Does anyone have any tips on dealing with my fear of abandonment?
454814
There is nothing to fear,but fear itself.I'm sure you have heard that saying. What you need to do is sit down and figure out what it is that you are really afraid of and why. You need to learn to love yourself and realize that you can be your own best friend and that you would never leave you,now would you. Being alone is most likely what you are really afraid of. There are some people and I personally know a few,that just cannot stand to be alone. I used to be one of them.Then one day I had to face one of my worst fears,a person very close to me died and I was then truly alone. It was during the pain of the experience that I learned alot about myself and I found that even without this person in my life,that I was o.k. I started exploring the many different things in life that I always wanted to do or learn to do and started doing them. Life can be a great adventure if you let it be,but fear of the unknown or fear itself stops one from growing and sometimes living life to the fullist.During that time in my life I learned to like ME.The person inside of this body,the inner voice I sometimes hear,my conscience,myself.I learned to like ME.Then I wasn't afraid of anyone leaving me or abandoning me because I was always going to be there for myself,even if everyone else in my life were gone.Because "ME"goes everywhere I do. I now enjoy what I call quiet time when no-one else is around. It gives you time to think about things you'd like to create,explore and maybe even places you'd like to visit right by yourself.Even though you are alone there are always new people to meet. Putting all your eggs in one basket or totally depending on someone else for your happiness is never a good idea. Another person can always leave you for one reason or another and not always by choice. So learn to love yourself and your spirit and you will see that the fear of abandonment will leave you forever.
1082859
bro all the time, except I'm not spontaneous and never do. Chances are if you feel this way and if you are anything like me, you want to do this to run away from problems, if that's how you feel, the running away part is probablly not the best idea, the problems will tend to follow you where you go, your best bet is to stick it out and resolve the crap in your life, it may hurt and take time but you'll be happier for it. good luck and God bless
820246
the only one that has to accept you--is YOU!!  remember, carpi deium! sieze the day!  besides what is the worst that can happen?  I used to be shy myself, now I get out there and try, come to think of it, I would not have my wonderful kids if I stayed shy\nalso, (just a thought)\nfind a councelor or confidaunt to talk out these feeling with and help you release the fears burned into your mind.  I have PTSD from sevier abuse as a teen,  I know what it is like to suffer a trama that scars the mind as well as the body, and I see my councelor regularly.  there is no shame in such things.
511622
the best thing I can think of is avoiding the pain of childbirth. The worst is not being able to express yourself well to a woman. I've never been able to properly have a heartfelt discussion with a woman in my whole life. I get so nervous and shaky I chicken out alot of times. It's difficult for me to say that, I'm not afraid to take anyone on in front of a chessboard but when it comes to saying "can I get your number" (or whatever) I really get afraid of rejection.
417998
Hey Max, great to see you are keeping strong! You are doing all the right things, getting some counselling and taking some meds to get you through. You should feel proud of yourself. Excellent! You'll be pleased to hear that there is definately a way to stop being afraid. It's called Cognative Therapy. It's different to counselling because it doesn't concentrate on the past, it shows you methods of coping with the present and your present feelings and fears. If you feel counselling is helping you that's great, and cognative therapy can be used in conjunction with counselling. Sometimes some people can feel that counselling can be counterproductive as it concentrates too much on the past, and patients can't see how they are moving forward. Others feel that it gets all the crap off their chest and they feel better for that. But if you want to get over a fear, cognative therapy is best together with or without other therapies. Also while you are going through this process of recovery, it's best not to embark on any relationships, as you'll find it distracting from your main goal, which is to get better. Go girlfriend! You sound like you are making real progress! Heather
328183
hey just be confident and outgoing if u stay quiet n dont talk to ne body then ur just going to feel worse n idk wht ur situation is but take some advice from some one with the same feelings n stay positive n stop thinking of ur self as a loser
748019
afraid of rejection? maybe
503165
Hi Lvy,\n    i think still ur not  accepting tht its over now , u 've some hope , m i rite ? if not , temme wats reason to remember ur past . it will effect ur coming life if ur goin to continue remembering tht person ...ya if u 've some hope and still want to continue wid him , wat ur waiting for go and tell him tht u can not live without him and ask him not to leave u ....\n   Luy u sud not love them who dun care for ur feelings and u . try to keep in mind tht its all over now and tht was ur past nuthing else .. i think ur young ....and some1 has to some in ur coming life ...think for him atleast start preparing for ur coming "SOME-ONE" . lol ...hahahah i said preparing ...i was saying tht washout ur mind and dun go after ur past .......every1 have some past and we have to forget tht ...\n   one more thing Keep Smiling .........:)\n     sorry if any of my word hurttttss
1082822
Truthfully, you are never truly alone, unless you believe you are truly alone.  The mind has a powerful trick over the heart.  Just don't give in to the sense that you are alone.  Look around, and find people to talk to.  I know you will overcome this sense of alone-ness. I went through the same thing.  Just trust yourself, and what you believe in.  You'll always come out on top of your problems if you just try.  Trust me.\n\nI wish you the best of luck.  Don't let the feeling of alone-ness get to you.  The worst of things can, and will happen if you do let the alone feeling in to your heart.
101575
Maybe you could invite a friend over. Maybe you could talk to someone you trust about your fear of going over a mile away from your house. You could look into school activities or programs where you could meet other kids. I hope you will improve your life. You are the only one who can :)
920048
try looking at the skirts and blouses last. maybe take a cooking class, joining the theater class. Put yourself in the middle of the fear. things will get better.
146910
A better question is how do you accept your fear so it will not feel like it's taking you over. Accept the fear, feel it, and allow it to be. It is worse if you try to deny the fear. When you allow it, it is there, you feel it, and you're okay.\n\nGood luck.
205679
It could be a psychological sort of thing. Have you ever been face with a disaster? Or have ur loved ones around you ever suffered from one? I think you can break that thought by finding WHY you feel this way first. ONce you found out why, u can work on it. You can do things to forget about this fear, e,g exercise regularly, learning a new skill, volunteer work etc. As long as the activities are meaningful and make you feel happy, go ahead! Talking it out with friends or simply hanging out together by watching a movie or joking arouund will help. XD Hope you'll feel better soon!
747383
this is the kind of situation i always fear in the back of my mind. time heals all wounds, but just take some time off for yourself and then try and get back on the scene and go out gradually. odds are that you will still never forget about it, but you need to find something better.
1059137
Stacy,\n\nWhen you've spent as much time with someone you love as you have and during that time also struggle together through various dependencies then even those struggles become things we tend to hang on to, despite the bad times associated with them. They become a connection to what we learn to perceive as our own reality so we hang on to them because we find hope or security in them even when that apparent reality is in fact not healthy or secure at all. You've made changes in your personal life obviously to discard some of those dependencies while your significant other has not. Yet you hang on to the one dependency that in the last 5 years has been a constant in your life and that is him, his very presence of being there close to you, touchable and reachable. You still see each other, you sleep together and you do this because you choose to look past his unwillingness to change. Why? Because for you, despite the past, you still try to find hope in a situation that seems to never offer any in return and you can't see yourself either giving up or drastically changing your life to leave it all behind. Maybe this is because you feel you have put so much into it and because by still being with him in certain ways it allows you to believe it may all change. Or, maybe you're just afraid to look to a future of starting over and rebuilding your life without him. Starting over can always be a scary proposition for any of us and just taking the first step is the most scary of all. Not unlike when a child pulls themselves up to the coffee table and for the very first time takes that single step without holding on. We risk falling down but if we measure our risks to minimize the fall then we find security in that and pull ourselves up and take another step. Reading all that you've written and having somewhat experienced similar situations I would be inclined to believe that for you to move on, as you want to do, you truly need a whole new start. New surroundings, new friends and new opportunity and again in my experience I've found the best way to do that is to put distance between myself and the past somewhere new and start fresh in life. Maybe this is for you too or at least something to consider. Scary thought? Sure it is but for someone who's obviously been through as much as you have then I suspect you're a strong young woman who is more than capable of doing so. I will hope for the best for you and should you need a friend in the future then all you have to do is reach out.\n\nBest Wishes Always
1146306
You just let go of something you was used to having kinda of leaving an empty spot. yes it is lonleyness but also normal. Find something to feel that space with a hobby or a pet or just find someone nice to talk to. It will pass soon i promise.
556552
if you can't work with hubby to set some limits to give your marriage breathing room, then maybe it's time to get some counseling so you can understand why you're scared to death and learn some tools to help you cope with upcoming changes.\n\nBy remaining scared, you don't have to make any changes and can continue to complain. you're letting yourself get in the way by telling yourself you're scared. scared of what? ending up on the street? won't you get a job? if you get fired won't you look for another one? dig deep and find out why you're setting up your own obstacles. good luck.