Is it worth it to save a marriage that you are no longer in love with?
440121
To save a marriage there has to be love.  To even consider saving a marriage hints that there is still love.  Don't throw it away unless your sure all the love is gone.
434857
hmmmm...tough life!\ni understand its never easy to go in for change at this stage in life when one especially feels like sitting back and looking at the life one has lived and smiling about it.\ni guess one shot at trying to salvage a 20 yr old marriage would be justified, so none of you two can blame oneself or the other one for not having done anything to preserve the marriage. and maybe it went this far just because u both have been waiting for the other one to speak up or adjust to you....and the distance kept on increasing gradually till it reached where it is today.\nit is never too late to start afresh, and neither to restart the same old life either.\nstart with talking to each other about the problems u both had(no fighting though)\ntry marriage counselling once(for yr kids if not yrself)\nand meanwhile try to make yr life lil more interesting, start working part time or something.\nand if nothing works...then u think about the rest\nface reality...u hav worked on yr life for 20 yrs and u hav 2 kids...u just cant let it go purely because someone thinks she can take yr place, but like i said earlier...no screaming and creating a mess, try and keep yr exteriors calm(very difficult, but thats the only way regretfully, even if u feel like shooting people)
403471
Leave him.\n\nChances are, it wasn't his first time, nor is it likely to be his last, especially if you let him "get away" with it.\n\nIf you think there might be a way to salvage your marriage, and possibly might be able to forgive him and forget it, and not let it come into your mind for the rest of your lives, you might try to work it out.
957968
Wow - that is a tough question.\n\nIf the two of you are still close, I'd just ask outright, but be prepared a bit of heart break if the answer is no...\n\nYou're at a really difficult time in life (I remember it...) and just recognizing that your head and heart are disagreeing is pretty impressive - I don't think I was that mature back then.\n\nAsking outright gives you a quick resolution to your dilemma.\nKeeping your options open, but maintaining some display of affection (holding on) may drag out the pain.\n\nIf your head says move on... then you probably should - your heart will move on eventually as well, and you'll certainly find someone else, even if it doesn't feel like it now... (sounds sooooooo cliched...)\n\nGood luck,\n\n-dh
972204
This depends entirely on your capacity for forgiveness, compassion and acceptance.\n\nYou would not be able to sustain this relationship without forgiving your spouse.  You would not be able to forgive without allowing yourself to express your own anger and fear.  (What if you're sick)?  \n\nIf you believe your marriage is worth saving, then both of you would have to agree that as hard as you know it will be to work through this, you still want to be together.\n\nIt would take an amazing amount of commitment to make this situation work, but I believe it could be done.  Good luck to you both.
942522
Well, im divorced. While I loved my husband we had too many issues, particularly his looney family. So unless they were gone, no, i would not marry him again. But, I also would not give up the years we had together, or the beautiful son we have together, for anything.
868268
Of course your fiancee will be hurt, who wouldn't?  Don't stay with someone and marry them if you're not absolutely certain.  You're just putting your happiness on the backburner for someone else - and you don't need that either.  It's never too late to call anything off - even if you're walking down the aisle already.  You haven't said "I DO" yet.  Unless you want to end up another divorce statistic, I'd say call it off.  Marriage can be very rewarding and wonderful if you find the right person and I think that's what you should do (find Mr. Right, not settle for Mr. Right Now)
510373
I hear your frustration, but I also hear someone who is still in love with the person they married.  Sure, you don't feel for him the way you used but some of that is normal after 10 years, and some of that is from the financial frustration that is dragging you down.  Some times life just doesn't work out the way we had planned and we have to decide if it is best to adjust our expectations or change our lives.  This isn't easy as you have stated because you may find out that nothing changes or things are even worse without him.  Divorce is a huge step and a risk because it doesn't guarantee you that everything will get better.  I guess the big question is, can things change financially just because of a divorce?
632933
yeh, it's possible. and you can try counseling. i fell out of love. and i don't think it's gonna work for me.
414935
Unfortunately we don't usually get the choice. If it's headed to a bad place you can try and salvage at least a descant departure. However, if it's from someone you really loved you can't help but be hurt regardless who ends it. Sometimes it's just not meant to be!
540240
when you no longer love one another
968090
I actually just brought up that idea with my ex when I talked to him tonight (we broke up two weeks ago) and he said he isn't in love with me anymore. I think it's best to not go back and just move on. Healthier that way.
521422
personally i would say no, you hardly know him after 3 months, trust me i speak from personal experience (yes i did end up divorced) you will still be in the infatuation stage of your relationship, wait a year or two then think about it for a while but rely on your own instincts not on anyone elses opinion. It is you that will have to live with the decision for the rest of your life (hopefully). Just for the record I have been married to my second wife for six years and we have two great kids and no regrets!
9442
You cant hold on to something thats not there...You can continue to do your end of the vows and pray that he will have a change of heart but ultimatley in marriage love comes and goes but its commitment to that person that will keep a marriage.  Apparently hes never had that commitment to hold on to you for "better or for worse".  He obviously moves according feeling not any thing else.  You keep your end if hes not willing than let it go--More advice? chrystaldr@yahoo.com
168749
No. Sometimes people change and circumstances require divorce that is best for one, hopefully, both parties.  It just makes you wiser and experienced.  Good luck & never give-up!
700615
I was just thinking tonite...God...how boring my marriage is....there is no romance..no love ...no communication....but...what do u do...leave...the thought of starting over again is scarey....but staying in a relationship that will not change is depressing...let me know if u figure it out....maybe that should be my next posting!  good luck
50206
My husband and I have been married for 29 and one half years.  Some years were great some not so great.  But we hung in there and are more in love today than when we married.  Best wishes.