What's your favorite "clean" joke?
452212
What has the world come to? People don't seem to make good clean jokes any more (keyword: good)! Sheesh...\n\nHere's one:\n\nA pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. \n\nThe doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." \n\nThe woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" \n\nExpecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" \n\n"Denise," the doctor says. \n\nThe new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" \n\nThen she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" \n\nThe doctor replies, "DeNephew" \n\n:o)
785936
Oh sh*t, you've got some good ones.  Thanks!  You're a 10 in the joke department.
995410
http://greatjokes.50webs.com/ here you can find a lot of good jokes,
1013575
OK those jokes are pretty good and i also have one here waiting for you\n\nWhat did the pirate say after someone asked why there was a steering wheel in his pants.\n\nhe says: Argghh its driving me nuts! hehe sorry its kinda dirty but it was good (to me it was good)
940522
flush toilet.... I did not come up with this one. Recently, I went to a campus performance of stand up comedian Bengt Washburn and he did a whole piece on how often this awesome invention gets overlooked in our lives.
515916
I love this joke. I've heard it before, but I always laugh at it. Well, my rating is 2970913583563453921569345562598983407 (10/10 for short) I love blonde jokes, have anymore?
1043700
hehehe...i like your jokes, they are giving me a good laugh for today!
555676
yeah OK I have a great 2 jokes for you here but be prepared that they are somewhat well just wrong hehehe ok here we go! enjoy!\n\n#1- A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife,so he went to a psychiatrist,who told him he needed to build self-esteem and gave him a book on assertiveness.\n   After reading the book on the way him,he stormed into the house and declared, "I want you to know I am the man of the house,and my word is law."I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight.THen after dinner,you are going to draw my bath so I can relax ,and when I'm finished with my bath,guess who is going to dress me and comb my hair?"\n           His wife responded, "THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR."\n\n#2-A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey,could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now"He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light" NOw does it look like I have a G.E.O Logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."\n   Well then,could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right". To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have WestingHouse written on my forehead? I don't think so"."Fine," She says "Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break".\n"I'm not a damn Carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps." "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so.I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!"\n   So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours.\nHe starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife,and decides to go home and help out.As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed.As he enters the house,He sees the hall light is working,the fridge door is fixed.\n"Honey, How'd all this get fixed? She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried.Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him.He offered to do all the repaires,and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake."\nHe said, "So what kind of cake did you bake him?" She replied, "HELLOOOOO..... Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"\n\n#3- A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vagina lips reduced in size because they were flapping in the breeze.Out of emabarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.\n  A wakening from the anesthesia after the surgery,she found three roses carefully placed beside her bed.Outraged,she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"\n   The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this by yourself."\n   "The second rose is from my nurse.She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago."\n   "And what about the third rose?" she asked.\n"Oh,that rose is from the man upstairs in the burn unit.He wanted to thank you for his new ears.
803902
One of my personal favorites is from "Zoolander":\n"You can derelict my balls, capi-tan." LOL!!!\n\n*Edit*\nOh, I just thought of another funny one from "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective":\nLois: "How would you like it if I made your life a living hell?"\nAce: "Well, Lois, I'm not quite ready for a relationship right now, but maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number still 911?" LOL!!!\nPs. Thanks for the great question. You should get some funny answers.
238476
Want to hear a dirty joke??\n\n\n\n\n\n\nA white horse fell in the mud. Now thats just dirty.
724790
hahahahahahahahahahaha\nhahahahahahahahahahaha\nhahahahahahahahahahaha\nhahahahahahahahahahaha\nhahahahahahahahahahaha\n\nVERY VERY NICE JOKE!!!
724546
Great Joke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
370888
good joke!!!!!!!!!!! but I like it.
653613
A man met a beautiful woman and he decided he wanted to marry her \nright away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." \n\nHe said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." .....\n\nWhoops.\n\n\n\nOk, here is my real joke, the only other one I can remember in my flu delirium.\n\n...as told to me by my best friend when she was eight and I was ten...\n\nIf you are on the potty and you are not American, what are you?\n\nyou're-a-peein'.....
1106183
haha, i really liked the second joke.  Thanks for sharing.
719788
For some Super Duper lame jokes -http://www.hevanet.com/benh/jokes.html\nhttp://www.cartalk.com/content/timekill/lamejokes/\n\nand for funny ones -\nhttp://www.coolquiz.com/humor/jokes/
78354
I have alot!!\n\nThis guy was painting a tall buliding next to a church. He droped the brush, said "son of a b***h", climbed down the ladder, got the brush, then climbed back up and continued painting. This happened a few more times and everytime he said "son of a b***h". Finally the preacher came out and said "next time you drop the brush say praise the lord". So he dropped the brush, said "praise the lord", the brush floated back up to him and the preacher said 'son of a b***h"\n\n\nWhy is halloween Micheal Jackson's favorite holiday?\nFree Delivery\n\n\nA Cowboy walking into a bar and ordered a coke. He took a drink and said "this tastes funny". So the bartender got him a new one. And he said "thats better" then the bartender said\n"Me Indian, Me play joke, Me go pee-pee in your coke"\nThen the cowboy said "Me cowboy, Me run fast, Me shoot bullet up your A$$"\n\nThis next one I heard on a stand-up comedy show...\n"Drinking and Driving is fun. But getting in a wreak isn't. I was with my friends driving and we hit something. I don't know what it was, but when I woke up I was in a tree, the car was upside down in a ditch and there was a cop there"\n\nCop-Who was driving?\nMan-It wasn't me cause that's not my parking, I park on the tires.\n\nCop-I am trying to figure out who was driving.\nMan-I'm trying to figure out how I got in this tree.\n\nCop-Have you been drinking and driving.\nMan-No, I was f***ed up before I got in the car.\n\nCop-The way you are acting I think I need to give you a drug test.'\nMan- Go ahead, ask me anything. I have been doing drugs for years.\nCop-Do you have a drug problem?\nMan-No, I have planty of weed at home.\n\n\nThis one is fun to do to your friends...lol\nPerson 1- Did you blow bubbles as a kid?\nPerson 2-Yes\nPerson 1-Well, he's back in town and wants you number.\nBoth- lol lmao