I love my husband of 26 years, but he has been lying to me.  I don't know what to do.?
445759
There really no such thing as little white lies, a lie is a lie no matter what way you look at it. He is becoming good at lying. You thinking its a little white lie, is helping cover up his actions. The people he is hanging out with could be other women, since he lies about it anyway. If you are loosing your trust in him from his lies, than how can you trust the marriage. Let him know that you love him and let him know that he needs to come clean with you or your going to separate, not divorce. But, being separated from him may make him realize what he has at home. It will also improve your feelings for him. Right now its confusing, please don't keep making excuses for him. Cause those lies will become an everyday thing for him.
839398
Sorry for you. You should have enquired about his incidents before marriage. But now its too late. Anyhow you must write to him letter asking him why he has cheated you & lied about himself. Keep a copy of this letter with you & send this letter through courier or registered  post. Any reply if you get will be a piece of evidence that you can use in future. If you dont get any reply it will be also a piece of evidence which you can use regarding his cheating & lies. Now bring in some marriage counsellor to settle your matrimonial dispute. This will be another piece of evidence for you. If everthing fails move the family court for judicial seperation on the basis of cruelty if your actual seperation has not completed 2 years. Since irrepeareable break of marriage is not a condition of judicial separation or divorce you have to cover your case under ther the clause of cruelty. If you succeed you can get divorce from this guy after 1 year of passing of the decree of judicial seperation. You can always get maintaince from him for yourself & if you have your kids.
559354
You are not responsible for his emotional state, and it is not fair on you to stay with him to protect his feelings.  Besides, lying makes it much worse for him, because lying usually comes out in the end.\n\nHard as it may be, honesty has to be the only way forward.  It will hurt him, and he may have a nervous breakdown, but you can't put your life on hold for him.  He is the only one who can get himself help if he needs it.  You are not his mother - you are his girlfriend.  If you need to get out of the relationship, do so.
556851
Oh sweety, told you told you told you?? You can't believe all this. You should have told him from the second he said he was leaving "ok, i'll be here for you once you get everything sorted out." He might leave his wife, but my gut like urs is saying he's a lier and he's not planning on leaving his wife. When the week is up, his time is up too.
670470
i would ask him what he is afaid of -- if he tells you the truth?- tell him if its nothing to worry about he should tell you everything -- the only reason for a person to lie, is usually because they have something that they don;t want you to find out, for lots of reasons, to protect you, to make sure you don't get mad, for fear of you getting so mad that you would leave   i say confront him and if he cant tell you the truth-- he dosn;t trust you-- thats my personal opinion  i have dealt with this before and ultimatly i left him-- I never got the truth out of him unless we faught then he told me and as allways it was never anything big- tis jsut the fact that he never respected me enough to confide in me--- i think its  a power trip- so they feel like they have some sort of control
344145
Hmmm...I can not advocate that cheating on your husband no matter what the circustances are is right because if you are unhappy you at least owe it to him to voice your emotions and to move on. Just because you don't have a good relationship does not mean that his feelings should be neglected just to satisfy your own. Since you two have been together for quite some time don't you think that you owe him that much to be honest? You say that he treats you badly and that you are unhappy but I'm sorry that doesn't justify your cheating in anyway especially considering that you have no children involved that might cause you to be stuck in staying. As for the guy that you are seeing now, maybe you are in love and perhaps a future with him will be great but you are more or less in that fairytale stage of a relationship where they can do no wrong and this will fade. If this is something that you honestly feel is worth pursuing in order to make yourself happy then go for it by all means. Just remember that your happiness does not need to be based on a man and that you can find it yourself no matter what the outcome. I think that the betrayal and hurt is going to be worst for your husband who has no idea of what is about to surface and that for you it might be hard but that you'll make it since you have realized that this marriage is no longer what you want. I'm in no way trying to put you down or belittle you for your actions because it happens to the best of us since we are all only human but I would definitely consider your situation a little further and make sure that this guy just doesn't look like a better option because you dont really have the repsonsbilities and obligations that you share with your husband. There are no stings attached at this point with this new guy so it makes it all light-hearted and fun and if you do both embark on a relationship (especially a long distance one) there will be difficulties that will eventually come along. I would suggest taking some time out for yourself once you get a divorce and not rush into anything too quickly. I think that you need to hash out somethings with yourself instead of seeking comfort from a man that is merely supplying what is lacking in ur current relationship. Obviously if you decided to get married to your spouse, these feelings at one point or another were there with him and look at what has become of that. I think you need to just really spend some time with yourself and getting to reaquainted with your independent single self before finding an identity in someone else. I'm sure you are a good person and I hope that whatever choice you make that you will find the happiness that you seek. Just remember the feeling of everyone else involved and don't let your heart do all of the thinking for you during a time when you need to use your head. Best of luck to you:)
796520
The dishonesty will ruin your life.  You need to make a decision.  Your husband deserves to be with a woman who will honor him, and you can't lead a happy, healthy life with this type of deception.  Make up your mind who you want to be with, and commit to them.  Alternatively, you can choose to be single and see as many guys as you want.  It's up to you - just live with integrity so no one will be hurt.  I would also encourage you to seek counseling to figure out why you would set up such a destructive situation in your life.  You know that only bad can come of this, for all concerned.  You also need to protect the innocent party here - which is your husband.  If you feel the need for confession to ease your guilt, go to a clergyperson.  Do not hurt your husband, just to ease your mind.  I know you are going to do the right thing.  I can tell from your post.  We've all made mistakes in life.  The key is to recognize our mistakes, correct them, move on, and don't repeat them.\nGood luck and a big hug,\n-Ginger
370435
It really depends upon what he lied to you about and if he has always been someone that can't be truthful. How long have you known this man?  Everyone tells some type of lie, it is not just a man thing.
574521
if he initially lied to you there's a problem. put yourself in his shoes, would you have just told the truth or tried to lie? it sounds like there are some underlying issues anyway because even if he didn't have anything to hide he should've felt comfortable enough to come clean. for this reason, ditch him girlie! the only 2 reasons he can have is that either something was going on and he lied, or he wanted to not upset you in which case he should've felt comfortable enough about your relationship to tell you the truth - either way he's gotta go! good luck hun, you'll find someone better :o)
630355
If he do this very often wat i can say is he does not love u anymore. he is trying to stay away from u. Or maybe he is really busy, so maybe u try to find out whether he is telling the truth or not. If he lies then the best thing is to leave him. Only An Advise!!!!
866970
How old are you guys? Maybe he's having a midlife crisis. 13 years is a long time. Don't throw in the towel if you feel there is still love in the relationship. One person can save the relationship even if the other person doesn't think it's what he wants. \n\nYou have to have faith in your relationship and find out what the issue is for him and show that you are willing to work on them. Go to counseling (see if your workplace offers anything employee assistance). Go to church more, get in tune with who you are and what you want. \n\nThe meds are a good start. But he won't see the changes for awhile so let them kick in and make a commitment to stay on them of they help you.\n\nI went through a similar situation and hubby and I restored our relationship. It can be done. He kept asking if we'd make it and I told him that people survived far more difficult obstacles.\n\nif you think it may be a midlife crisis try these sites..\nwww.midlifeclub.com\nwww.ojar.com
197893
Count yourself lucky.  You don't want to be with someone who lies.  It will just take time to move on.
1167222
I spent 10 years with my first love who did NOTHING but accuse me of cheating. Even after two kids and finalizing my faithfullness with MARRIAGE (which I regreat every day of my existance) YOU dont have to do a DAMN thing to prove that you are what you are, faithfull and a proud mom. Look at how awesome you are with providing for your kids no matter what curve ball life throws your way. It took me to 6 years to stop my putting up with his claims and accusations that I finally dusted myself up one day and realized, (1)How the Hell am I going to keep on putting up with this and (2) why would I put my kids through this? They are such incredible sponges and you are their role in relationships, family and love. My last straw was relationship counseling, that brought out alot of hidden insecurities that I never knew he had as well as shed some light onto several of his accusations. He actually WAS cheating for awhile and guilt wouldnt let him life it down. After 2 months of "trying for the kids" I left. Me and the kids got our stuff together, I fought for full custody and I havent been happier in a long time. There is a sole mate out there for you and HE will FIND YOU, not that you have to force it to happen just because you had kids with the guy. That is the worst reasons. You are making it alone (emotionally, and financially) you can do it without the added pressure of his stupidity. I have all the faith and prayer in the world on your side and you can get through this. You wont be alone, You will be Happy and Stress Free With Your KIDS. They need you. How old is your youngest? How old is your oldest? Dont hesitate contacting me for questions or advice. My heart goes out to you. PrncssNiki@yahoo.com
891528
well coming from a man, im not saying he isnt lying, but usually when we lie its so we dont hurt the person we love, or because  our spouse will kick our ass!  we're made from a different cloth, some smooth some rough,but you have to take the good with the bad. sounds like he needs to grow up a little though.
611086
Trust your feelings.  Something's telling you this relationship is not right.  Listen to one who's been through the "clinging boyfriend" thing.  I stayed with him for 3 years because I thought he loved me, needed me, couldn't live without me, and all that.  Meanwhile, he was showing his "love" for me by knocking me around, being super jealous and possessive, controling everything I said and did -- I think you know what I'm talking about!  This is NOT LOVE, but a sick relationship.  You can't "save" him, and he won't change unless he gets treatment.  When you break up, he'll even threaten to kill himself or you, or promise to get treatment, or whatever.  Don't accept the guilt -- it's his problem, not yours.  If he gets treatment, fine -- wish him well and keep moving.  But don't go back.  It may sound heartless, but trust me -- he doesn't "love" you, he only wants to "own" you.  He may even think he loves you, but he doesn't know what love is.  Don't mess up your life.  You're not helping him any by letting this relationship continue anyway.  Don't be just one of those statistics years from now (one more abused wife -- or worse, one more beaten to death wife).
34801
Lying is part of the Affair. First print a hard copy of the BLog, and all Emails for future referance. Chances are it has gone farther and she is covering it up. \n\nThe only way to get through the lies is to catch her in the act. I suggest you contact a private investagetor to look into the matter, They have knowledge and resourses that you would not have, plus by having a third party you get honest information and not biased based on how you feel. Now if you learn that she is not cheating, "yet" then I suggest you work on the relationship before she does. \n\nI would suggest you seek help in counciling. Your not going to be able to resolve the issue by yourself. She is looking at other men probably due to an unmet "NEED" at home. You can read books like those listed below to help identify what those needs are, but until you begin meeting the "NEED" your self, and expose the lies you have no chance of saving the marriage.
135946
Joe, I can relate to your situation. My husband is in work release and right now he is accusing me of the exact same thing. Just when I think that we have gotten past this something else pops up and we start this mess all over again. Are you positive that there is an affair going on? Speak to your wife in a loving tone and really let her know that this is bothering you. Let her also know that you won't stand for any lies. If she is unfaithful then the pressure of you being nice is going to make her feel guilty that she will admit to her wrong. Just so you know, I have never ever cheated on my husband and I wouldn't ever because of the love and the respect that I have for him and myself. Marriage is a give and take and both husbands and wives need to do this more and more. Good luck and may God bless you through this journey.