What motivates ex-spouses to reconcile when they didn't love or trust in the marriage?
538488
Because your ex is afraid of being alone.  He see's you moving on and getting on with you life, by his is going nowhere.  and he's lonely.  With all the diseases out there and the gold diggers too, He knew you were there and that was a bit of stability in his life.  Now wwithout you he has no stability and like I said before, he's afraid of ending up a loney old man with no-one to love.
842224
well it is hard to admit that we are divorced, it's like saying I failed in  a relationship. But until you get over that feeling that it just wasn't meant to be, you won't feel good about yourself. You have to realize that it wasn't your fault and eveerything happens in life for a reason if we don't always know the reason
202802
yes,for example it does not take a day to forgive your husband after cheating it takes time to reconstruct the trust and bring life in to the love again.
218721
I had feelings for my ex after our divorce too.  I think it was a comfort thing.  No one knew me like he did.  But, as time passed I began to remember the reasons why I filed for divorce.  They certainly out weighed my fantasies of having a reunion.  Let time pass.  There are so many other singles out there that have been through the same thing.
242687
It is absolutely vital for you to move forward with life and love. Being willing to trust again is key. Take things one step at a time. Don't try to make sense out of nonsense. Rationalizing your cheating ex's behaviour or sympathizing with him is pointless. It is never OK to go outside of your relationship to solve problems within a relationship. It's not your fault. \n\nDon't cling to negative feelings. Anger is nothing more than an outward sign of hurt, fear, guilt, grief or frustration. While the pain may never completely disappear, forgiveness can help you release the anger and bring those in your life closer to you. You can't change the things that happened in your life, but you can decide how you interpret and respond to them. If you didn't receive support when you needed it, give it to yourself now.\n\nConsider what you need to do to get emotional closure. Maybe you just need a simple apology. Someone may have said horrible things to you long ago, but it's possible you took over for them when it stopped.\n\nThere is no right timeline for recovery. For some people, making peace happens suddenly and spontaneously. For others, it takes time and effort. You may have to make a conscious effort every day to forgive. To say, "I'm letting this go. I'm not going to invest hatred, bitterness, anger, resentment in this person anymore." You can find closure in forgiveness.
125267
Some times because they weren't in 'love' when they married. \n  But 'most' of the time I think, they both let the closeness slip away, and though they still love the person they married, there's no excitement there. So they meet someone else that's exciting and fun, and ruin what they could've saved, if they'd BOTH tried.
849413
trust is the basis of any relationship! if that trust is broken, it can be rebuilt, but at what cost? is the price worth it? that's my question for you?\n\nmy guess is that you broke that trust?
741231
a marriage is over when both people have no desire to fix it. marriage is hard work. you have to want things to change and work at them in order for them to get better. however, just from reading your question, you have already reached the point on no return.
1152031
no trust is a big issue......... is hard to explain but even after cheating even if you see your husband is truly sorry and he even makes effort to prove his changed and you see no evidence of him ever doing anything else..... trust is just something you can never regain once is lost is gone... you will always wonder about something..... but hey  there is so many of us in that boat,one can never feel lonely in something like this...... but the answer to this question is nope trust is the one thing that cant be recover in any case.good luck.
242745
I believe that it can as long as the spouse is TRULY sorry for what they did, and they take full responsibility and don't try to say "well if you were better, etc...". They also need to allow you to go through every emotion you need to go through. I also believe that marriage counseling is needed to figure out why it was done in the first place. It takes a LOT of work but if you BOTH are truly invested in the marriage, it can work.
282735
I stayed for 5 years longer than I should have.\nIt was an abusive relationship but it started slow and I kept believing his promises to stop and how sorry he was.  We found what I thought was a good church and things seemed to get better for a while but it was back to the 2-3 times a year yelling and shoving dominance establishing routine.  Nothing I ever did was good enough but I did not want my marriage to fail.  I kept hoping that this really was the last time he was going to be so horrid to me.\nSomeone eventually asked me "How much more of your life are you going to waste?" right around the time that he really lost it.  So I hit my f**k this s**t point and moved in with mom.  (Oh my god I had to move back in with my mommy.  I was an adult and I had to move back home.  How big of a loser was I?)\nAfter I moved out and all of a sudden he was really sorry and he did want to go to counciling after all and he really was going to change and we could take that trip to the mountains (3 hrs away) that we never had before.  I was angry that he was willing to change after I had left but I wasn't worth it before.  And that church I thought was so cool told me that I should forgive him amd move back in.  And they are supposed to be so supportative of women.  Guess I know better now.\nOn the up side, after I left I met the love of my life and we have been together for over a year.  Nothing like marrying your best friend.  And with what I have been through in the past I am well aware of how lucky I am to have a REAL husband and not just a spouse.
611209
My former marriage became loveless.  Symptoms included: Constant Criticism, un-achievable "expectations", no eye contact (unless angry), lack of communication, no physical contact, no interest in the others needs or desires, blaming the other for not reaching personal goals and own poor self-image, regular suspicion of motives, questioning of simple decisions......to name a few.
31980
According to the latest research there are 7 main reasons:\n\nPoor communication\nFinancial problems\nA lack of commitment to the marriage\nA dramatic change in priorities\nInfidelity\nFailed expectations or unmet needs\nAddictions and substance abuse and Physical, sexual or emotional abuse\n\nLack of conflict resolution skills although not a reason certainly contributes.\n\nEvery case is different as every couple has unique triggers an stresses, but in general the above reasons would give most folks a run for the money to stay together.
278352
I am currently in the same shoes as your husband.  It is tough when a man sincerely makes a change and tries to make good on promises especially if he hadn't in the past.  It seems that everything that is done in a positive manner is viewed as way of trying to influence the wife into coming back.  \n\nIf you can truly see that he is trying to change, but you are afraid of the pain then that is understandable.  Your feelings and "sanity" should be considered.  Here is the thing though, what are you doing to change???  Alot of times when someone is "done wrong", they feel that they didn't have a role in it.  Maybe you are the perfect wife, but I suspect that something that about you has played a part in your separation.  Not knowing your particulars, I would say work on making yourself a better person.  The change in you may make you understand the change in him.\n\nI sincerely hope that your husband has changed.  I hard when someone you love does not believe in you and the pain that is caused becomes unbearable at times.  But if he is fighting through all of that, maybe there is something about him that is redeemable.\n\nGood Luck and I'll pray for the two of you.\n\nWT
578158
yeah sometimes they do, but that relationship often doesnt work out either. i see your dr phil nickname,, i watched a program of his a couple years or so ago where they stayed in touch with people where they met when one or both were married, had an affair, and then eventually left those marriages and moved in together or got married. the divorce rate of those new couples was HIGHER than the country avg of about 50%. it turns out that the trust issues transferred into the new marriage because they both already knew how deceitful they could be and started wondering if the same would happen to THEM now. it usually spells disaster. if the married person is unhappy they should leave the relationship and be on their own for awhile before starting something new. instead of stringing everyone along.
787705
its a question-maybe-I let my x back -but the marriage was never the same-but the most important thing is to pray and let Jesus into your heart to forgive even one lie in our life and help us do better-amen  Revelation 3:19&20 -he healed my heart and I am ready to trust again-only in a new marriage Lord willin---WILL BE PRAYIN FOR YOU TOO
517102
I hate stone throwers.  \n\nOne, because I fell weak to cheating, and it started out as a great friendship. I regreted it when it reached the sexual level (even though it only happened once, because I wouldn't allow myself to go farther). I felt dirty, because by no means am I a person with no values or integrity.  My values did not change, it was my behavior; that's a big difference.   \n\nSecond, my husband found out and the problems that arised from it were just unecessary.  When my husband was faced with the reality of me being with another man, things actually changed for the better.  Our communication has improved dramatically.  He has been an abusive husband, both physically and emotionally, suddenly I became queen Elizabeth in his world; he treats me great now, and he confesses that he wants me to remain his wife because he can't see himself without me.  I had always communicated to him the neglect and abuse that I felt from him; it always went to shallow ears, until the cheating thing surfaced.  Although trust is now the present issue, I am working on regaining it.  By showing him that I want a life with him, and being there for him, doing the things that I always have in our home.  \n\nI too believe in raising our children together. You need to find a way to get to him, and sit him down and tell him how you feel.  You don't have to reach a good communication point by cheating, there are other ways.  Most husbands will leave their wife after finding out they cheated; in that sense I am fortunate.  \n\nThe problem is that you are both limiting yourselfs and shutting each other out.  There is a way to break that wall.  You fell in love with this man once before, try to do those little special things that you used to do for him, back when love was ever so strong between you; that's the way I am living today, and it is working out amazingly.  I truly fell in love with my husband again.