Sister in law out of control.....?
536768
Wow, This is alittle complicated.  I would only say something if it's really effecting your husband and you. I don't know that it's your place and the family may think you're just creating extra drama. You don't want that. Also, this isn't an excuse but she is 16 after all. She's not an adult yet. She doesn't have the life experience you do. If you want to talk with her as a friend that's one thing but if you just want to tell her to get her act together.. I don't think it's a good idea at all. \n\nYour hubby knows his family best and there is probably a reason why he's not saying anything. With saying that if she's not disrespecting you in your home or whatever.. There's really not much you are going to be able to do about it. I seriously think that saying something will cause extra drama for this family. Allow them to figure it out.
855475
If she's kind hearted, be thankful. Many mother-in-laws do MUCH worse things. Get a tub, put a label on it, store the clothes. Think of it as shopping in advance. If you must, donate them. Don't assume what her reasons for this are, it may make complete sense to her. By the way, if she does this every year you must have clothes that fit them from two Christmases ago. Personally I think, be kind, let it go, life is short.
894820
This guy sounds like a typical control freak. However, your sister is getting something she needs out of this relationship. If she wasn't...she would have left. The bad news is she sounds like she likes to be controlled...even just a little. It must be hard for your family to sit on the sidelines, and watch your sister go on this crazy roller coaster ride. The decision is hers to make. The only thing you and your family can do is wait for the outcome. \n\n*Do you want me to send Vinny over and take care of him?
1037857
Wow,,, that does sound pretty disgusting the way you worded it.  It often appears that the mother in law and daughter always seem to have competition going on.  I am not really sure why and it getting rather old.  You and this quy have been together 20 plus years and there is still tension between the 2 women he so obviously adores.  Being a woman you know how to add fuel to the fire or put out the flames...Try taking the higher road and leave it be.  I have another tool you could use as well... It is called PRAYER... the most powerful tool out here.  God sees all that is going on and He knows how you feel about it.  He also knows how your husband feels as well.  Can you imagine how excited he will be to see his 2 favorite girls interacting without foolishness.  Pray about it and leave it be...
1045756
well my sister is married to a man i hate...he is a no good drunken ************* ************ ************** ************ ***************** **************, but i just keep my mouth shut because she wants to make it work.......so i would say just be there for her always and keep your opinions to yourself...that is what she and i do for eachother.....she don't tell me sh*t and i don't tell her sh*t...seems to work out just better this way!
839043
My sisters in law - the oldest one is 38 and married with 2 girls, who are hopelessly spoiled.  I don't like seeing her because while she's nice, she seems to always have an ulterior motive and she thinks the world revolves around her.  The other one is younger - 35 and not married.  She is extremely moody and bases everything around her period - yes, her period - I did say that.  She will actually say she's got it in a room full of people, including guys.  It rules her life - she does things or avoids things based on her time of the month.  Between the two of them, I just want to run and scream!!
677818
WOW...I think you guys just need to share the time with her..I do  not think you should just take her that might cause trouble for you and then you will never get to see her, my brother in law is going through the same thing right now and his girl is a nut case\n\nI feel for you..
149996
Move out. Tell your hubby it is me or mommie. no one needs to exist where they are slaves to thier inlaws. I cook I clean I work my butt off sounds a lot like cinderella except there will be no prince charming to help you out.
877543
Relationships with in-laws can be so difficult.  I know it is none of my business, but why in the world are you living with them?!!!  It would be really nice if you and your husband could have a place of your own to live.  It would not fix all the problems, but it would certainly help out a lot.  You and your husband need to stand together whenever you confront your in-laws.  Maybe your husband needs to do the talking for both of you so they will know that you both agree with what you are confronting them about.  It will be difficult for your in-laws to accept that you and your husband are one now and that they should not interfere in your marriage.  And what is the deal with them not letting you two open your own bank account?  Aren't you adults?  Don't you have your own money?  Why is it any of their business?  Why is your husband letting them control the 2 of you?  Is he having issues "letting go of mommy's apron strings" or something?  \n\nI would suggest that you both see a family/marriage counselor and ask him to help you find a way to deal with your in-laws.  I have a similar problem with my in-laws which almost broke up our marriage, and our couselor suggested that my husband and I confront them together in a loving manner.  He said that if they still refuse to respect me and refuse to change the way they treat us, we need to stop being around them.  In my opinion, you and your husband need to make a decision to put your marriage first if you want it to survive, and do not let anything or anyone come between you.  Find a way to move out.  I'm assuming it is their house since your mother-in-law has removed your belongings from the rest of the house.  You and your husband need to put some distance between yourselves and his parents.  He needs to let them know that he has a family and responsibility of his own now that they cannot interfere with.\n\nAs for how to deal...  That is so difficult.  Continually forgive them for the things they do.  Don't hold on to grudges.  Don't let anger eat away at you or turn into hatred.  It will ruin your health, your marriage, and your whole life.  Continue to stand up for yourself and for your marriage.  And also remember that when you have a child, things are most likely going to get worse with your in-laws, so be prepared.  I wish you the best and hope that you can find your own place to live and maybe a family counselor as well.
825201
Your sis-in-law has to realize that the holidays is not about control. But the holidays is not just about who has the get-together at their house. If your family isn't spread all over the country you or she could have a holiday get-together close to the holiday while the other has it on the holiday; and then the next year you could trade. \nYour sis-in-law was probably miffed because you planned your thing before she could open her mouth to invite everyone. \nTalk to her about setting up something where this year you will have so-in-so holiday and she can have the other  but the year after you change it around.\nI have a sis-in-law like your sis-in-law and I do know what you are going thru. Remember - the holidays are about love.
896858
Dear Mam, I was in a similar situation. I was in another state on top of it. He controlled everything, even the phone. When I got on he had to control the conversation, so my family quit calling. I was with him for 17 years.Because I was afraid of him. Now that is probably what is wrong with her, FEAR. He has probably threatened her and she feels she has no way out. Plus if you were close to her, dont you think she knows too? I missed my mom  sooo bad. Well she passed away before I got to see her after 2 years. He would never let me go visit any of my family alone so I feel for her. I don't believe that she knew what she was getting into. I didn't. He changed after we married.\nMy advise to you is wait and be patient. Believe me its killing her as much as you. To not see her mom I'm sure is hurting her. New Baby?\n She either keeps her mouth shut or they fight alot. Either way there will be heartbreak. Too bad you couldn't find a way to get her out of there but you see when you have more than what you grew up with, its hard to leave. Your daughters husband is nothing but an insecure bully that feels he has power over her. Makes him feel like a big man when you and I both know he's a very small man. Just has a loud voice and knows how to use his power.\nI too couldn't go anywhere with out my husband, he timed me when I went in the store, questioned me as to why it took so long and who was I talking to. He controlled the finances, He told my kids when and where they could go and who they could see and how long, that included church activities. I finally left after much proding from my church friends, 17 yrs later. I know exactly what is going on. I pray that she will come to her senses before that. I'm sure he is telling her that no one else will give her what he has and no one will love her either. Also He is probably demeaning her to keep her down and that she will have no friends no family or self esteem. So she will feel no one will want her so why leave? That is why I never left. I believed him! Why should'nt I? He was my husband and he would not hurt me. Trust me this man is a monster. He is narcisstic, anti social, among other things. \nTry putting an ad in the paper, classified, saying only what she will know. Maybe something can generate from that. Sounds horrible but it may be the only way. If she can't use her phone that will be very difficult to contact you. He keeps track of the phone records too. Believe me this guy is a scarey person.\nSorry this is so long, but there was alot to say. \nJust remember IF you reach her, let her know how much you love her NO MATTER WHAT.
408395
That's quite a situation you have going there...\n\nSeems like from the way this Question is phrased that you let go of that shock, and the ethical, cultural, and social thinking the moment you decided to have sex with her..(you shouldn't have let your penis guide you) \n\nYou shouldn't have had sex with your sister-in-law, but she didn't FORCE you to, you chose to. BAD CHOICE..but still it was your choice, your choice to keep the sister-in-laws behavior away from your wife, your choice to follow up with your sister-in-laws feelings for you, and your choice to sleep with her...(You have to be aware that you ARE at fault here)\n\nMisinforming your wife about what?..Unless you just phrased this whole question funny and you DIDN'T have sex with your sister-in-law..  then how can she be misinforming your wife?\n\nIf I was your wife? I would want to hear that you were drugged and incapacitated to make your own descisions in order for this to happen and NOT be your fault, otherwise I would probably be incredibly hurt, and unforgiving at first, and I wouldn't trust you anymore that for certain.. so if I wanted to save the marriage, I would go to counceling with you and try to work it out...but I definately would never let you have any alone time with my sister again!!!!!\n\nAND MOST IMPORTANT.. Tell your wife Before her sister does... Something this bad in your marriage should be told by you...
1022195
The mother-in-law is not the problem it is the husband.  If he is not standing his ground and telling her to butt out of your business that is the problem.  If the man allows her to make your life hell, you should get out or learn to accept it because it will not get better.  I had this problem, realized my husband was not telling her to keep out of our business and now I am happily divorced from both my husband and his family.  I have a loving fiancee and his mother is not a problem because he does not allow her to be a problem.  live and learn.
88168
My mother in law was the same way.  My husband didn't want to get involved because he said it was like a soap opera.  But then he did get involved and we no longer talk to his side of the family.\n\nYour husband needs to get involved for the sake of your marriage. She needs to tell you why she acts like that.  Most likely it's the same old thing of she feels like she is loosing a son.  Hopefully she would be willing to talk about it.  I started with a very polite letter but face to face would be better.  Work out a way that she can continue to be part of his life if that is what the problem is.  But your husband needs to support you!\n\nWe would e-mail and I showed my husband everything.  She would also yell at me on the phone and then tell him I was yelling at her.  He figured it out.  We went through counseling and she couldn't even be honest there.  So that is when we both said enough and don't have any communication with them anymore. You have to do what is best for your family.\n\nProof is always the best but your husband should trust you there and be willing to work out a solution.  But if your mother in law won't talk about it there isn't much you can do but avoid her.  But don't let it affect you. I ended up having major heath problems because of the stress.  It's her problem not yours!
1044665
That sounds very rude and inconsiderate to me.  If she asked your sister then she asked her so she should stay.  She can just let her friend know that the spot has been filled because she declined.  I dunno man, but to me she is already setting a bad example for married life if she can't even stay true to her word and cant even show respect for your family.  Looks like you got some thinking to do.  Good luck.
914506
There is nothing you can do to stop your sister-in-law from talking.  But the more she tries to defame you, the more she will make herself out to be a liar, as hopefully your other family members know you too well to believe her.
908144
Catch her putting in a camera on one of your own.  Then , send the tape to all your husband's relatives.  Once people know that others know, they usually drop their invasion of you and your life.  It's like the dirty little secret is out.\n\nNow, there is another problem here -- you are really upset and feel invaded by this.  Since your husband is so unresponsive, can you see a counselor?  You need to work out your feelings, since in the end she is still your mother-in-law and the grandmother to your child -- and will be forever, no matter if a divorce occurs, etc.  \n\nNaturally, your mother-in-law is sick and needs help.  I'm hoping other family members will realize the extent to which she is sick and will intervene.  I'm also hoping others will help your husband see reality.  As often happens, there are plenty of folks who put up with bad behavior, to the point of denying its existence, because the love and feel loyalty to that person.  It's called cooperating with the illness.  You need to walk a simple line ... without being critical and judgemental, state repeatedly that she is sick and needs help, that this is not the behavior of a rational adult, that there is free counseling through the church, etc.  What you are trying to do by this is get people to agree with you, so it's not a case of choose a side.  Instead, you are asking them to choose to help her.\n\nGood luck -- I feel for you and wish I had better advice for how to handle this.