I am a very shy person and have trouble starting conversations with anyone. How could i improve on this?
547416
ok all you need to do is gain confidence i was the same for the last 3 years of highschool i have been pretty quit this year i am extremly loud. find somthing good about you self for exmple i have lost weight and now have a flat stomach maybe you have good abs or nice eye show what you have to your freinds. anthother thing to do is sart with people interest like sport or fashion" hey! i heard your playin gin the soccer fianal good luck hope you win"\n\ngood luk practise make perfect( hint: don't be rude to ppl)
664949
Sounds to me like you need friends who will encourage you and be confidence builders. You're going it alone and your shyness is holding you back and this is where good friends will step in and give you support. Reach out, make friends who will help you feel more secure about yourself. Some of us here list our emails and message links to be of help. Take advantage of this and the experience others may have that can offer you support and advice as friends should.\n\nBest Wishes!!
269009
I'm very shy always have been.\n\nFunny thing is people think I'm outgoing, yet I often struggle as a quiet 3rd wheel in many interactions.\n\nHe should take a public speaking course.  (Check the Internet for a Toastmasters Chapter).  Although I've never been a part of that group, I understand it to be an excellent way to build even a little self-confidence, and to meet a few people.\n\nIn social situations, he can begin with a firm handshake.  A common interest item should be used for an ice breaker.  \n\nAt work, or school, he should enter the NCAA bracket contests.  Even if he is not a fan, it is an opportunity to talk about SOMETHING with people.  Events like that break social and sexual lines.\n\nHe needs to start small.  Build confidence, thick skin (not a thick head, though), and maintain a sense of humor.\n\nGood luck
165129
I used to be very shy and introspective as well. I always wanted to wait for the right time to say things, but that time never came.\n\nI'm not sure how old you are, but that would make a difference. One possibility is that your current friends don't bring out an exciting personality in you. Perhaps you really are just shy, and even among those who you are close with, you are quiet and "boring". You may find that you are very outgoing on the internet, but not so much in person.\n\nThere really isn't a single way to become less boring. Becomming spontaneous is easy, but the results may not be what you wish. Being happy is likewise easy, but at the same time, nearly impossible to accomplish.\n\nBut no matter what you do, a personality shift is not something that can be accomplished overnight. Without doubt, you are an interesting person, you simply need to gain the ability to express it, something very difficult to learn. Simply resolve to yourself to say things more often. Perhaps you could make a minor change to yourself, such as hair style, as a way of reminding yourself that you are going through with the change.\n\nNext time you are in a social situation, make a concious effort to say something. Next time you are in a situation where you are surrounded by people you do not know, make an effort to meet even one of them and be friendly. This may seem difficult for you, but after the first time, the next social situation becomes less imposing, and slowly you will find yourself more at ease around others, and much more likely to be an exciting and outgoing person.\n\nThis is pretty much what I had to do. I still am not as socially outgoing as some people I know, but regardless, I have noticed the change myself, and am happy with it.
937842
Hi maybe join group who do things that you are interested in, that way you will meet and become more outgoing as time passes.\n\nI'm sure there are social groups nearby who hold meetings regularly same thing as you get to know ppl then anxieties will slowly fade.\n\nYou are not alone believe me, many others feels same, it's hard to go up and talk but with alittle practice it will become 2nd nature.\nPpl love talking about themselves so that is a good ice breaker to ask what they like to do in general.\nThen it is easier each time plus you meet plenty of different ppl ,but remember you have to give info also, as is not one way street..best of luck cheers..
271019
well, it is not so bad to be shy, many girls like guys who are shy and who are not pushing it too hard. but if you still find it a problem maybe you should practice, at first try it in front of the mirror and then maybe on some girl who you are not attracted to, also try to be more talkative with your friends, that will help you to develop your speaking skills and after a while you could easily talk with girls (at least i hope so!)
449208
Great communicators/conversationists know how to ask questions and LISTEN with interest to the answers. If you are quiet by nature, you are ahead of the game, unlikely to be inclined to blubber idiotically. Stop trying to overcome your 'shyness' and stop worrying about what YOU have to say. It's the fear of being rejected that trips you up. \n\nLearn to listen. The right words --- the ones 'outgoing' people usually can't utter --- will come when you stop worrying about what YOU have to say and just listen quietly. Try it out and tell me it doesn't change how you view your 'social self.' \n\nGood luck!
690005
Shy is really sweet, unless it becomes an obstacle to conversation.  I've been with people with whom casual conversation is like pulling teeth, and it gets tiring.  Those of us who enjoy conversation appreciate someone who can help hold up the other end now & then!  :)
944949
I had been shy but I am not shy now yet, I am quiet like you so being shy is different from being quiet. I think when you have not something to talk and do not talk you are not shy and you can call yourself absolutely normal. but it sometimes occurs to me(us) that I want to start conversation with a stranger (or even a familiar person) but I can not. I think these times I am afraid not to have a good impact on him/her and be rejected. this fear is because of low self esteem  which roots in painful experiences in the past(you may remember when expressed yourself, they laughed at you).\nNow, I hope these tips be helpful for you:\n1-in such situations where you want to start a conservation, remind yourself that the pain of rejection is far less than the pain of regret. \n2-try to be a starter. do not wait for others to make conservation. I think, being a starter requires social skills which you may have not enough of it. but, the only way to acquire skills is experience .you would fail in some of these experiences and it hurt you but remember; "NO PAIN, NO GAIN".\n3-Read some books about "First Impressions". they help you to rise your self esteem.\n4-do not label yourself as shy. when you repeatedly say "I am shy" accordingly you will act like a shy person.\n5-Look at talkative persons. they usually do not care about what they say and what the effect is.I think it is better not to be too much worried about our expressions.
945359
start writing a journal, reading it back will help you discover more about yourself.\nread a lot of books.\ntry and start overcoming your shyness, meet other people and realise that you are fun to be around.
146423
Well you brought it up...so to you it is a "problem". Id bet you have no girlfriend because your shy. Being shy is ok...letting it define you actions is letting it go to far. Make a deal w/yourself (or your shyness). When you want to move forward with somthing (or someone), Like: This is to important to me to pass-up and think about it no further, say hi, ask about THEM and give yourself a pause to take in how that person responds to you. Youll learn and get accustom to haveing nerves...they can turn to stainless steel if you keep learning and refining. As far as the outcome goes...your guess is as good as mine. They only thing you do is conduct yourself. You can start small or you can start BIG...how do you know what those are? The one that sends you  spinning...ThaTs the big one! Take on those and live through the outcome...youll become King. It takes time so pace yourself.
115525
Katie, don't expect to go from super-shy to outgoing all at once. Take baby steps and stretch yourself just a little bit at a time. Practice just smiling at people. Say hello to just one stranger a day as you pass by them. Ask a sales clerk a question, even if you don't really need to. Tell a girl you see that you really like her shoes, hair, nails, etc. - when you see that you get a positive reaction to being friendly, it will encourage you to do it more often. Just remember, not everyone will be open to you because they might be shy, too. But most people are willing to at least smile and say hello to others.\n\nTry some volunteer work - start at your local animal shelter if you feel more comfortable around animals than people. Animals love you unconditionally and can really help bring a shy person out of their shell. If it's possible, and you don't already have one, you might even consider getting a pet yourself. Other volunteer work is also helpful if you're allergic to animals or something - go help out at your local food bank, soup kitchen, homeless shelter, etc. \n\nWorking with people is really important if you want a good job. You have to be able to impress employers during interviews and you have to be willing to stretch yourself beyond your comfortable boundaries. Good luck! :)
973244
i sometimes feel this way. i don't feel like I am that shy of a person, but I guess other people think I am very shy. and then when boys I like tell me to be myself and say what I want, I get flustered and say things like "i don't know" even though I have a full journal of stuff I would love to tell them. I don't know why it is so hard for me to speak up in certain social situations. I have things to say, and sometimes I start talking, but then like you said, the more aggressive/louder person takes the conversation over. I guess you and I both just have to try harder to speak our minds and not think so much about what other people will think. Easier said than done though... I hate being shy and I don't know how to get rid of it. and it certainly causes problems in meeting men. so u aren't the only one out there with this issue
231964
If you want to get rid of your shyness by doing it online... the best way would probably be to use Yahoo Voice and interact with others... rather than typing.
32455
I posted this as an answer to a somewhat similiar question about talking, starting conversations and friends. It may not be exactly what you are looking for, but I hope it will help.\n\n\nTo keep the other person interested don't talk about yourself too much. Ask questions to get to know the person better, talk about any interests you have, classes, guys/girls, parents, etc. Becoming genuinely interested in the other person.\n\nA somewhat easy way to get a conversation started is to make a short complaint about something that you know the other person doesn't like. Generally the other person will complain too and you'll have you're conversation. You have to be Very careful not to do this often because you don't want the other person to think you're a whiner.\n\nPay Attention to what the other person says! This one is Extremely useful as you can bring it up at a later time and the other person will be surprised and pleased that you remembered.\n\nContinue to speak to everyone you know regularly. If you are walking and see someone you haven’t talked to in a while, stop for a moment and talk to them. It does not have to be a long conversation, just say hello, see how they are doing and if anything is wrong. You would be surprised by how little effort is required to win the friendship of others when you require nothing of them.\n\nBe nice and generally try to end the conversation on a good note. You don't have to make sure the other person has a great time Every Single conversation, but you don't want to think of all the petty arguements they've had with you.\n\nArguements... Don't. There are VERY few 'good' arguements. "The only way to get the berst of an arguement is to avoid it."\nIf you're wrong, admit it.\n\nDO NOT critize the person, or a friend, when talking to the person. If you want to point out something they did wrong, try to point out something similar you did wrong.\n\nSmile! Not a forced smile, the person you're talking to will be able to tell the difference. And you don't have to be an overly happy hyper-active person. Just smile naturally and, if you can, be somewhat happy. Remembering good times with your friends/family can help.\n\nLet the other person do a lot of the talking and be a good listener. (Somewhat stated in my first advice, ask questions, talk about interests the other person has. Answer questions sincerly.)\n\nHonestly make the person you're talking to feel important. You don't want to fake this one or do it too often, but if you honestly think they did something well, give them that praise.\n\n\nWell, it's a littly longer than I originally planned to write but I hope it helps you. If you want more advice, there are a couple good books that Will actually help. How to Win Friends and Influence People, is probably one of the best ones. It's an old book, but trust me, it's just as useful today as it was when it was written.\n\nFission
97553
The only thing wrong is that you are very shy and have not found a way to work around the problem. My advice would be to use your hobbies and interests to help you find someone that has things in common with you. Join groups or teams or go places that have to do with your hobbies and interests. The people that you will find in the groups or on the teams will have the same thing in common with you and it will give you something to talk about. Once you have broken the ice it will be easier to continue the conversation. I strongly believe that you don't "Find" love, that it will find you, but it never hurts to put yourself in a place where it will have a chance to find you. By joining groups or going to places that you have an interest in, you are automatically placing yourself with people that have the same interests as yourself and giving you something to open a conversation with that you will feel confident talking about, which will help with your shyness. Good Luck!! =-)
71198
Talking is probably the largest factor I can think of. \n\nTo keep the other person interested in a conversation don't talk about yourself too much. Ask questions to get to know the person better, talk about any interests you have, classes, guys/girls, parents, etc. Becoming genuinely interested in the other person.\n\nA somewhat easy way to get a conversation started is to make a short complaint about something that you know the other person doesn't like. Generally the other person will complain too and you'll have you're conversation. You have to be Very careful not to do this often because you don't want the other person to think you're a whiner.\n\nThere are lots of other ways to start a conversation as well and college is a great place for it. Keeping yourself informed on current events, staying involved in activities, and keeping a mental list of good topics of discussion are excellent ways to break the ice. Ask simple, friendly questions about the person. \n\nAlso remember that body language is very important! Most people don’t even realize it but most times you’ll already have made a lot of decisions about the person by their body language and tone, before you’re more than a minute into a conversation. You want to be cool, calm, and collected; act like the person is an old friend, even if you’ve never talked to them before, and make sure to look them in the eye. Instead of focusing on how uncomfortable you feel, prepare yourself by thinking of the issues that interest you most and what you would like to discuss about a particular subject. A little preparation can go a long way.\n\nPay Attention to what the other person says! This one is Extremely useful as you can bring it up at a later time and the other person will be surprised and pleased that you remembered.\n\nContinue to speak to everyone you know regularly. If you are walking and see someone you haven’t talked to in a while, stop for a moment and talk to them. It does not have to be a long conversation, just say hello, see how they are doing and if anything is wrong. You would be surprised by how little effort is required to win the friendship of others when you require nothing of them.\n\nBe nice and generally try to end the conversation on a good note. You don't have to make sure the other person has a great time Every Single conversation, but you don't want to think of all the petty arguements they've had with you.\n\nArguements... Don't. There are Very Few 'good' arguements. "The only way to get the berst of an arguement is to avoid it."\nIf you're wrong, admit it.\n\nDO NOT critize the person, or a friend, when talking to the person. If you want to point out something they did wrong, try to point out something similar you did wrong.\n\nSmile! Not a forced smile, the person you're talking to will be able to tell the difference. And you don't have to be an overly happy hyper-active person. Just smile naturally and, if you can, be somewhat happy. Remembering good times with your friends/family can help.\n\nLet the other person do a lot of the talking and be a good listener. (Somewhat stated in my first advice, ask questions, talk about interests the other person has. Answer questions sincerly.)\n\nHonestly make the person you're talking to feel important. You don't want to fake this one or do it too often, but if you honestly think they did something well, give them that praise.\n\nIf you want more advice, there are a couple good books that Will actually help. How to Win Friends and Influence People, is probably one of the best ones. It's an old book, but trust me, it's just as useful today as it was when it was written.