I love my wife but we have lost the intimacy. How to re-light the fire?
90436
Women in their 40's often to experience a drop off in their sexual drives. They are often concerned about getting pregnant at a time when they are moving on past the childbearing years and concerned that if they get pregnant there will be a high risk of genetic defects. They are also experiencing a decline in physical energy compared to their younger years. Considering these factors, the lack of interest is probably not related to the relationship so much as her own body's aging. However, intimacy is much more than what happens in the marriage bed. It is what happens through the day. Improve that, and you will inevitably improve both emotional and physical closeness.\n\nYou need to consider your wife's personality. If you are not sure, research love languages. There is a book by that title if you cannot find any onformation on the net. Basically, some people feel best loved when given things. Others feel loved best through words spoken. The third type feel most loved by spending time with them. The last type feels loved through gifts of service.\n\nFor my type of personality and age (I am 42), a racy sex toy would not be a turn on. I would feel like the gift was a shout saying let's skip real intimacy and get to the sex part. Intimacy to me is based on an emotional relationship as first place. My love language is time. One on one time doing activities that are out of the ordinary to everyday life would draw me closer. A hand in hand walk through the neighborhood, a surprise candle-lit dinner, being beside me in the work of the day around the house, etc.\n\nIf you speak the language your wife needs, I am sure intimacy will increase. As conversation allows a natural discussion of it, communicate what language you like best. It will make her feel good to be filling your emotional love needs too.
459590
My dear.. The first thing to do is talk to him about how you feel when you are both relaxed and the problem is behind. Don't confront him immediately after what happened. You have to also assess how much you love him and how much he loves you. If you think the love is still there, then give it a chance and talk about what you like and what he likes and come to a compromize. However, if you feel that the love part is missing, then don't waste both of your times and put an end, it will only increase your agony. Unless, there are kids involved, this means a whole new strategy that you should consider them. If no kids, and no love, then separation is the best.
282431
How cool that a GUY is asking a question like this.  Hats off to you, bro.  You sound like a real romantic.  This being the case, why not break the mold?  Don't just go to WalMart, and pick something up for her - CREATE an afternoon for her!  I did this for my wife on our first anniversary.\nCreate a custom day-spa for her, made up of all kinds of things that she likes to do, print it up, and give it to her.  An example would be:\n\n9:00am - Tennis at the courts where we met\n10:00am - Go for a walk & talk about our dreams\n11:00am - Spend some time playing with her little sister\n12:00pm - Customize picnic in the park, featuring her favorite sandwich\n1:00pm - Non-sexual backrub on the beach (women really dig "non-sexual" affection - it makes them feel loved and comfortable, as opposed to a tool that you are using to meet a need)\n\nYou get the idea.  Finish it all off by cooking her a special dinner.  Even if it doesn't taste that great, she'll love the fact that you thought enough of her to get a cookbook from the library, and arrange a candlelight dinner!  The key to the whole day is to focus your concerns on her needs.  Stay away from expecting anything in return from her.  Make this day about making her feel like a princess.\n\n*Also, as a side note, something that I did with my wife because I could tell early on that she was the one...secretly start a journal.  Write down loving thoughts that you have about her (and DATE every entry).  Write down notes about things that you do together & dates that you have.  Continuously write down why you love her, and why you are so excited to be with her.\nThen, on your wedding night, GIVE IT TO HER AS YOUR WEDDING GIFT!  I was SO glad that I had done it.  My journal was packed with stuff that I had long forgotten about, and she absolutely melted!
744895
she sounds bored.  try something new.  remember what it was like when you first met?  those feelings are still there, you just have to find them....be THAT GUY again for her...flowers on the pillow, candles, some alcohol, a motel room, you remember those days??  i have been married for 10 years and it is just as spicy now as it was then...just be THAT GUY again for her.
357880
You need to fall in love all over again.  Try planning a weekend at a hotel together.  Pamper a woman and make them feel that she is all you want.  Women love to have attention and if she gets that from you, she will return the same affection.
1023064
You need to talk to him. The best way to do this is to go out to a quiet restaurant for dinner together one evening. Stay positive but get your point across to him about how you feel. You also need to ask him what has happened, at least in his opinion. Also, talk about the good times the two of you have had together. STAY POSITIVE! This will help both of you. This could be the start the two of you need to open up the talking again. The more the two of you can talk and stay positive, the better the chance you have of saving your marriage! I can tell that you still love and care for him, I wish you luck!
926906
Oh dear, maybe you are putting too much emphasis on your marriage. It seems that the new car smell has worn off. It sounds like you still love your husband, but you feel as though something is missing. It is, your life. Whatare you doing with yourself to decompress? Your mate and your child shouldn't be the only focus in life. Get a hobby. I mean that in the most genuine and caring way. Find a healthy form of exercising those mental muscles that will also boost your self esteem. And for goodness sake, do not get involved with another man, any kind of way. You have to realize that you are going thru a new chapter in your life, it is growing pains that you are having, just like when you were an adolescent. Keep the activity simple but very rewarding.Your blues will pass, but keep your personal activity.
1115836
well you can try to mix it up alittle. try role playing or throwing some toys into the mix that usually makes it interesting. if you are seeing her lose intrest as well you could change your outlook on see how many times you could get her off or even tease her till she gets crazy. diffrent things you can do go to some websites and look up fun weekends or games to play will add alittle spark here and there to peak your intrest and im sure your wife will greatly appreciate it as well.
24542
I'm going through a similar situation. I left. Don't do that. You both need to decide if it's worth trying to get the closeness back. Be open about the things that you enjoy doing together and things you don't. Try and figure out how you two grew apart. And do it together. No matter how hard it is. If it's worth it, take the time to make it work. It wont happen on it's own.
498510
When my wife is with me.  It's just not quite the same without her.
434857
hmmmm...tough life!\ni understand its never easy to go in for change at this stage in life when one especially feels like sitting back and looking at the life one has lived and smiling about it.\ni guess one shot at trying to salvage a 20 yr old marriage would be justified, so none of you two can blame oneself or the other one for not having done anything to preserve the marriage. and maybe it went this far just because u both have been waiting for the other one to speak up or adjust to you....and the distance kept on increasing gradually till it reached where it is today.\nit is never too late to start afresh, and neither to restart the same old life either.\nstart with talking to each other about the problems u both had(no fighting though)\ntry marriage counselling once(for yr kids if not yrself)\nand meanwhile try to make yr life lil more interesting, start working part time or something.\nand if nothing works...then u think about the rest\nface reality...u hav worked on yr life for 20 yrs and u hav 2 kids...u just cant let it go purely because someone thinks she can take yr place, but like i said earlier...no screaming and creating a mess, try and keep yr exteriors calm(very difficult, but thats the only way regretfully, even if u feel like shooting people)
1045854
If you are married and feeling lonely, \nthere is a huge chance your wife is feeling the same way too.\nIs it ok for her to resolve the lonliness by cheating on you?\n\nHow much effort will you have to put into an affair?  How much danger is there it will backfire?\n\nWouldn't it be easier to "renew" your relationship with your wife?  I mean actually DATE your wife. \nIf you devote the same amount of time to your wife, minute for minute, hour for hour, that you would in seeking, establishing and carrying out and affair, you could easily renew and improve your marriage.\n\nYou can not do that while having PRIDE.\nGet rid of pride, woo your wife, flirt, date, and compliment her again, and\nI don't doubt she will melt in your arms\nand give you what you need in attention,\nreturned flirting, appreciation, and intimacy.\n\nYou will never fix your marriage by poking into the wrong places.\nYou need to turn into your marriage, and renew, and establish what you want.\nLOVE is not dead, it is just been neglected\nby one or both of you.  \nPay more attention to the girl you promised to take care of and love for better or worse.\n\nThen when you are old and fat and ugly, she will take care and stay loyal to you.\n\nI wish you love\nstw
203327
i fell in love with my wife as soon as i saw her. we were married in less than 12 months and are still together 17 years later. but do we love each other ? yes we do but i dont think it is the same sort of love we used to have as we are no longer infatuated with each other i think it is more of a friendship love. you dont need sexual love to make a go of things but a little romance now and again keeps the flame burning.
128142
You have answered your own question.  All the things you mentioned - you will need to bring back.  Opening the communication is the 1st step to recovery.\n\nOr you could sigh up for Wife Swap.
96701
Good News.... She is NOT gone.  She is always by your side.  She loved you for 17 years also, and she would want you to be happy.  Did you ever want to take up a hobby that your wife thought was ubsurd?  Do it now if so.  There are a million support groups for grieving spouses.  Being around people thgat feel the same way you do is very healing.  Always remember this... she will be waiting for you on the other side.
802744
Sometimes we get so caught up in our daily routine we forget how we got there in the first place.  There are ways to rekindle the passion: go out on a date (just the two of you) once in a while, make a "just us" evening once a week like sitting and listening to music together.\nMy partner and I usually designate Friday evenings for "us" time, we sit and watch a movie together (no matter how silly the movie is).
478987
I suggest sitting down and talking to her about it candidly. Try new things, buy her a new "toy", something sexy to wear to bed, a little porn (it works, for either arousal or a giggle sometimes, I swear) a makeover day...Chances are she's not sure how to change the same issue you're not sure of either. You both probably need a change, try something you never thought you would, and I bet the spice comes right back!..GL;)