:): What did  the computer say to the fireplace.......?
551446
well the computer said, hey, fireplace b!tch, i'm going to pee on your chest, the fireplace replied, i f-ed your mom, it was kind of a disturbing conversation, but i listened anyway, then i put on some kenny g. and had a relaxing evening by the fireplace while looking up porn on my computer, i mean looking up quotes from the bible
294156
say a whole bunch of fancy made up words about computers, and then when she says, so what does that mean? say, your new computer is now officaly a peice of s*** and continue to exlpain that if you have cats , that they should not sleep in front of the computer fan. and actually check and make sure there is not a giant pile of dust in her floppy\n\nlol
49842
Received: A book called "Dancing with Cats" - a picture book, with stories of how these fruitcakes 'communicate' and better their relationships (?) with thier cats by dressing up like a cat and dancing. It was like a horrible, horrible car wreck. It was disgustingly stupid, but I had to look at all the pictures. I couldn't read any of it. Too gay.\n\nGave: A card. A birthday card. On the outside, it had a picture of a hot chick saying something about 'digging deep' for a gift. On the inside, she was nekkid, and had her ENTIRE hand in her...ahh...'bad place' (fudge tunnel, if you like)!\n\nThat too was a car wreck - it was really nasty, but you HAD to look.
803746
Cool,\n-make it arrange 3 boxes on top of each other\n-make it find the power socket\n-trace and stand beside tabl where your glass (attached sensor) located\n-shut the door for you\n-find your shoose maybe clean it\n-play with your pet\n-get you bear can from fridg ;)\nlet me know what you did it's so interesting subject for me.\nlabibbaroudi@hotmail.com
570632
Give it a good smack.....then give it another one for me!\n:-)\n\n\n\n****I'm just kidding....this is what's known as a "joke".\nI am in no way condoning physical violence against computers or their parts.\n:-) hehehe
813231
I'm good, but not as good as some people who can like reprogram the data base with a reconfig on the pumpkin drive diswdkfjbhsifhb blahblahblahblah.....i dont like computer lingo! its confusing!\n\n\n=) Are you that good with computers?
237962
He's addicted to the computer. Or maybe he's a little bored. What do you normally do? Suggest some more interesting activities. Or go somewhere else. Or invite other couples over. =D G'luck!
1069402
This one made me scared to cook Ladybug ladybug fly away home.\nYour house is on fire, your children are gone.\nAll except one, her name is Nan.\nShe crept under a frying pan.lol
757441
Something miraculous as happened!  By some strange happenstance, your computer has gained artificial intelligence and is defending itself from my space.  I can't tell you how to fix your problem. But I'd like to learn how you created it, because I know I can sell that program the parents all over the world!
92492
Simple, clean out your fireplace. Why spend the money; Nurserymen save everything. Now riddle me this batman, what is my trade?
1063444
High Tech Bodies\n\nThree women, one Greman, one Japanese, and a Hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna. \nSuddenly there was a beeping sound. \nThe Greman pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped. \nThe others looked at her questioningly. \n\n"That was my pager," she said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."\n\nA few minutes later, a phone rang. \nThe Japanese women lifted her palm to her ear and talked quietly. \nWhen she was finished, she explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."\n\nThe Hillbilly woman felt decidedly low tech. \nNot to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. \nShe stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. \nShe returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her behind. \nThe others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.\n\nThe Hillbilly woman finally said, "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax."
1136984
threw a bunch of napkins on the stove top. They all caught on fire and almost burned the house down. \n\nGot a good whackin that day! :-)
1091362
*********************************\nHave you no one to talk to?\n....drop the computer on its head\n...and run as fast as you can\n..screaming...I'M ALIVE!!!!!!!\n**********************************
103293
he\n\nheee he\n\nhee hehe ha \n\nhaaaa ha haaaa haa\n\nYes, but it runs off of candle light and is currently offline.\n\nGo to ebay and buy a new one.
788316
JustHonest's house..:D
804818
That was funny.\n\nRead this one\n\n"There is always one" : Call centre conversations\n\nThere's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. Thisis a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".\n\nActual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.\n(Now I know why they record these conversations!):\n\nOperator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; May I help you?"\nCaller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."\nOperator: "What sort of trouble??"\nCaller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."\nOperator: "Went away?"\nCaller: "They disappeared."\nOperator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"\nCaller: "Nothing."\nOperator: "Nothing??"\nCaller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."\nOperator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"\nCaller: "How do I tell?"\nOperator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"\nCaller: "What's a sea-prompt?"\nOperator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"\nCaller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."\nOperator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"\nCaller: "What's a monitor?"\nOperator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.\nDoes it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"\n\nCaller: "I don't know."\nOperator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"\nCaller: "Yes, I think so."\nOperator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. Caller: "Yes, it is."\nOperator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"\n\nCaller: "No."\nOperator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."\nCaller: "Okay, here it is."\nOperator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."\nCaller: "I can't reach."\nOperator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"\nCaller: "No."\nOperator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"\nCaller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."\nOperator: "Dark??"\nCaller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."\n\nOperator: "Well, turn on the office light then."\nCaller: "I can't."\nOperator: "No? Why not??"\nCaller: "Because there's a power failure."\nOperator: "A power...................................... A power failure?\nAha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"\nCaller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."\nOperator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."\nCaller: "Really? Is it that bad?"\nOperator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."\nCaller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"\nOperator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer".\n\nBYE - Imtiyaz
835788
My take:  the keyboard is probably toast.\n\nCleaning it is worth a try, but I'd start checking into getting a new one.