What is the funniest joke/thing you ever heard?
90559
The devil went to Jamaica\nHe was looking to sell some weed\nHe was doin' fine\nThey were standin' in line\nIt was excellent weed indeed\nWhen he came across a young man\nWho was likewise peddling pot\nAnd the devil slid down the beach to the kid\nAnd said boy let me tell you what\nI guess you kind of figured\nI'm a reefer head of course\nAnd after all this time\nI guess that I'm a conniseur of sorts\nNow your stuff smells okay\nBut this could tranquilize a horse\nI'll bet a million in cash against your stash\nCause I think mines better than yours\nThe boy said my names Johnny \nAnd you ain't smoked nothing yet\nOne hit of this grass will kick your a@@\nYou got yourself a bet\n\nJohnny roll a ball of hash\nAnd make sure it's the bomb\nCause the devils got the kind of stuff they smoked in Vietnam\nYou'll get a million smack-a-roo's in cash if you can cope\nBut if you can't the devil gets your dope\n\nThe devil packed a bong\nWith a little Acapulco Gold\nAnd resin flew from his finger tips\nAs he fired up his bowl\nHe filled that chamber all the way\nAnd he took a mighty hit\nAnd as they passed it back and forth\nIt gave them both a coughing fit\n(coughing)\nWhen the bowl was finished Johnny said\nHey man, that stuff was great\nBut fill your lungs with some of this\nAnd prepare to vegetate\n\nCannibis Sativa, Sweet Maryjane\nThe devils in the backyard frying his brain\nZig-Zag filled with the diggity-dank\nHold on tight it will hit you like a tank\n\nThe devil nodded off\nBecause he knew that he was stoned\nAnd he asked if he could by an ounce\nOf the stuff that Johnny owned\nJohnny said, Devil just come on back\nIf you ever wanna catch a buzz\nI done told you once\nYou son of a bi$^h\nMine's the best there ever was\n\nAnd they fired up doobies one by one\nAin't gonna stop until the bag is done\nGreen as a bullfrog\nSticky as glue\nGranny do you get high, yes I do \n\n\nby David Alan Coe done to the tune of "Devil Went Down to Georgia" (Charlie Daniels)
877101
LOL.  I liked it.  Best joke I've heard all day. :)  Thanks for cheering me up, I had a shitty day so far.
380976
You asked to hear something funny, so I thought I might tell this joke about a broken pencil.  But then I thought, nah that joke is just so pointless.\n\n\nHa Ha Ha
479749
LOL... thats the funniest question I have heard this week, thank you!!!
1088398
Here's some for ya:\n\n  A couple just got a new house. The husband turned to his wife and ask her to go to the hardware store and get a door hinge for him. She kindly agreed and left. \nWhen she got to the hardware store, got the hinge, and put it on the counter in fornt of the clerk. He noticed that she didn't have any screws for it, so he asked her ''Do you want a screw for that hinge?'' \n\nShe looked back at him and said ''No, but I'll blow you for that toaster in the window.''\n \n\n  One day a teacher went into her class room and saw the word, “penis” written in small letters on the chalkboard. She erased it and went on with the day's lesson. The next day, she came in and saw the same word on the chalkbaord, but a little bit bigger. She erased it and went on with her lesson.\nEach of the next several days, the teacher would come in to find “penis” on the board, a little larger each time. She went in one morning, expecting to dinf it again, but instead the chalkboard read: “The more you rub it, the bigger it gets.” \n\nCheer's
399355
"were both farmers!" hehehe i love that joke!!!cracks me up everytime!
653613
A man met a beautiful woman and he decided he wanted to marry her \nright away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." \n\nHe said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." .....\n\nWhoops.\n\n\n\nOk, here is my real joke, the only other one I can remember in my flu delirium.\n\n...as told to me by my best friend when she was eight and I was ten...\n\nIf you are on the potty and you are not American, what are you?\n\nyou're-a-peein'.....
755859
that was toooooooo good , i wish i could think of jokes that good. hahahahahahah rotfl lol, lmfao
912642
my best mate walked out of the registry office to the sound of an instrumental version of "there may be trouble a-head".\n\nWorked great because various people got the joke at differnet times.
722206
once there was a guy named david. one day he asked a question. he asked whats the funniest joke ever? hehehehehhehe :)
813623
Haha!! Laughed out loud!!
713022
HAHAHA I give this joke 10/10. VERY FUNNY!!! smart man!! HAHAHAHA.
729788
OMG thats the funniest damn thing ever...and uve had some good ones! lol I just got my coffee all over my desk/computer! lol he he i couldnt even answer the phone i was laughing so hard! lol good way 2 start a monday!\n\n♥
452212
What has the world come to? People don't seem to make good clean jokes any more (keyword: good)! Sheesh...\n\nHere's one:\n\nA pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. \n\nThe doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." \n\nThe woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" \n\nExpecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" \n\n"Denise," the doctor says. \n\nThe new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" \n\nThen she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" \n\nThe doctor replies, "DeNephew" \n\n:o)
479920
worlds funniest joke:\n\nA couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"\n\ntwas hilarious when i first heard it.\n\ncheck the link below for full details, theres heaps ;) took part in the survey myself (back in da days)\ncheers
1105406
Okay, this one isn't all that funny, but it made my grandpa laugh:\n\nSo, the wife says to her husband "Dearest, since you're out of work, we've been a bit strapped financially. I think we need to go on a budget." And the husband says "Why?" The wife answers "Well, you spent fifty dollars on beer last week." To this the husband replies "That's funny. You spent fifty dollars on Avon last week." The wife comes back "Well, I need that stuff so that I can look and smell nice for you." The husband retorts, "Yeah, well after I drank that beer, you sure did look nice."
657916
"any jokes"\nthere.. i just said it \nhahhaha ! i know it;s lame !\nsorry !