My fiance left me and I am 8 months pregnant with his baby. Any tips on how to survive this devistating trauma
440641
You have to ask yourself do you really want this person raising a kid? It sounds like he can't even take care of himself. He's not doing it to you. He's doing it to himself and you just happen to be part of it. Yes, this situation is awful but you just have to accept it and move on. Try and lean on friends and family. Look into non-profit programs to get what you need (whether it be food, housing, day care, or just someone to talk to). Him being in your life and the baby is going to bring you nothing but trouble. So you'll just have to trudge thru this. It will be hard but you and your kid will be better off without him and his problems.
603604
You're not stupid for wanting to stay. You cared about this guy enough to try to build a family with him, and you put up with abuse because you didn't want to give up on him or your marriage. Those sort of motivations are wonderful.\n\nBut the fact is that your staying in an abusive situation does not help him or you or your kids. He has no reason to change, you are getting hurt, and the example of your relationship is what your kids will grow up thinking is "normal," so they'll be prone to repeat it.\n\nTake things one step at a time. Don't look at it as "ending your relationship with your husband" -- that might occur, you might not be able to avoid it, but that's something way down the road. Don't think about that. Your first step should be to get help, from a counselor or social worker, and they can work with you to determine what the next step is. \n\nYou are in a difficult situation, with kids to think about and an ongoing pregnancy, so I know it's hard to uproot your family in order to deal with the problems... but it will only get worse if you don't. \n\nFind someone face to face with who you can talk freely and get help from. You will need lots of support and safety to make this change.
1122454
he needs counselling, surely the baby will be fine and he's just scared.  good luck!
305275
I am feeling for you today - I lost two people, unrelated back to back last Wed and Thursday..its been brutal its been one of the worse weeks of my entire life and I too am feeling..have I done enough?? And yes..I have...\n\nAll you can do is be there for him. Talk to him, or dont talk when he doesn't want to. You can call him and ask how he is doing, you can take him to dinner and take his mind off of it and give him a sense of normalcy and a few minutes of a reprieve from the sadness, you can bake a lasagna and bring it to his house so he doesn't have to worry about cooking..\n\nBut believe me - your friendship is enough. that you are caring and going through it with him..\n\nMy friend who lost his in utero baby at 5 months said to me..We are on the first rung of the grieving ladder - at the very top..and you are right behind us on the second..\n\ndamn straight I am..I'm holding their legs and keeping them steady on the first rung and will catch them if they go to fall...as will you with your friend.\n\nJust be there..its enough. take care and hang in there.
10851
My husband was in the Marines when we first were married and was deployed for six months. To make it even harder I was pregnant with our first child. I know how empty your world feels right now. Just try to keep your self busy. Write often and talk on the phone when you can. I used to send calling cards with each care package. I also sent a video about half way through the deployment. I just recorded any special events that he would be missing i also went to the beach and taped a sun set for him, since the beach was a special place for us. Anything you can think of to keep the connection strong. Best of luck to you and a special thanks to your husband for his service to our country.
187308
You didn't metion your ages.  So, I'm going to say that if you are under 18 and in school.  Stay in school including if it is college.  Think about how this baby will change your life as well as his.  I think he got real scared and didn't know what to do.  I would wait on marriage.  By the way you wrote it.  I don't think you "two" are ready for marriage.  If you are pregnant, you should talk to your parents and with him to his.  Parents might pressure you into marriage.  Mine did.  And I got divocere anyway.  Because my ex didn't want to support us. \n\nYou can go to the health department for free testing by blood.  Or parent planning clinic.  As them for information on adoptation or abortation.  The choice is both that you "two" have to make for the best for you and the baby.\n\nAs for the money, that is one issue in your relationship.  Are there other's that you haven't looked at?  I would talk to him and tell him how hurt you are by his actions over the money to find out about being pregnant.  Then see where you are in the relationship.  And go from there.
1083431
Don't feel unworthy! You're not!!!! Your miscarriage wasn't your fault and there was probably a very good reason why it happened that was beyond your control. Nature will always do the best thing for you and your baby! Don't blame yourself for something you could never control, even if you knewit was going to happen. As for your partner's ex, she can't stop him from seeing his child and the courts will put that right. More importantly, she brioke into your house and assaulted you! I hope you had her arrested! You are the priority here and you need to deal with the loss of your baby, either with your partner or a professional councellor. Don't leave it go until it becomes a real problem for you!!! Good luck with it all!!
517883
Oh My God, that is a terrible and sad story. I really wish that I knew what to tell you or at least had some good advise. Being kicked out of my girlfriends house just a few months ago, I can relate to some of what you are going through. You will have hard times and sadness for a long time no doubt. But believe it or not, it does get easier as time goes by. That does not help you right now I know, and for that I am also sorry. There really isnt anything that I can tell you or that anybody can tell you really that will ease your pain and suffering. But for sure you need to keep your head about you and do whatever it takes to get you and your son through this horrible time in your life. I can be your e-mail pal/friend if you want, and again I wish I had some quick-fix remedy. Keep your chin up. (smile)
40196
It sounds like you need grief counseling. You can contact your local mental health facility and they will be able to help you. You obviously aren't ready to be intimate with anybody yet. You can never replace the one you lost but in time, you will be able to move forward and open your heart to someone new. In the meantime, I hope you are using condoms and birth control. Your child has had a significant loss too and needs you healthy.
498124
I have been thru the same thing,,Remember the good times & hold those memories in your heart forever. Be happy that this person was in your life & remember the love you shared.Spend alot of time with those close to you.What kept me strong was being strong for my mother when my brother parished.Be there for someone that needs you.Its been 4 years,,the shock will never go away. Take care of yourself,,pamper yourself,,get alot of rest but stay active in your daily life.And remember we are all a part of the bigger picture.We will meet those again who have passed on to another level. I care.
910331
First of all, remember children are far more resilient that adults realize.  If you're strong, your son will be as well.  \n\nYou both need to sit your son down and talk to him.  Explain to him where daddy will be and what he'll be doing.  Get a calendar and show him just how long it'll be.  Then tell him he can start marking off days until daddy comes home.  Also, explain to him that things come up in the military and it might be a bit longer or shorter.\n\nTake pics of daddy and son together.  Put them in a photo album just for your son.  Also, when our daughter was young, I got a non-breakable plastic picture frame.  It was part of her daily toys she played with.  Whenever she played, there was daddy, right along with her.\n\nThere's no telling when he'll be able to make phone calls.  It's not always convenient to have your son there or awake when the calls come in.  However, as often as possible, he should call to talk to your son as well as you.  Also, have him write and adress letters specifically for your son.  It makes them feel special if their not just part of the letters to mom.\n\nOther than that, all I can tell you is to be strong.  He WILL pick up on whatever emotions you're feeling.  If you're upset, he's going to be.  If you cry, he's going to cry too.  Kids are very strong and very smart.  They honestly usually do as well as the parent at home does.  Be sure not to change his routines or do things different than you normally do.  \n\nGood luck!!  Tell your hubby to stay safe and "thanks" from one who's been through it 3 times already.
462087
I am going through the same shit! Make sure you have an attourney with you.
675942
Congratulations! A baby is always a blessing in disguise. Talk through your concerns with your partner, remember God never gives us more than we can handle. Good luck!
563261
I'm in Australia, so there isn't much I can help you with in regards to the laws of your country, assuming you live somewhere else. But congratulations for being a great man and father and seeing your kids as people you love not just a responsibility. Whatever happens, your children will grow up knowing they are in an environment of love and support and that will be a huge benefit and source of comfort for them. I'm separated, with five kids and their father has moved on with his life and that life doesn't involve them. Its had a ravaging effect on them emotionally. There should be more men like you. I know things are really hard and I can see how you would be feeling down and frustrated. Just remember a close family will survive anything. Good Luck. You have lucky children.
875911
=just do it.  Have your parents come and pick you and the baby up.  This present situation is unhealthy for both you and your baby.  Stay with your parents who love you, get your act together and then find a place of your own.  I know it is hard but it is your only way out.  Best wishes.
600692
Oh Lotte, you will not survive, you will THRIVE, sistah!!\n\nrelease your husband , release your guilt, get to know yourself again and embrace your future and all it's possibilities!!\n\nit will take time, some days will still be sad, but you'll be happy again before you know it.\n\ni am living the same thing right now, i know it sucks. just keep walking...
275233
I was 20 and my low life ex left me with 2 baby girls.  It was very hard, now they are 13 and 14.  It is ever harder! But i have a great husband that helps me with everything.  Please learn from my mistake and wrap your life around your child.  Don't became wrapped up in looking for Mr.Right.  I was so focused on finding a father for them that I went from relationship to relationship and now they have a lot of bad feelings because I put them through it too.  Also, go to college.  There are MANY places that will help a single mother. They will even pay for your childcare while you go to school Take advantage them.  You just can't raise a child anymore on $5.00 or 6.00/hr.  That way you wont have to depend on anyone else. When have a degree and a good job then the right person will come along and you will be so secure that you wont have to depend on him.  I commend you on leaving your abuse relationship.  Remember God loves you and you deserve to be treated with respect and love.  If a man hits you one time, it is one time too many. You did the right thing!! Your going to be ok.  You will be a strong, independent mother and you baby will love you for that.  Just remember it's all up to you now, that baby's future is in your hands : ) Take care and good luck!