Iam 52 alone and away from wife and kids.Works 15 hrs a day and need solace.I am in india and seek good advice
452323
Get on messanger and have your do same you can chat to each other about all the little things that happen daily that you are missing by not being together. It is also a lot easier to be honest about feelings in writing, maybe when she hears how you are really feeling you'll find out she feels the same and decide to stop having a long distance marriage. Find out what your priorities are. Your family or money. If you can find time to have a "FRIEND?" You have time for your wife. Remember your sacred vow to love her till death. Would you want her doing what you are thinking of, because you know  looking for a friend may sound harmless but it won't stay that way. Please try and be more realitic.
833827
This is all very normal. I have three kids. Try to find a babysitter. Family or Friends and get some down time. Go out with your friends. A mini vacation on the weekend. You need to get out and get loose and vent a little with your friends. It wll do you a world of wonder.\n\nGood Luck!
703682
Well, you have already nailed it pretty well, and under the circumstances you are doing a whale of a lot better managing this that I ever would! You're further ahead of the game than you realize. You are also tired and need a breather. You need to schedule some down time for just you. You are the one that is important here. And self care is job one. Always. You have been ambushed, so when that happens you always step back and regroup. And the best way to self care your way through this one is to be by or hang around yourself a little more. Find your center once again. Centering. A wonderful concept. And correct, too, on every level. Diet, bubble baths, rest, fresh air, cleaning your bedroom, checking your wardrobe and getting free of old stuff you will never wear again - in other words, spend a little time reinventing yourself. You are already pretty strong because you have a good mind with which to sort out all this foolishness and get your bearings, but the unfortunate truth in life is that when we are tired, anyone can take a whack at us and it is like they could blow us over with a feather. You can feel that sensitive, and it is because you are smart, really. It is the downside of being smart. You can be too sensitive. So when you find your center once again you will also find more strength to call this what it is: abuse. Others here on Yahoo! Answers are giving you some fine answers about actions you can take, but I am focusing solely on you taking care of you. Self care. Make more time to pamper yourself and start feeling good about who you really are, because look at what you are doing here: you are  working on your degree. I mean, my God, all this other chaff is just fuel. Be very alert and see it for what it is - a prime distraction and begin - just begin, to look for a better place to bring yourself for work. That does not, fortunately, need to be put in place before the end of the week. If worse comes to worse, you can just walk away. A social worker once told me, "Chris, sometimes all you can do is walk away." I never forgot that one. Under most circumstances, I get the impression you are normally extremely self-reliant and independent of mind, so it is probably just because this whole mess has worn you down a bit that feeling it is a lilttle rough on you right now. I am sending you good energies and my heart goes out to you hoping you find the perspective to see the bigger picture and put you back into it in the dignified and self-respecting way you rightly deserve. Get your self-esteem back intact and believe in who you really are. And for God's sake, get some rest. None of us thinks well when we are exhausted. The other thing is emotionally draining, and only time will heal that one.  God Bless You, too.     - Chris.
609220
take up reading, doing crafts is a good time passer\n\nget a computer, you can learn, play, chat or a million other things on-line.\n\nI know it is hard.  I have a friend who is in a similar situation, for that matter I have been there myself.  I know it can be hard when most of your old friends are married with kids etc and you feel so isolated.  When I was alone and basically broke I tried to just stay busy with something.  Get a pet, they are good company too.\n\nOh yeah....\n\nDon't pay any attention to some of the people who are answering with mean stuff.... they just don't have any understanding of your question, some people can't help but be a@#holes.  \n\nI don't think they understand what you mean when you say you are on SSI.  Some of us do.  I realize that you can't go out and get a job.  There are still many things you can do as hobbies etc.
563261
I'm in Australia, so there isn't much I can help you with in regards to the laws of your country, assuming you live somewhere else. But congratulations for being a great man and father and seeing your kids as people you love not just a responsibility. Whatever happens, your children will grow up knowing they are in an environment of love and support and that will be a huge benefit and source of comfort for them. I'm separated, with five kids and their father has moved on with his life and that life doesn't involve them. Its had a ravaging effect on them emotionally. There should be more men like you. I know things are really hard and I can see how you would be feeling down and frustrated. Just remember a close family will survive anything. Good Luck. You have lucky children.
428533
if you can actually handle the eighteen hours and need to work that much you can probly make it bujt i wouldsuggest cutting back on the hours and make up that money bu working at home from your computer. so you can at least have some sort of life besides sleep an work\ncaution-burn out and extreme stress can cause haelth problem and in severe cases death.dont panic this is happen  to few people but its possible be careful and take care of yourself
1026473
I'll tell you the problem. It's your age. It is fairly well known that people all over the world get a little depressed at this age.\nTry a foreign holiday. Without anyone. Summertime is good, go now. Flying is exciting - and cheap. Try areas that you can speak the language fluently. Get as much beer as possible ( spirits may harm ). Travel light; take minimum - in most countries laundrettes are plentiful. Take change of footware. Write  home. Telephone only when happy. Talk to as many girls as makes you happy. Ignore all males - they are not natural nurses.\nJoin in what you are good at only when happy. Eat less, drink more. Do not worry about spending too much. Take all forms of obtaining money. Walk more. Think of evil things to do to your enemies. Put those off until they are legal. Do not insult the locals. Smile more. Be glad you are not working. A month works for me. Grit your teeth - it's everybody else that's the problem.
721868
a few things - I live alone - had a partner for close to 27 years - he passed away.\n\nMy job - I know I will go home to sleep in order to go to work the next day - my job is ok - but I have 14 more years to go and I am anxious to retire - but I try to think how each day brings me one day closer - sometimes it works, but other times it doesn't.\n\nI simply have to be patient.
292242
I was once in that same situation.  First of all you must get your priorities in order (YOUR KIDS).  I wanted to date,so I got my kids on a good schedule.  I focused on them being asleep by 8:00 at night.  When I was successful, that is the time I accepted company.  Whoever you choose will probably be with you.  Don't put that on the kids because a good man will not care if you have kids. I found that if you start the kids' day early, let them outside for some real playtime, give them a good meal(come in from work and cook or start precooking meals), wash them up, then put them to bed (I let them think that they could watch cartoons in bed, it took 5-10 and they were sleep)....They will go to sleep. Be choosey!!! Because you don't want just anyone around your kids.  Working is good.  This means that you can take care of yourself. If the first man you choose is wrong....HOLLER "NEXT"....and keep going until you meet one that you can work with.  You'll be surprised.  (Meanwhile, try to network with another mother that's in the same situation or a smart teenage babysitter or a family member if you can.  Get out of the house sometimes....save a few dollars to pay if you can....BUT ALWAYS WORK ON THAT FIRST THING!!!
919128
I'd try a trial separation.  it would be difficult for you but look at the benefits:\n\n1.  Your wife has time to recooperate (sp?) and get her feelings in order\n\n2.  They say time makes the heart grow fonder.  Without her, you'll realize what you have.  Maybe then you can reflect on your past actions and see how being alone feels, only you may be in a motel and not in a jail cell.\n\n3.  Your wife will see the effort you're making to better yourself and hopefully give you another chance (as well as saving your reputation, if things don't work out and you're on your own again)\n\n4.  You can use the time alone to read books and get self-help in the meantime.  You'll have lots of pillows to punch if you still need to get anger out (just watch the hotel walls, heh heh).\n\n5.  Since marriage was the cause of stress, maybe now you can dedicate time to things you used to do that made you happy before you got married but that you couldn't do once you did get married. You don't have to be home by a certain time, so you an go bowling, start going to the gym (also a great stress reliever), hang out with some buddies you haven't seen, just start taking care of yourself mentally and physically for once.  Sure you won't have your wife to come home to, so this may go back to missing her more.  You have to find a balance.  \n\n6.  Remember the first time you looked into each others eyes, or the nervousness either of you had on your first date?  Howabout that first kiss?  Firsts are sometimes awkward or sometimes full of great memories.  I'd sure miss my girlfriend more if I imagined her being happy with someone else.  I had one ex girlfriend where there were times this was for the better as I realized I took the relationship for granted and complained too much , but if I had appreciated it more, maybe be comfortable with the relationship without going into a routine, then her and i might still be back together.  Right now I'm living with the folks at 33 years old, without a car and a job, and my current girlfriend of 1 years still looks at me like I'm hot.  Probably because I still take the time to talk to her and tell her how much I appreciate her understanding and friendship, that she knows I'm doing my best to find a job.\n\nWhatever you do I hope you make the right decision, and I hope you and your family have a safe and filling Thanksgiving.
393789
It is very hard for a woman to juggle a career and home.  I would hope that your husband is supportive in that he helps out with the chores at home.  You say you are overwhelmed at work.  Learn to delegate some of your responsibilities if that is an option.  REMEMBER, you child is probably sensing your stress and therefore not sleeping.  Take time to smell the roses.  We are only on this earth for a short time and work is just a small part of it.  I understand that in this day and age it takes 2 incomes but why not re-evaluate what is important to you.  Your child will grow up so fast.  Are you missing out on her firsts.  Sometimes it is better to scale back on your possessions and concentrate on your personal relations.  I feel that therapy is over-rated.  Find yourself a support group.  Talk to your friends.  They know you better than anybody.  Listen to what they say and take their advise.  Call in sick and play hooky once in a while.  Listen to calming music.  I lost two very good friends last year to cancer and it has made me wake up to what is important in life.  It definitely isn't work!  Light a candle and relax.
1169743
I was in the same boat about 2 years ago.  My wife was depressed, slept on the couch almost all day, I worked 2 jobs and took care of my daughter when I was home ... I would say that my wife was a glorified babysitter, but in reality, I was often worried about my daughter's safety while I was at work.  The horror stories I could tell you ...\n\nI know you won't like this answer but, here goes: You can't get your wife to go to the doctor for help.  There is nothing that you could say or do that would ever alter the will and/or mind set of a clinically depressed person.  The decision has to be theirs, which, funny enough, is the same advice that Al-Anon would give to a spouse/child of an alcoholic.  I had spent the first year of her depression trying to help her through it, taking her to relaxing places, doing the house chores, taking care of my daughter, that did not work, I had threatened divorce once, but it did nothing, After an incident with my wife she was put in the hospital for about 5 days to "straighten her medication out", but, because she didn't believe in medication, that was the only time she took it.  She made 1 out of 12 scheduled pyschiatrist appointments and 8 out of 40 scheduled pyschologist visits.  She simply didn't want to go or get help.  That was her decision, and unfortunately all the best intentions in the world won't get her to change it... for my x wife or for your wife unfortunately.  \n\nIn my opinion there are 2 solid questions that you have to ask yourself.  \n\n1. Do you still love her and could you continue to make it work?  (assuming that you were alone and without kids.)  If the answer is yes, continue to the next question as it is the deal breaker.  If not, then you have your answer with regards to divorce.\n\n2. I think most parents, including you would agree that their children are the single most important aspect of their lives, and their most important responsibility.  With that said, what do you feel is more harmful to your children, a "messy" divorce (which it will be, trust me on that one) or living every day watching Mom sleep away her life, not having her in their lives because she's too depressed, bringing the family down because you are too overworked and stressed out, not having enough money (and yeah - I know about that one too, my x was racking up nearly 3500 in overdraft charges almost every year for 3 years....) I'm sure you could add a few examples to this list...   Simply put, what is best for your children?  Your kids at 10 and 12 are old enough to engage in a serious discussion about divorce and depression.  Their thoughts and feelings will more than likely be an included factor for a judge during a divorce and I would recommend talking to your children about their thoughts and feelings about your family dynamics - how do they feel about their mom's depression, and seriously consider taking your kids to a pyschologist for some family therapy, unfortunately, if you're stressed out and hurting, your kids are too - only many times worse.  If your kids experience more happiness during and after divorce, it is better, especially if the divorce forces the parents to put their kids number one.  If your wife is missing out on their lives, then they are not number one in hers, and therein lies the problem.  If Divorce is better for them in the long run, File, and make sure you get a calm attorney.  I'll cover that in a second....\n\nI'll tell you what happened with my divorce, as it might give you a bit of hope, as it certainly turned out well for everyone I would say... after a long 2 year battle, with every settlement offer from my side getting worse every time her "hot-shot" attorney (thus the find a calm attorney)  decided he wanted something else like a GAL (Guardian Ad-Litem) and a Pysch Evaluation, I finally landed up with full custody, my X had visitation once a week, had to pay me child support a
880835
I havent read through all answers so my ideas may have been suggested before.\n\nI think stress often boils down to the fact that you are doing nothing for YOU or nothing you like.\n\nCan you look at your life and see how you can cut down on your responsibilities and get some 'me' time.\n\nIf, for example, you knew that on Mondays evenings for two hours someone was always going to have the kids, then it would be something to look forward to. I know these things are hard to arrange, and no good if you have to run round like a maniac getting food prepared etc just so you can have 2 hours off.\n\nCan you swap kids with another mother? Could your partner do more? Could you cut down on your working hours, or change jobs?\n\nWith a job and two small kids, dont try and take anything more on. Good enough will do. you dont need to be perfect.\n\nI hate exercising too - but recently i have got into have a half hour power walk a day and it does help. I know with kids its hard to get out - all those coats, and gloves, and little boots, but it does help getting out into the open air.\n\nI do hope you are able to see where you could maybe cut down. Remember your kids need a mother who takes care of herself.\n\nBest wishes,\n\nFaith.
204220
You are feeling like this because you are thinking like this.  Just start thinking other way and you will start feeling better. Start keeping track of your thoughts, whenever you feel that negative thoughts are coming to mind, throw them out. \n\nMake new friends wherever you are, you may find good people everywhere. Start meeting more and more good people. Have some kind of creative hobby. Don’t give up your yoga and pranayam, infact increase the time for that. \n\nConcentrate little more to your studies; I feel this is the only motive of being away from your home place. \n\nDon’t listen sad ghazals for few days. \n\nAnd let me share a secrete with you, most of us are gone through this phase at your age. Take it as it is. \n\nAnd a very important thing, share all of your feelings with your parents. Only they can understand you better. \n\nAll the best wishes from me. Keep smiling and have fun.
996660
my wife is going through that right now!\nshe gets a little feeling of confinement and not having her own money(as she says). like you she has worked ever since she was old enough a very responsible person and high wage earner, executive actually. now she is totally a stay at home mom and we are living paycheck to paycheck....financially it's hard but if you have daycare there is little advantage. you only have a few precious years to spend with your child before they are gone off to school and you will never get those times back. you are doing something that is WAY more important than yourself....you are helping mold a new person to go forward into the world, give yourself credit for that...it really is a worthy endeavor and you can always go back to work when the child is in school full time. \ntry doing something on-line from home while the baby sleeps if you can.\nBest Wishes, Have Fun:)))\nStu
458216
It's your life, and what you do is essentially between you and God, and, if you're married, you and your spouse.\n\nI take it you don't enjoy your job.  If you have enough in the bank to take care of yourself, then yes, retire.  You can take the time to go to school, pursue a hobby, or follow a second career doing what you love.  You could also travel or volunteer for a cause you care about.\n\nMy brother retired at age 55.  He's managed his money quite well.  He now plays in a rock-and-roll band that plays 1960s music.\n\nOne caveat: if you're essential to your current job, make sure you train your replacement well!
552705
i am assuming you're a guy here:\n\nyou're good with dad, not so much with mom. spouse, if you have... you will adore and love her. but your not so good with your kids, or they are finding it a bit hard undertanding you. but the guys will be okay with grandpa, and the girls will be okay with grandma. and you will have communication problems with your wife and kids.\n\nthere is a tendency to move around whether it is job or just having a vacation... you love to travel.\n\nyou are better doing illegal (not necessarily drugs or gambling, but can denote untaxed) businesses or those that doesn't have taxes, or just aren't registered. you are good as a leader like the army or military; you are good as a leader but not those managing money for profit, and you do not want to be restricted by superiors.\n\nother people have difficulty in appraching you because you might be a bit too strong for a personality, that they may fear you, including your wife and kids, keeping grievances inside.\n\nyou are doing okay right now. but you need to save for the future, as your luck is diminishing. but it will still be good until 38 - 39 (age). from 40 to 49, you be careful from back stabbing people or accidents. then life will be good again from 50 onwards.