Daugher with 6yr old twins needs help getting out of a bad relationship..?
82289
I am so sorry for her plight. The two of you need to pool your resources & she should live with you or you with her. The twins should be moved to another school so she can be with you & you can help each other, both as support & financially. Depending on her income, she probably qualifies for food stamps & WIC - all she has to do is go to the local department of Social Services in your community or call them on the phone. She should file for custody of the twins & have the courts establish support from the sperm donor (no way would I call him a father) so she can get the money coming in. If it's enforced through the court system, they will pick him up when he doesn't pay & put him in jail. She should also consider a restraining order against him for their safety. She needs to pull herself together & be strong for the children! Best of luck to you - the resources are there, Social Services CAN help you.
1059196
She needs counseling alone to find out what is causing her behavior so she can work on getting better. In the childrens best interest, a marriage counselor would be a good thing to try before you make a descision on divorce. If you have any feelings of love at all left for her you should do whatever you can to make it right before you give up. If all else fails, you should file for a divorce. If she's not willing to change and your just miserable, That can be worse on children than if you were to stay together(this I know from experience). Two miserable parents make miserable children. So, in closing I suggest the whole family get counseling to repair the damage, If that is unsuccessful, you should divorce, but only if you can get Joint custody of your children. I dont know the laws where you are but I know where I am if the father pays child support he is automatically entitled to visitation rights. Visitation is better than nothing at all. It is possible that if she does have some sort of lying problem that you could prove her to be an unfit mother and obtain custody that way if you truly believe the children would be better off and happier with you. You have to do whats best for your children, always put their needs first, they didnt ask to be born into this situation after all. What she did was wrong to trick you into marrying her by getting pregnant. Your whole relationship has been based on deception. Counseling would be the best, but in all honesty It cant fix everything and sometimes people are just better off living seperate lives. I hope this helps you and good luck.
480381
Don't get back in a relationship with someone just for the kids sake.  It never works!  If you don't feel a connection with her, other than the baby, then a relationship probably won't last that long.  Just telling you because I know too many of my friends (including me) that's been there and done that!
151466
WOW! What a situation...The advise given above is very good...You sound like a Christian, ( you chose my answer about "if today was your last day. etc". So, first of all, as you already know, prayers are a neccessary part of the answer. Pray very hard to keep your distance from the wife. That would really complicate matters, and you have a chance here, to show strength, in spite of "obstacles". As some of the others have said, move ASAP! When the arguing starts, either pray, read the Bible, try to talk to them and tell them how they are affecting everyone else, especially their kids. Remove yourself from the situation, call some other friends and go out, etc. or even take their kids somewhere fun. \nThis couple needs some real help, (Why does she stay wtih him, if he's messing around? ) Suggest that they get help, or temporarily split up, as the kids must be seeing some horrible behavior. Why do they fault you for their problems? If you feel like a time bomb, ready to go off, you gotta get outta there!!!\nGod must have allowed you to be in this situation, so you could do some good here....think of it as a "test or trial"... but do the right thing, stay out of their problems, and find somewhere else to live, as soon as you can.  Best of Luck, and God bless you...
635856
You could search job core on the internet, but I had a friend who got in even more trouble when she went. You have to remember that most of these kids are usually in some type of crisis, which is why they ended up there in the first place. With her having emotional issues, that may not be the best option for her. Thats just my opinion, though. Im sure many kids have turned their life around from job core. I think it's more of taking personal responsibility for your past actions that makes some kids thrive there and some get into more trouble. Just take into consideration how easily she is influenced by her peers. If she gives in easily to peer pressure, I would consider another option. Maybe surrounding her in a controlled environment with other emotionally disturbed girls would be of greater benefit. Good luck and I congratulate you on being a concerned parent. Your daughter has that in her favor.
771974
You not only did the right thing for your son, but you did it for yourself also. Dont worry, just be strong. I've been thru the break up make up over and over for 4 years, and have finally left for good about a month ago. I also have a child with this person... but I know I have to just worry about me and my daughter now. The worst thing to do is to give in when you are emotional like this and find yourself back in the same situation... possibly with one more child. So stay strong and take care of you, and stick close to family and friends for support if you are fortunate enough. Good Luck mama
1132290
If you Have tried all there is to save your marriage and it just doesn't work, The best thing you could do is stay apart. The leaving and coming back is hurting your children and confusing them even more. i know you may feel as if you are abandoning them, but children see and feel what their parents are going through. the best saying i have heard is "Children would rather be from a broken home, Than IN a broken Home. Staying in this marriage for the children will only drag you down emotionally. And will hinder any stability and security you have to offer to your children. Give your children the opportunity to have a stable, well balanced father they well be so much grateful to haveat least ONE balanced parent than two confrontational ones. If they know you love them unconditionally, believe me, there is not a thing that can be said to them that they will change their view of you.
896858
Dear Mam, I was in a similar situation. I was in another state on top of it. He controlled everything, even the phone. When I got on he had to control the conversation, so my family quit calling. I was with him for 17 years.Because I was afraid of him. Now that is probably what is wrong with her, FEAR. He has probably threatened her and she feels she has no way out. Plus if you were close to her, dont you think she knows too? I missed my mom  sooo bad. Well she passed away before I got to see her after 2 years. He would never let me go visit any of my family alone so I feel for her. I don't believe that she knew what she was getting into. I didn't. He changed after we married.\nMy advise to you is wait and be patient. Believe me its killing her as much as you. To not see her mom I'm sure is hurting her. New Baby?\n She either keeps her mouth shut or they fight alot. Either way there will be heartbreak. Too bad you couldn't find a way to get her out of there but you see when you have more than what you grew up with, its hard to leave. Your daughters husband is nothing but an insecure bully that feels he has power over her. Makes him feel like a big man when you and I both know he's a very small man. Just has a loud voice and knows how to use his power.\nI too couldn't go anywhere with out my husband, he timed me when I went in the store, questioned me as to why it took so long and who was I talking to. He controlled the finances, He told my kids when and where they could go and who they could see and how long, that included church activities. I finally left after much proding from my church friends, 17 yrs later. I know exactly what is going on. I pray that she will come to her senses before that. I'm sure he is telling her that no one else will give her what he has and no one will love her either. Also He is probably demeaning her to keep her down and that she will have no friends no family or self esteem. So she will feel no one will want her so why leave? That is why I never left. I believed him! Why should'nt I? He was my husband and he would not hurt me. Trust me this man is a monster. He is narcisstic, anti social, among other things. \nTry putting an ad in the paper, classified, saying only what she will know. Maybe something can generate from that. Sounds horrible but it may be the only way. If she can't use her phone that will be very difficult to contact you. He keeps track of the phone records too. Believe me this guy is a scarey person.\nSorry this is so long, but there was alot to say. \nJust remember IF you reach her, let her know how much you love her NO MATTER WHAT.
332464
Honey, it's a tough situation all the way around. You both need to find a way to sit the kids down together and have a full blown disscussion. The kids are going to need reassurances from both of you that you both will still be active in their lives and that what is going on is not their fault. Both of you as parents need to make sure that both kids know that they can count on you and come to you whenever they need to. If it were me,as a mom of 3, I would put aside whatever has caused the seperation and call a meeting with my kids and my husband and do exactly as I said above.
1054247
Talk to her. Communication is what is needed. After 7 years and a DAUGHTER, you cannot walk away. Find out what is bothering her. You have a family together.
614659
I honestly you and you're ex should sit down and talk about it.  I mean, obviously you have a past and if you are both reasonable people you should be able to come to some sort of cconclusion.  You're kids are smart, they will understand at  a later age, but now you have to treat them like kids and let the adults figure out what is best.
849174
Baby girl, you are trying too hard to bring tigether two adulst that should have known better. Unfortunately, until these two people decide on their own what they want to do if you stay on their way you will keep gettung hurt. That is the bad news.\n\nThe good news is that you can develp a tough back and learn to talk to each of them, dont take their crap, you were not there when they started.\n\nTell them to put their show together, and do not be afraid to tell them that you cannot atek it anymore. They are the only parents you will ever have and whom you can talk to in this way and get away with it.\n\nDont carry a burden that is to hard to bear.\n\nWhen you get a chance, tell it to Jesus. I will remember you in my thoughts. \nYou must be strong and courageous, but do not cary their world no matter how pressing ti nay be.\n\ntry to have a happy thanks giving.
195761
Suga, I know you are upset, but bringing your daughter into this is not very nice.  If you two split up or have a huge blow out, then she is going to think that she is the reason why Daddy and Mommy are upset.  Just calm down and sit down with your hubby, telling him calmly how you feel.  Maybe you can get something worked out.  Good Luck, and you're in my prayers
142567
been there, done that.  your asking for a lot of grief.  just the age situation with the children is a burdon, not to mention the difference between your "going to be" and you.  you yourself said your not mature enough to make a decision...let that alone be a guide for you.  first time marrages are tough enough these days, let alone the second time around ones.  i have had experiance with taking on "the others" kids and it is very difficult to relate to them, win them over, have commonalities with them and just simply get close to them.  and if they are close to you in age i'd think there would be little for them to look up to.  kids are hard to win over when your trying to "replace" their mom or pop.  I'd think hard on this one before I jumped into the fire.  good luck.
883001
The first and only thing you need to worry about is getting your life back on track...lose the friend that you think is two faced...and call and write to your daughter as often as possible...My ex husband has my son so I know where you are coming from.  I don't know what your ex. is getting at by saying you would have a "ruined" daughter on your hands but sounds to me like HE is the ruined one and he has failed to provide her with the love and attention that she needs to grow and feel emotionally confident.  Get your self financially stable in your own home and all that jazz...then after a couple of years of calling and writing and visiting as often as you can maybe you and your daughter will begin to rebuild your relationship and find the love that has been forgotten through the divorce...In other words your child needs to know that she is loved!  So you need to SHOW that you love her!
1049986
you really cant let go you have a child together emotionally its always going to be hard she was your first love my advice is try to find things to do with your time you and your daughter together and just remember what goes around comes around
557231
I was kinda in the same situation your half sister is in.I was seeing and moved in with a man everybody was warning me about.The more they said to me about him , the more I tried to make it work.It didn't take long for me to find out they were right and I left him one day while he was at work.I packed everything I could get int my car and left.If this man you are talking about is really a bad person, your half sister will see it. Just back off and let things happen.Nobody wants to hear "I told you so" That might be what's pushing her into the relationship.If things get out of hand with the kids and you KNOW he is hurting them in any way, maybe you should turn him in and let the law handle it.If he can't see his own 2 kids there is definitely something wrong there. Good luck!!