I really care for this  guy.  He's about to become a dad, to one he's not happy w/.  How should he handle it?
440484
i think that once they have the child he should get custody of the child and get rid of the one he is not happy with.
39998
Just be completley honest and open with your man and tell him how you feel and ask him questions that are on your mind such as how he feels, if he agrees, or is he upset. Be very sweet and word things nicely with out affending him or blamming him for anything. When you decide on your decision you both should talk to your children about it cuz it will effect them too. Kids are smart and catch on fast!
434702
Its his life. Let him know how you feel and let him make up his own mind about what he wants.
567259
If it's not his dad, keep clear.  Maybe he's taking over a dad's responsibility.  Keep clear again.  This kid will need a dad.  If his 'dad' is doing everything a dad needs to to then leave well alone.  Don't cause friction.  If the kid is happy with the arrangement, leave well alone.  They'll work it out in the future.  Don't interfere.  Let fate take it's toll without your input.
598050
I think alot of your responses are good ones , but i agree with one main point communication. If you have tried to talk about it then maybe just give it a little time. If he truly repects your feelings and knows how much you want children then it will work out for the best. Kids are a big comitment and belive it or not once the kids come men are kinda stuck, i mean that in a nice way, we know that once the kids come it's no more hanging out with the boys all the time,and also no more time for us only for the kids. So maybe u should talk about how You will make sure to balance the time and allow him to still have his time. The truth is once the kids get here He will enjoy the hell out of them and naturally love them and care for them, it's all a part of becoming a man, i real man that is, so good luck and remind him that one of the best things about kids is making them, lol, just kidding, but it is fun.
1080971
Get out as fast as you can. He will have to pay child support. But he isn't faithful & why have your children grow up around a man who messes round.\nYour happiness seems to NOT be important to him.
481120
My heart really goes out to you, I can't imagine what you are going through with your daughter. It sounds like you have made a great start with the day to day stuff and i think this is the best thing to do -concentrate on each day and don't look too far ahead. Rely on your family and friends and don't stop talking about it, play with your baby and wait. The waiting is the hardest part, but if you take it slowly and don't set a time limit - don't say for example that by next week you will have stopped crying, or that by next month you will be over him and don't judge your own 'get over him' time by someone elses, everybody does things in their own way. But i promise you that if you keep doing what you're doing it will go away, it really will, you just have to wait. Wishing you all future happiness xxxx
853275
No. It's not that he might be unworthy of trust, but sometimes guys do a turnaround after the baby is born. His priorities might change a lot once he has a kid. Hopefully he will jump in and help raise it, and be apart of its life. In that case, his feelings for his child's mother may change. If not, are you going to be supportive of his new commitment? \n\nNow, what if he doesn't want anything to do with the kid? What will you think of him then? Do you really want to be with someone like that? \n\nI suggest you keep it cool until the baby is born. He has got a lot going on right now, and things might change dramatically in the near future. Protect yourself, and be prepared to share him with another woman's kid.
1050985
I know its hard to blunt but sometimes its the best. I myself have a hard time speaking up because im always worried about the other person. Be firm and put your foot down becuase if you arnt and you just laugh and giggle he will take it as an open door. Write him a letter being very firm if its hard or something if its hard to say it to him directly. He may seem sweet to you but the fact that he doesnt get the hint when you are carrying SOMEONELS' child doesnt seem like hes a very respectful guy.
790101
You should not blame yourself for this. The guy sounds like a jerk to me. I have not really had the best relationships with guys either, so I understand how you are feeling. My situations were not exactly like yours, but I still get how you are feeling. The only thing I can give you for advise is that if he is not "man" enough to keep a relationship with your daughter, then it will be him that loses out on a great little girl. As for dealing with her... I can only say I would try to have as little communication with HER as possible. If your daughter goes to visit him, make sure that you are talking with him to make the arrangements. If you feel that you two "are not suppose to be together" I think that you should make that crystal clear to him, there is nothing harder than letting him think that there is something between you when you in reality have no feelings for him. It will only make things more difficult for you in the long run. Another little tip is to keep someone in your life that you feel like you can always turn to for advise either a close friend or family member (this always helps me and plus you get a second opinion for free). I hope that this little bit helped :-)
626257
Sweetie, what the hell good is a apology going to do you?  He's not sorry in the way you want him to be, but he is sorry.  You don't know he knows he's wrong, you are wrong.  He has no idea that he's wring, he he did he would not be doing these things.  Get rid of him. baby or not, he is not a good husband and he will only get worse, certainly he is not going to be much of a father.
22051
Tell him how you feel, and ask him why he feels the need to treat you the way he does when Ryan is in the picture.  Tell him that you deserve better treatment, and that since he apparantly does not feel the same way, it is time for the two of you to go seperate ways.
141576
I've started and deleted this a couple times and thought about what to say to you, but am having a hard time.\n\nI can't map in for some reason, so I apologize if my response is a scatterbrained collection of thoughts.\n\nOn one hand I hesitate because you don't want to be his 'mom'.....coming to rescue him.\n\n1st....he may not feel good about being rescued by a woman. I'm not taking a shot at you or anything....I happen to be open to someone helping me if I need it, but I don't think (most?) men warm up to that......unless they are insecure, and then you don't get a man for your partner, you get an adult momma's boy.\n\n2nd....he may not like a woman coming on to strong. He may regard your advances as just that, and regard it as another element to deal with.\n\nIf you've offered coffee, and other such things and have been turned down....that's male communication for.....'thank you, but not now'.\n\n3rd He may have an ego......one that may preclude him from admitting to himself that he needs help at all.\n\n:)\n\nMen like to tackle things completely (most of the time I think) and then move on to the next issue to deal with. It's possible that you are on the 'list'...so-to-speak. I'm sorry for making you sound like a line item. I don't think that, but for brevity I phrased it that way...and to help illustrate what I'm saying.\n\nIt's also likely that whatever he's going thru is deeper than you realize and it requires all his attention. Men (most) are somewhat single-minded and throw a lot of attention on one problem at a time, depending on what it is. This could be one of those situations.\n\nHe may regard the starting of a relationship...even a new friendship right now to be a taxing endeavor that he just doesn't want to deal with.\n\nI'd say that if you've made the offers.....then take stock in that......he knows.....he knows you're there. Don't be pushy.....we men really, really don't like that. I can speak for myself on that one....lol.\n\nDon't keep asking him for coffee....he'll just think you're a pain or think you have stock in Juan Valdez (geeze is he still around?) or something....lol.\n\nThe best thing to do is be a friend. Don't be a pain, don't be annoying and just hang.....being helpful to HIM won't be your idea of 'helpful'. And if you want to ingratiate yourself to him...you will have to figure out how you can be helpful to HIM. Do you know what I mean? That may just be being an ear for him if he wants to talk, sending him some jokes on the internet.....whatever.\n\nDon't be selfish with what you want.....do what is best for him right now.\n\nHope that helps....a little anyway. I hope it works out.....send me a wedding invitation....k?\n\n;)
95091
"Too soon" varies from person to person, but if this guy feels ready, then it is not too soon for him.  For now, just act as a friend in front of the children (it would help to know how old they are) if you think that they will cause problems if they know it is more. But eventually they will have to accept the fact that their father's life goes on, and he has a right to be happy again.
250544
Just be honest with him. Tell him that you don't love him anymore. Because if you aren't happy then your child will know it. No matter how young he/she might be. Children can sense when things aren't "right"! DON'T EVER STAY WITH SOMEONE JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A CHILD BY THEM! If your not happy, your child won't be happy!
74817
This must be such a difficult situation for your entire family.  You must be feeling as if you no longer know you son. You must feel as if you are walking on jello and that your whole world has fallen apart.  You must be thinking what will become of all the hopes and dreams I had for this boy of mine!  These feelings are all normal. You are not alone, I spent many sleepless nights hoping I could go back to the time when my child was small and I was holding that little boy in my arms.  But let's consider something very important: Your son was comfortable enough to come and talk to you about this situation.  That seems to say that your lines of communication are open between the both of you.  That is a blessing!  It says a great deal to how you raised your son and you should take comfort from that.\n\nWith your open communication and his trust in you  don't allow yourself to fall into the trap of becoming preachy and letting him know how wrong this is or to throw him.  The damage that will done by doing that can not be undone!\n\nThis is a time to sit down with him and discuss all the options.  You need to understand how he is feeling, what he wants to do about this situation, and how he is going to be responsible for this child.\n\nIts about him right now not you, and that is going to be very difficult to do, I know I have been there.  The more you can all listen and you guide with gentleness the better off you will all be.  Other people will say support him, but if you have not had many, many talks with him about his goals, worries, concerns and desires for all of this you will never know how to support him.\n\nNow, what he chooses may not be what you would choose.  At 17, he is feeling like a child and an adult.  He is conflicted by what he feels, he wants to be a little boy and have this all go away, and he wants to be a man and take care of it himself; but you have to be there to give him all the information he will need to make the choice.  If you do it right with little judgment and guilt he will choose well.\n\nGive him ALL the information both sides. Now, here comes the really hard part.  His girlfriend holds a great deal of the cards, and what she finally decides may not be what you or your son want.  Be prepared for that.  She and her family may want nothing to do with you.  They may view you as the cause of all this trouble.  They want to force your son into doing something that is not right.  Be prepared for that.  The more you have thought this all through and discussed everything with your son the better the outcome will be.\n\nWe can not force her, her family or you son into doing anything.  There can only be gentle guiding. \n\nWhen all is said and done the greatest thing we can rely on is faith that God is the author of all good things.  If we look at this with the eyes of faith we will see that this has the potential of becoming a beautiful experience of growth and strength.\n\nFeel free to call me: 517-290-8930
498606
Sounds like if he doesn't want the baby he will leave anyhow. I would kinda get ready for that. He might surprise you afterwards the first time he lays eyes on his son or daughter..You being pregnant you do not need any unwanted stress..I would get my support ready, family, friends, ect and go on with my life and get ready for the most beautufil thing in the world.