My father is dying of cancer and has suffered for a year?
451491
As I lost my husband to cancer and having adult children, I must tell you that your mother does need you. Your husband will and should understand. No matter what anyone says, to hear that he will be in a better place once the battle is over, will be of no comfort to your mother. It will not lift her burden of taking care of him for all this time either. It's not a burden when you love someone. I'd rather have my husband here. Yes, he's no longer in pain, and yes I'm happy he's not, but when that loss finally happens, you'd rather have him here regardless. \n\nYour mother will not be prepared for the loss when it happens, just as you won't. It's impossible to prepare for that even when you know it's inevitable. I was exhausted from caregiving, I felt alone. You find it hard to talk about your fears to your children, and you find it hard to relay these fears to the person you're taking care of. Your mother needs caregiving too, and she will need you there after your dad loses the battle he's fought so hard in. You will need comfort too, but realize how big of a loss this will be for your mom. You will get that comfort from your husband, but your mom will no longer have her husband to comfort her, she'll need it from you. You don't have to put on a face. Your mother knows it's ripping you apart too. Share that with her, listen to her and reassure her just as she would reassure you. \n\nI feel your pain and your mom's pain. My thoughts are with you.
533798
I understand how you feel. My father also had Alzheimer's. It is more difficult on you than it is on him. Don't think of your father as he is now, but remember the good times.\n\nTake time and visit with your dad when you can. If he says things that are hurtful, it is the disease talking, not your dad.\n\nThink positive, life on earth is just a very short time. God has bigger and better plans for us in heaven.
169758
My husband has the same cancer as your father, but I think his might be more advanced that your dad's.  My husband is 63 years old.  He is taking the same treatments as your dad, but also a bone strengthener intravenously once every 4 weeks.  The bone strengthener is called Zometa, and this treatment takes about 30 minutes each time.  He also had 5 radiation treatments to his spine which helped greatly with pain control.  \n\nOnce cancer has spread beyond the prostate it can't be cured, but it can often be controlled for several years.  It sounds like my husband has many more spots of cancer in his bones than your dad does, and we are hopeful that he will have at least a few years.  The most important thing for your dad is to not break a bone - cancer in the bones makes them very brittle.  In addition to the intravenous bone strengtheners my husband takes calcium and Vitamin D every day - prescribed by the cancer specialist.  He takes very strong pain meds also.  \n\nThe day will come when the hormone treatments will stop working.  When that happens there is some research that suggests some chemotherapy drugs can give the person a few more months of life.  The overall life expectancy at this stage tends to be up to three years, but every individual is different and responds differently to treatment.  It will be affected by your dad's health otherwise, his strength in fighting this, his attitude, and his will to live.\n\nBe strong yourselves and take care of yourselves.  You need to take care of you in order to help him.  I have learned that.  It sounds like he is getting good care.  Ask about the need for bone strengtheners.  Also, good nutrition is very important in figthing cancer.  Make sure he eats a healthy diet, low in fat particularly.  Try to keep a positive outlook, and now is the time to live each day as if it is your last.  Life becomes precious when we realize it is on a timer.  Take care, and God bless.
98721
I am so sorry to hear of your father's diagnosis. All I can think of would be to possibly look into clinical trials where most if not all of the costs for treatment are covered. I wish you and your family well.....
368923
how do you start dealing with grief,,,not that we are taught that now are we.\n\nI lost my dad 4 years ago xmas eve ( so when people are getting all happy ready for xmas i'm not) and he died also suddenley,.\n \nI see rest of family getting on with it so I think why cant I, but are they???, they prob feeling the same.  think of him at times and then I get upset.\n\nI think also because it was sudden doesnt mean it hurts more than if u know someone is going to die before hand, like my friends mother who had cancer.\nThey prepared themselves for her not being round much longer.... but\n Shock of loosing a loved one is that SHOCK.\n\ntalking does help, listen to me hey lol i can only talk to strangers about this.\n\n its hard cause they ie parents have been there all our life we have known them forever and now they not there.\n\n\n\nSo as far as i know it is normal still to greive, cause you dont think about them doesnt mean you have forgotton them\n\n\nI hope this makes sense sometimes you cant get your words out.\ngood luck sweetie xx
942761
I am sorry,  my grandmother has lost her will to live after my father died three years ago, I do not believe you will ever get over it, I think you may be able to one day accept your child died,  but you will always grieve and feel your loss, I am not sure the goal is too get over it, I was devastated when my father died and I know this cannot compare honestly if my children died, I would probably semi lose my mind at least temporarily. and I know I would become a humanitarian worker on the international scene for human rights watch or red cross, in the thick of things. and I would have a very nomadic lifestyle, however I still  feel the hole that was ripped open in my soul the day my father died, I do not believe it will ever go away, church made me feel worse. the funeral was horrible .I told the priest he was full of it ,and so was his religion ,which offered no comfort .and I informed him  that my father detested religion,I can relate to not wanting to hear the empty god comments. what surprisingly helped me , was a support group for grief victims ,people who had the same or similar experiences .I would have never  joined a group like this, but it was a service offered ,because I donated his organs.and amazingly just the pamphlets generated from the group touched me and helped ease my grief, I know it sounds like it will do no good, but It is truly worth a try, for you to get in touch with other parents who lost their children, I know I saw a persons 360 page on yahoo ,the mans child died and the support from the online community was amazing .I am not sure this will help you as much as a real group ,but not feeling alone in your anger is crucial to feeling better, it is most difficult to hold on to yourself or soul ,if you believe in that, when you are filled with misery ,it is so much harder to love yourself,life, or anything than it is to hate .and making that human connection with others that can truly understand you rather than dismissively wish you well or try to say something they think you want to hear, is the first step in regaining the feeling of control and a new perspective , I also encourage you to visit my 360 page and dont read it ,cause I am bad and while I try to remain positive, I do tend to gravitate to the darkside at times, but go to my friends list  find Skyes avatar click on it and visit skyes page, this beautiful woman is a well of positivity, and spiritual well being .and just reading her blogs make me feel better and I am sure they can touch your heart as well
516348
I would say Cancer. It would seem worse to know you're dying and your body is slowly deteriorating.\n\nMy dad passed away with cancer of the liver. he lasted 5 months from diagnosis.
119748
Well, my dad used to be a big smoker.  He found out he had cancer May of last year.  He passed away from cancer on Sept 1, 2005.  He had lung cancer, stomach cancer, and he also had it in his kidneys.
1005942
My dad had colon cancer a couple of years ago. He made it through and is now cancer free by the grace of God. Many people prayed for him and still do. I will pray for your dad. God made us and he can fix us if we only ask and believe.
980408
Would you hate your dad if he got cancer ? Would you hate him if he was a diabetic?\n\nWell...he has a disease, called alcoholism. And yes, it's an actual disease, and it can be treated... but your dad has to get help, or his disease will kill him. And until then, it will take away his quality of life, and create difficulties for everyone around him.\n\nIf your dad was a good man before, he will be again... but he needs help. A.A. can help... so can your family doctor.\n\nIn the meanwhile, you need help as well. You need help to understand what your dad's alcoholism is doing to him...and to you. Call "Alanon" Or "ACOA" (adult children of alcoholics)\n\nGood luck!
158689
I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  It's so hard when a parent dies.  My Dad just died last month.  My cousin told me that the first 2 weeks would be the hardest and he was right, but it may be different for everyone. Personally, I got so much strength from remembering him as the great person he always was. Think of all the wonderful memories and ways that you admired him. Everyday you'll find happy little reminders of him and that will help to ease your pain. Of course everyone needs a mourning period but it doesn't have to be a totally dark experience. Take time to remember the lighter parts of life you had with him.  I found that keeping myself busy helped me a lot too.  Please remember that he would want you to remember these times and to live the rest of your life as he would have lived his.  I hope this helps your transition.
1130028
First, please accept my sincere condolences.   I lost my dad the same way about 10 years ago.  I'm going to be brutally honest with you because you need to know and knowing what is coming will make it easier for you to deal with.  Her lungs will fill with fluid.  They may try a couple of times to drain them but, eventually, they will advise that treatment is no longer effective.  They will keep her heavily medicated with pain killers, usually morphine.  Morphine effects different people in different ways.  Some sleep, some hallucinate.  Be prepared.  At the end, she will lapse into unconsciousness.  Her breathing will become more and more labored and, eventually, it will just stop.  \n\nBe there with her as long as she is conscious.  Let her tell you how much she loves you, even though you already know that.  She needs to say goodbye.  In that last vigil, hold her hand.  She'll know you're there to ease her passing.\n\nGod bless you and give you peace.
648222
That is close to a death in the family so don't rely on strangers to get you through this. Friends, family and God will guide you through. Take one day at a time...
631821
im sorry to hear that i just lost my dad in november from cancer i have soom websites but ill have to get them from my stepmom it is a diffucult thing and they dont want any help in times like this but thats what us friends and family are for god bless and good luck ill get those tommorow for u
608044
How close is he to his Dad? My Dad died six months ago, and I find out when my brother called me. \n\nI don't think that you should wake him up. Let him get a good night's rest for tonight, because he probably won't have another for weeks.\n\nI'd really have to know the situation to know how to word this, but I suggest that you be honest. Your son will feel that he has been cheated in some way, and you do not want to add to that by deceiving him in any way. \n\nI know it's hard, but you really have to just tell him, and you are going to have a really hard time ahead of both of you. You also should have him go to the funeral, and encourage him to if he's scared. He will only have one chance to do this, and if he doesn't, he may regret it the rest of his life. Don't force it, but let him know that you don't want him to miss saying goodbye if he feels he needs to. I had to do this... I had to see my father dead, because I never would have believed it otherwise - and I'm 26, not 11.\n\nSome things you can tell him is that there are things that death can't take away. Death cannot take away the love that was between him and his father. Death cannot take away the memories he has. Once the situation settles a little and the first bit of shock is gone, find ways to remember his father - help him burn a CD that reminds him of his Dad. Make a scrapbook with him. Make a book for him with your memories of his Dad (the good ones). Find creative outlets for his emotions. Let him get angry, let him cry, and make sure that he maintains himself. \n\nPlease, please, please, concentrate on the good things about his Dad, and stay away from the bad things. My mom is still talking about all the things my Dad did wrong, and I could just strangle her. If you do this, he will see you as insecure and will turn his anger toward you. \n\nDo not accept at any point that he is over it. If you do, you may end up with a cery angry teen that starts to act out in a few years. Don't hound him, but every now and then, initiate a conversation about it and make sure he knows that you are there. \n\nEducate yourself about the grieving process and about depression and suicide warning signs. If your son appears to have a problem that goes beyond normal grieving, get him to a counselor. \n\nMy best wishes to you and your son. May his Dad watch over both of you.
1168862
i dont know - my dads been gone for 27 years ,he died when i was 8
419950
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your mother must have loved your father very much and we can only imagine the pain that she's feeling right now. If you want to help her, be there for her, let her cry, let her be depressed, let her talk about your father or not. Four months isn't that long of a time frame to move past the grief of losing your best friend and life partner, so first and foremost, give her the time, space and permission to grieve the way she needs to grieve. Remember, she's not only grieving the loss of her husband, she's grieving the loss of her entire way of life...it's a difficult adjustment.\n\nAt the same time, encourage her to make small steps toward a 'normal' life again (although, to her, life will never be 'normal' as she knew it again). Take her out to lunch, to a movie, shopping or just for a cup of coffee. Invite her to your house for dinner, if you have children, bring them around. Maybe take a class together at your local community center. All of these things will remind her that there is still life all around her. \n\nIf you're concerned that her depression goes beyond what would conceivably be considered normal for intense grief, then encourage her to speak to a therapist about it. I know you said she would never consider medication, but maybe she doesn't need it. Maybe she just needs someone to talk to, someone who can give her tools to cope with her pain and grief. Another option would be checking into grief support groups in her area. These groups are a great source of comfort and support...she will be surrounded by people who understand the intensity of the pain that she's feeling right now and will have the support of those who have worked their way through it so that she can see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. \n\nFunny thing about grieving...we all do it differently, yet no one does it wrong.