My mother wants to be cremated, should we wait until she passes away?
435718
when your mother is dead and gone you will see how little humor there was to this question...
505980
Spend time with her, help her with life's small stuff, and help her be calm while you wait for the outcome. We are handling my father's lung cancer. He won't let on, but he is scared. So, we, his 5 kids, + my mom spend as much time being around him "talking about regular stuff" in between all of the doctor's appointments, etc.  It helps to make him feel needed- not like we're babysitting him. So, my sisters and I ask him random "gardening questions" and other things that he likes to do. It helps take his mind off of the constant waiting for test results and next therapies. Be a good kid, no matter how old you are. Our dad is 75, so we're not teeny boppers any more, either. It's nice to have a parent feel like a good parent, regardless of age.\n(www.TheDorkyMom.com)
153038
I think you miss your mom and one way of dealing with that is to talk to her.  Your sister cares about you, and believes that it can be dangerous trying to talk to or communicate with someone who is dead.  I agree that can be dangerous, but laying in bed and telling your mom you miss her and you love her is a way to mourn.  The danger would come if you go overboard in trying to communicate with your mom, but sharing your feelings is normal and safe.
123711
I think that if you doubt being ready, then you should wait. You'll know when the time is right, and you and your mom will get along much better!
313641
Please remove the very thought that your mother is goin to die. I know its easily said than done. But if you are sad, naturally your mother will look more sad!!! Make her feel happy by doing what she likes!!! What she loves!!! Do not show the traces of sadness on your face. \nI too am praying for her well being!!!\nRemember one thing, your mother is not going anywhere but just discarding this body and going to another!!! All that matters is the SOUL!!! So, she loves you and so do you!!! She is with you and will be with you!!!
1072163
Has she had a PET scan to try and find the primary cancer? If she has bone cancer that has spread from an unknown primary cancer then this is not a good situation. She has been given the radiation for palliative pain control in her bones and not as a curative treatment. Make sure her pain is treated properly as it will probably increase over time. Perhaps it is time to contact hospice or make other preparations to take care of your mother. \n\nHere is a good webpage about cancer of unknown primary so that you can better ask questions about treatment options of your mother's Drs. Make sure you have realistic expectations because there is no reason to make her sick from chemotherapy if the treatment will not produce remission or extend life span.  good luck\n\nhttp://www.emedicine.com/med/topic1463.htm
764067
It is a sad thing to loose a parent.  It leave a mark on you and a pain that you really never get over.  I happen to be a funeral director and when I lost my parents, I went through the exact same thing.  I know it is of no comfort to you, but as time goes by, you will find that other things in your life keep you occupied.  You will never forget her, but in time God works a miracle in which the sharp pain associated with your loss gets a little less and you can reflect upon the joyous and happy times with a feeling of love and appreciation.  I know you probably find this hard to believe, and so did I, but it does happen.  My father died in 1987 and my mother in 1999, and at times is seems like it was only yesterday.  I hope you are able to find peace and understanding very soon.
884965
One of the gifts of healing is the relaxation of memories centered in grief. This is a good thing. It is a critical thing. These once sharp and painful memories recede, they are no longer the obsession of your every moment, but move to their proper place: a turning point that you will never truly forget. \n\nSo please do not feel worried if, after almost 20 years, your healing has brought you to hold your mother in your heart always, not just on one particular, special, but sad day. Be at peace. Enjoy life. I am sure that is exactly what she is doing now too.
596628
Would this mother figure want you to go to great expense and trouble to visit her? If not, then do not attend her funeral. If your presence will not be missed by her family members, think about having a private remembrance time of your own (where you are) during her funeral. Your heart grieves for your loss and sometimes seeing the body you have loved one more time provides closure, but sometimes it deepens your sense of loss. \n\nIf you still feel compelled to attend, explain to your forever friend that you were tied to this woman in a way you were not tied to his parents. You were repaying a long-owed debt of love and loyalty to this woman.\n\nI'm sorry for your loss. I have dear ladies in my life and cannot fathom your pain.
161173
Call the utility companies, be prepared to give them a copy of the death certificate or obituary.\n\nSo sorry to hear about your mother.
1108855
Who knows. Everyone deals with grief differently and you must give her space.  Just remember its NOT you.
1038735
Having lost family, I can suggest the following:\n\n1.  First, know the prognosis. How long is she expected to live? What can be done to improve her chances of longer life?\n2.  Know your mother's wishes. This is her life. How does she want to approach this? Is she willing to fight? Does she just want to accept this and settle her affairs and live the rest of her life in peace?\n3. See to your mother's comfort and her state of mind first. Believe me, you will have time to dwell on your own grief later. Consider this a healthy postponement of your grief.\n4.  Accept the fact that sooner or later, we lose our parents. It is a part of life and how we deal with it will be an example to our own children and grandchildren. We want them to live on and thrive, not spend their lives in heartache and sorrow.\n5.  Create more memories now! Enjoy your time together as much as possible. It is difficult to watch a loved one struggle through hard times, but being there for her, just holding her hand, showing your love will send her off with a feeling of deep satisfaction and leave you with fewer regrets.\n6.  Say what you've always wanted to say now.\n7.  Cry. Allow yourself to feel the sorrow, helplessness, even anger at this situation that we have no control over. Grieving cannot be denied. Cry it out.\n8.  But have hope. Always. Cling to the hope that there is a higher purpose for all things. Hope that the truth is we will be together again with our loved ones who have departed. This is only a short separation. They will be able to see us, visit us and whisper softly to us even though we, in our earthly bodies, will not be able to see them. We will be able to feel their presence. We will be reunited again.\nYou see, my grandmother, my father and my little boy died within one year. I can't describe the heartache. But I can describe the hope. And I have heard their whispers to me! So joyful, so hopeful, so encouraging! I feel their love. They can't wait until we are together again!\nUntil that time, please, please, spend your moments together caring, loving, laughing...then weep in dark rooms when you are alone. Have courage, my friend. And always hope.
1051797
Get cremated like I'm going to do. Going up in a flame is much better than being worm food. Don't worry so much about stuff you can't control- try enjoying your life while you're living it.
809212
I am sorry for you. I lost my mother 3 years on thanksgiving and every day I miss her. I lost her to colon cancer that spread to the rest of her body. I know what you are feeling and I hate that it hits me even more on her death day and on her birthday. I sometimes wish that I can see her alive just one more time so I can ask her if there was anything more I could of done for her when she was going through that. I was blessed to have taken care of her at home till the end. But you will always be sad for your mother because that love you received from her, you will get nowhere else. God bless you.
485151
if I had one more day to live I would spend it with my husband and children in Colorado in the mountains. As that is what is in my will. I'm to be cremated and sprinkle on my mountains. I was born in Colorado and I want to be there when I die. A full circle. I would not want anyone there except my husband of 20 years now and 4 children. I would give them a day of memories to last them a lifetime. I would tape my thoughts and feelings for each special day in their lives for each child . So when it comes to that special day in their lives. They can view the tape as though I was there.
1001767
I just lost mine 2 days ago and I hadn't seen her in 11 yrs. I had left my home country and have not gone back since then. Also I am not able to leave right now to attend the funeral, it is tearing me up so much.  I feel your pain and understand where you are in this.  As hard as it may seem we simply have to think of the good times in memory and how much joy she brought into our lives.  Life is never the same when your mother passes away, however you must go on.  Maybe you can do something together with family that will keep her memory alive.
555335
If your mother is fit and healthy why would you not take your mother as well?\nYou obviously can afford to take your mother with you or you wouldn't be going on holiday a "few" times a year\nIt seems from writing the question that you do not accord your mother the same status as your family, you only have one mother and at 97 she isn't going to be around forever treat her as you would wish to be treated at that age by your own kids and have a complete family holiday