my partner of 5yrs keeps trying to make out i am mad?
547575
All I can say is that I'm with the majority here. You should leave your partner and avoid him as much as possible afterwards. Believe me, if you do leave him, he will lie about your relationship and you behind your back to anyone who will listen. So you want to avoid him at all costs. And if the two of you have mutual friends, be very careful because he may already have set you up by complaining to them about you. \n\nI know this may sound paranoid and excessive but if your partner does the things you say he's doing, it's much more likely to happen as I describe than for him to suddenly become supportive and truthful. He's blaming you for things that you haven't done. Then tells you that you're crazy for denying them.\n\nThere is a famous movie, "Gaslight," in which the "loving" husband creates situations that make his wife look like she's losing her mind. It takes place in the 1800s or early 1900s when houses were lit with gas lamps. The husband turned the gas down from the attic while his wife thought he was at work or somewhere else. She would tell him that the lights were dimming on their own but when they checked together, the lights were fine. Hence, the title "Gaslight." \n\nThis story became so well-known that "gaslighting" is a term commonly used to describe situations where someone is being made to appear crazy to others and deceived into thinking they're losing their own minds. Example: "He's gaslighting you."\n\nIn reality, he isn't your partner. Partners should not undermine each other.\n\nThe reasons why people behave this way may vary. It may give him a sense of control. If he resents your support, it may be his way of punishing you for making him resent you for helping him. (I didn't say these reasons make sense.) He may be taking advantage of you for his personal financial gain -- he keeps his money and spends yours for living. He may just be a mean and angry person.\n\nYou may say that he wasn't like this when you both fell in love. That's entirely possible. This may have been a hidden side of him, revealed only after he relaxes his self-control. Or situations in his life may have changed him.\n\nIt almost doesn't matter. He -might- improve without you. He'll only get worse with you. \n\nAnd if you do choose to leave him, DON'T believe his promises, pleading, and changed behavior if he tries to win you back. If he ever does improve, it will take years. By then, hopefully, you'll have moved on to a better, happier and more peaceful life.\n\nGood luck.
163007
i know the feeling, it sucks! we've been together for 5 yrs now & im secretly apologizing to him at the back of my mind... take your time to listen to whatever it is that's bothering you right now, a little time off perhaps,so you can figure it out? \nlife is too short for slip ups in relationships. at least you won't be where im at cuz it really sucks!
658987
Almost all the other answers will just make this worse (sorry.) Maybe he's angry with you. And maybe you are angry with him. That's normal.\n\nI have a suggestion and try it before you say "Oh, that will NEVER work." I will put a link to a book below, and just read it and try it out. You have power to get what you want, and he will stop doing this, and it's so easy you will be amazed. But you have to trust me on this one.
1104864
I would tell him that hes pissing me off and upsetting me by saying those things and talk to him about it. see if he will agree to stop it. then if he keeps on, i would just dump him and move on. there are PLENTY of guys who will make you feel special... you dont need one who tells you that you need to change just to suit him.
994773
Yes I get drunk with my partner, and yes we sometimes fight, just like we would fight had we not been drinking, but you tend to say things you dont really mean when your drinking so maybe that's why he's mad still.  Really think about what you say when your fighting, somethings are better left unsaid.
1169698
Why are you so upset? He is not hiding it from you,\nso no dirty secrets. Ask him if you can watch with him.\nMaybe the male version of this. You both could have some\nlaughs and fun together.\nWhat do you mean by "Our sex life is regular".\nMaybe it should be less regular and a bit more "Off the wall"\n"Regular" is boooooring! Let him try some of the stuff he\nsees on his computer and maybe you could come up with \nsomething new or naughty too - could be more fun \nfor both of you and not soooooo regular. \nMake LOVE not WAR!!!!
1050195
Here's the main problem:  You're telling him this and telling him that.\n\nHe's not listening.  Actions speak louder than words.  You need to talk to him not tell him.  Say "listen, I feel as though when you say this (be specific), it's disrespectful to me.  I'd appreciate you not doing it".  If he does it again, Simply leave.  He'll either get his act together very quickly or you just discovered his true colors and all you were there for was to support him, not be a partner.
118233
your behavior seems very irresponsible.  look at yourself.  take responsibility for yourself, your feelings, your actions.  Learn from your mistakes in this relationship
77597
To me if he keeps playing with you he dosen't take you seriously. Or maybe he's just afraid to tell you what he is really feeling. You should have a talk with him and just lay everything on the tableto see what's really going on.
145135
Don't get even, that makes you just like him. The best thing to do is just make sure neither of you is actively mad, sit down, and confront him. Make sure you don't yell at him, just let him know that you know that he's lying to you, tell him you wish he'd spend more time with you, and you wish he'd be a little more considerate. If you still care for him and still want to be with him, let him know that too. If he can't handle a calm confrontation like that, you need think about whether or not he's worth spending more time on, considering he's actively lied to you for three years. Please be careful to be calm when you talk to him, and good luck. Also, remember that even though a little lie like this one might seem insignificant, there might be something under it. Even though it's small, if you want to have an open, good relationship, you need to confront the situation, and not have any secrets between you.
142260
yes you should be mad for not telling you, think about it. if he didnt tell you that thing being so small and simple and something that he didnt even initiate then image what hes NOT telling you! keep asking and be persistant
1071827
some guys take it as an insult to them and get defensive (acting mad) instead of seeing the problem and remedying it (making suggestions).  i would just try to talk to him and tell him you want to talk about it to help your relationship not hurt it.  At least you're honest and towards the first step of making it better for the both of you.
327272
It looks to me that your wife is playing with you.The way she acts towards you doesn't show that she loves you..ore respects you for that matter!I'd talk to her,tell her what you think and feel..that you need to her to change her ways,because this isn't working out for you.If she refuses,ask yourself if this is how you want to go on....clearly this is making you very unhappy,you shouldn't accept this!
630689
He is nuts. really. THis is a no brainer, and being with him will make you insane. Find another to love. It is off the wall,s off the vharts, out of reality.
1164160
Nope.  Frankly, I'm the same way.  My gf let me know it bothers her, so, I'm trying to make adjustments.  But, if you keep asking him, it'll just take longer and make him more irritated, maybe to the point where he can't deal with it anymore.  I'd let him know it bothers you, and leave it.  If he's going to change, he'll do it on his own.
831949
Maybe you two should seek couple's counseling.  His anger is alarming.  It could escalate into something worse.  Do yourself a favor, and try to get help for this.  He should not explode like that and say those hurtful things.
921431
I would be more concerned about why your Husband told you in the first place, could it not be that your Husband is lying, I am not saying he is, but you have to look at it from both sides, and try to rationalize everything, Men do sometimes lie about this type of thing, to make their partners jealous