how does one get past the torment of losing your beloved daughter after caring for her years with her illness?
443682
You don't.....\n\nWe lost our daughter 4 years ago.  There really isn't anything you can do to make it go away.  But, as foreign as the notion seems now, it becomes less painful over time.\n\nWe actually ended up moving because I saw her everywhere.  We made a fresh start in another house in another city.  I think that was the beginning of the "better" for me.  I wasn't driving by the hospital she died in anymore, I didn't see her laying on the couch, playing in the yard.\n\nMost of it is in your heart.  You have to figure out the way that makes this okay for your own peace.  Can you see past how much you miss her to realizing that she is no longer in pain?  Can you reconcile it with your religion or spiritual beliefs?  Can you let her go?\n\nIn time you will have more peaceful thought and memories, and the tears that stream down your face every time you hear name will be replaced with a little smile.\n\nBetter days are coming.  I am so sorry for all you have been dealt.  I can honestly say that I know what you're going through........ and you are in my prayers.  If you want someone to talk to... I'm here.
603625
This past April was the 19 year anniversary of my Mom's death. She had suffered with cervical cancer for the last 17 months of her life and as I watched her suffer through the chemo treatments and the morphine dosages, I found myself praying that God would take her home with Him where I knew there she would no longer be in pain. Although I was there for her as much as I possibly could be and did whatever she needed me to do for her, the suffering was more painful to watch than losing her could ever be. I spent the Friday before her death with her the whole day.  We talked about our childhoods, our adult lives, her sickness, and how I would keep her memory alive for my (future) child(ren) and we laughed and cried together. This period of my life with her were the best and the worst days that I can remember but they are memories I would not have wanted to miss.\n\nI finally had my daughter nearly 4 years later and even though she never met my Mom... she knows her through my memories and knows that Grandma Rose is waiting in Heaven to meet her. \n\nLosing Mom is the hardest thing I have ever gone through and basically I did it alone. The only advice I can give is to pour yourself into something constructive and keep busy and most of all...take it one day at a time. It gets easier and the tears turn from tears of sorrow to tears of joy in the lasting memories you will have even of these final days.\n\nMay God bless you and your family throughout this time and my prayers will be with you.
509247
When my best friend died on his 19th birthday, nothing could stop me from feeling pain. Logic didn't help since "time heals" was advice that I'd alway given to others. It doesn't work when there is very little time between the moment of loss and the days that crawl by.\n\nMy solution was to feel real pain for my friend and carry his memory with me for life.\n\nI now have a tat on my left shoulder (closest to my heart but not easily seen by me) that expresses my love, the pain I felt and my choice to endure these things without stopping my own life because of it. He would have been 40 on 6 Feb 09.\n\nSince then, I've married and fathered two beautiful children. Time did eventually heal my wounds, both physical and emotional but the art on my shoulder allows me to remember when I need to and forget when I should move on.\n\nI dealt with my loss in a very personal manner. Emulating my choice may not be the best course of action for you but perhaps my story will help you know that the pain truly does fade enough so that it isn't the only thing you think about.\n\nI hope that helps.
307907
I'm sorry for your loss.\n\nMy father died unexpectedly when I was 27. \n\nI don't remember much of the first year without my dad, other than some pretty messed-up holidays.  This is a protection mechanism. The first year is the most dreadful, because of holidays, birthdays and the awkwardness of figuring out how to celebrate something supposedly happy with the air of absence and sorrow hanging over it.\n\nWhen people initially told me in a few years it would be better, I was furious with them. I didn't want it to get better and I didn't want believe it would--a part of me felt that I would be a bad daughter if I stopped grieving. As I started healing and felt less pain...TI worried if I was grieving too little. And I thought maybe I had grieved too much, as well! Very confusing. I felt like I was doing everything wrong.\n\nBut this wasn't the case. I was grieving just right for me. And after a few years, it was still sad but not heartwrenchingly so and it kept getting a little better with each passing month. I realized that I wasn't a bad daughter. I realized that I was healing and getting on with my life and that by going on, I was, in my own way, honoring my dad. My father has been deceased for seven years now, and there are still times when it's painful, but it's not crippling or scary any more. And I remember much more of our happy times, too.\n\nPeople grieve at different rates and I feel it is wrong to try to put a timeline on healing. Our society is very timeline-based, even if those timelines don't properly apply to messy, organic processes like recovering from the loss of a loved one.\n\nIf however, you find that your grieving is truly interfering with your family, work and social life after year, you probably need some help working through your sorrow. Books, videos, chaplains or ministers or therapists are all very helpful in situations such as yours.
27905
Just support her.  Tell her that you love her and want her to get better.  She might not want to know more about her illness.\n\nGet well soon for your daughter.
512220
MY DAUGHTER WHO DIED 9YRS AGO.SHE WAS ONLY 18YRS OLD AND 2 WKS BEFORE SHE GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL.THERES NOT A DAY THAT GOES BY THAT I DONT THINK ABOUT HER
801754
Honey, my Daddy died a year ago in october.  It is so hard to get use to them actually being gone.  Dont call yourself a crappy daughter.  Remember him!  Love him! Cry laugh and do what ever you want to if it is helping you to grieve.  Talk about him as much as you need to.  Nothing can replace the father figure in your life so I think you still need to grieve.
590598
wait on her hand and foot, let her know you love her every day you dont know   what youve got untill shes not there no more i took care of my mother from the 1st time she got sick untill october 8th the night she died and im still not over her i feel so lost and alone tell her everyday you love her
502308
I am sorry to hear that...May her soul rest in Heaven...Ameen!!!I know how difficult it is to get over the situation...I lost my mother when I was just 4....& now I am 19...I still remember her smile....her love...\nEven now I share my feelings with her, my sorrows with her....my happiness with her...in dreams...\nI do lots of things for her...Pray for her...& many other things...\nHope you will get over this situation soon...You can do many good works for her, she will get the reward\nas you are her kid....InshAllah.\nThanks,\nSumiya.
530913
I'm so sorry you've lost someone important to you.  I've been there before myself.  Tomorrow will be the first anniversary of my mother's death in a hospice.  She suffered so much before she died that it tore my heart out, but she's with her Lord and Saviour now, and happy at last.  Time will improve things for you.  It's the only thing that helped me.  Try to do things you enjoy to distract yourself from the pain.  Even that can take a great effort, but you have to keep trying. If you do, I promise you that things will get better as time moves on.  May God Bless You!
764067
It is a sad thing to loose a parent.  It leave a mark on you and a pain that you really never get over.  I happen to be a funeral director and when I lost my parents, I went through the exact same thing.  I know it is of no comfort to you, but as time goes by, you will find that other things in your life keep you occupied.  You will never forget her, but in time God works a miracle in which the sharp pain associated with your loss gets a little less and you can reflect upon the joyous and happy times with a feeling of love and appreciation.  I know you probably find this hard to believe, and so did I, but it does happen.  My father died in 1987 and my mother in 1999, and at times is seems like it was only yesterday.  I hope you are able to find peace and understanding very soon.
82018
First of all not give up and not lose hope and faith.\nSecondlly, try harder to get next to her.\nAnd last but not less important, fight for her so that she can remain net to you as a daughter as long as it takes untill you can talk and explain all the missings reasons.
291280
The pain of losing her father probably won't go away. You can try to talk to her, an make her smile about good things.
292913
that was a very terrible problem...\ni'm sorry for what had happened to your daughter.\n\nsometimes life is unquestionable, even... it's unanswerable.\nwhatever you are going through in this life, god knows. he knows the best for your life, eventhough what had happened to you seemed so unfair. god said, god works in all things for your goodness. can you see the positive side from the problem you have?  if you havent, you will.\n\ni did something bad a few years ago i blame it on god, why did he let me do it. but... today, i know he let me experience it for my own good...\n\nhow can you bring your faith back? it cant leave you, it is inside you, you just have to awake it... ask for gods grace...
575598
7 years ago when my daughter died....... My grief consumed me so tightly, I would not and could not see that I was not alone!
243329
Please know that you are in my morning prayers.  I know your pain over your losses seem unbearable, but remember that He is holding you up, and even when you don't feel Him, that is when He is closest!  It took someone else's pain to remind of that this morning and I hope and pray as you grieve your loss that you can keep that thought in your mind.  It was explained to me that we have at least forty thousand thoughts a day, and that if you can keep those thoughts positive, your body and emotion will respond.  What a man thinks in his heart, so is he, right?\n\nMay God help you thru this time, may you keep your eyes toward heaven, may God use your grandchild to bless you for years to come, and may He help you raise her in grace and gratefulness for the opportunity to serve your daughter's memory.  Father, please enable a good report from the Drs to encourage this sister in the Lord thru her trials.  May she see many blessings thru her call for prayer, strentgthen her faith and trust in You as she walks the same path we all must take for your names sake. Amen.
1013722
Probably you, but for different reasons.\nKnow this, that you can overcome this pain. It does not seem it now, but there is nothing that you can't handle. Get out in the sun, keep your life going, as any parent would want this. talk to your dad, tell him how happy you were today, but you can still tell him that your sad about his condition. If I were in your shoes, I might tell my dad that I am going to accept what has happened, as there is nothing I can do about it, and I am going to make the best of the situation by being happy,for his sake and your's,  and talking with him. Life through us a curve-ball, but I am throwing it back and showing my strength. My dad would be proud of me for that, and your's will, too. Keep talking to him, and show him that you can make the best of this that you possibly can.