Circulatory System humor???
448368
Dracula was very hungry, but he sought nourishment in vein.\nHe came from a less enlightened era, when people didn't tolerate hemosexuals.
1079995
LOL!\n\nYou've got the best running jokes EVER on this site!
555676
yeah OK I have a great 2 jokes for you here but be prepared that they are somewhat well just wrong hehehe ok here we go! enjoy!\n\n#1- A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife,so he went to a psychiatrist,who told him he needed to build self-esteem and gave him a book on assertiveness.\n   After reading the book on the way him,he stormed into the house and declared, "I want you to know I am the man of the house,and my word is law."I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight.THen after dinner,you are going to draw my bath so I can relax ,and when I'm finished with my bath,guess who is going to dress me and comb my hair?"\n           His wife responded, "THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR."\n\n#2-A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey,could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now"He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light" NOw does it look like I have a G.E.O Logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."\n   Well then,could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right". To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have WestingHouse written on my forehead? I don't think so"."Fine," She says "Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break".\n"I'm not a damn Carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps." "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so.I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!"\n   So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours.\nHe starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife,and decides to go home and help out.As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed.As he enters the house,He sees the hall light is working,the fridge door is fixed.\n"Honey, How'd all this get fixed? She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried.Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him.He offered to do all the repaires,and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake."\nHe said, "So what kind of cake did you bake him?" She replied, "HELLOOOOO..... Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"\n\n#3- A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vagina lips reduced in size because they were flapping in the breeze.Out of emabarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.\n  A wakening from the anesthesia after the surgery,she found three roses carefully placed beside her bed.Outraged,she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"\n   The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this by yourself."\n   "The second rose is from my nurse.She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago."\n   "And what about the third rose?" she asked.\n"Oh,that rose is from the man upstairs in the burn unit.He wanted to thank you for his new ears.
431962
A nice REFRESHING joke. LOL
724123
Solid information is the bottom line here, and if you throw in some humor, you usually have a Best Answer on your hands :-))\n\nSome of the purely humorous answers that I have seen here are PRICELESS. They make me laugh until I can't breathe!
701622
A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.\n\n"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet".\n\nHe struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and says "There is nothing wrong with them!"\n\nFinally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice but, are... my... test... results... back?
893919
that fit perfectly in women health section!!\nI hope he was drinking water while swallowing!!\nLol.....awesome..thanks for the unexpected laugh!! another good one? so, see you in the Sociology section....!! lmao
1175801
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circulatory_system
218018
This is a christian joke, but it's funny even if you're not christian(like me, i'm a Hindu)\n\nA new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get anxious, I take a sip." So the next Sunday, he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:\n\n1. Next time, sip the vodka, don't gulp\n2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.\n3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.\n4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.\n5. David slew Goliath. He did not kick the sh*t out of him.\n6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.\n7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.\n8. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, we do not say he was stoned off his *ss.\n9. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."\n10. The recommended way to say grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yay God.\n11. And lastly, the Virgin Maryshould never, under any circumstances, be called "Mary with the cherry."\n\nThis joke came from "The Little Big Book of Laughter." It is the most amazing joke book I have ever read, and I got it for Christmas.(Even though I'm hindu, we get presents at christmastime, not to celebrate the birth of Christ, but to celebrate the two weeks off that we all get.) You can read about it at the links below. Hope you like the Joke!
332852
It sure does sound like an oxymoron, doesn't it? How can any open system effectively circulate a fluid?\n\nWell, the grasshoppers do it.\n\nInstead of having blood vessels, this insect has a rather interesting internal get-up that combines a system that circulates blood with a system that circulates the equivalent of our lymphatic system (the part that carries cell wastes away to our kidneys and etc)\n\nSimply put, an open circulatory system is one in which there is nothing to differentiate between the interior of the body and its circulatory system.. instead it all floats around like vegetable soup.\n\nI hope this helps!
953678
laugh my @$$ off! (lmao)
478086
There is a case of a man in Yorkshire or Wales, I forget which, laughing so hard that it caused him to have a heart attack. His fit of laughter was brought on by watching The Goonies with Eccythump. The victim's wife sent a letter addressed to the Goonies to the BBC thanking them "...for helping him die with a smile on his face...because it was how he wanted to have died..." :0)
537857
hi .. instead of getting useless worries why not have some simple knowledge about it .. \n\nSTROKE IDENTIFICATION: \n\nMy friend sent this to me and encouraged me to post it and spread the word, I agreed. If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks. Seriously. please read: \n\nDuring a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the afternoon. Ingrid's husband called later saying that his wife had been taken to the hospital and passed away. She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some stroke victims don't die, they end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead. \n\nIt only takes a minute to read this... \n\nA neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within three hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke . . . totally. He said the trick was having a stroke recognized, diagnosed and then getting the patient medically cared for within three hours, which is tough. \n\nRECOGNIZING A STROKE \n\nThank God for the sense to remember the "3" steps. \n\nRead and Learn! \n\nSometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke. \n\nNow doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions: \n\nS *Ask the individual to SMILE. \n\nT *Ask the person to TALK, \nto SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE. (Coherently) (i.e. . . It is sunny out today) \n\nR *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS. \n\nNOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out their tongue. if the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other, that is also an indication of a stroke. \n\nhope it will help ..
896775
Oh HA HA!! Very funny.\n\nxxB
673597
a bus full of ugly people crash and everyone dies. In heaven god feels so bad for them they each get a wish.THe lined up and they started.\n"i want to be beautiful" someone said.\n"i want to have smooth skin."\n"I want my eyes to be even."\ngod granted wishes(which all had to do with looking good)until he was half way down the line. \nAll of a sudden the man at the end started laughing.By the time god was at the end of the line, the man was on the floor.\n"What would you like to wish for?" god said.\n"hahahaha.... I.... hahahahaha.... turn them all ugly....hahahahahaha.... " and the man started cracking up.And with a poof! the dead bunch was ugly again.
930529
Laugh my (posterior) off
469792
Laughter, along with an active sense of humor, may help protect you against a heart attack, according to a recent study by cardiologists at the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore. The study, which is the first to indicate that laughter may help prevent heart disease, found that people with heart disease were 40 percent less likely to laugh in a variety of situations compared to people of the same age without heart disease. \n"The old saying that 'laughter is the best medicine,' definitely appears to be true when it comes to protecting your heart," says Michael Miller, M.D., director of the Center for Preventive Cardiology at the University of Maryland Medical Center and associate professor of medicine at the University of Maryland School of Medicine. "We don't know yet why laughing protects the heart, but we know that mental stress is associated with impairment of the endothelium, the protective barrier lining our blood vessels. This can cause a series of inflammatory reactions that lead to fat and cholesterol build-up in the coronary arteries and ultimately to a heart attack."\n\nIn the study, researchers compared the humor responses of 300 people. Half of the participants had either suffered a heart attack or undergone coronary artery bypass surgery. The other 150 did not have heart disease. One questionnaire had a series of multiple-choice answers to find out how much or how little people laughed in certain situations, and the second one used true or false answers to measure anger and hostility. \n\nMiller said that the most significant study finding was that "people with heart disease responded less humorously to everyday life situations." They generally laughed less, even in positive situations, and they displayed more anger and hostility.\n\n"The ability to laugh -- either naturally or as learned behavior -- may have important implications in societies such as the U.S. where heart disease remains the number one killer," says Miller. "We know that exercising, not smoking and eating foods low in saturated fat will reduce the risk of heart disease. Perhaps regular, hearty laughter should be added to the list." \n\nMiller says it may be possible to incorporate laughter into our daily activities, just as we do with other heart-healthy activities, such as taking the stairs instead of the elevator. "We could perhaps read something humorous or watch a funny video and try to find ways to take ourselves less seriously," Miller says. "The recommendation for a healthy heart may one day be exercise, eat right and laugh a few times a day."\n\nIn addition to helping your heart, laughter offers other important health benefits. "People become healthier from laughter," observes Judy Goldblum-Carlton, a humor therapist at the University of Maryland Hospital for Children's Division of Pediatric Hematology/Oncology. "It improves circulation. When you laugh heartily, every organ is being massaged including your heart, lungs and digestive system. Headaches can just go away. When you laugh the endorphins released make you feel this elation. It makes those big decisions seem so much less important."\n\nHumor Yourself\n\nSo how can you make yourself laugh, even when you're angry or tense? And how can you find ways to improve your sense of humor and add more laughter into your life? Goldblum-Carlton offers the following creative ways to incorporate humor into your everyday routine:\n\nFigure out what tickles your funny bone. "You have to figure out what makes you laugh," says Goldblum-Carlton. Some people like slapstick while others prefer a more intellectual type of humor. "Once you isolate what makes you laugh and what turns your knobs, then you can go out and look for these things."\n\n\nRent a funny movie. Goldblum-Carlton suggests videos, like "America's Funniest Home Videos" and other