My husband REALLY  likes obese women & wants me to gain weight.   I want to lose.   What should I do ?
446984
Lots of men like women with some padding.  Compromise...don't gain and only lose enough to be in the healthy range...not to have an anorexic appearance.  Be happy that he isn't that type of man to leave you because you aren't the slender thing he married...men have been known to do that.  Count your blessings!
919963
You have a couple options.\n\n1.) You can continue to feel sad and bad and mad about it.\n2.) You can point out some of his short commings when he makes those comments.\n3.) You can accept the truth, If you are gaining a few pounds, you can say, yip, i'm gaining some weight, thats what happend when your prego. If your not gaining weight you can say. Sorry, but your mistaken, i'm not gaining, then move on.\n\nSticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. If someone calls me Stupid, or fat, etc... even if its someone that i love, it doesnt bother me. Because I KNOW its not true. If my wife calls me smelly when i get back from the gym or if i just smell, I still dont get offended if i do smell because its the truth. Truth is Truth. no point of feeling bad about it.\nThe bad part is that i am Male and you are Female, and we are wired differently. but i hope this helps!
951176
If you truly love her, tell her you are concerned about her health . make plans to exercise with her, walking, going to the gym, etc. I'm sure she is not happy with her weight gain either. do this is a team. you might be surprised at the results!
392949
You weighed 255lbs when you married your husband obviously  found you attractive...It doesn't really seem like he is being a pig but more or less supportive. I applaud you for trying to lose weight because that is extremely difficult especially when you feel as though your husband is losing interest. My fiance and I have been together three years and in the beginning we had sex everyday now maybe twice a month. It's not that we aren't attracted to each other anymore but with stress, work, family and alot of other things we are just to tired. Stay motivated your husband just doesn't seem to know exactly how to encourage you without you becoming discouraged. If I tell her she needs to diet then she'll feel unattractive but if i tell her she is fine the way she is then I am not being supportive of her diet. Basically he's trying and so are you...Good Luck!
176151
I feel for you, my friend.  My husband has cancer, so we know some of your pain.\n\nYOu have lost a lot of weight.  I'll give you a few weight gaining strategies that might help if they are ok with your doctor.\n\nEat frequently and eat as much as you can.\n\nEat calorie dense foods such as dried fruits, starchy vegetables, dense whole grain breads and cereals, hearty bean soups, nuts, etc.\n\nMake your beverages count - whole milk, fruit juice, shakes, instead of low cal drinks.\n\nAdd lots of extras.  Don't eat anything plain.  Use olive and canola oil, peanut butter, avocados, wheat germ, honey, dried milk powder, soy protein powder.\n\nDrink whole milk and use all whole milk dairy products. \n\nSnack on sports bars, breakfast bars, granola bars.\n\nI hope these suggestions are of some help to you.  Our thoughts are with you.
140841
FitGuy ... ever hear the story of the jar full of jellybeans?  Yea, you know the one ... take a full jar of jellybeans and take one out for every time you have sex prior to marriage.  Then after the wedding you put back a bean for every time you have sex ... and the jar will never be full!\n\nWell that's just garbage and don't fall for it!!\n\nBut let me give it to you straight from a woman.  A woman's sexual desire is more tied to how she feels about herself than how she feels about you ... no matter how good you look!\n\nI've been married for 17 years and we are having the BEST and most frequent sex of our lives!  Only because I finally started being more selfish and less selfless!  As one of your responders said, woman have a habit of taking on the world's problems and making them her own.  It's hard to feel sexy when your stressed about the kids, the bills, the job, his feelings, does he still find me attractive, etc!!!\n\nMost of us get caught in this trap, even I did for many years.  It wasn't until I hit the gym, lost 65 pounds began bodybuilding and seeing myself as Hot and Sexy that I was able to get rid of that baggage.  If a woman feels fit and sexy on the inside, she will have the need to express that on the outside and her sexual appetite will totally increase ... it's just natural ... trust me!!\n\nMy husband actually likes the fact that I have this selfish side as he is the one who benefits from the overly active sex drive it created.\n\nOK, why am I telling you this?  Well, it's obvious from your photo that you are in great shape ... could she be a little self concious about that ... is she in as good of shape?  The reason I ask is because it doesn't matter how many times you tell her she is beautiful if she doesn't feel it for herself!  She just won't believe you.\n\nAlso, does she share your fitness lifestyle?  Working out together can be very uplifting and sexy ... couples who work out together stay together!  \n\nIf you feel this is not her problem, and she has a great self image, then perhaps a little variety could jump start things.  Try initiating sex in an uncharacteristic place ... be spontaneous ... use a toy ... tell her she is the best sex you've ever had ... find out her fantacies!  Spice it up ... you're her main squeeze so you should know what turns her on the most.\n\nMost of all, do not think a woman's sexual appetite is tied to marriage.  Sex and marriage are two totally different things and each takes work to make them last.  A woman's sexual appetite is tied to how she feels about herself.  No matter what is going on around her.  If she feels sexy, she will want sex!!!  \n\nTrust me, we women love sex ... we want to be told we are the sexiest, and best lovers there are out there ... and a man who can tell us this and make us believe it will have all the sex he can ever dream of!\n\nBest of luck!
901496
Honestly, it's not good to force on additional weight or go on crash diets to lose weight.  I suggest just continue with a healthy diet, try to sleep more and find a way to manage stress, and you will feel better about everything by Sunday.  It's really not good to shock your body into gaining or losing weight.  \n\nI personally prefer a woman that is a little extra petite, so maybe your hot date might like your "bony hips."  :)
710936
Congratulations on the dramatic weight loss!!!!!\n\nMy guess is that your husband is probably feeling a little left out.  What guy wouldn't, if you devoted that much energy into your weightloss.  Especially if he's used to you paying more attention to him.  Or maybe he is like most guys that have been married for a long time.....\n\nWhen we are together for a long time, we sometimes forget to keep flirting, dating, and making the extra effort to treat our partners like out #1 choice.\n\nWe sometimes tend to get a little self-absorbed with our own problems, obligations, and responsiblities.  We forget to actively try to fulfill out partner.  We assume that out mere presence fulfills them, that since we are there, then they should feel loved.\n\nWhen a new hobby, child, project, or habit moves in (in this case, your weightloss) then sometimes they feel slighted.  We forget that our perception of something is not exactly out partner's intent.  We react before giving them a chance to clarify their intent.  We assume that they meant something rather than just asking them.\n\nAnd sometimes we forget to pursue them like we did when the relationship was new.  When a relationship is new, our bodies go into overproduction of certain feel-good chemicals (adrenaline, dopamine, norepenepherine, endorphins, etc) and we feel that rush........which usually lasts for about 36 months, unless we take measures to stimulate those chemicals to be produced.\n\nAfter 36 months, that chemical overproduction usually subsides making way for new chemicals that promote long-term acceptance and comfort.  Kind of the way our metabolisms slow down by age 30, and we need to make extra effort to stay the same size and shape.\n\nThis is when it starts to take longer for our bodies to respond to each other, and we may even thing the fire is gone, or that we are no longer in love.  Big Mistake!\n\nSometimes, when one partner makes extra effort to take care of themselves or look good, then the other partner feels threatened, insecure, like they should be improving themselves, too (but they lack the motivation to).  It's like pulling the rug out from under them, once they got comfortable with the way things were.\n\nYour best bet is to not go tell him how you feel, but to change your behavior. guys are not socialized to talk about feelings, and often don't know how they feel.   Guys are more actions-oriented.   If you change your behavior, then he will automatically respond differently to you.\n\nRemember his ego needs.  We all want the same things from others, but guys especially are sensitive to things they would never ask us for or tell us about.\n\nRemember to appreciate him, to respect him, to challenge him, to admire him, to need him, to pursue him, flirt with him, treat him like you think he's sexy and deirable, that he is skilled and powerful, and sought after.  Treat him like your #1 choice, and that you are lucky that he loves you.  Do this daily.  Give this freely, without exception or conditions.  Even when he's a crabass, take the high road, and love him anyway.\n\nTry to walk in his shoes.  Tell him how you think he must be feeling once in a while.  Even if you're wrong, just guess how you would feel if you were him.  It shows him you are aboe to see beyone your own perspective.  Seek to understand before expecting to be understood.  This is how you teach him how to treat you.  He learns how to do the same with you.  You inspire him to act differently by modifying your own behavior.\n\nHe might possibly be feeling intimidated by your drive and your success, and maybe a little inadequate or emasculated.  Let him know that he's the man.\n\nIt would be self-defeating to let your self-worth be determined by his approval.  Don't change yourself too much to try to please him.  Make him come to you with what he needs, and be willing to give it to him.  Chances are he just wants to be the man, to be powerful, attractive
900605
After getting married your mother-in-law will make your weight lose down! Its a general practice :)
746833
suggest you both excessive together...start walking every other day and build up to power walking you both will not only lose weight but you'll feel better, less tired and more interested in doing the 'things' you used too. maybe its not about your weight but the fact you've been together 6 yrs and she's still a fiancee...point is maybe she feels you don't want to commit to her....if you love her treat her like it, respect her. and no your size shouldn't matter if you really love each other...there is a saying that 'beauty fades but love lasts forever'
117114
Unfortunately, it is difficult to focus gaining weight or losing weight in one particular place on the body.\n\nOn women, some of how you gain weight has to do with your body type, either Apple or Pear.  Apples gain weight (store  fat) above the waist and pears below the waist.  If you are a pear, you may have some luck.\n\nPersonally, I would try and keep the weight off.  It will all come naturally with time.  When it does, you will want to lose it.
598198
He is out of line. He didn't have to throw away the cake.\nCalling you fat is so degrading. That's rude ansd mean. He\nneeds to realize during pregnancy and after aome women tend to pick up weight. That weight can go away by exercising, \neating lots of veggies and fruit, eating baked fish, yogurt,\ntaking vitamins and minerals. If he wants you to lose weight\nthen he should go about it the right way. Being rude about it is going to help or motivate you. Taking you by the hand and encouraging you is the right way. But if he loves who you are then your weight shouldn't even bother him. Beauty\ncomes from within and shines on the outside. If he keeps \nbeing rude about your weight then his love is limited and\nbased on how you look.
1068127
I am in the same boat. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and i want him to lose weight too.  He is very lazy when it comes to walking so the benifit i have, is i cook him less fatty foods and don't buy as many sweets now .  I have told him im going for a walk and he has actually came a few times.  The problem is as a guy he don't care. Women tend to me more watchful with their weight. As in your case she may not really care neither what people think of her. So the first step is to see how she feels about her weight.  If she would like to lose some weight then u got the cat in the bag and can start helping her.  If she doesnt' care, well believe me she probably isn't going to try to lose any weight. It sounds like you haven't been together real long so i would give it sometime yet and see.  She may surprise you.  Let the relationship develop a little more before jumping into that.  I wish u all the luck .
213666
Why don't you just ask him out.  If he really likes you, he's not going to obsess about you being bigger.  At least I think you were trying to spell obese, I'm not sure.  I started to really develop an attraction to this one woman who is a little on the heavier side.  You know what I liked about her?  She has a lot of confidence and can charm the pants off of you.  It didn't work out, but it didn't have anything to do with her being a little overweight.  I could care less about that.  It didn't work out because she must not like me that much as I tried calling her and she never called me back.
946249
Make up your mind to do it. It's totally within your control, you just have to want to do it badly enough. Will power and self control.\n\nI've been where you are...raised by a Mom who was a great southern cook...we ate well, but not healthy. I topped out at over 230 pounds a number of years ago...\n\nThrough watching what I eat, and exercising regularly (5 days a week, an hour a day) I got my weight under control and now am an acceptable size and can fit into those size 8's I'd always wanted to.\n\nMake a lifestyle change...do it for you...leave the excused of how you were raised behind. Good luck!
1096983
Yes, my fiance is 6'3" and weighs around 150 lbs. He's diabetic, and when he's upset he doesn't eat a lot. Not eating isn't good for his health 'cause of the diabetes, so I'm hoping that he'll really enjoy my cooking after we're married. I'm very pudgy, very very full hourglass figure, I look like the Pillsbury Dough GIrl. I hope some of it rubs off on him!
74056
Don't be the first one to bring it up. At some point they will either try to lose weight themselves or complain about how fat they are. When they complain about it, that's your chance. But don't say "Yeah, you could stand to lose a few pounds." Say something along the lines of "Well, if you're not happy with the way you look, let's do something about it. We can start exercising together." Be VERY VERY VERY supportive when the time comes that he/she tries to lose weight. Keep him/her motivated and praise every pound lost. Remember, nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is more satisfying than hearing "hey, have you lost weight?"