How do you move on after a divorce? Activity or contemplation?
543287
I think it is difficult for you to let go because you have children from the relationship and land up meeting him. Assuming you want to move forward, do minimize your contact with him else it is difficult to let go of him. To answer your question, I believe you need both - soul searching and activities.\n\nWhen you close a relationship, we tend to think of the "could haves" "would haves" and "what if". If you are doing that, please stop yourself. To really move forward, you have to shutdown the past, and have to tell yourself "Life goes on" and believe in it and think forward. \n\nSoul searching is very important becoz it will help you identify what you are and what you need from your partner. It might even help you reason out why the previous relationship ended and help you come to terms with it. This knowledge about yourself will also give you peace of mind, mental strength and confidence in yourself to move forward.\n\nActivities are very important too in order to live your day to day life and put the past behind. Doing activities you like to do will help you relax and make you happy. It will also help you connect with people who like to do the same activities you like. Thus it will help build network of friends and possibly help you find the right person in your life.\n\nSo, soul searching is required to understand what you are and what you need from this point on. Activities are important to have fun and enjoy the present.\n\nAdditionally I would say: 1) Workout more often becoz it helps reduce stress and makes you feel positive. 2) Stay around people and friends that have positive energy/attitude - it will really help feel positive. 3) Yoga and Meditation really help a lot too.
298383
You might want to try therapy but if its to the point where you know in your heart its over then the best thing to do is figure out a way to be friends and it will make the divorce go smoothly.
363440
first of all congradulations on your divorce-i am divorced too-when it's not the right one it sure feels good to be free-get involved in your community-i feel this is the best way to meet decent people-community theatreor go to local chamber of commerce or city hall and check out their events calander-get involved in something you enjoy-not only will you meet people but you will be doing good things for the community too-
790734
The very first thing you must realize is that you will not die because of divorce. It has happened to millions of people before you and it will happen to millions of people after you.\n\nAlthough divorce cause severe emotional pain, you must believe that you will get over it. Of course, it takes time, but you will eventually recover and find love again. It is very important that you understand this.\n\nIt is crucial to understand that the marriage is over. It is vital that you immediately let go of the other person and begin setting your own life in order.\n\nYou must not think about pain or dwell upon what was yesterday. The more you think about the past the worse it will hurt, and the longer it will take for you to recover. \n\nYou must think about yourself. You cannot allow yourself to just sit and waste away. You need to take hold of yourself and go on living. \n\nIn order to counter bad feelings, you must keep yourself busy - clean your house, wash your car, write out a budget, study or go to work. Keep yourself moving and working on the kinds of things that make you happy.\n\nIt is extremely important that you express the feelings of anger you are carrying or they will eat you alive. The best way to deal with anger is to know exactly what you are angry about and then choose the most suitable way to express your anger to the person that has made you angry. \n\nAnother important thing in recovering from a divorce is to eliminate the feelings of guilt from your mind as quickly as they come into sight. Simply tell yourself that your marriage did not work out. You must forget about your ex as quickly as you possibly can! \n\nOf course all of this is much easier said than done, but these things you must do, and you must do them right away. \n\nTo recover from the trauma of divorce, you must allow enough time for the healing process to be completed and be positive that tomorrow will be a happier day for you.
274344
It is pretty obvious that you did not have everything resolved when you divorced the ex.  I think the only thing you can do at this point is to discuss your feelings with your current husband.  There is a reason why you are with him and this is something that if left unchecked may cause a problem in your current marriage.  Next, maybe you need to seek counseling with your current husband in regards to your feelings about your ex.  I am quite sure there are people out there that still have feelings for their ex's, but they realized they are divorced for a reason.  I guess what I am saying is you need to do some soul searching and try to limit any problems before things get out of hand.  Be honest with yourself and seek whatever help you need to preserve your marriage (current) because that is who you chose to spend the rest of your life with.\n\nGood Luck with what ever you decide and I'll pray for you!!!\n\nWT
734680
Go on the trip...figure out what u want.....DO NOT GET MARRIED IF you are in any kinda doubt......DIVORCE IS HORRIBLE......\nWhen there is no question in your mind or heart.....Then you are ready.....\nPeace....
87880
Unfortunately, hon, there is nothing you can do  except stand beside both and be there to pick up the pieces and help them move on.  Try not to take sides, but stay neutral because they will both still be in your life.  Divorce is hard on all involved all the way around.  Sorry I couldn.t be of any other assistance.  May God Bless - Take care.
722912
have you exhausted all other options?  example: talking to a trusted friend/family member, seeking counselling from a higher up in your church and or counselling from a professional?  dont just jump into divorce, you may live to regret it.  my ex husband does..
649133
Tough situation.\n\nI, as one who's been there and done that, can only say you have to do what's best for you. My ex has been married for 19 years to the woman he fell in love with while we were married. I had to leave him in order to move on with my life and have never regretted it. We were not always friends but, in time, managed to find common ground for the sake of our children. \n\nYour child may or may not understand, in the beginning, but time heals all wounds. The main thing, where your son is concerned, is to make sure he understands it has nothing to do with him. Children have a tendency to absorb the guilt when their parents break up and you have to be prepared to deal with obstacles where he is concerned. Never leave him or his feeling out.\n\nThe marriage is obviously through and your wife seems to think she can keep you through your guilt. She knows you well enough to know this will hit a nerve and has no problem trumping you with it. That, in my opinion, is deceitful and manipulative. This being an indication of what the rest of your lives together must be like.\n\nI guess what I'm saying is, everyone will go task for this and the pain will be there no matter what, so why prolong it and take the chance of asking yourself, in years to come, "What if..."\n\nYou are obviously a kind and sensitive person who still cares about your wife as a person and as the mother of your child, but often this is not enough. A loveless marriage is a prison you can only wonder about being freed from. True love is something rare and beautiful. Cut your losses, let your wife go on with her life, without you, where she may have an opportunity to find true love which is obviously missing in your relationship with her.\n\nEach of you is responsible for your own happiness. You should grab yours while the opportunity is there. Your wife may choose to be bitter and angry or to be understanding and to put the child's happiness and welfare first. She is obviously not going to take it well, so be prepared for whatever may come.\n\nYou may think you'll feel nothing, but the break-up of a marriage is always emotional no matter the circumstances. Be sure you are prepared to deal with this aspect as well. Be sure not to leave your true love out of the emotional conflicts you may be going through during this time. You need to be able to share your true feelings with her and she needs to understand where you're coming from.\n\nGood luck and love. :)
1132391
Well, you divorced her, so you ARE no longer with her.  You will miss her for a while.  \n\nTry working on yourself for a while.  Persue some hobbies, relax, do whatever you feel.  Soon enough you will feel refreshed and will no longer miss her.
242687
It is absolutely vital for you to move forward with life and love. Being willing to trust again is key. Take things one step at a time. Don't try to make sense out of nonsense. Rationalizing your cheating ex's behaviour or sympathizing with him is pointless. It is never OK to go outside of your relationship to solve problems within a relationship. It's not your fault. \n\nDon't cling to negative feelings. Anger is nothing more than an outward sign of hurt, fear, guilt, grief or frustration. While the pain may never completely disappear, forgiveness can help you release the anger and bring those in your life closer to you. You can't change the things that happened in your life, but you can decide how you interpret and respond to them. If you didn't receive support when you needed it, give it to yourself now.\n\nConsider what you need to do to get emotional closure. Maybe you just need a simple apology. Someone may have said horrible things to you long ago, but it's possible you took over for them when it stopped.\n\nThere is no right timeline for recovery. For some people, making peace happens suddenly and spontaneously. For others, it takes time and effort. You may have to make a conscious effort every day to forgive. To say, "I'm letting this go. I'm not going to invest hatred, bitterness, anger, resentment in this person anymore." You can find closure in forgiveness.
844001
I guess it would depend on the circumstances of the divorce. Mine was due to lying, adultery, and mental illness (all on his part). After 12 1/2 yrs. of marriage and 2 1/2 yrs. of being apart it's getting harder and harder to remember the good times. I know they existed but the details are fuzzy now. I remember the hurtful times more - mostly because those are what you dwell on the most immediately after your spouse leaves. Emotions are usually high then and often negative. That is what sticks with you.\n\nAfter 27 yrs. of marriage I think it would be difficult to forget everything - especially if there were lots of good times (special vacation spots, things you both enjoyed doing together on a regular basis, events with the kids, etc.). It's a bit harder to go about rebuilding a new life after that kind of time together. You were probably so familiar to each other as the air you breathed at that point. I would have loved to get to that point in my marriage.\n\nPeople say after that long you take each other for granted, that things are 'boring'. That kind of being taken for granted and familiarity (also referred to as boring) has it's plus side. It has the opportunity to be a deeper, more satisfying, lasting love than what you can get from an affair or new relationship. Even while your brain is producing those wonderful chemical reactions to give you that 'in love' feeling it's hard to compare to 27 yrs. of someone being by your side. Even the stalest relationships can have new life breathed into them with a little effort and regular 'tune-ups'. Unless there was abuse I just couldn't imagine walking away from someone after that long. If it wasn't an amicable parting I feel very sorry for you both.
535012
Well, of course your going to feel this way. Having someone take advantage of your good nature would naturally scorn anyone's soul and heart. How long has it been since the divorce? Your just going to have to have time to heal. I would suggest though going out to put your mind at ease, but don't rush into another relationship quite fast.  Trust is something your going to just have to build with women again. Look back at your ex-wife were there signs that she was out for just money? If so use those signs to your advantage and beware of such signs in future relationships. DON'T EVER TELL SOMEONE YOUR DATING THAT SHE WAS A GOLD DIGGER. This may lead them to believe you could easily manipulated and taken advantaged of regardless of how long the marriage was. Simply say it was mutual and you rather not discuss it. Besides it's no body's business regardless of whom your dating or not. If there were no signs then be even more aware don't be to harsh w/ us women NOT all of us are out for money. I will pray for you strength to get back on your feet. You pray for a good Christian woman to come into your life and to be able to learn to trust again. Good Luck & God Bless. When you decide to become involved with someone again don't continue to be on the defensive either. You choose to date the woman so give her a chance, but just be aware of signs. Trust her, until you have proven it to be other wise or it's broke.  Don't allow your insecurity from a previous relationship or your ex-wife to ruin your chance for happiness.
200225
If you are considering another relationship with her then maybe marriage counselling would be a first step.  If you can get through that then I might consider trying again but obviously there were serious issues that warranted the divorce to begin with.
462749
First of all, I would ask if you have kept your committment to the terms of the divorce. If there are some specifics, then you could probably answer your own question.\nSecondly, just let her know you've moved on and if there are kids involved, plz consider them.
117213
Nuthin's wrong. You've just not got over your divorce, that's all. Just open yourself up (not literally :-) ) a bit and start interacting with everyone freely. You'll soon not only get over your divorce but also have a chance to find a lady good enough for you. BTW, you should also think of what you might have done wrong leading to your divorce so that you don't repeat the mistake once you find the right one.
704185
It sounds like you're already doing the right things - you have moved out, you have initiated divorce proceedings.  Go through with the divorce, and then look to the future.