When do you give up on a marriage?  Your guy has problems in all aspects of the marriage...?
536403
My heart breaks for you. You seem so sad and confused.\n\nSpeaking from experience, blending families is not easy. My husband had 1 son living with him and I had 2 when we got married. And the fur did fly often in the early years. I think part of what kept us trying is that we each came from a failed first marriage and truly wanted this one to work. We even went for family counseling. That helped. I'm thinking that you and your husband need to go to marriage counseling. It sounds like you still have enough feelings for each other that if you can get through this you'll find you have a much stronger relationship. I honestly don't think you can do it without professional help. If he won't go, you go by yourself. If nothing else it will help you sort out your own feelings.\n\nAlso, pour out your heart to God. He loves you and your husband very much. He wants to be your strength, to comfort and guide you. Beliefnet.com has this (and many others) prayer for your marriage:\n\nBless Our Relationship  \n\nDear God,\nYou have defined my desire: to be of immeasurable value to my spouse. Guide me in the ways that lead to this richness in relationship, and be glorified in my every effort.\n\nI want to honor my spouse--and you--through my behavior. How can I do that today? Please show me and empower me. \nAmen. ~~~ Heather Kopp  |  Source: "God's Little Book of Guarantees for Marriage" \n\nI know you are hurting and wondering if it can be fixed. I believe it can, as long as you are both willing to do the work necessary to repair your marriage. I pray that you both are willing. God bless you both.\n\nP.S. We've been married almost 20 years. The kids are grown with families of their own. We are more in love than ever. I hope you can say this in 2 decades.
174229
you sound just like me. i'm trying to work things out but i know the end result will be me leaving. i just want to be able to say that i gave it my all and totally mean it. sometimes we just outgrow them. have you ever tried to start some sort of hobbie with each other or do a date night? maybe that will get something going for you. i tried that. my husband didnt even care to go through with any of it. he just agreed to it and never did it. i'm writing a book on my horrible marriage. as soon as i get enough crap for my book i'm out. its not worth it to stay.
1006072
I would seek couples counseling if I were you.  You definitely need to address the issue of his marriage. I think that a counselor would help him to understand that stringing you along while he's still got a wife is not right. If he won't go to counseling with you then maybe you should go by yourself. Determine your goals for the relationship that you want to have and strive for them.\n\nIf he's not open to seeking counseling then he doesn't care about you. Because if he did he would do anything to keep you. Since you're not married and he's uncooperative I would suggest leaving him.
117844
Probably not...He has no insentive to move on because he has you on the side and still gets to stay married to someone else.  If he is having problems with one of you then there is the other so why would he need to ever choose.  The longer this goes on though the more likely it is he will break it off with you and return to his wife.  In the end your the odd one out and the easiest to get rid of.
428958
Please reiterate your question . . . to . . . I called it quits this morning?  Because he want to try to make it work . . . and you are trying to decide yes or no.\n\nI have a few questions about this . . . \n\nWhy did he cheat on you . . . . ?  There is always a reason.  Did you two marry too young?  Did you change?  Did he change?\n\nIf you feel that you can not trust him . . . then end it . . . and tell him why.  He may still love you . . . but the thing is . . . he might have felt that you kept pushing him away . . . and he felt lonely.  And guys has needs . . . so instead of bothering you about them (because he felt that you possibly didn't care) he went elsewhere.\n\nThe most basic reason why some people cheat . . . is because they felt pushed away.  I know that is not a good reason . . . \n\nPlus if you stay married for at least 10 years . . . he will have to pay you alimony for the rest of your life or until you remarry.
165753
Because he's a jerk, just like my ex! If he's doing it now, he'll never change! I lived through that for 12 years before I got the courage to finally cut my losses. (We were married for 4 1/2 years, and was together for another 8 years after that..if you want to call it "together") I'm better off now, because I have a very loving husband who would go to the ends of the earth for me!
832063
Why not ask my ex-wife who thought it would be better to go out with a 53 year old married man instead of working on our marriage.  (Just a little vent here, I'll feel better, LOL.)\n\nI do believe too many folks give up too easily, or don't really try at all, or have unrealistic expectations of what marriage offers. \n\nMarriage is not give and take, it is give.\n\nI don't recall anything in my vows that said I'll be there unless I'm not happy.  They were a pledge to be there, regardless of circumstance.\n\nToo many folks either don't take traditional vows, or don't really think they mean anything, given the numbers of divorced people today.\n\nI don't know how to help folks decide that they are going to try.  All it takes if for one of the partners to bail out for the marriage to be over. \n\nSo we can coach and coach, but if one partner is selfish and chooses affairs, or abuse, or abandonment and divorce over working through the issues, I really don't know how you can solve that.\n\nI certainly wanted to work on the issues, but was unable to convince my ex-wife that her affair with a married man was a worse solution than working on our marriage.\n\nAnd the courts and society at large seems to go right along with her line of thinking.  If you are unhappy, don't bother looking at yourself, blame your partner and find another seems to be the way things are done.\n\nI agree, often they will end up with the same problems because they too are part of the problem, but failed to address that aspect of it.\n\nYou can run away from your spouse, but you cannot run away from yourself.  So if you have things that you need to address about yourself, then do that BEFORE you choose an affair or divorce.
700615
I was just thinking tonite...God...how boring my marriage is....there is no romance..no love ...no communication....but...what do u do...leave...the thought of starting over again is scarey....but staying in a relationship that will not change is depressing...let me know if u figure it out....maybe that should be my next posting!  good luck
1107740
Yes. It gets better.  But sometimes you have to choose to make it better. You decide from the beginning that you are in this for the long haul. There are times you wish you were anywhere but here. But that is the same in any relationship. You don't get married and assume all will take care of itself. You have to work at being thoughtful of someone besides yourself. You both have to give in sometimes and shrug off things that don't really matter in the big picture. After we had been married a few years I got brave enough to ask my husband what one pet peeve he had about me that he would really like me to stop doing. Then I told him mine.  We both tried to stop doing it. Worked for a while.\nAnd now it doesn't really matter.  I love him. And he loves me. Only when we are in a bad mood does stuff really bother us and the other one knows that. So its OK. A hug fixes a lot for us. Or just some space to allow us to be in a bad mood a little.
218972
go to counseling together a few times before you marry him, just to be sure he doesn't have some deep rooted problem...the counseling will give you an insight to the problem and show you if you can deal with it....
9442
You cant hold on to something thats not there...You can continue to do your end of the vows and pray that he will have a change of heart but ultimatley in marriage love comes and goes but its commitment to that person that will keep a marriage.  Apparently hes never had that commitment to hold on to you for "better or for worse".  He obviously moves according feeling not any thing else.  You keep your end if hes not willing than let it go--More advice? chrystaldr@yahoo.com
433135
if you don't know the answer - give up the marriage, and save yourself a lot of misery
632383
My advice is, not to push the issue. He has said he needs time, and I know that's frustrating, but you have to give him time....or move on!
100863
You need to be stubborn, hard-headed and just decided from the start that you will not get a divorce.  You'll work through the problems, the drama, the inconviences.  You have to WANT the marriage to stay intact.
753937
How long have you been together, and living together?  Did this just start, or has it been an ongoing problem?  I would ask him what's going on and suggest counseling if it's bad enough to start affecting your everyday lives!  Good luck!
635280
Wow, this is tough...I think that it's tough because of the children, if you were a childless couple then I would say move on but when there are kids involved it's not that easy. How long were you together before you got married? It must not have been long because you say that this is a personality type that your not accustomed too and if you were with her for awhile you would have seen her true personality.\n\nIt seems to me that your in a quandary and the only advice I can give to you is counseling. If she is unwilling to go you need to go by yourself so that you are able to make well thought out decisions. I lived for 15 yrs. with a man that had no personality and he was very hard on the kids. I put up with this dysfunctional behavior for a long time and when I did leave it was hard but in the end it all worked out and it was worth the struggles we went through. The reason why I am telling you this is sometimes marriages do not work out and most of the time it is for the better. I am not telling you to give up on your marriage but if she is unwilling to compromise then that maybe the answer. I wish you the best of luck with your decisions.
466124
You begin to learn each others quirks and idiosyncrasies.  You will struggle and have bad times and good times. You will laugh, cry, worry, and enjoy.  Marriage is only what two people make of it.  It is work, but just like a garden, it is well worth the weeding and pruning one has to do.  Don't give up when things get tough.  Communicate!!!!  I know you've heard it before, but take heed, communication is the key to an awesome marriage. A marriage needs 100 percent from both partners.  Live and learn from one another, touch and kiss often, and never say a word that you may later wish to take back, words are like feathers released into the wind, once released they are hard to take back.