Married over 20 yrs ,no bonding for  about one yr but my better half wants to do nothing.?
443788
get him some coucilling, it should help
1171086
It sounds like you're lonely and craving an understanding and intimacy that you're not getting from you wife.  Before you make a huge decision that will alter yours and many other people's lives, really think about what you're thinking about doing.  My guess is that you and your wife had a very passionate relationship that cooled down after you married.  Once you married, life's monotonous routine got in the way of passion and communication.  Now you're looking outside the marriage for that spark.\n\nBefore you act, do yourself and your wife a favor and talk to her.  Be honest about your feelings.  Maybe her job/friends/family etc... consume all her energy.  Maybe you'll find that she's just as lonely as you are.  Give her a chance to work with you to make your marriage work.  If you feel you can't talk to her, then suggest couples counseling.  If that fails, then I would consider the possibility of ending the marriage.  But before making that decision, please please please give you and her a chance.  Don't give up yet!
176417
Go to their homes and/or invite them when he's not there.  You really need to discuss the issue with him if it's that important (yeah i know, easier said than done).  Maybe marriage counseling, if this marriage is worth it.  If not...
849
Take a week off don't speak don't write don't call.  If in that week you felt so heartbroken as if your world was crashing around you..and they felt the same way ...Then you need to stop and think of the future when your 80 sitting on your front porch can you picture that person sitting next to you..now can you picture them not...If you cannot picture them there no matter what condition they are in and you still want them then it is meant to be and you should get married have kids a be faithful to one another.  WARNING BOTH PARTNERS HAVE TO AGREE TO THE SAME FEELINGS..otherwise prepare for a divorce now.
185517
Work it out now before you get married; things are only magnified after the marriage.  If you can't talk about things now, marriage will only make it worse, not better.  I would go to a counselor.  If he's not open or willing, is he really who you want to spend the rest of your life with?
968053
It can be fixed. If you and him both want it to be. Maybe the reason there is a gap between you two is the fact of everyone living in that home. You're almost done raising your children. Your husband, I bet, wants it to be you two. Your life is yours. You give it to so many others. Two years has been a long enough time for your daughter and grandchildren to be living there. She is a big girl now and needs to understand you need a life too. That's mostly why you feel the wieght of the world on your shoulders. Perhaps the gap is your husband not wanting to deal with everyone living with you two. We all take things for granted. Your daughter takes you for granted as well. Open your eyes dear. I don't know you or enough of this to fully answer you Maam. Just from what I took of your words, you are going through enough. You have a lot of stress on you. You feel like you're the only trying to do something about it. You're the only one truely dealing with it. Loneliness is hard, espacially when you have someone there with you and you still feel lonely. I can't say what you should do, because I am not you. Only you can make that choice. I can only support you and offer an ear. I would recommend getting your daughter and her children out of your home so you can focus on you and your husbands relationship. It is hard to focus when there is so much pulling you in other directions. I hope you are able to concentrate and really get to the root of the issue for yourself. Don't listen to what other people say, they aren't the ones who have to live with the consequences of the actions. Listen to yourself. I don't think that will be possible if you are under so much pressure. Try if you can. Don't throw it away unless you know for sure it is useless. Take care Maam.
744895
she sounds bored.  try something new.  remember what it was like when you first met?  those feelings are still there, you just have to find them....be THAT GUY again for her...flowers on the pillow, candles, some alcohol, a motel room, you remember those days??  i have been married for 10 years and it is just as spicy now as it was then...just be THAT GUY again for her.
309542
*Gulp* I technically just reached the 7 year together mark a few eeks ago, and so far, things are awesome!! 7 year marriage anniversary coming up in July, so I think everything foe us is great....\n\nThe Itch happens when a couple gets bored with each other , but its no excuse to get someone else to scratch that "itch" for you, its your wife/hubby's itch to scratch...LOL
319551
My suggestion would be to start all over, let me explain.  When you were dating, before kids, before the wedding, what did you do?  Did you enjoy going to dinners?, movies?, hiking?  Whatever it was that brought you two to the point of falling love do it again.  Send the kids to grandma's for the weekend, get a babysitter for friday night and go to dinner.  Sure, it may feel a little weird the first few times you go out, but that's because you haven't done it in a while.  Start slow and build from there.  There's no majic trick to finding the spark again, you need to work at it, but it will come!  Remind yourself, and your spouse, why you fell in love and got married. \n\nHope this helps!
1183196
Don't worry.  I am older too, but it is just that time in your life.  We can't always be up and excited.  Sometimes are bodies just need a break.\n\nPamper yourself and don't worry.  Take a break, and tell hubby you love him a whole lot and mention you need to take more time for yourself.\n\nIn time things get back in the saddle.Up the vitamins and go easy on any 'white' foods--rice, potatoes--can 'down-time' your body.\n\nluv Ava
785136
It sounds like both yours and his priorities are noncommittal. Seeing each other when convenient should be enough for now. If this was love you would not have to ask this question.
967557
I sincerely hope you aren't confusing toughness for indifference.  I was married to someone who didn't express his feelings.  We did stay together for six years, but knowing how I felt and how similar it is to what you are going through, I hope you aren't in store for a world of hurt.\n\nPlease talk to him openly and let him know your concerns.  You should definitely do this sooner than later - when it would hurt even more if it isn't what you want to hear.  \n\nI wish you all the best and hope everything works out for you.  Just remember that sometimes when we look back it's the unanswered prayers that we are grateful for...
418874
Its possible that both of you are trying to fill the roles of wife and husband. What I mean is not seeing each other as people,not dealing with things as they are but trying to do things as you think they should be dealt with. Maybe he thinks he should be in charge, telling you what to do what to spend. I think its time you 2 have a good long talk and find out how each of you really feels clear the air. Oh one other thing to think about your at that stage in a relationship where your past the first glow of love and seeing him as he really is, time to work at the relationship build it up or see if it can be worked out.
524888
Sounds as if he has moved on in his mind and left you and the marriage behind. Sad that after 8 years. How you can improve your marriage is how you react to the sitution right now. Don't beg or bug him about anything. Give him some room and the old saying if you set someone free and they come back they are yours is very true............
451722
People stay in relationships long after they do each other any good because by nature no one wants to be a quitter.  Especially as women we are nurturers and want to fix everything.  That takes cooperation though, you can try marriage counseling if he is willing to participate, breaking up a family is nothing to do lightly, but don't waste years trying to fix something that your partner has no interest in fixing either.  Move on and build a stable but separate existence for you and your children,(sharing custody) the courts will tell him how much child support to pay.
700615
I was just thinking tonite...God...how boring my marriage is....there is no romance..no love ...no communication....but...what do u do...leave...the thought of starting over again is scarey....but staying in a relationship that will not change is depressing...let me know if u figure it out....maybe that should be my next posting!  good luck
28468
i suggest that you sit down and  talk to your husband.  this may cause many mnay problems down the line if your not already feeling a certain way towards him now, marraige is a HUGE responsibility, and it is not something to be taken lightly,youe need to discuss this with him and try to find a way to resolve these issuses.