How do I deal with the man I love already being married?
437922
Find a nice SINGLE guy. Married equals not for you!
958554
Keep in mind that when you get married, you're not just marrying the man, you're marrying his family.  Unfortunately for you, his family involves children and by association, their loony mother.  \n\nI think you need to discuss your reason for hesitation with .  Do not be confrontational or demand things, as that will make him feel like he has to defend himself (and possibly her).  Just talk.  Then let him talk.  If you are simply explaining your feelings without any accusations and he becomes defensive, then I would worry.  If his response is satisfactory, then lean toward the "yes."  \n\nUnfortunately, if you choose to marry him, she will be a part of your life.  You can hope that after the wedding she will accept that you're the new wife, but there's no guarantee (and it could get worse!).  My husband had a kind of obsessed ex-fiancé (thank goodness no children were involved), and the month of our wedding, he took her out to dinner and just talked.  She actually approached it like a rational human being and realized that he wasn't marrying me to spite her and that he wasn't the person that he was when they were dating.  \n\nI hope for your sake that something like that can happen and that things do calm down.  I also admire you for taking the time to think it through rather than just saying yes and plunging ahead with the potential of being miserable later!  Congratulations on the proposal, and best of luck!
478817
Young lady, marriage is a VERY serious step to take.  If this man 'ripped your heart out' in the past, what makes you think he won't do it again after marriage?\n\nI'd BREAK THE ENGAGEMENT off!!...Then go out and parteeeeee to forget all about him!!
129685
This tells you what your life with him will be like IF you get married.  Now ask yourself, "Is this what I want?"  If not, then thank goodness that you two aren't married and move on.
102268
You guys are married. TALK to him and find out what he thinks because they are really important to you. If there are disagreements, then you have to decide whether those disagreements are something that you can put up with and is your love for him and all his other good qualities makes up for it or not.\n\nIn response to your Additional Details:\nThis is going to sound a little strange but if you can't bring yourself to do what you want to do. That's okay. It actually is. And I am not being sarcastic here. What I am saying is, go with the flow. Sit on your unhappiness and frustration and let it simmer. One day down the road, when you have had enough and can't take it anymore, you will know the time to act, when you will have no hesitation, and no regret (well maybe the regret of not doing anything sooner, but better late than never)\n\nAnother thing, if he lets himself slide and the romance is gone, do you think he still loves you as much as he did before you get married? Some signs to take note.
381169
Well, from experience, I told my gf one time (ONLY ONCE) that before I marry, I would like to date around a bit. She never forgot that. That was a comment I had long forgotten. More than a year later she brought that up in an argument about a reason we should break up. My feelings had changed and I didn't feel that way anymore, but she never forgot, and I bet that's still an insecurity in the back of her mind.\n\nAnyway, being a guy, there's no way around it. You may not want to hear this, but that fact that you're having interests in other men (let alone going out with one) is not only going to break his heart, but shatter it. \n\nI think, seriously, if you feel that way now, you might as well give the ring back. Because really, what is marriage? It's a complete committment (complete fidelity) to that person. If you're giving up on that before you two are even together, are you really sure you want to be married to this man?\n\nThe best thing you can do for him is to tell him the truth and get it over with. The longer you wait, the more it's going to hurt. AND if you do get married and have these feelings (and go out with another man you're interested in), you'll be cheater (if you don't condsider it cheating already). That's like a DWI, it doesn't come off the record too well. \n\nI think you need to take a good hard look at your feelings and your future plans before you start planning a wedding.\n\nLastly, honestly, bluntly, I don't think you need more time, I think you need to find another. 4 years is a heck of a long time, andd certainly long enough to decide if you really love this man or not. If you're considering other guys now - it's over for the two of you. Let him down gently.
367807
expect a lot of adjustments...stop thinking about yourself anymore....and remember...communication is a must!! in your lifetime together not just at the beginning...\n\nfrom what you said..you're lucky enough to know that you are marrying a wonderful man..\n\nbest wishes...cheers!!
246175
The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Maybe you need to examine your marriage and figure out why you would even consider ruining your marriage for something that happened in your past? \n\nOr if you feel that this person is really your "soul mate" then life's short live it happy, and if this is what is going to make you life happier and more fullifield then do what your head not your heart thinks is right.
529365
Here's a little trick. Picture yourself married to him, doing the things married couples do, meeting his friends and family, facing problems together, etc.. Do you like what you see? If not, give yourself some more time to know him better and do the mind excercise again. If you don't like it still, stop waisting your time and find another guy you can be comfortable with.
856384
let me ask you this, how did you get into this position? how did you let this other man maneuver his way into your heart?...\n\ndo you beleive in the sanctity of marriage? if so, do what you can to get this other guy out of your life...\n\ndoes this guy know you're married? if not, that you're fault...if so, would you want to marry a guy who doesn't have respect for a married couple?...\n\nplease do the right thing and be more responsible with who you get close to...
745752
hey lori \nsound like you pick the wrong man to marry and it sound you are not happy in life well there is some thing you can do to change it # 1 divorce him and find some one who wont bring you down and some one you well be happy with for the rest of your life.life to short not to be happy i wish i could be there for you good luck
9442
You cant hold on to something thats not there...You can continue to do your end of the vows and pray that he will have a change of heart but ultimatley in marriage love comes and goes but its commitment to that person that will keep a marriage.  Apparently hes never had that commitment to hold on to you for "better or for worse".  He obviously moves according feeling not any thing else.  You keep your end if hes not willing than let it go--More advice? chrystaldr@yahoo.com
451772
go and meet him but you have to see carefully if he actually loves you or not.\nIf you actually feel that he loves you, marry again
1127334
He's  a jerk, accept it now and move on.  \n\nHE WILL NOT CHANGE ONCE YOU MARRY HIM.
664316
If you beleve in God then i will tell you that you must get on your knees and pray like you never prayed before.  At this time you need the Lord to tell you what your next move is.  I know that it may be hard to believe that someone you do not see can give you the best answer however it s true.  Listen and you wil hear him tell you the best way to handle things.  You can forgive him however that does not mean that you should stay married .  That depends on if you think that he will never do it agin.  Pay attention to his patterns and observe before you are quick to ask.   From experience a man will lie and lie until he is caught up.  Sometimes we woman speak to quick.  Let time reveal what type of person he is.  Time will tell if he is doing this because he just does not care or if he really has a problem.
996082
Don't move out there unless you already are serious, sure that you love him, sure that there are no hidden problems that you can't deal with, and sure that you will either marry him or be able and happy to build a new life there if marriage plans fall through.\nIt sounds like he is not the one for you.  If that's so, don't try to fit him into that position.  Wait for the man you feel good about.
718149
sorry cant say anything you don't know our fill. my self been twice married to the same women and same thing happened again. you want to put all your faith into someone and they don't have the same feelings.  15 years for me in a relationship that i thought we had gotten past moving on, oops wrong but i do think that its all in a plan so brother or sister keep the ultimate faith that its all for a reason. i will say a pray for you and for anyone that feels that they have no one because he is watching over us at all\ntimes and testing us.  so if you stop having the faith nothing good can became of the lost faith of others. don't know if this is of any help but know u are not alone. keep the faith and stay focused on your life and not of someone that has no faith in the powers up above.  your path is not easy but don't make it harder than it needs to B. sounds like you have a kind and loving heart don't lose it. \n\nbless u and all for the prayers that we al need\n\ngood luck\ng