How do you deal with people who are obsessed with victimising themselves?
439201
I can imagine how complicate it is to have such a person in your environment. Sometime it could be a member of your family, your spouse, and then it is much more complicate. \n\nIf you have such a person in your workplace, just remember one important thing; DO NOT feel sorry. \n\nHe/she is not so poor and weak and self-victimizing persons survive in this world very well. They use their "victim position" to manipulate with people, to emotionally and morally blackmail them, what is very exhausting. People in their surrounding usually feel confused, guilty, exhausted. They feel like they cannot help them, cannot do or say the right thing...\n\nDon't let him/her drag you in his/her vicious circle. If you find yourself feel sorry or sad, stop it. Don't empathize and don't try to help or offer the solution. Try to concentrate on your work and let her know it from the very beginning of your working day. If she starts to talk about problems, listen to her politely to some extend, then show her that you "accept" and "understand" what she told you and then either change the subject or tell her that now you have to concentrate on your duties. You can eventually tell her that she is the one who has to resolve her problems and that you cannot help her, but don't let yourself be a part of her problems. And don't be surprised if she reacts on it as if you are not empathic enough, you don't understand her or something like that. This is a usual strategy to make you feel guilty, because SOMEBODY HAS TO BE GUILTY, for her. Stay out and remember that it is not easy. If nothing helps, talk with your superior to eventually move you to another office.\n\nadditional details:\nYou obviously know him very well. You said that those persons are like chameleons and are very good in that. That is exactly the characteristic of manipulator. Don't blame yourself for feeling sorry and offer a support. It is normal human reaction and every normal person would do that. But if you feel permanently guilty and exhausted in communication with him, stop it. YOUR guilty feelings and exhausting are sure signs that you have a problem with manipulator. NOBODY HAS A RIGHT TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE THAT.
445143
no offence, but if you center your life around it and contantly view our self as a victim then you will never get over it. you can try to move on or do what every other woman does, start/join a movement or protest and "do something about it"
1025473
its something we wont ever understand. its like they look in the mirror and see something else looking back at them thats not what the rest of the world sees.  "distorted self image"  They have to have intensive therapy to get past it and I think for the most part they are never over it completely.  People are always the hardest on themselves
50398
They're not just affecting you. These types of things affect everybody. It's how eveyone handles these problems that is different.\n\nThe best first step you can take in beginning to deal with these problems is to refuse to accept a "victim" role. Things happen, and life isn't just looking to pick on you. Empower yourself with the belief that you CAN change things. Remember that it won't be an overnight fix, and it won't be easy. But if you don't step up to the plate on your own behalf, anything can and will defeat you.\n\nI wish you luck and good will.
816437
Yeah.  Fortunately for me, I never lose sleep over folks like that...they usually tell on themselves over a bit of time.  People discover how mean they are and then drop them like a bad habit.  It's their problem, not yours, so don't worry about it.  Time has a way of righting all the wrongs.
4999
Figure out what insecurity is within you that makes you worry so much about somebody else. And if it's just a distaste for this person, be honest about it and she'll go away. A little hurt feelings is a lot more efficient than suffering through something because you're uncomfortable. And she'll get over it.
689512
sit them down and be honest make sure you are alone and use a sincere tone just look them in the eyes and tell them you cant help hurting them because everything has its own consequences. The more you think or plan something the worse consequence would happen. look out for yourself but just be soft and considerate to that persons reactions and then make any further moves.
540931
Too many people have no way of solving their problems and allow their insecurities to take over their lives. As such, they are not resourceful enough to actually improve their own lots. So, they tear down others under the mistaken impression that they're sharing their misery and thus ridding themselves of some. All they end up doing is improving their *relative* status with the person they just brought down. It's selfish and disgusting behavior, really, and they haven't improved themselves at face value, even though someone else has plunged into their depths, albeit temporarily.\n\nI've suffered this BS from classmates and co-workers quite a lot - for the most part, it's jealousy, plain and simple. Some people just can't accept that others do things differently and achieve the same ends, but if you do it more quickly, the negative people feel threatened because you're "showing them up." Then they'll go narc to the supervisors about how you aren't following pointless procedures just so you'll have to do what they do.....it's very petty and asinine how people can be.\n\nMy suggestion: blow off anyone who does this to you. As long as you're doing whatever works for you, and no one (you nor anyone else) is *truly* being hurt by your actions, then no one should have any gripes about it. If the only "problem" is that someone else looks bad because of what you do that looks good, then there's truly no problem, and the "offended" person needs to suck it up and improve himself/herself. Period.
566150
They do take a lot of energy out of you, I know what you mean. And I, too, try hard to help them but the moment I feel exhausted, then I stop hanging out with them or talking to them for a while… You need to get your energy back, you know. Oh… and since you can’t change anyone, I usually help only those who want to be helped. Some people just drain you and their intentions are not to be changed or get better. They’re comfortable in their misery.
800569
There's some good articles on how to leave an abuser in lovefraud.com\n\nMy husband is a stalker too but I've gotten numb to his ridiculous accusations and constant threats. He took every dime of my retirement account and left me destitute in hopes I'd be too dependant on him to leave. I left 2 months ago to stay with family. \n\nKnow this- you are a target, not a victim. Abusers use your compassion, humanity, and commitment to the relationship AGAINST you! They are not human. They have no empathy. They are empty and hollow INSECURE people. They need to control you, own you, in the worst way.\n\nNever look back.
422798
PPl are jealous that u have things? then that is their problem. dont let it bother u.  This is their problem
1142483
whats 'normal' ?if your friend is not doing something to harm their self just be there for them.there probably are plenty of people pointing their crooked little fingers and talking about this person.please don't follow the crowd.let your friend know it bothers you , but you will still remain there friend. (and they are not hurting any1 else....)
665040
My abusive ex.  I won't go into details but the physical and mental damage done by this man is something I carry with me all the time.  Because of him I cannot have children and underwent 5 surgeries to fix the physical damage.  The paranoia I deal with on a daily basis because he has not been caught can be crippling at times, to the point I get afraid to go outside or go anywhere alone.  I cannot trust people like I used to nor do I let people close to me anymore, except a very select few.  It's left a feeling in me that seems to say people will suck you in by acting nice then they will turn on you like a rabid dog once you are sucked in and let your guard down.  I know, realistically, that isn't the case but it has left that feeling.  No, I'm not over this yet but I am working on it.  It just takes time to undo the damage done.  But it did take part of me and who I used to be away and I will never be able to get that back.
290632
I know a person exactly as you describe and he/she drives me nuts....\nYou can't force people to turn to you no matter what you do...Leave them be and when they need you..they will come...maybe??
1178909
You're not obsessive and intrusive.\nThey are WAAAY outta line.\nTalking is one thing...\nLeg stroking?\nWay over the line.\n\nI think you should tell them how you feel,\nAnd say that even if they don't see it...\nThey should respect your feelings\nAnd stop with that behavior.\n\nAnd if they keep doing it...\nWell let's just say this...\nSome people aren't who you thought they were,\nAnd it just takes a while to see their true colors.\n\nSorry you're goin through it.\nPleace and Love, Holly
647804
Tell them to mind their own business. Do what feels best for you. Don't pay attention to what everyone else thinks you should do.
839075
That they need to stop using people. They always give such a hard luck story. They don't want to hear your's though. And when you need help, they don't know you. \n\nOoh, let me get off of this now, because I could go on and on. I have a user in my family. She won't do anything to help herself. She wants us to do it.