Need advice on dating a widow with children?
95091
"Too soon" varies from person to person, but if this guy feels ready, then it is not too soon for him.  For now, just act as a friend in front of the children (it would help to know how old they are) if you think that they will cause problems if they know it is more. But eventually they will have to accept the fact that their father's life goes on, and he has a right to be happy again.
838485
this is a tough situation...I'm in one similar.  I would tell him how you feel...DON'T give him an ultimatum on choosing his kids or you because chances are you will loose.  Maybe you guys can work something out where half the time you spend with his kids and the other half is just you two.  You have to let him know how you feel though otherwise you'll go crazy and be bitter about him not spending any alone time w/you.
15757
Your chances are good, I am a single male and date women with children, I have a step daughter from a previous marriage and she is the joy of my life. Exceptions, if the children are really mis behaving and have no manners and if they live like little piglets I won't ask the woman out again knowing she is probably not able to control them and is looking for someone who can.
1048271
Firstly must say you seem like a very special man. Secondary I shall say that it is time that you concentrate on yourself a bit more (to be able to move forward)\n\nBe respectful, always reliable, helpful, be understanding, be her shoulder to cry on (life is funny.. but wheel turns). But at the same time give her space at this time as you don’t want to loose her.\n\nI had a friend who his wife left him for another man. They have two kids together. He was always there for her (but had other girlfriend but did not commit 100%: in fact I was one J ). If she was sick, or needed something, or pick their kids up: he was always there, kept nice contact with ex-in laws because of the kids.. She went back to him when she was in trouble. He let her. He let her leave him again for yet another man (even married) He was her friend, warned her about the guy who ended up to be an abuser. She left this guy in the end, she matured, and they now together (but he did not remarry), He is now 48, his wife 8 year younger. He married he as she was only 19.\n\n*******************************\nJust remember:\n*******************************\n\nForming a relationship with your ex is entirely separate from the process of ending a marriage; if you work through the process to achieve your "emotional divorce," you can cultivate something entirely new. Your old relationship is over; take the steps to heal so that you can invest your energy elsewhere.\n\nGood luck.\n\nps meant to say: and you get a new hobby and have fun with other people as soon you will feel better and might make new friends and will not feel lonely. The reason why we LOVe or MISS people is beuase we miss that comunication. Once you communicate with others it will be better for you. And who knows, maybe your ex -wife seeing how popular and outgoing you are might ant to herself be your friend asap.........  show her your new side that she did not see before :-)
567513
I'm in my late 20's and have to consider this question while dating women often and this is what I come up with.  I have no problem dating a single mother as long as a few rules are adhered to. Don't let him meet your child until the relationship is at least a couple months old, because you don't want your child to have to meet a new guy every couple of weeks.  Know what you want out of the man, a relationship, or just a fling or what not. Lastly, and this is a tip and my personal opinion, but most men that would treat your child with respect and love will want another child........my personal pet peave with single mothers is that they don't want any more children.  Any man that would be a proper adult figure for your child will dream of one that comes from him too.  That's not to say that he will treat your child different, but dreams are dreams and any man who want's to be a father, will also want a child that both of you concieved.
740078
If possible try to remain a friend to him and his daughter.  But if you or he has an attraction for the other than leave it alone.  He is old enough to be your grandfather and as such you would have nothing in common socially, emotionally or any other way.  I'm certain that his daughter would not forgive you and your family would be very upset if you started a relationship with him.  Fact is you'd be a young widow and if you did ever have any children of your own he would never be able to do anything with the kid as it grew up and needed it's father to take it to games, theater or whatever.  Pass on this one and try and find someone much closer to your own age.
1019433
In my opinion.  You should not introduce your kids to someone you are dating, unless you know for sure that you are planning a future together....\n\nIf it doesn't work out, and you start dating someone else.  The kids won't be meeting different people....\n\nSee where the relationship is going first.....\n\nGOOD LUCK!
899416
It's going to take a special kind of guy. Most guys want to be number one in your life, and as you know, they will always be number 3 to you. That and they won't like confrontation with your ex. \nEither way, you should try to date without letting the kids meet your next guy for months. It's not healthy for the kids to get any more confused than they already will be. And you don't want them getting attached if it's not serious.
170677
Trouble alert ... trouble alert...\n\nIf he is being controlled by her, you will not be happy. If there are no children in the picture, simply confront your partner - his ex-wife has no say in how he runs his life (again, in absence of children, and even then, only in how it affects the children). Let him know that this is unacceptable and that you want it to stop.\n\nNot bringing up the subject is going to cause trouble. His ex-wife will constantly push until she meets resistance - make sure that the resistance is there at a level that **you and your partner** are comfortable with.\n\nAnother problem - is your partner allowing this to happen? I don't know your situation, but is he entirely over her? Him allowing his ex-wife to control him is odd.
183535
My ex spouse did.  Within the hour his "POOR OLD WIDOW" was talking about the money, the next night she was out to eat and have  a few drinks for her birthday, that first week she bought a motorcycle for a 'friend.'  Before she ever bought the headstone, she bought herself a new truck.  Within three months she was on Yahoo Profiles.  Now she has removed herself (that happened at 6 months) because she found 'the one.'\nSo, let's look at military policy.  If your wife was screwing around while you were getting blown up in Iraq she should NOT get your money!!!!!!!!  Second, she should not get to keep all of your personal possessions from your child from a former marriage!!!  Third, any idiot should check and make sure that ALL children are mentioned at any funeral, not just the ones that the widow chooses to mention.  Finally, if the widow does not comply with these rules she should have to go to Baghdad and take her chances!!!!
411694
My husband and I were married for just short of 4 years and together for a total of 12 when he passed away. Having been widowed for just over a year, I feel that I am at least qualified to offer my opinion on this subject. \n\nI have just started to think about dating here in the last month. It is difficult to say the least and you do have a tendency feel as though you are cheating on your spouse. \n\nThat being said, you have to think about what your husband would have wanted for you...would he really want you to spend the rest of your life pining away for him? And should the shoe have been other foot, what would you have wanted for him? These questions we must ask ourselves. \n\nAll things come in good time and grief and grieving are no exception it can take years to heal or it can take months, alot depends upon the type of death, be it unexpected or terminal illness. \n\nComing from the perspective of terminal illness, I can honestly say that a lot of my grieving was done prior to the actual event taking place. That, however does not mean that I don't miss my husband, I do, daily. But, we had these conversations for over 2 years and I knew what he wanted me to do. He felt I was too young and vibrant to spend the rest of my life alone and made me promise that when I felt ready, I would seek out another relationship. And to me, that spoke volumes regarding the depth of his love for me.
819570
My thoughts he's not committed to you. He sees your children as your responsibility and not his.\nI dated a girl with children before and ended up being able to give her a break by taking her son to ice cream, or the park to launch rockets. It made her heart soar to see that we could have a good time and give her a break from it all.\nIf he's not willing to buy into the idea of loving you through your children, he's not going to be able to committ further.
1021385
It all depends on the person and the relationship between the spouse and the deceased. Some people wouldn't be ready to date again in 5 years, for some it might only take 6 months. The grief process needs to be fulfilled, though.
717524
How the heck can anyone have X children?\n\nIf these are the children of a former spouse and not his biologically, then he sounds like a wonderful and generous man who will be good to you as well- so leave him alone.\n\nIf these are HIS children with a former spouse, then he sounds like a wonderful and generous man who will be good to you as well- so leave him alone.\n\nEither way, this is not an argument you will EVER win.  Even if his kids are taking advantage of him- it's none of your concern - So leave him alone.
1094980
Well darling, while I always love to have a good time I must say my children come first. And I must say that I admire that fact that your children are very important to you too. Since our relationship is just starting out, I think it is best that we don't meet each other's kids. At least not just yet. That way, if it doesn't work out, (or I find you to be particularly creepy...vice versa), it alleviates the need for any explanations or awkward situations for either us or our children.\n\nIn the beginning, I need you to take it slow but not too slow. If you have a question or concern, don't be afraid to ask me, and I will be honest and upfront about my desires. Don't try to give me any illusions about who you are because I know about the man behind the curtain. And try not to be too controlling. I am in no hurry to jump into a strong, possessive and legally binding relationship. If that was what I wanted, I would have stayed with my Ex. I want to have fun, but I also want you to be a gentleman and treat me like a lady. Let's keep it light the first few dates, and if things go well, then we can gradually begin to include the kids. After that we can talk about expectations. For now, mutual respect is good enough for me...
976356
That my  friend could be a veryyyy tricky -situation to step into . # 1.) You two have been friends since highschool ( however long that was). And if the "chemistry" just wasn't there between you two then  to share a relationship... what  makes you think that now (& two kids later )  would be anymore of an opportune or better time for yous to get together ?   #2.) Do either  of you really want to take the chance of ruining an obviously good & workable friendship for the sake  of wanting to be more "intimately" involved ??  And perhaps even more importantly ; you are both involved in a relationship already . Whether either  of you are un-happy in ur current relationship or not... still i would suggest that you both first try addressing your matters at home & within ur present relationships before even considering getting together . No need for either of yous to bring "bad" luggage with you over into the next relationship.  \nAnd , even more important for yourself my friend; if you are really not  ready to "fill in the Shoes" of the actual father of that woman's children.... then do stop fooling yourself into thinking that you two will ever really be happy with each other as well. \nBut, in any event  I do  wish all parties involved the very best .
369914
It's so hard when a child is involved,you are always going to be second best to her baby(it's the same with single dads,I know from experience),but if you truly love this lady and you want to make it work,then tell her how you feel,share your thoughts on children and suggest that you and her son should spend some lads time together,this way you score brownie points and give him a little male input as well.Don't ever change who you are for someone else and if she insists that her son is the ONLY  man in her life,let her go.\nGood luck