How do you handle your husband when he come home drunk and abusive?
97141
First question are you being phsyicaly abused? if so you should like you need to ask yourself is do you want to stay in this. If you do you only asking for what is being handed too you. If you want to get out of it what you should do is seek a lawyer. if you can't afford it then seek Legal aid they can help you for a small fee or no cost. Some states sence he if he is phsycaly abusive you might be able to seek a court order for him to be exparte from the resendence and also request that Tempory Spoucal support be paid till the divorce is over. You can also in some states seek what is called a bed and board divorce. This means you get the marrial resendence. I would HIGHLY reocmmend if he is physicaly abusive to you contact a lawyer ASAP! If this is a problem you can file it down at the court house. And seek consoling as no women or man should ever have to put up with phsycal abuse.
246787
Verbal abuse is still abuse.  You need to get help and get out of the situation.  Find a support group or halfway house for abused women.  United Way can proabaly help:  http://national.unitedway.org/myuw/\n\nYou are not alone...this happens more often than you think.  You don't have to accept his abuse.  You will be okay, but you need to get out of that situation and take care of yourself.  You deserve better and you CAN have it.
718214
He needs to be placed in a bag and beaten. I don't know unless counseling would help. He obviously doesn't see all that she does to keep home and business floating. Maybe if he has his own job besides this business they bought it is to much for him maybe he isn't doing well in his job and it makes him feel worse cause she is doing such a great job. I'm afraid the verbal abuse will become physical if he is pushed to much.
472843
You may need to call the police if he is threatening enough. And from what it sounds, it's getting worse and there needs to be something done, but I don't fully know the situation and don't want to be judgmental of which I don't know the whole story. However, I have seen the same stuff happen with great guys. If you don't want to go to the police, talk to someone who is very close to you, i.e. your mom, sister, brother, best friend, dad. You don't want someone who will overreact and actually try to handle it themselves though. He probably will have to get counseling and you will need it too. Although you don't have the problem, his problem affects you. And if your children have witnessed any abuse, whether it be verbal or physical, they may need counseling. Tell the person(s) you choose the whole story and let them give you advice on what you should do. And WHATEVER you do, Don't let pride get in the way of you talking to someone about it. Alot of times that is people's problem, they don't want everyone knowing they made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, and you just have to try to fix them or move on. Or you may need to divorce him, but I hope not b/c divorces are rough on the whole family. They know you and your husband alot better than I do, therefore will be able to tell you better what you need to do. I hope this helps and I hope you and your husband get this settled.
1000512
Give him the option to get help for his addiction and return home, or file for divorce.  He will continue to treat you like crap if you let him.  good luck!
1122141
Tell him where to go. I mean it.\n\nRead the fantastic book on the subject:\nThe Verbally Abusive Relationship\n\nYou are being verbally abused. It is all about power, his power over you, making you feel less than him.\n\nGo to http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1558505822/002-4628612-4610440?v=glance&n=283155\n Read the reviews for it.\nThen read it. It will explain what he is doing and why and what to do about it.\n\nYou don't have to let him sap the joy out of your life if you know what is going on and how to handle it.
999844
You've passed the enough stage.  Don't fight with a drunk...it's usless.  You need to pack your bags and leave.  It's the only way.  Most Alcoholics don't stop drinking until they reach rock bottom...l'd get him there quick if you want to save his life.
1177859
He is probably going through a bad patch of some kind. Have you spoken to him about it (I don't mean confronted). Often just a little gentle reminder of the dangers of drink will be enough to calm him down again. If it doesn't you have to make a choice.\nBeing with a drunk is never a good thing and often leads to violence. Even if it happens once get out of there and don't look back.
716051
Be strong and get out right away--but make sure you can do it safely and that he can't follow you.  Best to lose yourself in another place and, if he's really crazy, change your name as well.  Install security wherever you go and always, always leave at the first sign of abuse.  It is NOT you and you DO deserve better; keep telling yourself both of those things rather than "it will get better" or "I really love him" or "he's trying"--those are all self-deluding signs that land women in hospitals & morgues.  It will tkae time to get adjusted; you may need to get a guard dog/gun license (and practice on a range so you get really good!).  Just remember, any man who derives his power and sense of self-worth through abuse (esp. of people he supposedly loves) is sick and will hurt you and others again.  At least you've recognized the abuse and considered leaving before it's too late; some women can't bring themselves to leave.  Their lives are short, miserable ones filled with terror, even if to the "outside world" they seem fine.  Don't become a statistic!  There is always a way; there are free legal advice/churches/clinics that are willing to help.  It won't be easy, but it is best in the long run.  For one thing, it ensures there will BE a "long run"!
980776
My sister, \n\nLet me first say I am so sorry that you are going through this.  It takes courage to post a question like this and risk hearing answers you may not want to hear.\n\nYou need to get away from him.  I know this because I was in an abusive situation but I was married.  \n\nPlease open your heart to hear this the  best way you can.  You are a beautiful queen with a spirit who deserves the best in life. \nPhysical abuse and emotional abuse is wrong. Regardless of the reasons that he gives you for his actions.\n\nHe has real issues with anger and abuse because he was probably abused himself.  It still does not give him a right to abuse you.\n\nMy concern is with you.  Your heart knows that something is wrong.  I had to ask myself after I left my relationship.  What was it in me that allowed myself to stay even after I recognized something was wrong?  I ask you the same question.  No matter what has happened in your personal past that makes you feel bad about yourself, you can recover and build your self esteem to heal the wound.\n\nI say that because I have been there.  I will pray for you.  Get out and now and allow yourself to heal before entering another relationship.  You don't need to be with anyone.  Love yourself first.  Learn how to do that.  You deserve it.  Once you start to  love yourself you will be able to see exactly why leaving this relationship is a blessing.  \n\nFeel free to email me.  Call your local family violence shelter. I would also say to call a church.  Unfortunately there are a lot of Churches that don't have experience in domestic abuse.  So if you call there and it seems like no one understands you, that's one reason why.\n\nI know you can do this.  He has messed with your mind for 4 years and he knows how to get to you.  My heart hurts with you.\nTake Care of you.  Know that you are not alone.
762472
personally I like to GENTLY slap my guy upside the back of his head.\n=)\nRemember though...no matter what you decide to do...he may need to figure it out in his OWN time...and only you can decide if thats okay with you.\n\nFor instance...when I let my hubby know he's doing something really wrong and he REALLY needs to stop....sometimes it can take a week before he addresses the problem...and decides to fix it.  I've learned not to get in his face because he's a really smart guy and when he's ready...he always comes around. Everyone takes a different amout of time to admit they are wrong...and to correct their behavior.\n\nBest of luck hun!! :)
122539
It sounds like a bad situation that your in.  I'm assuming that your husband isn't willing to get help with his drinking or seek couples conseling?  If he won't do thoe things then you may have to make a choice about what is best for you and your son before this situation explodes in to something really bad.  His not putting your name on things doesn't do anything to actually protect him from losing those things so don't worry about that.  The big concern is that this relationship is turning abusive.  Trust me, calling you a failure all the time is abuse and I suspect there is a lot more than that going on.  The abuse needs to end your you and your son need to leave.  I know this probably won't be easy but you both deserve a better life than that.  If you need help there are several comunity programs out there to help abused women and their families.
559302
My husband leaves me at home 7 days a week. He is a work alcoholic. He says he is not, but I disagree totally. The only time he will take a day off is when I finally blow up. But you can tell he wants to be at work. He LIVES for work only. He works nights which means he sleeps most the day and evening, gets up, eats and leaves for work again. It's not necessary for him to work all these hours, he chooses too. It's destroying our marriage. I tried to tell him, but he just doesn't see it. I too was brought to another city, no car, no job, no friends. And now, not even him. I give up. He just doesn't see that spending quality time together is important. I've talked until I can't talk anymore. Right now, I don't even care if I see him anymore. He has made me bitter. So, I would say, spend some quality time with the love of your life.
711521
He may not be abusing you physically but he is mentally.\n\nYou say you are about to be a mom for the first time what happens if you have a daughter? Are you gonna let her grow up thinking that men are always right and you should always listen to them no matter what. Even if they are wrong and what they are saying hurts you?????????\n\nOr vise versa if you have a son. Do you want him to grow up thinking that it is okay to treat women this way???\n\nBecause if things continue as they are now you would be teaching either sex that you have the wrong information. Children learn from there parents and they will see how your husband treats you and it will get in beded in there heads. Your daughter will take on the roll that you have when she grows up and marries. And your son will take on your husband roll and assume that this is how to be a man.\n\nHe may not be hitting you now but he may later on in your marriage. Do you want your child to see or hear this?\n\nMy advice to you is turn to friends and family and get out now before it gets any worse.\n\nAnd once out suggest counseling for his problem. Tell him that you love him and want to be with him but you can't live with his controling manner any longer and the only way you are coming back home is if he gets help with it. Because you don't want your child growing up seeing this behavior.\n\nIf you won't leave then tell him that you want him to go to counseling for his problem and make sure that you make it clear that is the only way you are staying in that marriage.\n\nYou have a child to think about now. You need to think about that child and what you are willing to expose them to as far as his behavior.\n\nI hope that you can get the help that you need. And I hope that your marriage works out if that is what you want.\n\nCongrad's on the new baby. That child will bring so much to your life. And you will find out just how deeply you can love. And then you may realize that putting up with your husbands behavior is wrong and that you and that child deserve better.
718007
im sure that your first thought would be to do something grand and over the top, but i would suggest that you do something simple. a little quiet time with just you two will be a good start. if you want to have a welcome home party for him, i would suggest that you have it the week after he gets home, to allow him time to adjust. and as for you... be prepared for some changes, and dont expect things just to fall back into the place where you were when he left. accept the fact that your husband is a changed man. because he is. just be patient with him, and take things slow. caution your friends and loved one not to make him talk about his experiences. he will tell you when he is ready. and above all, just make sure that you are there for him. out of everything that you want to plan for him, do for him, and do to him, im sure that all he really wants is a hug from the woman he loves.
604398
This will sound harsh but if you insist on enabling him and thereby losing control of your own life and thoughts ... I'd suggest buying him more booze and hope the end comes soon. On a more serious note, you could seek counseling for both you and him and for god's sake, get him to join AA.
503824
I agree with your conditions and had the same in my marriage it lasted 28yrs. He cheated 3yrs in and I forgave him by the time we had been together 15yrs he was an alcoholic and I sttod by him and tried desperately to get him to go for help. Then 7 months ago he came in pissed and hit me.....end of the 28yr marriage!!!!! Haven't seen him since. Stick to your conditions.