How do you start dating after a divorce and being married for 25 years?
437880
Hi Sunshine!\n\nI was married for twenty two years and then divorced, so I can absolutely relate to your situation. I will share my experience and maybe it will help you - I sure hope so. (I married my high school sweetheart so he was the only person i had ever dated- talk about culture shock to start dating again).\n\nAfter my divorce, I felt the need to take a little time to adjust and get to know myself. Felt kind of like I had lost myself in the marriage so to speak. I spent the first 6 months after my divorce alone - it was a conscious choice i made. After that time frame, I started going out with my friends/socializing. Everything from going out dancing, traveling together, attending sports events, outdoor activities, etc...In doing these things i made more friends and when someone asked me out - I went. Dating alot during that time frame helped me to see what i really wanted in another person and it got me used to the dating scene again. I let the person know i hadn't dated in a long time and tried to have a sense of humor about the situation, but I would definitely not go on and on about your ex, your marriage, etc...no bigger turn off!\n \nI think sometimes it is hard in the beginning to think about dating because you are afraid things have changed drastically in the dating world after 25 years, but actually it is pretty much the same. Women just have more choices now, then they used to. We can ask guys out, make the decisions, etc...One difference i did find is alot of younger men asked me out. At first, I wasn't comfortable with this, but my friends said, that i needed to realize that age doesn't matter as much anymore. People look younger than they are and younger men seem to like older women because we are more secure and know what we want out of life. It seemed men my own age were interested in younger women after their divorces and older men are too set in their ways or couch potatoes, so the younger guy thing is an alternative - not that you can't find someone great who is a peer or older...\n\nI set some rules for myself as well: No guys too young - just wouldn't be right for me personally, and I have sons that are grown so i did not want to make anyone uncomfortable. I was 42 at time of my divorce and dated men mostly in 34 to 42 age group. I also decided to set limits for sexual activity as well.\n\nDon't be afraid to try internet dating svcs. It is the new way to meet people - you do have to be careful. Don't give out personal info at first, write to them, talk on phone and then finally meet them in a public place. I dated for eight years after my divorce had a great time, met wonderful people and not so wonderful people and just six months ago met a guy online first time i gave yahoo personals a try and we are getting married this year!\n\nHave fun, be adventurous and don't take life too seriously.\nMaybe the first few dates will be hard - getting  used to the dating thing again, but it will get easier and easier. Oh, and if you have kids that are concerned about the dating thing - communicate with them\n\nGood Luck!\nalaska friend
1155505
Part of the therapy for getting over a divorce is to re-join the "human race".  With a divorce, we go through "separation anxiety" ... and that is a very miserable condition.\n\nDon't feel that you have to leap at the first opportunity to date ... but don't shy away from one that interests you.  Ease back into it, maybe by starting out going out with a group of friends, then a couple friends, then venturing out on your own.\n\nThere is no generally-accepted timeframe for waiting.  Let your own heart and needs determine that.  Just be cautious about "rebounding" and jumping into a worse relationship than the one you just left ... just because "it's there" and you're hurting.
1021277
Don't have the relationship UNTIL everything has gone thru the court systems. That way HUBBY/EX-to-be can't use anything against you. \n\nTHEN go slowly starting a NEW relationship. Take it slow and easy.
650271
I am 25 and I have dated up to 20 yrs older than me if the person fits with what I like.
1021498
It's never "too soon" to marry after a divorce. However, there is always a point when it is "too soon" to get married in the first place. Ask the basic questions: How long have you known this person, is this person good to me, can we get along, do we really love each other, etc. If you develop your releationship to the point where you feel ready to get married, then you both will know it. But, if you have to ask if it is too soon, then it must be.
84995
As to how you date, it depends on your culture. In the US, you ask her to go to dinner and a movie. Meet her parents, make polite conversation for 5 - 10 minutes, tell them when you will be home.\n\nFeeling comfortable is a matter of not pushing. Don't try to [hold hands / kiss / have sex] on the first night, for instance, again depending on your culture. Ask her about her interests instead of talking about yours.\n\nDepending on your age and experience, she will probably be as nervous or not nervous as you. Two 16-year olds are ALWAYS nervous. A 40-year old divorced man and a 40-year old widow should be less nervous; they have seen more of life. If you are a 40-year old divorced man dating a 16-year old, you should not; pick someone within 5 years of your own age.
622887
I was in a similar marriage for 22 years.  My divorce was final in October of last year.  I am now dating a fabulous guy.  If you are interested in someone in particular, go out with him.  You have wasted enough of your life on your loser husband.  Now is your time girl!  Good luck!  Have fun!  Respect yourself enough to never accept that kind of treatment from anyone ever again!
364520
I don't think this is really a good idea, you have to get to know each other as well as possible. You don't want it to end in divorce do you?!
424207
Well it about 1000 times better than life before marriage.  I've been married for 26 years and I would NEVER go back to dating.  It is so nice to have someone who is always there to tickle you back or lie next to you on the couch and watch a movie.  Someone that you can drive a hundred miles with in the car and you don't need to feel the need to talk if you don't want to.  Someone to share private jokes with and develop non-verbal signals for any number of things.  And to know they will be faithful to you just as you are faithful to them.  There is nothing on earth as nice as being married.  You simply have to learn to do two things:\n\n1.  Say I'm sorry\n\nfollowed by\n\n2.  I love you\n\n\nCouples that can do this stay married for the rest of their lives.\n\nImmature couples that cannot bring themselves to do this get divorced over and over and over and never understand what marriage is even about.
903314
I am single for 26 years.. look am I frustrated...\n\ndo the traditional way of finding.. "Keep looking
20313
Don't bother dating, just renew the marriage & MAKE IT WORK!  You can do it...it is hard...but you can do it!  Then you won't have to worry about the label, you'll be Husband & Wife again!
563751
EVERY SITUATION IS DIFFERENT.  It took me FIVE count them 5 years to get my divorce. If you know for a fact that the marriage is over (by meeting the ex or a child if they have one) AND you know the one you are seeing is living apart from their spouse then it is fine.  INVESTIGATE the person and make sure that they are telling you the truth.
251429
First marriage I knew him several years, then I dated him for about a year, then he proposed. HE cheated 3 months after we were married (maybe sooner) and continued to cheat for 3 years before I gave him the boot...It took a year to get the divorce back then...I would have left him sooner, but my family kept saying things would get better. After he gave me an STD (thank God it was something that could be cured), I divorced him! Stupid that I stayed with him for so long, it was like gambling with my life! I was miserable and I really began to hate him and the sight of him. In the end he beat me up and I made sure it the divorce was as nasty as I could make it.\n\nThen 14 years later I met a nice man on the Internet, I had said I would never get married again. Never say never...we "dated" online for about a year, (this was back in 1995-1996, we had a private chat program called PowWow, and we chatted EVERY night, then talked on the phone to say "goodnight". \n\nHe was in the Northern US, and I was in the South. He proposed online, sent me a picture of the rings and asked me if I would consider moving up North to share his life, and be his wife and partner. I said "Yes".\n\nIn November, we will have been married for 10 years, and aside from some health difficulties, it's been a very good marriage! He's my best friend, and we did not even have to go through a bunch of head games while dating. I was honest with him when we chatted, and I feel that he has always been honest with me. I was on the high side of my 30s and he was about 5 years older than me. \n\nIt really freaked my friends out, when I suddenly dropped out of my usual routines to spend time chatting with my online boyfriend.  All of my friends said that I was crazy, he might be an ax murderer, and all kinds of wild things!  When he came down South, we met, and the very next day we eloped! VERY ROMANTIC, and I remember when I signed the marriage license my hand was shaking and so was his! \n\nWe both took a BIG leap of faith, and I feel like God blessed us! Things could have turned out so differently! I say it depends on the people in the relationship and what they want in life, and what they may have experienced in the past. I met some real nice men between husband #1 and my husband now. I just was not ready to trust my heart to anyone else so completely. Two of them proposed to me, but I eventually broke off the relationships because I had issues with trusting them. A cheating spouse can make a person very suspicious and cause them to sabatage future relationships because they are suspicious. After my experiences, I say, I believe in love. I have learned that there are some good loyal and truthful men in this world, and you never know when you may meet the right man for you!\n\nIf it's worth having, give it time. I would have continued the Internet relationship longer if things had not developed as they did. I think I knew that he was a "keeper", and if he had waited longer to propose, I would have waited for him. Don't ask me how, but I fell in love with a man that I could not even touch! We typed so much that I typed the letters off of two keyboards. :D\n\nGood luck, and may God bless you and your future too!\nruthie~
1013239
I understand. I don’t know what I’d do if I wasn’t married, but let me share some of the things I have learned in almost 20 years:\n\n1) Courtship is important. And long courtships are best. In our fast-paced world, especially as young adults, we are always rushing around. The best way to divorce-proof a marriage begins before you ever meet your mate-to-be, during the dating process. Serial dating, especially when it involves premarital sex, is a course in how to get divorced. We end up hooking up and then when things go sour we run away. Don’t get involved with someone who isn’t a friend. And date at least 2 – 3 years before getting married. That way you can get over the initial 18 month crush where everything about the other person is fascinating and the whole infatuated view of “The way you eat is so cute – it sounds like bells ringing,” to “If you clang your fork off of your teeth again I’m gojng to shove it through the back of your throat.” Not kidding – real conversation between my wife & I in the first year. I’m glad to say she never jammed the fork through my throat and I learned to use my lips as a cushion between my fork & teeth. \n\n2) Keep Christ at the center of your marriage. It seems obvious, but it is essential. Every time you notice that ring on your finger, pray for your spouse. It doesn't have to be long or even audible. Just a quick mental thanks to God for your mate, or a quick thought of, "God be with her/him." \n\n3) Love is NOT give and take. There is no take in love. Read 1 Cor. 13 (the love chapter). Love is giving. I give to my wife. She gives to me. If both are giving no one needs to take. Develop this mindset and remember that this is what marriage is meant for. Eph 5 takes a lot of heat for telling wives to submit to their husbands. But it also tells husbands to submit to their wives. Give + give = love. Give + take = selfishness = unhappy = divorce.\n\n4) Never use derogatory names for each other, even in fun. Husbands, if you call your wife "old lady" that is what you will see in her over time. I call my wife "my bride", especially when I am upset with her. That way I remember that wedding day, all those dreams, etc.\n\n5) When kids are involved it is easy to place them in front of your spouse. While time with kids is important & shouldn't be neglected, those kids will grow up & move out one day. Your mate will still be there and you'll need something else to talk about besides the kids. Make a habit of dating. Guys, even ask your wife out on a date. Arrange the babysitter. Often couples in church can provide a wonderful service for each other by trading Fridays (or whatever day is appropriate).\n\n6) Get to know and socialize with an older Christian couple or two who have a happy long-term marriage. Learn from how to treat each other from them. Remember that we all face similar adaptation issues when we are first married & they have worked those issues out. Talk with them about what they had to work out in either early married years and how they resolved things. This can be one of the biggest benefits you ever have, especially if you come from a divorced family or a family with strained relations.\n\n7) It may seem obvious but pray together. Have individual quite times, but have a shared quite time as well, at least once a week. And no matter how much you think it will hurt or bother your mate, talk. Holding it in doesn't make it go away - it only makes it fester until you explode all over each other. Talk and if agreement needs intervention, see your pastor or a Christian counselor.\n\nMarriage is very frightening - especially for those of us who came out of dysfunctional families. But the single biggest cause of dysfunction in my experience (and in my family) was selfishness. Give to each other & to the Lord, and you too can have a happy marriage. God bless you & best wishes!
830514
I've been with my partner for two years, and I'm having the time of my life.  When we're out together, we will hold hands, etc, but to us that is just natural.\n\nIncidentally, I happened to meet her on a singles holiday in Turkey, where I had gone to get away from my divorce.  I was drunk, and had blood streaming down my shirt from where I had fallen over, and Maria practically carried me back to my hotel room.  So a relationship was the last thing on my mind, but these things DO happen.\n\nBasically, just make yourself an attractive person inside and out, and someone may take a fancy to you.  Good luck.
466504
Realize what went wrong.\nThere is no fixing this if the marriage ended but make sure it doesn't happen again by not repeating past mistakes no matter who was at fault.\nPick Yourself up.\nStart attending events that interest you.\nSince you must be older , possibly look for senior activities even at large senior centers where you can go have dinner in the dining hall and talk with people your age if you don't have a strong friend network.
470505
Its not easy, I did it after 11 years off the market, and I have to say...you just have to take a deep breath and go for it.  Dating sites are a fun way to mmet people, and get the hang of flirting.  I met a guy that I dated for about six months that way. Don't be too scared, it can be really exciting to get back out there. \nGood luck!!!