What are some good comebacks to people (in a position of power) who make corny jokes or idiotic remarks?
444825
When they make a stupid joke look at them and say: "Well, I guess they can't all be winners." They probably won't even know what you mean.
1158062
there are two options that i would recommend-\n1. just let it go and ignore them, but maybe smile a little when they insult you and you walk away.  it makes them wonder what was funny.\n2. learn some really good comebacks.  not necessarily stock ones like "oh yeah?  well you're ugly!" but something more creative.  have fun with it.  be insulting.  what are they gonna do, report you?\ndon't fight them.  there's no reason to.
588793
when ya'll act stuck up
230774
Humor...\n\nThe best way to tell someone they're doing something wrong is to put it in a way that it's funny, without the use of sarcasm and insult, of course.\n\nYou might want to say, "Dude, I've got one nerve left and you're jumping on it like a trampoline!  Cool it, will ya!?!?"
1041308
All time favorite:  "Sometimes I wave to people I don't know.  It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand?  They'll think you're cocky.  “Look what I got motherfucker, this thing is useful. . . I'm gonna go pick something up.”\n\nRunners up:\n  "When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it’s busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say “Dufrane, party of two. Dufrane, party of two.” And if no one answers they’ll say their name again. “Dufrane, party of two, Dufrane, party of two.” But then if no one answers they’ll just go right on to the next name. “Bush, party of three.” Yeah, but what happened to the Dufranes? No one seems to give a shit. Who can eat at a time like this - people are missing. You fuckers are selfish… the Dufranes are in someone’s trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they’re hungry! That’s a double whammy. We need help. Bush, search party of three! You can eat when you find the Dufranes."\n\n"Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right."\n\n"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."\n\n"You know they call corn-on-the-cob, "corn-on-the-cob", but that's how it comes out of the ground. They should just call it corn, and every other type of corn, corn-off-the-cob. It's not like if someone cut off my arm they would call it "Mitch", and then re-attached it, and call it "Mitch-all-together". \n\n" like buying snacks from a vending machine because food is better when it falls. Sometimes at the grocery, I'll drop a candy bar so that it will achieve its maximum flavor potential."\n\n\n\nThese ones are good too:\n"I'm an ice sculptor. Last night I made a cube."\n\n"A guy came up to me in the airport, saying, "Dude, I saw you on TV last night!" But he did not say whether or not he thought I was good. He just confirmed I was on television. So I turned away for a minute, and then I turned back toward him and said, "I saw you at the airport about a minute ago. And you were good!"\n\n"I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill..."
377302
here's a joke: ur boss!\n\nknock knock\nwho's there\nur boss\nur boss who\nexactly!!\nWhen you take a long time, you're slow.  \nWhen your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.  \n\nWhen you don't do it, you're lazy.  \nWhen your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.  \n\nWhen you make a mistake, you're an idiot.  \nWhen your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.  \n\nWhen doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.  \nWhen your boss does the same thing, that's initiative. \n\nWhen you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.  \nWhen your boss does it, he's being firm.  \n\nWhen you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.  \nWhen your boss skips a few rules, he's being original. \n\nWhen you please your boss, you're apple polishing.  \nWhen your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.  \n\nWhen you're out of the office, you're wandering around.  \nWhen your boss is out of the office, he's on business. \n\nWhen you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.  \nWhen your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.  \n\nWhen you apply for vacation, you must be going for an interview.  \nWhen your boss applies for vacation, it's because he's \noverworked.\n  \nA farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK, old fart, time to retire." \n\nThe old rooster replies, "Come on, you can't handle ALL these chickens. Look what it's done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?" \n\nThe young rooster says, "Beat it! You're washed up and I'm taking over." \n\nThe old rooster says "I'll tell you what, young stud, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." \n\nThe young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair, I'll give you a head start." \n\nThe old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He's already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. \n\nThe farmer, meanwhile, is sitting on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by, one right behind the other. He grabs his shotgun and BOOM! -- he blows the young rooster to bits. \n\nThe farmer sadly shakes his head, "Damn...third gay rooster I've bought this month." \n\nThe National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu.” \n\nFirst to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said: \n\nSlowly across the desert sand \nTrekked a lonely caravan; \nMen on camels, two by two \nDestination Timbuktu. \n\nThe crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited: \n\nMe and Tim a huntin’ went. \nMet three whores in a pop up tent. \nThey was three, and we was two, \nSo I bucked one, and Timbuktu. \n\n\n\n\nThere were three little old ladies sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat. \n\nThe first lady immediately had a stroke. \n\nThen the second lady also had a stroke. \n\nBut the third lady, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far. \n\nTwo strangers are sitting in an adjacent seats in airplane. \n\nOne guy says to the other, "Let's talk. I hear that the flight will go faster if you strike up a conversation with your fellow
185073
LAMO!\nThat was funny!\nHere are some more:\n\n\nThings You DON'T Want to Hear During Surgery\n\n\n\n"Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop."\n\n"Wait a minute. If this is his spleen, then what's that?"\n\n"Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie."\n\n"Oh no! I just lost my Rolex."\n\n"Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?"\n"Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!"\n\n"Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off."\n\n"What's this doing here?"\n\n"I hate it when they're missing stuff in here."\n\n"That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!"
801470
Make a joke about it and laugh it off--
1038512
ok READY just think of something really randum and say it in a funny voice Example: go up to a randum person and scream ROACHES!!!!!!  at them they'll be like WTF???? Trust me it funny to see there face it works every time and yes im bored too lol.
197571
Speak to them in private. A person in charge doesn't appreciate being undermined in front of the people they're in charge of (unless, of course, you want to undermine them!:). Be very polite, but firm, and back your reasons. The traditional argument paper form could help here:\n\n1. State problem/solution\n2. Reasoning for solution/Reasoning for it being a problem\n3. Counter any responses you may expect/Interpret why the current solution is being used, but say why that's wrong\n4. Sum up\n\nOf course, a conversation is different than a paper. . .
794742
Some people on here think that they are funny or will get more attention if they are politically foulmouthed.
935793
Hi McKenna, \n\nHere are some come backs and tactics that will leave them standing with mouths hanging open. \n\nA good tactic is to throw a complete reversal, change the subject, insult them and leave them stunned and you win. \n\nI am assuming these are girls you are dealing with, but some will work either way. \n\nFollowing are switch tactics: \n\nWhen you get the yo mama thing, just ignore what they said, and look them over very carefully, and say:\n\n"That's a nice outfit, too bad they didn't have your size".\n\nIf the person doing the insulting is shorter than you, use this one:\n\n"Excuse me, are you standing in a hole"?\n\nIf the person is bigger, try this. \n\nJust stare at their feet, shake your head and say:\n\n"With feet that big . . . .Mike Tyson couldn't knock you down". or \n\n" Hey, I like your Goodwill Slides" (Referring to shoes).\n\nIf you ever feel threatened with physical contact, email me, and I will share with you some self defense moves that will make you undefeatable. You only have to use it one time, and then no one will mess with you ever again. \n\nIf I were there, I would offer my services in being your protector. \n\nGo get em tiger, and have a nice day, and enjoy your life. \n  \nDarryl S.
463117
www.firehotquotes.com \n\nthey have some there.. && if you just wanna joke around, take a look at the others too.
662565
Here is one suggestion:\n\nStart with a question like "What do you want out of a class president?"\n\nNext, tell them what they should want (your attributes of course)\n\nThen, show them how you fill the needs.\n\nI agree that humor is always a good idea.  Many times elections are about who you like and not about what was said.  Be friendly, open, and honest.\n\nAlso, you may want to speak to individuals in the class.  i.e. "Homer, you had trouble with this before, remember?"\n\nGood luck.
777753
Stay quiet and stay out of the way.  Witty comebacks and smart-assed remarks don't work because the bully is rarely smart enough to understand.  You can't win with a stupid person because they are too stupid to understand they've lost.  Just stay under the radar until you are out of school.  Then, when you're their boss, you will have the last laugh.
596074
You have to give me something to comeback to...
796270
I like when when they joke around or do something foolish to get your attention. How are you like?