if your spouse has a drug and alcohol problem and wont admit it do you help him or leave him?
447134
no do not leave her\ndo an intervention\nmake her get help in a professional place even if she does not want it.\nthen after she is all clean ( and stopped being mad at you )\nsit down and talk calmly with her..\nGood Luck
733041
You cant help him until he admits he has a problem and wants help. You cant fix him. He needs professional help.
503073
Yes.  But if it goes on too long and it affects his life and the family's, it's a problem you have to address.  Addictions come in various forms.  You need to keep conversation lines open.
708498
First of all, I want you to know I strongly empathize for you and am so sorry for what you're going through.  It must be extremely difficult to love someone who can't give love back to you, and to love someone who is toxic for you.  You asked for "advice".  Obviously, he had a drinking problem before the 2 of you married.  I say that because you've been married 10 years, but he has liver problems (I'm assuming from his alcohol intake) which take a while to manifest--usually liver damage shows up after about 15 years of continuous heavy drinking.  Don't quote me on that being specific to everyone--all of us break down alcohol through our pancreas and liver at various levels.  This man is showing you through his own behaviors that HE LOVES ALCOHOL MORE THAN HE LOVES YOU.  Additionally, he is becoming increasingly abusive...how long will you stay with him before he begins physically harming you to the point you end up in a hospital emergency room or worse?  And about the amount of beer he's drinking...quantity of alcohol intake has no relation to whether a person has a problem with alcohol or not.  It's what happens to that person when s/he drinks.  And with your husband, what happens is that he experiences difficulties in his marriage, becomes another person (one who is abusive and dangerous), and he has a past history of failed relationships.  I would venture to say he's having problems in other areas of his life such as financial, spiritual, social, vocational, etc.  The bottom line is YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!  And to do that means making some tough choices--IN SPITE OF HOW YOU FEEL TOWARD HIM!!  Go to Al-Anon (a 12-step group made up of family members just like you who have a loved one who is alcoholic).  Or call Al-Anon and ask that someone come to your house to visit with you, preferably at a time your husband is not at home.  And you're probably going to need to leave him (even temporarily), so you can think more clearly, have some peace of mind, and then be able to make more rational decisions for yourself.  REMEMBER: YOU CANNOT DO THIS ALONE.  YOU NEED THE SUPPORT OF OTHERS TO HELP YOU MAKE SOME VERY LIFE-CHANGING DECISIONS.  I do hope this helps you.  And know you are in my thoughts.
604398
This will sound harsh but if you insist on enabling him and thereby losing control of your own life and thoughts ... I'd suggest buying him more booze and hope the end comes soon. On a more serious note, you could seek counseling for both you and him and for god's sake, get him to join AA.
888552
If a group of you can sit down with him and tell him he has 2 choices\nHe either goes immediately to treatment and afterwards he must remain sober (go to AA, too)......or\nYou will have to go over his head and report him.  It's ruining your department and you all are NOT going to take the blame for his behavior.
617089
She has to get help on her own, you can't force her to, but you can sit her down while she is sober and tell her, if she doesn't stop drinking, you are going to end up ending your marriage, because you just can't live with a drunk, and if you have children, tell her, you will also take the children, tell her she needs help, and you can't be with her until she gets it.  If she still refuses to get the help she needs, then you have no choice but to FILE for a divorce.  I wish you all the luck in the world, being married to a drunk just isn't as easy as everyone thinks it is, you need to seek councelling too, you are what is called a co-dependant of an alcoholic, and believe it or not, you do need help too, stay strong and good luck, I will be praying for you  and your family.
422554
People change naturally... but for good or for bad is up to that person...\nIf your man is really intent on continuing to do the right thing, then he should eventually grow out of it... if not, then my guess is that he'll fall back into what he used to do...\njust try to keep him on the right track and if he really does go back to drugs and drinking... dump him
445465
[Edit: When I started answering, there were no other answers so PLEASE DON'T ACT ON THE NEGATIVE ANSWERS; they're all pessimistic & negative & don't really care about your problem! Be optimistic & the sun will shine eventually! [I'd hoped that you'd read my answer first]]\n\nI've been in the same situation recently (I'm a guy) and I realized that if I wanted to keep my fiancée, I had to give up the weed, it was as simple as that. She had the same line of thought as you did and I think that she had every right to think like that.\nFrom a personal point of view, I didn't find it that hard at all BUT everyone is different.\nIf you feel that he really cares for you & that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, you could probably ask him to check into rehab or something. I don't know the laws in your country but he could possibly get some sort of concession from the government - pls DO NOT quote me on that, I'm in Aus & I don't even have a clue about the drug rehab government concessions in here! - and I'm sure he could find an anonymous one...\nThe bottom line I guess is that, personally speaking, drugs are not good!\n\nP.S. Don't alienate him (point fingers) as it can make matters worse. Instead, try to understand where his addiction comes from. In many cases when the root of the problem is found, the solutions start to spring up almost by themselves!\nAll the best & wish you well with your love; if you want it, you gotta fight for it!
869824
NO!  All you ahve to do is picture the HORROR of when he was Living in the Home and you had to deal with that mess every day -- day in and day out ...\n\nOH, DEFINITELY NO!  Do you want to co-dependent and enable this jerk to be his Alcoholic Self all his life and be abused in the process, then PUT YOUR and YOUR DAUGHTER's Life in Danger by DRIVING while Drunk with BOTH of you in the Car?\n\nNO!!!!  Tell him to GO -- NEVER let this back into your home IF you value YOUR life and the LIVES of your CHILDREN!
422842
If you don't love him, tell him now, while he's in rehab and has the support of others, as well as counselors.  It you wait until he gets out, he may use your breaking up as an excuse to  go out and use again.  By leaving him while he's in rehab, you give him the opportunity to start fresh when he gets out, rather than thinking life's one way and having to start over again when you do leave him.
657571
Give him a chance to change (one chance) and if he didn't, say "It's me or the alcohol. I can't be with someone that loves to drink more than he loves me." \n\nThen, if he didn't stop immediately, I'd leave him.
1000512
Give him the option to get help for his addiction and return home, or file for divorce.  He will continue to treat you like crap if you let him.  good luck!
1051155
Deal with the alcohol first and ignore the under-30 ignorant responses you'll get here.  \n\nTalk to a professional rehab counselor who can get help for your husband.  Believe me, I have much experience in this field.  \n\nThe alcohol is a response to his own self-hatred and anger and it will come out as misplaced and on you.  \n\nYou must deal with this, this is the key.  All of it is connected, but the professionals will tell you and so will I:  The alcohol is never the problem:  what makes a person want to drink is.  \n\nBeing self-centered and unfaithful also spring from this.   \n\nTake action, don't wait, don't enable, don't make excuses, don't feel sorry for yourself.   Just act.\n\nJeff
985046
Whatever happened to "in sickness and in health"?  If you leave him because he's sick, you're no better than someone who cheats on a spouse.  He needs therapy, not condemnation.  People who treat someone who has a mental illness with such disregard make me angry.  Help him pursue a more rigorous course of treatment, and reclaim the man you originally fell in love with.
556851
Oh sweety, told you told you told you?? You can't believe all this. You should have told him from the second he said he was leaving "ok, i'll be here for you once you get everything sorted out." He might leave his wife, but my gut like urs is saying he's a lier and he's not planning on leaving his wife. When the week is up, his time is up too.
943782
Try a intervention group to sober up and help your hubby quit his drinking.\nThe love you had for him was strong enough to have two kids by him and stay in this situation for five years.\nI know you are lonely , need and crave a true help mate . your kids need a sober Dad. You need a sober mate who will be the kind of husband your desired to have when you married him.\nYou need to be the strong one and help not hinder him at this time.\nOnce he drys out he can once again be the wonderful man you fell in love with and gave your life to.\nYour children deserve at least this much effort.\n I know what I am talking about , My wife did this for me and I have been sober for 22 years now. I also know I put her through Hell for 14 years. She at one point before I sobered up was in the exact same frame of mind you are in now. \nFor yes you do deserve to be happy. And by keeping your marriage pure. It proves you believe in the purity of marriage it also proves you still have feelings for this drunk you live with or you would not care if you defiled you marriage by sleeping with this guy you can talk to. honsetly if you could do the same with your husband would you have ever gave this other guy a second look???\n Please try and get him help for your self ,for him and for your kids. If he refuses to get help , call the cops claim abuse have him thrown in the drunk tank .When he sobers up confront him and show him what he is about to lose .Then say Goodby if all efforts fail.