Why won't my husband adopt my oldest daughter?
536522
sounds like lack of commitment,  if he adopts and you divorce, he could have to pay child support.\n\nI would say family couseling is well called for
968053
It can be fixed. If you and him both want it to be. Maybe the reason there is a gap between you two is the fact of everyone living in that home. You're almost done raising your children. Your husband, I bet, wants it to be you two. Your life is yours. You give it to so many others. Two years has been a long enough time for your daughter and grandchildren to be living there. She is a big girl now and needs to understand you need a life too. That's mostly why you feel the wieght of the world on your shoulders. Perhaps the gap is your husband not wanting to deal with everyone living with you two. We all take things for granted. Your daughter takes you for granted as well. Open your eyes dear. I don't know you or enough of this to fully answer you Maam. Just from what I took of your words, you are going through enough. You have a lot of stress on you. You feel like you're the only trying to do something about it. You're the only one truely dealing with it. Loneliness is hard, espacially when you have someone there with you and you still feel lonely. I can't say what you should do, because I am not you. Only you can make that choice. I can only support you and offer an ear. I would recommend getting your daughter and her children out of your home so you can focus on you and your husbands relationship. It is hard to focus when there is so much pulling you in other directions. I hope you are able to concentrate and really get to the root of the issue for yourself. Don't listen to what other people say, they aren't the ones who have to live with the consequences of the actions. Listen to yourself. I don't think that will be possible if you are under so much pressure. Try if you can. Don't throw it away unless you know for sure it is useless. Take care Maam.
954534
If the receiving state has denied acceptance of your husband, you are out of luck.  \n\nHis best bet would be to enter rehab and get clean, and then try for a transfer in a year.
908199
I have three step-children and my husband and I have been married for 34 years.  I understand your feelings, it isn't always "easy", but it is possible.  \n\nIt doesn't "take anything from you" if your husband is close to his daughter.  Their relationship is very different from the one he shares with you.  His ability to be a good father shows what kind of person he is, it's probably one of the things that you love about him.  You have children also so you should understand the bond between a parent and child.  \n\nI don't necessarily think you feel that way just because this is your "step-daughter".  Sometimes my husband feels a little "jealous" when I spend more time with the kids, and they are "his".\n\nI think it's more likely that your jealousy is because there is another "female" in his life (even if it is his daughter).  Father's and daughters often share a special "bond", I think that's what is bothering you.  You need to find a way to accept their relationship or you are going to be a very unhappy person.\n\nYou are probably feeling a little insecure, talk to your husband.  It doesn't have to be a problem, but it might turn into one if you don't deal with it now.  I think your feelings are normal, maybe you just need a little reassurance from your husband.  I'm sure he has plenty of love to go around!\n\nBest of luck.
1170951
Looking at pictures of my daughter.You see she refuses to see me or talk to me.I do not know the reasons for this.I divorced her dad when she was 18.Since then she will not have anything to do with me.My ex and my own sisters turned her against me.She has two children now and I have never seen them not even in a picture.I miss her and love her so very much and it is making me cry now.I will continue to pray to God for an answer.Yes I have tried to contact her by phone and by letters and e-mail.She just refuses to tell me why.Just why is all I want to know.I can't watch anything that shows a love between a mother and her daughter without crying and it's been 6 years now.
1056792
You are not going to change his mind.  If he is not willing to marry for the sake of your child, your personal wishes are not of any consequence.  After all, how much worse can it get than changing diapers?
829832
You're not doing your daughter any justice by staying in a loveless marriage where she is exposed to arguements and coldness between her parents.  She will sense your unhappiness.  Neither you or your husband are happy, so end it and agree to put your child first...but not in the same household
681089
i think you need to ask her about adopt one child...hope she comes back to you,good luck.
570286
Were you married? File a paternity suit if you were not, and let the law find him. That's just wrong on his part, in all of these years not to have wanted to see his daughter. I couldn't live with myself knowing I had a child and wasn't a part of their life.
556767
JewJew, never mind the immature answers from some of the previous entries. \n\nLook, there are other alternatives to your situation.  It is wonderful that you and your husband have the love that you do for children and want to have more in your family.  Some families out there don't care enough for the children that they have been blessed with.  You can see that play right out on your answer list by those that probably were not brought up with a lot of morals.\n\nWhich brings us to the next point I am going to make.  There are a lot of children already out there that need loving families.  Such as yourselves.  Adoption would definitely be something to consider, without taking the medical risk that you are willing to.\n\nThis would be worth your time to look into, and as I already stated, don't be bothered by some of the other previous answers because they undoubtedly do not have a clue on what good parenting is all about, whether you have an entire house full of kids, or just one.\n\nGood luck to you and your husband's decision, Make it an act of faith!!   God Bless you and your family.....
1124288
i can tell you one thing, i have been in your shoes. when my husband and i first got together his mom and his sister hated me. and that was ok because the feeling was mutual. he basicaly looked at his mom and told her "hey this is the girl i want to be with, forever, and if you don't like it that to f** bad. " His mom wasn't very happy with this. he moved out of the house and moved in with me. She only saw him on holidays because he didn't want anything to do with her if she wasn't going to accept me. And yes i know it has to do with "taking away her baby boy" blah blah blah. His mom didn't like me until 2 yrs later when i gave birth to her granddaughter. Mind you, we were already married. So my advice to you is be kind, be nice and take it with a grain of salt. If he loves you then he will be the one to step up and say somethig to his family. He'll be a man about the situation and explain to everyone that you are the one for him and they need to accept you and respect you and the relationship that he has with you. Good Luck!
1123300
If the biologcial father has not been in her life since she was 2 years old,  then I am guessing that he has never paid child support either.  I do not know how things work in your state,  but look into filing for child support through the courts.  Put the locating on THEM.  Once he is located he will have to come up with the back child support or face jail.  The option of terminating rights could be presented to him at that time.  (Kind of like sign here and get out of jail free).  That is how my father had to do when it came to adopting my sister.  You would be surprised how quickly they sign to stay free.
529486
My daughter and son are both adopted (daughter's parents still living, son's father still living) so I understand what you are going through.  What seemed to work was explaining to our kids that you can love lots of people lots of different ways.  There's Bio-Dad and Mom love, and Adopto-Dad and Mom love, and Big Sister love and Little Brother love, and kitty-cat love, and puppy-dog love.  And, just because they played differently with the kitty-cat didn't mean they didn't love the puppy dog,and vice versa.  They loved both of them, but loved them diffrently, and that was OK.   Using the dog and the cat as examples was more expressive to them and helped them grasp the concept of it being OK to love different things differently and not feeling guilty about where (and to what/whom) their attention was focused.  What you do need to be careful about is any jealousy your ex-husband undoubtedly has, because any subliminal expression of this could add to your son's guilt of loving a new dad. It would also help if you could possibly get your ex to explain that it is OK to love his new daddy.  I think one of the things that also helped both the kids through that was they were both in the same boat so they did have each other as support mechanisms.  Perhaps there is a support group or other parents and children who are going through similar adjustments that you can connect with, as it may help your son to know he is not alone and other kids are going through the same thing he is.    Good luck...I'm glad you and your son found a good man.
145280
Just go. Let him be the one to do the legal thing. My husband's ex-wife did it (new husband in military) and they moved to Hawaii (we live in Louisiana). We have not seen my husband's daughter in almost 3 years because they transferred again and we've no idea where they are.
46295
Why would you want to REVERSE AN ADOPTION?? \nI am going to assume that the reason for wanting to do this is that you are no longer going to be with the natural parent of this child and you want out of the responsibility for that chid as well. If that is the case it is the most selfish thing I have ever heard of! You agreed to be a parent to that child!! This is as bad as parents that skip out on their natural born, you chose to be a parent to this child and now you are choosing to leave it behind. Imagine what you are doing to this childs self image and esteem!! Have you really thought about what you are doing?
666107
Yes! My ex-husband who feels like he wants to play a role of an uncle instead of a part-time dad so as to not take any responsibility for being a deadbeat dad. He has never had any contact since my son was 6 months old and my son nearly 8years old.  I have provided my son with a real dad, my current husband who has always loved him as his own, and a stable family.  After all these years he wants unsupervised visitation! With his girlfriend present, eventually, he says! No contact what-so-ever with his biological son until just now when I had to tell my kid about his other dad. Even then they spoke only 3 times and my son does not want to speak to him anymore.  He is a stranger to my son they have never even met.  This just angers me to no end;(!!!  Not to mention that he cheated on me and broke my soul. The only thing that kept me going was the love I had for my son. The son that he wanted me to abort even though I had always been faithful.  When I was later on in the pregnancy the wanted me to adopt out our child to his parents, what a jerk.  He is such an immature, selfish jerk. I hide it from everyone how much it disturbs me. My current husband has no understanding, he has never had his heat broken or been cheated on. He can not relate and gets angry at me. He thinks that I think that I have it so bad now that I want to be back with my ex.(not the case at all) I just want to scream:O!!!!
1130966
my husband has a child with his ex that is one month older than ours. IT IS HARD. but i love my stepson as much as i do my kids and i have always told my husband i would never come between him and his other son he even stays with him when he is sick and just got back from a week long trip with his ex wife and son it was for his son medical reason but i wouldnt have it any other way. Just becase he has a child already dosent mean yalls wont be as special this will be his child with YOU the woman he loves and that will make all the difference trust me and if you need anyone to talk to im here and know excatly what you are going thru just email or im me.