Can you share with me a RESPECTFUL religious joke?
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ACTS 2: 38 \n \nAn elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of Church \nservices when an intruder startled her. She caught the man in the act of \nrobbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2: 38!" (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.) \n  \n  The burglar stopped in his tracks. \n   \n  The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. \n   \n  As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, \n"Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to \n you." "Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!" \n   \nPASS THIS ON TO SOMEONE WHO NEEDS A LAUGH TODAY. \n Remember, knowing scripture can save your life in more ways than one. \n\nBIBLICAL GIGGLES\n\n\n\nQ. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?\nA. Ruthless\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nQ. What do they call Pastors in Germany?\nA. German Shepherds\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nQ. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?\nA. Noah, he was floating his stock while everyone\nelse was in liquidation.\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nQ. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?\nA. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the Bank of the Nile and drew \nout a\nlittle prophet.\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nQ. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?\nA. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the garden in\na Fury.  David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.\nHonda, because the Apostles were all in one Accord.\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nQ. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?\nA. Samson, he brought the house down.\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nQ. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to\nwhy he no longer lived in Eden?\nA. Your mother ate us out of house and home.\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nQ. Which servant of God was the most flagrant\nlawbreaker in  the Bible?\nA. Moses, he broke all 10 commandments at once.\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nQ. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?\nA. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nQ. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible\nA. David, he rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nQ. Which Bible character had no parents?\nA. Joshua, son of Nun\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nAnd from the Gospel according to dale...what were the\nnames of David's dogs,,,Shirley, Goodness, and Mercy\nand they followed him all the days of his life.   aaargh\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nBoat Rental\n\nScotsman, planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast\nwhen he found it would cost fifty dollars an hour to rent a\nboat on the Sea of Galilee. "Hoot mon," he said, "in\nScotland it wouldna ha been more than $20."\n"That might be true," said the travel agent,  "but you have\nto take into account that the Sea of Galilee is the water on\nwhich our Lord Himself walked."\n\n"Well, at $50/hour for a boat," said the Scotsman, "it's ah\nno wonder He walked."\n\n\nRemember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are!\n\n"A cheerful heart is good medicine" (Prov. 17:22
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Humorous attack of the preacherrrrrrrrrrrr!!!
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hehehe...i like your jokes, they are giving me a good laugh for today!
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awesome joke man....\nheres one 4 ya....\nbe an individual...just like everyone else
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Scouser arrives at the pearly gates, St Peter says "I"m sorry mate, no scoucers allowed"\n\nScoucer says "Come on mate, I was in church last Sunday and put £50.00 into the collection box"\n\nSt Peter says he will go and speak to God.\n\nHe comes back 5 minutes later.\n\nScoucer says "Well, can I come in? what did God say?"\n\nST Peter says "I spoke with God and he says Heres your £50.oo back,  now F"ck Off"
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LOL @ Jew out of Jesus\n\nI probably should not find this funny. But for some reason it cracked me up. It is after midnight here, maybe I need sleep lol.
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Ok That's funny. See ! We Christians can joke and laugh too !!
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hahahaha nice one!!!  I needed a hearty, uplifting, belly laugh,   .....cheers CuddleyKB\n\nYou even have a good point in your responce but be careful not to 'engage' in someone's reply or in doing so you can be drawn into an emotion that is distant from God!\n\nlove, light and peace my friend
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lol Idk what religion you are but here's something:\n\nlmao this one's funny:\nA man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions.\n"Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead". \n"OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?"\nGOD says, "So you would like them." \n"OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?" \n"So you would LOVE them", GOD replies. \nThe man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?" \nGOD says, "So they would love you!"\n\n\nhaha this is good too:\nThe two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.\n\nOne of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.\n\nThe one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"\n\nNaturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.\n\nAfter a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.\n\nThe men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."
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go to funnyjunk.com, or jokes.com
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A friend is a gift from heaven.\n\nSplooch!
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I think it's meaningless more than insulting. You might as well tell the Christians that they broke a rule from one of those obscure African religions.\n\nEdit: Thanks, Handy.
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Does this one count?\n\nTwo kids are in Sunday School.  A girl who keeps falling asleep sits next to a boy with his pen out. The teacher asks, "Who created heaven and earth?" the boy pokes the girl in the side with his pen. "God almighty!" yells the girl. "Very good!" says the teacher. The girl starts to snooze off again, the teacher asks, "Who died for our sins?" the boy pokes her with his pen again, "Jesus Christ!" yelled the girl. "Very good." The girl goes off to sleep again, and the teacher asks, "What did Eve say to Adam after having their 26th kid?" the boy pokes her with the pen again, and the girl yells, "If you put that thing into me one more time, I swear I'll break it in half!" The teacher fainted.
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Political Heaven Joke\n\nAl Gore and Bill & Hillary Clinton go to Heaven.\n \nGod addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe  in?"\n     \nAl replies, "Well, I believe I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. \nAnd I've come to understand that now."\n\nGod thinks for a second and says, "Okay, very good.  Come and sit at my left."\n\nGod then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"\n\nBill replies, "I believe in forgiveness. I've  sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, \nand I hope no grudges are held against me."\n\nGod thinks for a second and says, "You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right."\n\nThen God addresses Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?"\n\nHillary replies, "I believe you're in my chair."\n\n\nThe Post Turtle \n\nWhile suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year-old Texas rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. \n\nEventually, the topic got around to former Texas Governor George W. Bush and his elevation to the White House.\n\nThe old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'post turtle'."\n\nNot being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.\n\nThe old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a\nturtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle." \n\nThe old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know, he didn't get there\nby himself, he doesn't belong there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just want to help the dumb s_h_i_t get down!"
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A great joke!\n\nIt made my night.\n\nI like the bible verse you quoted; Proverbs 17:22.\n\nI'll look again for future jokes.
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An atheist was out in a rowboat, when suddenly the Loch Ness Monster surfaces, throwing his boat 50 feet in to the air.  The atheist is falling back down, and the Loch Ness Monster reaches its head up to eat him.\n\nThe atheist crys out, "Oh God!  Save me!"\n\nThe situation slows down, until the atheist realizes that time itself has stopped.  He then hears a booming voice from the clouds.  It says, "You have never believed in me.  You told hundreds of people that I did not exist.  You belittled my faithful.  And now you cry out to me.  Why should I save you?"\n\nThe atheist replied, "C'mon God...until a minute ago, I didn't believe in the Lock Ness Monster, either!"
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as Jesus says, be chill my son.\n\nreligions for the most part are well intended. organized religion has a tendency to make a mockery out of it.