Very bad MIL & SIL situation! They are IMPOSSIBLE to get along with!!!! HELP!!!!!!!?
452263
I appreciate you for taking care of the step daughter.  Do not worry about your mother-in-law or sister-in-law.  People always talk and wait for opportunities to find faults. Play your role as a mother to all your three kids and be happy.  You be a good mom as you have always been.  Remember your stepdaughter knows of no other mom other than you and to her you mean everything. I am sure your husband will understand this and try to make his mother understand. Good luck.
908144
Catch her putting in a camera on one of your own.  Then , send the tape to all your husband's relatives.  Once people know that others know, they usually drop their invasion of you and your life.  It's like the dirty little secret is out.\n\nNow, there is another problem here -- you are really upset and feel invaded by this.  Since your husband is so unresponsive, can you see a counselor?  You need to work out your feelings, since in the end she is still your mother-in-law and the grandmother to your child -- and will be forever, no matter if a divorce occurs, etc.  \n\nNaturally, your mother-in-law is sick and needs help.  I'm hoping other family members will realize the extent to which she is sick and will intervene.  I'm also hoping others will help your husband see reality.  As often happens, there are plenty of folks who put up with bad behavior, to the point of denying its existence, because the love and feel loyalty to that person.  It's called cooperating with the illness.  You need to walk a simple line ... without being critical and judgemental, state repeatedly that she is sick and needs help, that this is not the behavior of a rational adult, that there is free counseling through the church, etc.  What you are trying to do by this is get people to agree with you, so it's not a case of choose a side.  Instead, you are asking them to choose to help her.\n\nGood luck -- I feel for you and wish I had better advice for how to handle this.
1184149
Do you live together?  If not, there's still hope... when ever she says something hurtful or rude, just change the subject and act as if she said nothing, don't humor her and keep it up... and she probably doesn't take you seriously.  When you have brought it up, do you sugar coat your conversation?  Just be firm and say you don't appreciate the comments she makes and you would like for them to stop,... let her know that it could cause some tension between your family and her and you are trying to avoid that situation.  She is probably disregarding your feelings because she feels you're over-reacting and is unaware of how badly she is making you feel.  I was in a VERY similar situation before, and there is no easy way around it.
1124288
i can tell you one thing, i have been in your shoes. when my husband and i first got together his mom and his sister hated me. and that was ok because the feeling was mutual. he basicaly looked at his mom and told her "hey this is the girl i want to be with, forever, and if you don't like it that to f** bad. " His mom wasn't very happy with this. he moved out of the house and moved in with me. She only saw him on holidays because he didn't want anything to do with her if she wasn't going to accept me. And yes i know it has to do with "taking away her baby boy" blah blah blah. His mom didn't like me until 2 yrs later when i gave birth to her granddaughter. Mind you, we were already married. So my advice to you is be kind, be nice and take it with a grain of salt. If he loves you then he will be the one to step up and say somethig to his family. He'll be a man about the situation and explain to everyone that you are the one for him and they need to accept you and respect you and the relationship that he has with you. Good Luck!
335798
well hon I'd say mom is just a bit leery of her little boy dating someone. Most moms are not gonna be overly excited about the prospects of their baby dating seriously.  Try a couple of different things, find out what she is really interested in and try to conversate with her about these things, show an interest in her and not just her son and maybe she will take to you on that point. And finally dress conservatively, if she gets the wrong impression of you by the way you dress then she's not likely to accept you at all.  You could also try talking to her about it, see what her comfort levels are, my MIL is really quiet by nature so it's not me necessarily it's just she isn't comfy talking period.
589220
You first have to get this child under control quick!  She is going to be a teen from hell very soon if you do not nip it right now!!  First of all, I would gather up her stuff in her bedroom and put away so she cannot retrieve it anytime or anywhere.  If your husband argues, make sure it is not in front of your daughter.  Then she knows the "Dad" will be the one she can run to for your discipling.  \nTalk to your husband.  Discuss how you feel that your daughter is completely out of control and you both must work on this together.  Auntie is to stay out of the picture.  She can go and find some other child to spoil, not yours!  No more trips unless she has your approval first.  No stay overs with friends and the Aunt.  Take away that make-up!!  She in only 10 years old!!  There are plenty of years for her to wear it.  Let her be a kid.  Or make her realize she is just a kid!  \nAs far as the cussing is concerned, I wouldn't get upset with her at all.  Remain calm at all times (even though you want to rip your hair out).  Go over to her once (only once) and tell her that this is the last time you will allow foul language from her.  And you mean the last.  Walk away calmly.  She does it again, put her into a room without a television or anything she can do.  The bathroom maybe...She cusses again, hot sauce works wonders.  My son cussed and boy it may sound cruel, but I just told him that I was going to have those words burned out of his mouth.  Never again (that I have heard).  He is 20 now and still doesn't cuss.  \nAutie Rose needs boundries.  Have your husband speak with her.  If you feel comfortable, then you speak with her (with your husbands knowledge of course).  Tell Auntie Rose that Becky is to receive no more money, trips, make-up, clothes, or even a stick of gum without prior approval.  \nThis may sound harsh, but you as a Mom will be the one people look at when she starts acting up in public with you or even when she is in school.  For some reason, it is the Mom's responsibility.  If you do not want a terror, begin this very day.  NEVER-EVER back down.  You are the adult and she is the child.\nOnce she shows she can behave.  Give her one priveledge and one only.  Make that priveledge age appropriate too.  Keep reminding yourself she is only 10 and nothing more.  You do not want a "brat gone wild".  This is for her own good, not just yours.  Remind yourself that also.  \nIf she continues, she will get into more trouble as she grows.  She's spoiled rotten.  When she gets older allow her to have her television back.  The next year, her DVD player, etc.  Have the computer in a family spot so you can monitor where she is going online.  There are perverts out there waiting to prey on a child like your daughter.\nI could go on and on and on.  \nJust make sure she see both you and your husband backing each other up at all times.  If you two have a problem, discuss that is private when Becky isn't around.  Auntie Ruth will just have to bide her time.  She may learn a lesson too.  She is not the parent.  Yes, she is the Aunt, but spoiling a child rotten is not a real way of getting affection.  She of course can come around holidays, birthdays, etc. basically she is going to have to butt out and get her own life.  \nNext stop, a conselor.  You daughter is in desparate need of one now.  \nExcuse my spelling errors, but I can relate to your completely.  Your daughter just has been allowed to do things more advanced kids do.  Inappropriate in my opinion only.\nGood Luck With The Hellion!\nlovetofly
1046118
I think that is the saddest thing I ever heard.  She is cinderella it sounds like, only with wicked in-laws instead of step mother and sisters.\n\nMy mother in law doesn't like me - and I shudder at the thought of living with her.  She has tried to interfere with what I do with my child too - but I can't give in to her on the issue of the kids.  As mother's we know what is best for our children and no one should interfere.  Unfortunately when you live under the roof of another - they feel they have a right to tell you what to do.\n\nIs it possible that they can move in with her family or find some low cost housing?  Maybe the meanness of the in-laws is the universes way to trying to get them to stand on their own - which is what we all must do when we become parents.\n\nPeace!
318609
I'm planning a wedding and dealing with a mother-in-law... \n(and we're in a similar situation)\nIf you want more people to come offer to pay for them!  I konw traditionally it's the bride's family that pays for the reception and all that... but if you would really like to have a few more of your family members there then I'd say offer to pay and talk to them about it.  It's a lot to ask for an extra 25-30 people.  That can be thousands.  \n\nAlso, Your son is a man.  Let him handle it.  But if you decide to get involved don't do any passive-agressive stuff cause that can get between him and his fiancee.  I'm sure if he had a problem with it he'd speak up.\n\nMy future MIL is always blaming me when anything dealing with her son is to her disliking.  They are adults making decisions and plans together.  Speak with them about it and make sure that you view them as doing this together.\n\nAnd this is just my 'blah blah blahing' but please try to make sure that you're not expecting too much from your son's wedding.  It is his wedding and his fiancee's  wedding.
123875
You and your husband need to talk about the situation, and your mother in law (and/or father in law as well) should be brought into the conversation later, since they are taking part in the wife bashing. If your husband doesn't stop allowing the wife bashing then you need to consider some therapy - he needs to get that you are his wife and his mom should not be beating up on you, and if she does he needs to put a stop to it.  She's entitled to her opinion, but she doesn't need to voice it.
824850
oooh what a nasty old sow....she's jealous of you coz your young and beautiful ans she's an old clapped out boiler...i know what i woud say to her if i was in your situation..but i could'nt type it in here...ignore the old boot....she has no right slagging your mother off, she does not even know her...she sounds bitter an twisted to me...kick her in the fanny and tell her to shut her gob...
916281
My mother-in-law told my husband and I she was not doing Thanksgiving or Christmas this year because of money, because her diabetes is getting worse and because she is tired of her son eating and running.  She does not take into account that her son works at night and has to sleep during the day.  She fixes the meal according to her schedule only.  Since she told us she wasn't cooking, we made our own pans to invite my brother over, as he has no other family in the area except us.  My husband told his mother when she asked later if we ever made other plans.  He told her and she got ill.  She went off on him because her, her husband, and her mother  weren't invited over.  He tried to explain that the seating just isn't there and she said we'd have to make our own plans.  Now she is doing nothing but laying guilt trips on him and it's working...to a point.  She will never change.  Part of it is because she is selfish and needy, though perfectly capable.  She is also jealous because he doesn't spend as much time kissing her butt.   \n\nYou are not alone.  It will either blow over or it won't.  You and your husband need to come up with a plan for the holidays.  The one you have sounds like a good one.  Either alternate holidays each year at her house and your mother's, or do Thanksgiving at your mom's/Christmas at his mom's this year.  Next year swap out.
1090425
You and your husband will have to make a real effort on this one, and be the bigger people so to speak.  I don't think it's normal for a mother to act like that towards her son and his fiancee, now his wife.  Something is definitely wrong with her mentally.  Just remember that you can choose your friends, but not your family.  I think you and your hubby will have to speak with his mother about the wedding thing, just to get past it and clear the air.  She needs to know how it made you feel to be let down on your Big Day.  You can choose to forgive her or forget it, but you have to be able to move past what's happened in the past.  I don't really have any big words of wisdom other than to take the high road and don't play into her games.  Sometimes you gotta call a Spade a Spade!  No matter how bad she treats you, turn your cheek and be extremely nice back to her.... it gets them every time!
934134
My best advice to you, sincerely, it to go speak with someone professional.  And drag your husband with too.  How does she treat your children?  If she is bad to them in any way, then put your foot down.  It is one thing for us to deal with someone whom is possible mentally ill, but don't make your kids deal with it!
1035983
Sorry you are dealing with 2 psychos that don't know their place.  I'd ignore them as much as possible, but I would put my foot down if they tried to run your life. Your hubby is going to deal with them as he chooses b/c they are his family, but I think they need to see that you are not to be messed with.  When you say no, don't waver.  They can leave if they don't like it.  Let them try to manipulate all they want. It's up to you to not allow them to mess with your life.  Your husband will see them for who they are. And he may step up and tell them to back off in private so they save face. But either way, you can't control him or them....just put your foot down.  Good luck. My mother in law is a manipulative witch.  My husband just  wants to move far away from her and gets tired of her behavior, but feels he can't change his mom.  I think he's right.
812101
Sounds like shes got some deep seeded issues, marrying a man that is 4 years older then her son.  The kind of mom that secretly hopes her son will walk in while shes dressing or something... eww.  Sorry you have to deal with that, but it sounds like at least you have someone with whom to share this unfortunate experience with, namely your new sister in-law.  I'm sure the two of you will be able to help each other.  \n\nMommy dearest needs to realize that you didnt "take him away", he probably RAN... and the only person to blame is the one that stares at her from the other side of the mirror.\n\nGood luck geting that through her head though... as sad as it is, help is for those that want it, NOT those that need it.
774864
try to get along with her. i know it is difficult but your mom is always going to be your mom. unless your health and safety is in compromise work things out
623414
Have same prob w/ my sis. Let them know you are here to talk and not lecture. When you try to give them advice, to them it is lecturing and you are not being supportive. We don't get it, but it is how they feel. Listen to them and make only one or two coments. Treat them like they don't have it. It is sooo hard.