How do you trust your husband again when he has lied and told another woman he loved he and didn't mean it?
553673
I am very sorry for your current situation. It has to hurt knowing that the person you love most in this world has betrayed your trust. My advice is to go to a marriage counselor. They can help you get through this difficult time, and maybe they will be able to find the underlying cause of his betrayal. After all cheating isn't the problem, it's merely a symptom that something else in the relationship is wrong. If you have been together for five years you obviously love eachother enough to try to get through this. Best of luck, you'll be in my prayers.
978282
Understand that he will never trust you.  I was home with two kids and pregnant and being accused of having an affair.  Pleeeeaaaassssseeeee!  He probably doesn't trust you because he is guilty or because someone before you ruined him.  Personally, If this was me, I would take the out he has given me.  I wonder if he trusted you to begin with.\n\nI would leave, get pro-active, pilates, buy a new dress and get a new man!  One who isnt' abusive and a cheater!
441883
If you really love him how could you tell him something so hurtful . Love doesn't hurt the people it cares about .  you may love some other guy but the thing is that other guy is not your husband .  You really need to sit back and pull yourself together .  You promised you would love your husband till death parted you . Don't break that promise I think he loves  you and you crushed him .
115447
It is human nature not to trust someone that has hurt you that bad.   It is hard to work through that pain,  You will never trust each other like you did before.  Realize that and accept the fact you both have cheated.\n\nNow you need to move beyond it.  Forget trust, and stop worrying.  Concentrate on the reasons that you both want to stay together.  Rebuild your relationship on thse reasons.  If it's for the kids, make the kids the center of your life.  If it's because you still love each other, concentrate on that.  \n\nNow go to counselling.
130066
well its really hard to get back the trust..be patient..just give her time to think..be sincere of all ur actions and all ur saying...... and assure not only to ur wife but also urself that u will not hurt her again
158736
These are really hard shoes you are asking us to put ourselves in....I don't think any of us could say for sure what we would do unless we were actually in this postiton. Try to take time to think about the information you have learned, what were the circumstances in you marriage at the time. Determine how your relationship has been since then. Was the affairs with different women or one? How did you find out, by mistake or did he tell you? Why did he tell you after all these years? Is he looking for a way out or has he been consued with guilt all these years and wanted the truth to be told? You have alot of questions to sort through in your mind, and in your heart. The best advise I can give you, is to listen to your heart. Give yourself a little bit of time to digest everything, right now the hurt, humiliation, betrayl, and disgust are fresh wounds, and might cause you to lash out and do something you really don't want to do just to hurt him. I am sorry you have to go through this hurt, I wish you luck love and happiness.
989393
All of your life, your man will be in the vicinity of pretty, likeable, interesting women.  He will have to make the choice again and again to value his commitment to you enough to conquer temptation.  You have to decide whether you trust him.  \n\nIf you don't trust him, leave.  There is nothing worse than feeling like a nagging, jealous, insecure wreck, constantly judging your own attractiveness against that of the pretty women who walk by.  You cannot be a wreck and give him the love he needs, nor can you enjoy the relationship at all.  If you can't trust him, then it doesn't matter what you've sacrificed for this relationship. Having lost in the past doesn't excuse losing in the future.  \n\nIf you do trust him, stay.  Stay, and make that same leap of faith you did at the beginning of the relationship, before he hurt you.  I know it's hard- I've been there. Make yourself vulnerable again.  Decide to trust him.  Stop trying to be detective and psychologist and judge.  Decide that he won't cheat on you, and that furthermore, if he does cheat on you, you are content to be the fool who's the last one to know.  Love him and allow him to love you, with the same delight and innocence of the beginning of your relationship.  \n\nYou have to decide whether or not you can trust him and then you have to follow through on your decision.  I don't know if you should marry him because I'm sure there's more you haven't told me.  But I do know that for a marriage to work, a woman has to learn to forgive her husband- completely, and move on from whatever he did that injured her.  If you can't do that with him, if you'd rather start over with a man less likely to hurt you in that way, you have to be honest with yourself about it.  \n\nIf you decide to stay (and honestly, I think you should), how should you handle this woman?  Well, first you have to spend some time completely ignoring her existence.  Just cut her out of the list of possible topics of discussion with your man, your friends and your family.  Stop talking about her, stop thinking about her, stop paying attention to where she shows up and whether your man is there too.  To the degree you do acknowledge that she exists, it's as one of your man's many friends and acquaintances, not special in any particular way.  Stop feeling threatened by her.  You are HIS woman.  She is just A woman, no matter their history.  No one else can touch your status with him, nor approach it in importance.  \n\nThen, after some time has passed (give it at least a month or two of not acting like a jealous b*tch), and you have won your man's trust, start being friendly to this woman.  When you see her around, go up to her and strike up friendly conversation.  It can be about the weather, it doesn't matter.  Try to be nice.  Remember what they say: keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.  There are many good reasons to  be nice to her.  First of all, she may feel more shame about acting like a homewrecker.  Second, if your boyfriend's family loves her and you plan on marrying him, she will be a part of your life for decades.  You need to get used to her presence in your life now, and put it in terms you can live with.\n\nP.S.  Get your G.E.D.  Without an education, you've got fewer options, and you can back yourself into a corner and feel helpless. No man is a good enough excuse to stop taking care of yourself, and your HS diploma is something you really need.
331484
Tell him that you were deeply hurt by what he did and that it will take a very long time for him to earn your trust back. Tell him that you love him very deeply and you only want to love him more. Stop making cracks about it. It's pretty messed up. He probably feels horrible about lying (hopefully) and that will only make him hate himself more. BTW about it being a learning tool, don't believe that crock of bull. A previous *friend* that was a girl told me that she would teach me how to treat a girl right and all we did was make out, but I don't count that as a teaching tool, we straight up made out. I don't try to tell my fiancee' any story about it being a teaching lesson, I straight up told her: Before I was with you, I made out with another girl. I wasn't in love with her. I was infatuated with her. It was a crush and would have never become anything more. But that's about all you can do. Tell him to stop making excuses for his actions and that it will be harder for you to trust him in the future. He may never earn your trust back, but in the end, it's all up to you.\n\nHad something similair happen with my fiancee'. She lied about being raped. It really hurt me, probably more than your hurting right now. She earned my trust back, but i'm still very cautious!
980344
Do you still love him?  If you do then I would say try again.  BUT, you need to have a serious conversation with him before you put yourself out there again.  Explain to him that you never cheated and you were offended when he just blindly believed a rumor instead of even asking your side.  This is your life and your decision, do you think he is worth your time?  Is he going to just believe anything anyone says about you?  He needs to realize that the 2 of you are the only ones in your relationship...  Hope everything works out good for you.
175250
Well if he really loves you all you need to do is show him you love him tell him you love him and be completely honest with him about everything. Even the smallest little white lie can be a big thing at this point if he thinks you are being the least bit secretive then he will lose more and more trust in you. I know because I am in a similar situation with my wife, and those are the things I wish I could have from her to help me rebuild our trust
451504
Relationships are based upon honesty and trust. I could not lie to my husband about anything even when i know that it is going to get me in trouble, the reason is is because I love him and he deserves to know what is going on and to lie to him is to dishonor him. \n\nShe is probably embarrassed about her habit, but she needs to realize that it is not okay to lie to you about it. It is not very honorable to lie to someone and I can understand where you would not trust her.  You probably almost feel like she is hiding something. \n\nI would suggest having a long hearted but gentle and calm talk with her and maybe counseling may be necessary as well
779022
Well, if he already cheated on you once, there is a possible that he could be doing it once again. But you never know, sometimes that is not the case. Well, also, it's ok for you to have lost the trust that you had in him because of what he did. I think that you can either wait and see if more things are weird or you can talk to him and tell him how you feel. Communication and honesty is the best thing in a relationship and maybe that will work. About being concerned, I think you should be if he is trying to go on with that plot. (Which I really doubt). I think that you need to keep calm unless you see more wrong things but still be cautious.
1171412
Sorry to hear bout this but \nNO NO NO\nonce a cheater always a cheater. but what makes it worse is he lied. you won't be able to trust him and if there is no trust there is no relationship. you don't want to be spending you life wondering if he is with another woman.
384555
I have been with my husband for almost 3 years and had an affair 6 mos ago.  I told him and he admitted to his shortcomings that led me to seek love elsewhere.  Now he says he will never leave me because I am the only woman he has ever been with that was that honest with him about something like that.
1152031
no trust is a big issue......... is hard to explain but even after cheating even if you see your husband is truly sorry and he even makes effort to prove his changed and you see no evidence of him ever doing anything else..... trust is just something you can never regain once is lost is gone... you will always wonder about something..... but hey  there is so many of us in that boat,one can never feel lonely in something like this...... but the answer to this question is nope trust is the one thing that cant be recover in any case.good luck.
470258
I will warn you now from being ther 'other woman'... you are setting yourself (and the prospecitve other woman) and your wife up for a LOT of heartache. I fell in love with a man that I can't have and it has destroyed my life (message me offline if you want to hear it). He calls his wife an ice cube and they have barely had any kind of intimate relationship in four years. I gave him love, affection and my soul only to have it destroyed. Could you honestly hurt anyone like this if it happened?? You have to think of all of the people that will become involved and it will more than likely turn into a big mess.\n\nThink seriously before you proceed.
936854
How can you be friends with someone who has betrayed your trust? You can be polite because of your child and because in life you get more with honey than you do with vinegar! HOwever, that is all I would be. No information, no jokes, no real conversation. Then take a deep breath. Realize that he looked at your relationship with all its pluses and cons and decided to try his luck elsewhere. UNfortunatly he forget to inform you about his decision. Take another deep breath. Realize that a cheater is a liar is a sneak-- aren't you worth more? In other words, through thick and thin you stood by him but he could not do the same. Honey, he is not wrothy of your love. Put on some make-up, get dressed and go out!