I've been married now for six years. The marriage is crumbling.?
451234
What you are describing is an abusive man.\n1. You do everything for him\n2. He never does anything\n3. When he doesn't get his way he threatens to leave, but doesn't\nI'm sure this is just the tip of the iceburg. He sounds very controlling.\n\nWomen in your situation often only find the strength to move on when they've met another man. It could be like jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Please ask your new man to wait.\n\nSometime when you're sure you are alone check out the National Domestic Violence (abuse) Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and their site at http://www.ndvh.org/educate/abuse_quiz.html Be sure he's not around or do it at someone elses house so you are safe. They can give you the number for your local program. These people are trained to help you with housing, social services, Family Court, etc. \n\nI pray you will put the new guy on hold until you get your life on track for you and your kids. God Bless!
524888
Sounds as if he has moved on in his mind and left you and the marriage behind. Sad that after 8 years. How you can improve your marriage is how you react to the sitution right now. Don't beg or bug him about anything. Give him some room and the old saying if you set someone free and they come back they are yours is very true............
765473
Follow your gut instincts. It will guide you to making the right decision. Re-evaluate your whole life together. Has there been more good than bad or vise versa. Are you happy and content everyday? Do you constantly have to think about your future with him? 7 years is a long time. But sometimes it isn't healthy to just stay in the relationship because of the kids and especially if you did not bore them. People can be very hard-headed and have a one track mind. If you are constantly having to argue with him and tell him how committed you are to him and the marriage and it doesn't get through to him then you, as a woman, have to figure that one out. It is a no brainer. Some people are just really damaged by their past. If talking one on one to each other for 7 years doesn't help and counseling failed, then sometimes you just need to do what you have to do. Life will go on and it will not be the end of the world. Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side. Re-evalute and think about it. Follow your gut instincts.
1040090
I truly believe that a marriage can be saved from anything. Yes it is hard but years of a marriage is just to important to just throw away. Human Beings are just that we are not perfect and are subject to mistakes. It is how we deal with those mistakes and grow from them that will in the end decide on the chances of the marriage surviving. Just because we falter does not mean that we are not worthy of the love of a spouse. Love consist of many things incluing tolerance so if you keep in mind that this is the man that you love and the man that you chose to marry and he does the same you can keep the lines of communication open and hopefully you can get back what it is that is obviously lacking or missing from the marriage. Just never stop talking and listening and growing.
17448
For us, it has been work.  Lots and lots and lots of hard work.\n\nWhen we got married, I had an idea of what a wife should do, be like, etc. And, I expected her to be this person and our marriage to be a certain way.  So, after working at it for a year (and fighting constantly), I slowly realized that she is who she is and my expectations were wrong.  (She had to realize the same things about me.)  This is when we learned we have to work at communicating with each other and with ourselves. (You will have to learn who you truly are as well as who your mate truly is.)\n\nWe have been together almost 12 years now; she is my soul mate and we are very happy.  But, the communication and understanding that are needed are work.\n\nEvery few months, life will throw a new set of challenges at us and we will have to work at communicating well, understanding things 100% from the other persons point of view, not having emotional reactions to things without asking "Did you mean that way I heard it?" Then, once we have communicated and are in synch with each other, we can tackle the challenges of life together.  \n\nMarriage is not 50/50.  It is 100%/100%, and often you have to give your 100% first.  But, being able to become someones soul mate and their true love is an amazing blessing.  Just keep in mind that sometimes you have to give your 100% first and that is work.\n\nBeing truly in love when you get married is a great place to start growing your life long love together.    But, you have to work to grow life long love.  \n\nPlus, please remember to "actively love".  Don't just love someone and feel that is enough.  You have to pay attention to this person you are marrying, and learn what stresses them out, makes them happy, what they are great at, how best to be supportive,  and which of the family roles that mentally and emotionally hate but that you could do (I do the dishes, because she would rather be beat with a stick than wash another person's dishes.).  In other words, you have to learn who this person really is and how you can help make their life happier.  Ask yourself, "What can I DO, to make my mates life easier, happier, better, etc."  "Active love", which is paying attention to your mate and then doing things you can to improve their life, is also part of true love.\n\nForgive the long answer.  This is just the things we have learned in our 12 years together.  Every relationship is unique.  \n\nGood luck and best wishes to you both.
1174075
You both need to go to a marriage counselor NOW!\n\nYou have trust issues and they are probably compounded by esteem problems that you both carry.\n\nTalk these problems through with someone who isn't emotionally invested in your life and start your relationship over on a solid foundation. \n\nThe longer you wait the more problems you will heap on top of the old ones.
739412
Learn to commit your marriage to God. Be honest and open with your husband. Encourage him to do the same. you both have been hurt so deeply... but God can heal those hurts and restore the love in your relationship.\n\nLearn to pray. Pour your heart out to God. don't use nice polite prayers. Express your anger, your fear, your disappointments... God  wants you to be honest with Him.\n\nRecognise that you will only do more damage if you leave. admit that you need help and seek counsel - godly counsel. Is there a minister you know? A friend who is a Christian?\n\nDon't give up! Don't walk out!\n\nGod can make your marriage stronger than it has ever been!!!\n\nReally!!!
915240
Every marriage-  married young or older will change and get boring @ times If you let it\nYou both need time together away from the problems, worries, kids to reconnect\nYou need to date your spouse all over again
940279
I would suggest you go to counseling to see if you can mend your marriage; it might even be better than before.  Losing a job can be devastating for anyone, but it's especially tough for men.  It sounds like your husband fell into a depression and is just now climbing out of it.  The fact that he still wants to try with you and has made some improvement says a lot.\n\nIf the counseling works, then give the marriage an honest try before you decide to throw in the towel.  \n\nDon't stay together because of the kids.  I've seen that happen with disastrous results.  The children wind up seeing their parents live a life of tolerance, not love.\n\nHe's making an effort; with some new communication skills and both of your working at your marriage, you may find that you love him again.
1013419
Yes I meant it. 12 years of a not so great marriage, but now it is better than ever. I am glad I have the commitment and morals that helped me hang on for 12 years to where things are better. You are a great guy don't sell yourself short for anyone. Keep your morals and you commitment, you may not know it, but, they mean so much to you and always will.\nCongratulations and keep up what you have.
308964
Bless your heart. It will take time after going through verbal abuse. Words hurt deeper than any slap, and the pain lasts far longer. Please seek marriage counselling.
888016
Yes, my wife and I have experienced the same thing. Before the kids everything was great and after she lost all interest. 6 years later we are still not 100% back on track but things are better. Here are a few ideas that may help you:\n\n1. accept with busier lives that you won't be back to 100%. With kids and their needs your opportunities for intimacy and times of the day to engage are diminished greatly. Accepting is the first part.\n\n2. you have to communicate your needs to each other. If you feel overwhelmed and distracted at home then he needs to help out more and not just on the days/nights he "wants some" or you will just feel used and unappreciated. Together you will have to work out a new, mutually agreeable routine. \n\n3. communicate what really excites you both. Find out about each others fetishes, real turn ons and fantasies if you haven't done so already. Be open to new ideas that might intrigue you and spark some interest again - be willing to slowly step out of your comfort zone and try new things. Make it fun with no expectations attached. Experimentation is often very pleasureable but not always!\n\n4. Devote some time where regardless of what is going on you have time for just the two of you. Maybe it's every Wednesday night after the kids go to bed. You leave the dishes and just do nothing but spend time together - reconnect so to speak. Too often after the kids come along the couple becomes "good friends" and lose that closeness / intimacy they felt when no one else was around. \n\n5. Don't feel guilty if you have lots around the house/work to do and you feel in the mood. Go after it, seize the moment and enjoy yourselves. You can always catch up on the other stuff but it is harder to mend a broken/struggling relationship.\n\nIf you really want it (pardon the pun) you have to communicate, be understanding of how you both feel and truly work hard to come to a solution. Your libido level and his will not change so you have to figure out a plan that will work for you.\n\nGood luck!
434857
hmmmm...tough life!\ni understand its never easy to go in for change at this stage in life when one especially feels like sitting back and looking at the life one has lived and smiling about it.\ni guess one shot at trying to salvage a 20 yr old marriage would be justified, so none of you two can blame oneself or the other one for not having done anything to preserve the marriage. and maybe it went this far just because u both have been waiting for the other one to speak up or adjust to you....and the distance kept on increasing gradually till it reached where it is today.\nit is never too late to start afresh, and neither to restart the same old life either.\nstart with talking to each other about the problems u both had(no fighting though)\ntry marriage counselling once(for yr kids if not yrself)\nand meanwhile try to make yr life lil more interesting, start working part time or something.\nand if nothing works...then u think about the rest\nface reality...u hav worked on yr life for 20 yrs and u hav 2 kids...u just cant let it go purely because someone thinks she can take yr place, but like i said earlier...no screaming and creating a mess, try and keep yr exteriors calm(very difficult, but thats the only way regretfully, even if u feel like shooting people)
81013
I've been married for 7 years.
510373
I hear your frustration, but I also hear someone who is still in love with the person they married.  Sure, you don't feel for him the way you used but some of that is normal after 10 years, and some of that is from the financial frustration that is dragging you down.  Some times life just doesn't work out the way we had planned and we have to decide if it is best to adjust our expectations or change our lives.  This isn't easy as you have stated because you may find out that nothing changes or things are even worse without him.  Divorce is a huge step and a risk because it doesn't guarantee you that everything will get better.  I guess the big question is, can things change financially just because of a divorce?
50206
My husband and I have been married for 29 and one half years.  Some years were great some not so great.  But we hung in there and are more in love today than when we married.  Best wishes.
174229
you sound just like me. i'm trying to work things out but i know the end result will be me leaving. i just want to be able to say that i gave it my all and totally mean it. sometimes we just outgrow them. have you ever tried to start some sort of hobbie with each other or do a date night? maybe that will get something going for you. i tried that. my husband didnt even care to go through with any of it. he just agreed to it and never did it. i'm writing a book on my horrible marriage. as soon as i get enough crap for my book i'm out. its not worth it to stay.