does my poem make sense? read it?
547373
Good use of symbols. I like how line 2 fits with the last two lines, it brings unity to the poem. Towards the end I think I got a little bit of a glimpse of what the poem might be about, but ultimately I feel like the message is hidden from me. It seems the third- and fourth-to-last lines are the culmination of the poem; is it possible to reword some of the earlier lines so as the reader can share what you're feeling when they reach the end?\n\nRegarding parenthesis: as long as you know what they mean then they're fine.
192626
What do *you* think?  \n\nLiterary criticism is worth nothing until you learn to form your own opinions of creative works.  I can tell you what *I* think but how are you going to know if I'm right unless you try and sort it out for yourself?\n\nUpdate: Actually I don't think much of this poem. It's far too literal and falls into plain diatribe by the end.  But anyway, update your question with your own opinions and I'll tell you if I think you're on the right track.\n\nUpdate: NO!  You're off to a great start!  Excellent thinking!  \n\nConsider the rock, the river, and the tree are obviously not supposed to be literally a rock, river, and tree, but metaphors. What do they stand for?  What are the characteristics of each?  What are the differences between them?  What is the promise of each?\n\nHint:  The rock never changes but provides a solid base.  The river flows and provides life-giving water.  The tree grows and always changes and gives comfort and shade.  What three things are also related like this?  One never changing below us, one always flowing by us, and the last always growing above us?\n\nOnce you see these the rest of the poem makes a lot more sense.\n\nAs for "tone", look for repetitive sounds in the poem.  What words rhyme?  What words repeat?  What vowel sounds are repeated?  Repetition and rhyme are used to emphasize certain words -- do you see any patterns?\n\nFinally most scholars interpret this poem to be a celebration of diversity and united effort, not necessarily about everyone having a second chance.  But I suppose that's a possibly sub-theme of the poem.\n\nUpdate: if you want more help please post in my 360 page.  This forum doesn't work well for repeated postings.
808375
This poem relates drug use to existantial and philosophical issues, like "whyo is right" and "we're just like the swaying trees".\nAs a previous drug user I can relate to this, I questioned authority and conventional wisdom, and also wondered about the universe, in part to justify and in part enhance my drug use.\nWhether or not these traits are typical would determine the amount of insight your poem contains, but unfortunately I can't answer that question for us.\nI'm drug free now. I feel that a part of my decision has been partly due to internet access - I have the same stimulation and excitement online that I had before "offline" on drugs. Thats not the whole story, but I feel that I've at least taken a strike at the nail (rather than hit it on the head).\nAs have you.\nWell done for writing poetry.\nI hope you continue.\nThankyou.
1170485
you seem like a good writer although I'm not the one to critique you....my speciality is poetry-free verse form.  good luck.
202534
Basically it is a poem of 5 lines and must have a set number of syllables\nThe normaly set is a 5 7 5 7 7 ( each number being the number of sylables in each line)\n\nThese sorces will help
885521
it's not a sonnet. sonnets have very specific patterns.\nI'd need to see the actual poem to tell you more.
746531
Wow, that is so beautiful.\nNo, it does not sound like a letter, it's definately a poem and it has a story somewhere in there. I wouldn't mind hearing it, i'm interested. I've written a few poems but they're not constructed well like yours is very well done. mine all have stories burried somewhere in them. How i came to writting whatever i wrote or what they're about.\n\nbest of luck, and keep on rolling\n~just a Youngling\n\nps. i chocked on a paperclip because that's how i roll
1070869
Welllll...I belong to a poetry workshop online, and if I reviewed your poem, I might say something like this: Your poem is filled with obvious pain and honest emotion, however I feel in some places your creativity is compromised by the rhymes...by which I mean you are stretching to achieve rhyme in places, using things that otherwise might not fit the best, like "hardware in his ears" and watching him like a "bear". The repetition of bloodstain and drip are a bit much. The image of red blood on your white shirt is good-you should play that up a bit maybe. Poetry is hard work-keep writing and good luck! And please don't cut yourself over a guy, or anything else, btw. I hope that part is just poetic license. :)
461159
well i think is a  nice poem and i don't think it is a contradiction but a consistency through all of it . i also think that it is important for God to be chosen and not imposed this is what free will is all about . let those who chose Him to do so and let those who reject Him to do so too . i see not problem whit that . at the end we will get what we look for .\n plz let us know where u get it from .
856647
no way man, i didnt even read this poem and i know its a bad idea. if you like a girl and nothing is going down yet, a poem will sink your ship my friend. way, way too much. think simpler
924346
How can you kill someone if they tell you to do your own homework? And you did the poem yourself, you didn't ask someone to do it for you.\n\nBut, yeah, the poem sounds great. Personally, I wouldn't change anything since poems are more artistic than being grammatically correct. If you feel that you got your artistic point across, then you don't need to change it.
542771
Hey, I am so sorry that I didnt write a poem. I cant write poems very good. LOL. But I just wanted to tell you how good that poem is.I love reading poems about what others went through, and this is the best one yet! I hope everything works out between you and your ex.
776584
aha,lol.good one.i guess your mom will love the poem,go for it!
231805
the poem is very good!!!
603073
sorry, i searched poetry sites,quotation sites, by author,firstlines,subject. best i can think of is contact nearest university library or professor of lit. wish you luck, it sounds like a really heartfelt poem. sure wish i knew it.
590020
Kinda long, but great and has a great message. Usually if a poem is this long I go to a differnt one, but this keep the reader's attention. did u write this poem? You have real talent. Good Job!
826692
(m)\n\nNice Poem..... what happened next......