how to deal with a lying husband?
541627
Honey dealing with a liar is hard. You need to be very strong to deal with someone you love knowing he lies and that you can't trust a word out of his mouth. Talk with him in a calm manner and ask why he does this, Good Luck
147535
Alright....I'm a reformed liar. I can admit it because I've fixed that within me. I've seperated myself from that part of my past and I have moved on. Having said that, now we can go into why he's lying. When someone lies to the one they love, they don't do so to intentionally hurt. Even tho that's usually the outcome. He's obviously been in a situation/relationship before you where his situation didn't provide for any trust structure. So to carry on some semblance of normalcy he learned to fabricate a reality to satisfy the questioning/insecurities of another JUSt so he could function on a day to day basis. What it boils down to is this: He's never known a relationship where trust is real and all-encompassing. He could fear he doesn't deserve you. Comes from past feelings of inadequecy or lack of self-worth. You're much more then he feels he deserves. Even tho you're what he wants. It's a self-destructive attitude I had. Psychologists agree. If you don't feel you deserve something, you won't treat it well. Human nature. But I digress. He needs to UNDERSTAND that in YOU he can have true faith and trust. He can confide in you like none other. Because you are his wife. And noone will ever come between that. You need to create that safe zone so he can feel safe to come to you for things and to tell you what is on his mind. As it is now he doesn't feel you can handle things he thinks and feels. He fears you'll blow up on him or overreact or even leave him if he tells you what/how he thinks and feels. You need to show him. Not only in words but also in matching actions. Say you can handle it and then actually handle it. Help him break that reflex of fabricating what he thinks you want to hear. Trust me...he's a prisoner. I was. It cost me almost everything. But most of all....have patience. This is his self-defense/preservation reflex. I say "reflex". So he automatically does it before he thinks I'm sure. So, like an alcholic in rehab you must be his friend and help him through it. Make it through and your relationship will be stronger then you've ever seen it. Best thing is: once in that habbit of total communication and honesty, he'll become addicted to the safety of it's feeling and stick with it. Because if he's the guy I was, he hates the stress and poressure of all that guilt. Best of luck to you.
225470
Intuition is a strong thing....\n\nCheck for 'changes' or excuses in his schedule.  \n\nPop in for lunch if that is a possibility, unannounced.\n\nCheck for missing money - not depositing as much in the bank as his checks are - or he's spending more but he's taking cash, or unusual credit card charges?\n\nCheck Cell Phone Records. \n\nAt the end of the day, you just need to ask... and believe your intuition because GENERALLY our guts don't lie about this.  Try to get one of the above facts verified, and then ask.  Good Luck, and some marriages can be saved, but through a lot of pain an forgiveness and DEDICATION on the hubby's part..  I wish you all the best during this painful time.
970290
Perhaps you could confront them by letting them know that your husband is aware of what was said, and that you feel betrayed because it had been a private conversation between close friends. Let them know that you feel hurt as well, because it has as you have said, made a very tense situation even worse. \n\nIn some ways it is to be expected that these friends of yours would tell their husbands, that is their life partner. What is terribly wrong is for the husbands to turn around and not only repeat your private words and cause more problems for you, but these husbands also ratted on their own wives by telling. Goes to show you that these husbands did not even think about how their actions would afftect you or the bad position they put their ownnn  wives in. Now these women of course will have to face you with what they have done. All around not a good situation. \n\nI would be very hurt by their actions but as well, I do not think they told their husbands to be mean or to do it as gossip but to share in what you are going through and perhaps as women do... run it by someone else in order to get another's opinion.  Perhaps you could keep this in mind as you confront them. They do owe you a big apology..... as well as their husbands.  Good luck... I hope everything turns out ok for you.
388104
well, sorry to tell you this but it's all depends on your partner..but here's what yOu can do. First of all never starts anything with lies. no matter how hard it seems, no matter how bad they'll hate you after, dont lie. say anything you want to say, say everything you have to say, and never try to make things better with saying, "it's not you, it's just me..." and other self-blame-cliche-excuses...and let them know that you still want to have a good relationship with them cuz no matter what they still a part of you right? but then again, you have to respect their decision if they refuse you at first cuz it's really tough to accept the fact that you cannot be with someone that you really care...am i making a point? dont think bout it too much..time heals..
239761
Tough one, need to contact an attorney.  She seriously has some issues.  I would think she's bluffing about the whole thing if she will not provide proof.  \n  She must not be over your hubby or is a drama queen.  Don't think you can charge someone criminally for lying, too bad.  You may have some civil action, possibly.\nGood luck.
135946
Joe, I can relate to your situation. My husband is in work release and right now he is accusing me of the exact same thing. Just when I think that we have gotten past this something else pops up and we start this mess all over again. Are you positive that there is an affair going on? Speak to your wife in a loving tone and really let her know that this is bothering you. Let her also know that you won't stand for any lies. If she is unfaithful then the pressure of you being nice is going to make her feel guilty that she will admit to her wrong. Just so you know, I have never ever cheated on my husband and I wouldn't ever because of the love and the respect that I have for him and myself. Marriage is a give and take and both husbands and wives need to do this more and more. Good luck and may God bless you through this journey.
631730
Basically stop listening. Give him the "yea, whatever", and most important don't let it bother you when he says it. He has a guilty conscience. If you want to let him off the hook that's up to you, but you really need to be aware that not only does he cheat, but he showed you he lies, and to top it off, he avoids responsibility by turning it on you. Others will see this. The more you try and stop him the more credence and attention he gets. \n\nGood luck with this charmer!
1033896
You should just casually confront him about the situation and show him the evidence that you have to be suspecting that you believe he is cheating.  While you are confronting and he begins to get really upset for no reason that usually means he is lying.  Ask him to gently tell you the truth and that is all you want to hear.
395347
Lying is just plan WRONG!\nThe best thing that the ex-husband and his new love can do is file restraining order to keep her away from them and a peace bond to keep her off their property. I the ex did not start the whole thing, people will realize it soon enough. And if she is lying, what comes around goes around. She will get her just due in time. It is part of life.\nI had a Motor Sgt. came in new to a unit where I was stationed. Before he got there I had 1 counseling over 4 years, in 6 months he wrote me up 2 or 3 dozen times. He tried to get me burned and failed. I finally move on to another duty station. Several years later I saw him, he was taking an early release from the military because his wife was divorcing him and his boy was in prison for drugs. If he would have just treated people with respect, What could have been!!!!
42846
You know your husband, so if he means what he says then forget about it. If you have some doubts about his claim, forget about it. Either way, bringing back up can only make the matter worse. IF and WHEN he wants to discuss it, it'll happen.
651006
Well what exactly is the problem?  Surely the child can't be the problem in and of itself.  Were you married first and then he had a baby on you?  I'm assuming that's it because if he had the baby first then you already should have known about it. \n\nBut seriously, the child is here, nothing you can do about that.  If this man broke your trust and was infidel then you have two options. 1. seek marriage counseling and try to stay with him, or 2. divorce him.   I mean what other options do you really have?  Whatever you do, please don't take it out on the child! Or get into a pissing contest with the other woman.  YOUR husband made vows to YOU, she didn't.  HE broke the trust, she didn't.  Even if she pursued him, HE is the one who stood up before God and the world and swore to keep himself only to you.  HE alone is the liar.   Just think about that.
34801
Lying is part of the Affair. First print a hard copy of the BLog, and all Emails for future referance. Chances are it has gone farther and she is covering it up. \n\nThe only way to get through the lies is to catch her in the act. I suggest you contact a private investagetor to look into the matter, They have knowledge and resourses that you would not have, plus by having a third party you get honest information and not biased based on how you feel. Now if you learn that she is not cheating, "yet" then I suggest you work on the relationship before she does. \n\nI would suggest you seek help in counciling. Your not going to be able to resolve the issue by yourself. She is looking at other men probably due to an unmet "NEED" at home. You can read books like those listed below to help identify what those needs are, but until you begin meeting the "NEED" your self, and expose the lies you have no chance of saving the marriage.
516860
no, never... lying to your spouse will only lead to more lies and more mistrust between you and your spouse !! it about like oil and water, they don't mix......if you have to lie then something is wrong with you and your not in a trusting and happy marriage !!
498292
All is not well in your home tonight....there is lying and deception going on.....and not by you. He is lying to you, and using you. Tell him to tell the truth, or get out! After he tells you the truth, then you tell him to get out, cause you ain't gonna like what he tells you. Good Luck!
614928
if you tell him it will probably cause him to mistrust you. funny thing, if his wife's a good liar he's GOING to believe her. YOU NEED PROOF: something so good that she can't lie her way out. if there are kids involved he will keep the best part of his family in the divorce.  family looks out for one another, it's your duty to find the proof
263393
-He lies about where he's been\n-Leaving the room when he's on the phone\n-Strange people calling \nwhen you know the person is cheating and you have some proof that the person has lied, confront them by saying that someone you know saw them with another person at whatever loctaion you are aware of it happening, when they deny it pick up the phone call the time and temp number and pretend to have a conversation with somone about what they saw. It works with almost any lie as long as the person is the type to get defensive and angry  they will want to know who told you.