My husband has cheated or as he says "talked" how do I get over the pain and being so jealous ?
90169
Y R U putting up with this, he is trying to pull the wol over ur eyes, if this girl says that he& she slept 2getther she may be tellin the true and he want u to be the naive wife. U need to confront or set up something to see if he'll fall fo r the bait, thats one sure fire way to tell if he's cheating..\n\nU have my email email me and I can tell u how to go about this
867922
It's only natural for a husband , or wife, to be feeling that way; especially since you two will be apart. It's sad to say, but since I live on a military base, you do see ALOT of that going on and maybe that's also why he feels the way he does. Alot of other soldiers may be putting "so-called" thoughts into his head, also. All you can do is be honest, sincere, faithful, and loving. Hopefully he will have enough faith in you to trust you completely. Being too jealous and suspicious can certainly pull people apart, also.
879220
Keep your mouth shut and don't do it again!  You can't ease your guilty conscious by telling him, it will only hurt him and cause him to make a choice he may or may not be able to live with. My husband cheated on me once and then four years later he decided to tell me.  I was devastated but I have never had a jealousy problem and I told him that when we were married (most people are not like me).  I told him right from the beginning that I really didn't care because if he loved me than he would stay with me and if he didn't than I never had him to begin with so I would be better off.  I just felt betrayed that he did it with my friend, when I was pregnant with our son and worst of all--he was only telling me to ease his conscious, after four years.  It didn't change anything except that now I know he did it and it is always on my mind.  If you really love him than realize your mistake and don't do it again and for god's sake don't tell him.
191607
Think BEFORE you react.  When you feel that twinge of jealousy creeping upon you, breathe in deeply and try to clear your mind.  Try to take your thoughts to another place, or another time in your life where you felt happiness and satisfaction like never before, i.e. maybe as a kid at an amusement park.  This is a little trick called thought transference, you take your mind away from the situation at hand and think about something else to remove the thoughts you don't wish to think of from your mind.  Good Luck!!!
559327
Girl....get out while you can.STrong feelings or not he is no good. There are so many better men out there that would not only not do that in the first place but would atleast show you some respect in conversation. Not only that but feel some remorse and not put it all of on you! Dont let this happen......it will kill your spirit. The longer you wait to end it the harder it is. Trust me I am married to a loser like that and it gets no better only worse. DIgging my way out as I type!
90089
I feel for you! \nYour husband should undersatnd that without communication between you and him, things won't get better. He needs to open up and share his feelings. You will have to let him know how you feel about your relationship with him. Tell him how you hurt inside and you need his emotional and mental support.
624402
I have been almost in the same predicument as you, but my husband cheated on me first after 18 years of marriage. We have two children and not only did this effect me, it also had a great impact on the children as well. I did kick him out of the house and after a couple of weeks he realized that he wanted me back and to have life back to normal. Well that does not happen over night. The trust was gone, I was insecure with my self and felt that things could never be the same again. We remained living in the same house, seperate rooms, and trying to mend what happened, then he got into a bad accident as well. The accident was so bad that after leaving the hospital after 6 weeks, I had to nurture and nurse him everyday for the next year. After a complete year of this I cheated on him. I believe that I did this to fullfill the hurt,anxiety,and the insecurity I had about my self. He found out the same way by tapping the phone of reason's of suspition and confronted me. I did tell him the truth about everything. At that time I also said to him "How does it feel to have it happen to you, now we are even". Well set aside Love does hurt, and we all can be cruel either mentally or physically. We react weird to these typs of circumstances. But happy to say it has now been 7 years after this has all happened, and our love never died, it took a great deal of time for the trust factor to regain itself. I'm not saying that the trust will fully every be regained, but as your relationship heals and your thoughts and feeling are open and honest with each other this is a start. Marriage to me now is more important than I ever realized, I want to grow old together. Everyone is differant but place value on your love and family, and take baby steps. If all else fells and things can't be reconciled then be good friends for your children and yourselves. Good Luck. Good things take time.
357900
You can't when ever you try to be intimate you will think he is thinking of someone else and you will never be able to trust him. You could look on the bright side that you aren't married to him. You have to think more of yourself and tell yourself that you deserve someone who will be faithful.The first time he cheats and hurts you it's not your fault. The fault comes when you let him have a chance to cheat again. And im sorry to say once a cheat always a cheat. If he loved you so much he could betray you once he will betray you again. Good luck
1184509
you cant control what happens when you are not around if my husband was to cheat on me with another woman and I found out about it we would 1st sit down and talk about why he did it then maybe figure out if we could work through it. Like I said you cant control what happens when your not there why stress over it though as if that happens you can either get over itt and try to work it out or have an open relationship or leave him life does go on though. Dont stress the small stuff the things you cant change or make different why stress out it just makes your life worse in the long run. With every negitive there is at least one positive if you look deep enough for it.
1109525
First of all unless anyone has walked in your shoes they should not be judging you.  I am going through the same thing right now.  It has not been easy for me.  This person is a friend of mine and my husbands, he is also married.  We were chatting then one thing lead to another, the chat turned sexual and from there I formed an emotional bond with this man. Nothing has happend physically but  it has totally messed up my emotions, I feel like I am a mess since this has happend.  I have a great husband, and I am no longer communicating with our friend, but honestly I always think about him and miss him, why I don't know but it has been real hard.  This is one door I wish I never would have opened.  I don't know your details but the one thing I can tell you is to ask yourself what led you to do this, I had to do the same and I am in counseling right now.  Believe me I did not expect this hardship when I first started dabbling in this, it seemed harmless and kind of fun, but like they say when you play with fire, you will get burned and that I did.
331484
Tell him that you were deeply hurt by what he did and that it will take a very long time for him to earn your trust back. Tell him that you love him very deeply and you only want to love him more. Stop making cracks about it. It's pretty messed up. He probably feels horrible about lying (hopefully) and that will only make him hate himself more. BTW about it being a learning tool, don't believe that crock of bull. A previous *friend* that was a girl told me that she would teach me how to treat a girl right and all we did was make out, but I don't count that as a teaching tool, we straight up made out. I don't try to tell my fiancee' any story about it being a teaching lesson, I straight up told her: Before I was with you, I made out with another girl. I wasn't in love with her. I was infatuated with her. It was a crush and would have never become anything more. But that's about all you can do. Tell him to stop making excuses for his actions and that it will be harder for you to trust him in the future. He may never earn your trust back, but in the end, it's all up to you.\n\nHad something similair happen with my fiancee'. She lied about being raped. It really hurt me, probably more than your hurting right now. She earned my trust back, but i'm still very cautious!
1176834
if your partner is willing to move on then you should too. it is very painful to stay with a cheating spouse.all the bitter memories pops up in your mind again and again. the thing to do is forgive. you must never think of taking revenge. talk to your partner and try to mend whatever is left of the relationship.dont try to forget...you can never forget. but you can forgive. then you will move on.remember that you have won and your spouse really loves you...or else he wouldnt be with you. remember people makes mistakes. dont repeat his mistakes. if he repents for his mistakes then embrace him. start a new life. go to councelling, pick up sports, spend time to gether. after all life is short.
572627
It does hurt a lot I can relate to it. But keep in mind that hes working hard to right the wrong that hes committed, going to counseling, telling you about it was probably the hardest. Hes hurting deep down too. Just be there for him and help him through all of this. Remember that talking about it with him might help also...try to understand why he does this what has lead him to be like this why does he feel the need to do it....talking about it all might help don't bottle it all inside trust me that makes it worse, but if the two of you talk to each other and are open and honest stick by one anothers side you will get over this. It just happened...the pains not going to go away overnight and you might feel better if you talk to one another maybe couples help or a weekend retreat together!
702877
While it happened a year ago, it feels like recently since you only just found out. That he partially blamed you for his transgression is another red flag. You are obsessing because part of you wants to hang onto the relationship and you know that it is in trouble.\n\nWHat will telling him again accomplish? WHat do you think to gain? Do you hope he will console and comfort and reassure you? WIll that be enough for you? You say you want to be heard, that you want him to know that he broke your heart.\n\nHoney, you broke your own heart. What he did he did to himself and for himself. It has NOTHING to do with you, no matter what he says. The reason you hurt is you still want to be with him even though he has shown himself to be untrustworthy. You cannot control him and you now know you cannot trust him. He couldn't even take full responsibility for his actions. \n\nYou are afraid to lose the false image you had of him and are mad at him for being other than what you want. He was unfaithful, nothing can change that, not even your forgiveness.\n\nYou don't have to break up with him. If you start to act jealous, insecure and needy, he will break up with you. Be good to yoursel, be true to yourself and mend your heart, and know that you are precious.
371891
I can talk from experience about jealousy, being insecure. It's both. Men like this who get mad because you're wanting to feel good about yourself, is and can be a problem. It's a form of control. These type of men, will not change. I know, talking 12 years of it here. It starts out with them accusing you of flirting, or being too nice to the next guy, spending too much time with friends or family and that isn't always the case. Men like these are so insecure about themselves, they don't want you looking nice or feeling good about yourself because they don't feel good about themselves. Next thing you know, you're being blamed for their insecurity. I know, it happened to me. You can try to talk to him and tell him how that makes you feel when he's accusing you of trying to impress other men at your job but if he isn't listening to you or tries on work on that jealousy or insecurity, then you may need to re-think on your relationship. Men like these don't want you to feel good about yourself and for whatever reason, they want to control everything in your life. Don't let him do that or you'll end up like me, miserable and unhappy. My husband and I are divorcing now but it doesn't take away all the pain of him being jealous of everything or everyone I knew. He should be complimenting on your new looks or your new hairdo, whatever the case may be and get over his insecurity and jealousy because if he doesn't, it will drive you away. I know. Hope this helps!
620582
I had one of those.  If you feel he cheats on you, then maybe he is. Don't do anything when you are feeling like this.  He will get defensive and men don't always admit what they are ashamed of.  Could start unnessary arguments, especially if you are right!\n\nIf you follow your heart, listen to your head every once in a while.  What kind of commitment has he made to you?  Not your son,  YOU?
263963
Take a moment to get the act of cheating to suck in and your emotions under control. Get all your thoughts together in a logically manner. Tell him exactly how you feel,in a lady-like manner because he will expect you to be bitter so don't give him that satisfaction,  don't hold anything back because you don't want to later regret not saying something. Move on with your life and don't look back, don't let him make a fool out of you again. Best of luck.