Should i join the army even though my wife dosent want me too?
436821
Doesn't want you too or is emphatically set against it? As an Army spouse, I can tell you that acceptance of the military lifestyle is hard enough when it is something that you chose. To have it put on you, even if your relationship lasts in the short term, in the long term there will be some serious resentment. \n\nThis should be a team decision. Before my husband elected for an indefinite term of service on his last reenlistment, we both sat down and made a list of the positives and negatives. We weighed them against each other and came to the decision together. \n\nWhile you're discussing it, there are people available to tell about the military lifestyle at www.goarmy.com
816924
It's called a "comfort zone." Which is not a good zone to be in married or not. \n\n16 years is a long time to serve. I served 17 years. If you note I'm using the term "served." In the end it was like, looking back, I'd put myself in this prison of sorts. Anyway, this is about you. \n\nDo you love her? Can you see yourself within the institution of marriage with this woman for the next 20 years? \n\nPersonally? I don't think that man or woman is made to mate with the same person for their entire life. \n\nWhatever your answer is; remember this... you cannot create happiness through others, you must create your own happiness and from that everything around you flourishes. If you love her, talk to her. You've been married for 16 years! If you're not happy. Move on. Life is too short.
851235
That's his choice to make, not yours.  He needs support and encouragement, not someone like you bringing him down.  Obviously he doesn't care about your reasons, and he shouldn't.  This is his life.  If you don't want to be part of it, end it with him and let him move on.  Joining the military is one of the best decisions he could make.  He'll see alot, learn alot, get an education and prepare for a career after and most of all, he'll become a better man.  There's nothing greater than the pride, respect and honor of serving ones country.\n\nDon't let your fears discourage him.  Support him and tell him "thanks" for being willing to protect yours and your families rights and freedoms.\n\nGood luck to him (and you if you decide to stand by his decision).
262148
The Army is a chosen profession, you probably signed with different expectations of what army life would be.\nYou should stay in the army if you think that is the job for you.  There is no shame in changing careers.
557159
thats your choice...\nyou make your priorities on your own ....\nyou have to anyway fight either with enemy or wife :)\ni dont think you would listen to anyone, and would do what you want to do?\ntake care n fight well\nbravO :)
663635
Just a question to the poster before me (teeney)...and of course this is just my opinion....\n\nWhat is the point of joining the military to "stay safe"? To me, it is dishonorable and disrespectful for a member of the military to join just for the "benefits" and label. If you are going to serve, you serve 100%. You serve your country and you do what is asked of you, no matter of the level of safety.\n\nFor the asker.....Hun, you join the branch that you feel is right for you. Join the branch which best suits your hobbies, interests, and career choices. Please do not join a branch because it was "safer" than another. Understand that being in the military is both an honor and a burden. If you can outweigh the burden with the honor you will gain....that's what has made the whole experience worth it.\n\nHonestly, as a footnote, I cannot believe the spouses and dependents out there that wear their red, white, and blue with presumed pride, but then complain when their loved ones are called into action. That's part of the job people. If you can't handle it, get off the proverbial porch! \n\n...stepping off the soapbox now\n\nGood luck in all of your future endeavors!\n\nLilD
166701
i say go with it and just tell her, i mean dont wait for a tommorrow that may not be there. trust me, im a soldier ive seen tommorrow fail to arrive
563436
u dont just win the heart of a married woman. if she knows you want her like that, she'll decide if she wants to risk or end her marriage to have you/ good luck,bro!
132952
Don't do that. Never force or convience anyone who is not \nready. If you are a real man or gentleman you will put her\nfeelinga into consideration. She will eventually come around. Understand men and women are dofferent. Their timing\nis different. Please be understanding with her. If you love\nher you will understand.
855089
LOL, not to laugh at you, but it sucks you can't join in. I would ask your wife, if she must explore her fantasies, could it be with someone not related to you, so you can participate, too. I mean, if you aren't bothered, then don't make a big deal about it. Just simply state that you wished you would have know, so you wouldn't have been shocked/surprised. Ask her what her thoughts and plans are, and from there, you must decide.
644508
you should seriously reconsider your decision, look around at whats happenning in this world, you are very young give yourself a chance, you seem to be very smart so think long and hard about any decision you make to join the armed forces, our soldiers are the bravest and best in the world but i womder how many would tell you to pick another career, whatever your decision may be God Bless You and all of our brave men and women who protect and fight for our country, also don't forget to include your parents in this decision.
1140693
You're just turning 18 & still have a year of high school left. You're coming up on a point where things are going to change whether you like it or not. Most couples like oyurs are going to split up & go to different colleges. You think you know what love is, but when people get to college & get some freedom from their parents it changes who they are, they spend a couple years growing into the person they are going to be rather than the one their parents have been shaping & controlling for years. I know it's hard to see, but when you look back on it that's the deal. \n\nIn your case, don't rush into marriage just because you're scared of losing someone. That's a horrible reason. I think it's best if you wait a couple years. I think you should go ahead & join the Navy. I don't know what her plans are, college or whatever, but its a big case of "if you love it set it free, if its true it'll come back to you." Do your best to make it thru, but understand both of you will be changing a lot during these transition years. If at 20 you both want to get married, then go for it & congrats! If you find you've changed so much & grown apart, then better to find that out before you're married then realize it two years in. You need to give her every opportunity to pursue her career goals too. Again, I don't know if she's going on to school or whatever, but you sure don't want to be a junior enlisted guy trying to support a family (they don't pay you nearly enough for that). I wish you the best of luck, and make a smart decision with your head instead of your heart. It'll all work out for the best & you have a whole lot of life in front of you.
361746
The answer is to worry about being the best you, because you want to be the best you.  If you aren't interested in being your best, why should she settle for less than the best?  Read books, find things that interest you and learn about them and become good at doing them.  Increase your range of expertise.  Diversify your interests.  Work hard.  Stay in shape (I don't know how many guys get married and put on 50 pounds...I've heard of freshman fifteen, but it's unfair to the spouse, that the person he / she fell in love with / married feels that since they are tied together for better or worse, that he / she can allow better to change to worse...)  Basically, be an interesting person.  If you aren't an interesting person, why should somebody stay with you?  Do not be an a-hole, do not take her for granted, do not cheat on / disrespect her.  Remind yourself that of the 3.25 BILLION women on the planet, this is the one you have chosen to throw your lot in with.  And of even greater importance is to keep in your mind that of the 3.25 BILLION men she COULD have chosen, she chose YOU!  Work...Work hard... know that it won't always be easy.  There are always ebbs and flows to all aspects of life, but it has been my experience that whatever people look for, they find.  If you look for a reason to be unhappy with her, you will find it and the peaks won't be as high and the valleys will be even lower.  The opposite is true too though.  Look for the good things.  Know God.  Lean on Him.  He can handle your burdens a lot easier than she can or than you can for yourself.  Give of yourself freely and without reservation or expectations of reciprocation.  know LOVE.  Good luck
1047774
Only be with her if you know that you will not stray and be with anyone else including men.  This would not be fair to her.  If you can not commit all of yourself to her then don't.  Good luck
1067606
Bella, I am a male with 22 years experience in the Canadian Military. I am also married.  Firstly, if you have chemistry and feel this is Mr. Right your major concerns are:  (1) are you willing to relocate and up and leave behind friends family etc for your significant other.  This can have be a major stressor in Military Relationships from own personal experience.  (2) He could be called away to a "high risk" combat environment, which would leave you alone for prolonged periods. There is also your career aspirations to consider.  The military is better at caring for family then in the past, however, their first concerns is still exigencies of service or service first.  You have to prepare yourself mentally for that.  My final piece of advice is for both of you to sit with the Military Social Worker.  He/she can give you great advice and insight into what it is like being a military spouse.  It is an honor to serve ones country,  and he can also take his military training after his 3 year engagement and apply to the civilian sector.  Many civilian employers find military background and training extremely marketable  Finally, I wish you both well and and all the best to the both of you as you embark on the great adventure
22067
well do you want to be a mucsle man.or are you doing this just to impress her.in my opinion you might want to rethink your relationship if she doesn't love you the you are.but that just my opinion
794720
Yes and no, it depends on your wives feelings. If she doesnt like it and you continue to do it even though it hurts her alot then its not right. If she doesnt mind and is comfertable with letting you have female companions then its okay. Its honestly up to her.  If you value her feelings then you will do what makes her happy, just like she should do the same thing for you. What you need to do is ask yourself why you want female companionship. If you notice any of your motives might be disloyal then its not alright.