What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
450079
Dude!  Where's my tractor?!?!?!\n\nMy friend Amy tells this one all the time :P
533237
He didn't.He still occasionally gives speeches but is a loner that spends most of his time on a farm he owns.
513427
Nope.  But I heard a good story a while ago.  A guy who lived on a farm in rural Alabama (I think) came home and found a guy inside robbing his house.  He pulled a gun on the guy and called the police.  Since he lived so far out in the country, it took the cops a half hour to get there.  So while he was waiting, he forced the burgler at gunpoint to mow his lawn.\n  I love it!
215734
He wanted to know how the story ended?
206265
I couldn't find the lyrics in the few minutes I tried, but I did find a recording of the song on http://www.folkways.si.edu/search/AlbumDetails.aspx?ID=622.  Hopefully that helps.
652862
That came from the farmland.Farmers work on their own machinery.When they tear a piece of equipment down they have to keep track of the nuts and bolts so they can put it back together.It was a long trip to town to try to find a new bolt or nut.Thus the phrase Nuts and Bolts.It has become as you know to be used in many different ways.
942291
The height of laziness Fidgety! The man is not really lazy he is energetically declined!\nReminds me of the farmer who had ten employees on his farm,and all were notoriously lazy.One morning,he decided to try and cure them of their laziness once and for all.\n"Men." he said,"I have a nice easy job for the laziest man on the farm.Will the laziest man step forward?"\nImmediately nine of them stepped forward.\nThe farmer looked at the one man left behind and said:"Why didn't you step forward along with the others?"\n"Too much trouble."
1043177
You lost everything.\nIt is over and out.\nStart a fresh beginning.
373314
"Boll Weevil" by Brook Benton\n\nLet me tell ya a story about a boll weevil\nNow, some of you may not know\nBut a boll weevil is an insect\nAnd he's found mostly where cotton grows\nNow, where he comes from, hm, nobody really knows\nBut this is the way the story goes\n\nThe farmer said to the boll weevil\n"I see you're on the square"\nBoll weevil said to the farmer\n"Say yep, my whole darn family's here"\n\nThe farmer said to the boll weevil\n"Say, why do you pick my farm"\nThe weevil just laughed at the farmer 'n' said\n"We ain't gonna do ya much harm"\nHo-o-o-o-o,-o-o-o, -o-o-o, o-o-ome"\n\nAnd the boll weevil spotted a lightning bug.\nHe said "Hey, I'd like to make a trade with you\nBut, ya see if I was a lightning bug\nI'd search the whole night through"\n\nAnd the boll weevil called the farmer, 'n' he said\n"Ya better sell your old machines\n'Cause when I'm through with your cotton\nHeh, you can't even buy gasoline\n"Stake me a home, gotta have a home\n\nAnd the boll weevil said to the farmer, said " Farmer\nI'd like to wish you well"\nFarmer said to the boll weevil\n"Yeah, an' I wish that you were in ****" home\nLookin' for a home\n(Ahh, you have a home all right, you have a home\n(A real hot home, ahhh)
907427
1 : The salesman stopped at a farmhouse one evening to ask for room and board for the night. The farmer told him there was no vacant room. "I could let you sleep with my daughter," the farmer said, "if you promise not to bother her." The salesman agreed. After a hearty supper, he was led to the room. He undressed in the dark, slipped into bed, and felt the farmer's daughter at his side. The next morning he asked for his bill. "It'll be just two dollars, since you had to share the bed," the farmer said. "Your daughter was very cold," the salesman said. "Yes, I know," said the farmer. "We're going to bury her today."\n\n2 : This man pulls up in his Merc beside a little boy.\nHe opens the door, holds out a brown paper bag of sweets and says, "Hey kid, if I give you a sweetie, will you come in my car."\nTo which the kid replies, "Gimme the bag and I'll come in your mouth!" \n\n3 : In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.\nLittle Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!\nDoctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.
195762
where the other person said
522641
You left out something.\n\n  What happened before you grabbed the milk?
1117642
He left a message on my answering machine; he'll be back tomorrow sometime after lunch; he has to stop by Walmart to pick up a few things first..\n\nSeriously...to a question like this, what sort of "logical" answers were you expecting?
349477
Q: why did billy fall off the bicycle?\nA: because billy was a loaf of bread.\n\nknock knock\nwhos there?\ninterrupting cow.\ninterrupti -moo- \n LOLS
677269
Lost it in the bin I do hey what the-?
1161533
UGH\nUGH\nDang that's kinda gross....\nBless your heart you've had a bad day!\nI would  have laughed in a fake voice and said please your an old man!\nOr\nWonder What Dad Would Think Of That???\nSay something so they don't think you liked it. \nTell your dad his friends have lost it.....lol\nI really don't know what I would have said. I would have been to shocked to have said anything...
316066
tell her you lost it, and you're really really really sorry and you've looked everywhere and you really can't find it (a few tears at this point help).  it always worked for me!