Is it so wrong to ask the guy you like to quit doing drugs?
445465
[Edit: When I started answering, there were no other answers so PLEASE DON'T ACT ON THE NEGATIVE ANSWERS; they're all pessimistic & negative & don't really care about your problem! Be optimistic & the sun will shine eventually! [I'd hoped that you'd read my answer first]]\n\nI've been in the same situation recently (I'm a guy) and I realized that if I wanted to keep my fiancée, I had to give up the weed, it was as simple as that. She had the same line of thought as you did and I think that she had every right to think like that.\nFrom a personal point of view, I didn't find it that hard at all BUT everyone is different.\nIf you feel that he really cares for you & that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, you could probably ask him to check into rehab or something. I don't know the laws in your country but he could possibly get some sort of concession from the government - pls DO NOT quote me on that, I'm in Aus & I don't even have a clue about the drug rehab government concessions in here! - and I'm sure he could find an anonymous one...\nThe bottom line I guess is that, personally speaking, drugs are not good!\n\nP.S. Don't alienate him (point fingers) as it can make matters worse. Instead, try to understand where his addiction comes from. In many cases when the root of the problem is found, the solutions start to spring up almost by themselves!\nAll the best & wish you well with your love; if you want it, you gotta fight for it!
389104
no. theyre good 4 health and stuff. maybe if u stopped doing drugs u could realize that ur question is screwed up....
234804
You can not make anyone tell you what you want to hear, even if you feel you "deserve" it.  This situation seems to be controlling you.  I'd suggest you back off and find something more constructive to use your time on.  A person who takes drugs and drinks may not even know what the "truth" is and what he/she knows or remembers may not be the same as what you know or remember.  Why do you need to hear this from this person?  It almost sounds like you know what the truth is already and you just want to hear it from his/her mouth.  If this person can not be trusted, then distance yourself from him/her and move on with your life.
701855
You tell him that you are aware of his addiction problem, and offer to get him help. You can only help somebody that wants to accept your help. Your relationship with him will always come in second to his addiction with his drug of choice. You need to move on and leave this realtionship in the past. You may always love this guy, but not all love relationships are meant to last a lifetime. This is not a good healthy relationship for you. Cry a little and then pick yourself up, gather your self-esteem and move on and find happiness elsewhere. Take care of you. I wish your boyfriend luck, he'll need it! He has a long road ahead of him, before he will ever be ready to share his life with someone else.
157433
yOU HAVE TO TAKE IT OR QUIT.  hE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO ASK FOR A DRUG TEST.
785814
If your boyfriend is truly attempting and wants to kick the cocaine habit, his next step is to be admitted into rehab.  Obviously, he can't do it alone.  I know, I have been there and done that.  \nI think that deep down, you really don't think that he is going to kick this habit since you are talking to someone else.  Don't get me wrong, I am not downing you for doing so.  I can imagine what kind of hell you yourself go through, been there and done that too.  Another thing that you must face up to and realize is that this is having an affect on your children.  Those children are going to have to become one of the catalyst that will give him the strength to stop using the coke, but he, and only he, has to make that happen.  It will not be easy, it will not be anywhere near easy, but he can do it, but as I said, he has got to want to do it.  It is time for you to give him an ultimatum- either the coke, or you and the kids.  Tough love is the only way you will ever have a future with this man and it needs to start yesterday. It is time to stop being his enabler.   If he will not give up the drugs, then it is time for you to give up on him.  Today should be the deadline.  Good luck to you.
424555
Depends... if smoking weed and drinking beer get in the way of common life things then yes... but if the person can handle everything and drink and smoke all the time then i say let them be because they are not doing anyone harm.  If anything give up the beer.
159927
Sure, if you like being used, lied to, and then dumped as soon as the next opportunity comes along. Honestly, why would you want to go out with a "playa"? Show him you're better than him and turn him down. He'll be shocked!
191152
do you like him to.  If not than it is not ok.  If it hurts than it ok not ok.  He should stop.
979753
He seems to have put you in a dilemma so just how much is he worth ,,,, You are only 19 ,,,, You are too young for this kind of crap and you don't need it either ,,,, A relationship should be fun and exciting and certainly NOT like what you've just explained ,,,, As far as the drug problem is concerned ,,,,  In my experience I've learned that once a user then always the user ,,,, This is his problem and there's nothing you can to do remedy it ,,,, It's more than obvious that he doesn't really care about you anyway ,,,, If he did he'd be bending over backwards to show you how much he cared for you ,,,,,  You explained that you can't even find him ,,,, Do you want to be his baby sitter for the rest of your life ?? ,,,,  You need to cut your losses and run ,,,, You need to drop this guy like he was a hot rock or something ,,,,  And stick to your guns ,,,, Don't let him talk you out of it no matter what he says or how he acts ,,,, Guys can be good actors too up to and including tears ,,,,,  Don't let him fool you ,,,, He's chosen his path ,,,, You need to worry about your own life ,,,, Don't let this guy drag you down ,,,, Start looking for someone that is concerned about you and is willing to do what it takes to make you happy ,,,,  Yoda said this ,,,,,
715964
You sound like you have good morals already by not wanting to get involved with someone who does drugs.  Very smart.  I know while growing up, most kids want to experience and experiment with a lot of things that can be very harmful to them.  I am no exception to this.  I got myself into a lot of trouble as a youth by following the wrong crowd and allowing my friends to pressure me into things I knew were just not right.  Don't allow yourself to feel pressured into doing anything that you know in your heart that just don't feel right.  If you don't want to date anyone or even hang with anyone that does drugs...then DON'T.  Only you are in control of your life and the decisions you make will effect it one way or another.  Sometimes the decisions you make will effect others so always take time to think things out and be honest with yourself and your friends on how you feel.  Don't change for anyone.\nYou may find yourself liking this boy a little now but keep in mind, he obviously has an issue with drugs, especially if he's lieing to you about doing them.  If he's going to lie to you about that, who knows what else he will lie to you about.  As you get older and more experienced in dating, you will understand that honesty and trust are two main keys to making a relationship work.  It's not how cute or how popular a person is that makes them special....it's what's inside that truly counts.  I know that sounds cliche' but believe me sweetpea, it is the truth 100%.\nIf you want to keep him as a friend, tell him he has to be honest with you, because even a simple friendship deserves honesty.  Would you bare your soul to a friend who lies to you and who is nondependable???  If he cannot be honest with you as a friend, he will surely not be honest with you as a boyfriend and you need to move on to better people to hang around then.  It's always better to have just a couple true blue friends than it is to have and basket full of fake ones.\nStick to your morals.  Stay true to yourself.  Beleive me, there are many guys in this world that you will be able to pick and choose from as time goes by.  Pick one that makes you feel good about yourself and who you can make feel good about himself.  Pick one that can be honest with you and who you can be honest with in return.  Pick one that likes you for WHO you are and who you like just as he is.  If you have to change yourself for someone else, he's not worth it and the same goes for the guy...if you think he has to change, then he's not the right person for you either.\nI can share many stories with you about this topic (I've had my share of heartbreaks and bad choices) but I'll leave it at this for now.\nGood luck sweetpea and take your time in choosing the right guy for you :0)\nmarjenl72
591018
No, your concerns are gunuine..  Your boyfriend might already have an addiction...  Talk to him and let him know your concerns, especially for his health.  If he does not want to make a change, then let him go...  YOU CAN'T HELP THOSE WHO WON'T HELP THEMSELVES...\n\nMy boyfriend used to drink  a lot when he was younger, now he has a liver disease and only has a certain amount of time to live..\n\nYou care for him, but he has to care for himself before he can care and make a change for someone else...  I'm not saying don't be there for him as a friend, if he needs it, but don't waist your time either on something and someone that you know is only going to be a road of heartache...\n\nThe Lord in time will bless you with someone special...\n\nGOOD LUCK!
119643
May I answer your question with a few questions of my own? First, are you absolutely, positively, 100% sure that he wants to quit smoking weed? If not, it's a lost cause. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. It all has to do with mental capacities. If your friend hasn't set his mind to actually quitting, all the help in the world that you offer him won't mean a thing. He's got an addiction, love, and just like bad habits, they are hard to break.\n\nSecond, is he willing to let go of these other friends that he uses as a cruX to blame his addiction on? If the answer is no, I'm afraid the best thing you can do for him is pray. Let's put this to a hypothetical test:\n\nSay your friend (let's call him Karl for the sake of conversation), Karl, gets help with the addiction. He stays clean for 3 months. For being clean for 3 months, he decides to throw a party. He invites the people that he blamed his addiction on to said party. What do you think will happen by the end of the night? Do you honestly believe that Karl will leave that party clean or do you think it more likely that Karl will leave that party addicted again? He's gotta GET RID OF HIS FRIENDS.\n\nSometimes, we want the best for others. I commend you for even caring about someone that has an addiction. Far too often, we overlook these things and blame it on whatever we choose to blame it on. Yet you are actually looking for answers on how to help him. Let's review: #1) He's got to want to quit smoking this marijuana. #2) He's got to want to get rid of his friends. And just for an eXtra-added bonus, #3) He's got to want to stay clean. God bless you!\n\nHope that helped!
854969
No it's not rude to ask in my opinion.  The guy could always not reply if it is upsetting.  Perhaps you really really helped him with your answer and he would be very grateful.  I think you should ask and then you can satisfy your curiousity because until you do, it is going to niggling away at you.
1103112
It's so hard to watch someone you love battle drugs. You want to take them and just hide them away from all the temptation of the drug. There's really not much you can do besides let him know that you love him and that you are there for him. I know he's afraid of both hurting AND disappointing you. He doesn't want YOU to watch HIM spiral downward. \n\nJust continue to be strong and let him know that you want the best for him. He's going to have to make his own decisions, and one of those will be to STAY OFF OF DRUGS. You can't do that for him, as much as you want to ~ you just can't. \n\nMy heart goes out to you sweetheart, you are not in an easy place right now. I wish the best for you both.\n\nGentle hugs to you, Marilyn
958037
some people think that just because they dont do somethiung, its illegal or immoral or wrong if someone wants it that way. \n\njust be glad he didnt get all pissy when you asked for sugar, not spenda lol
130101
I had to have a few months "off" of my friend, which wasn't hard to do considering all he hung out with were his pot smoking friends.\n\nWhenever pot came up I would, rather harshly, make fun of him for being a pot head.  I would make fun of his pot-head friends, and make him feel guilty for ditching me for them, his "best" friend.  And we drifted apart for a while.\n\nNothing rude.  No harsh words or ultimatums.  Silence.  If you can try it for a month.  We eventually drifted back, and while he still occasionally smokes weed, he recognizes how the constant influence of the drug had changed him, and hurt our friendship.