girl in the side with his pen. "God almighty!" yells the girl. "Very good!" says the teacher. The girl starts to snooze off again, the teacher asks, "Who died for our sins?" the boy pokes her with his pen again, "Jesus Christ!" yelled the girl. "Very good." The girl goes off to sleep again, and the teacher asks, "What did Eve say to Adam after having their 26th kid?" the boy pokes her with the pen again, and the girl yells, "If you put that thing into me one more time, I swear I'll break it in half!" The teacher fainted.