how do you make people understand you don't want to date after your spouse has died. this means never again?
85743
I understand how you feel. But most people won't. They don't get it possibly because they didn't experience this level of love. I think that when they insist on your dating again, they are merely trying to bring you to their own level. If they make you date, they will feel less guilty about their readiness to date when their own partner dies.\nSo it's not really about you, but about their selfish interests. Which is why it is hard for you to change their minds. Sorry.
1109319
I would invite them to let them know that while they didn't support my marriage, I still loved them and want them to be a part of my life.   I'm not one to burn bridges with family easily.\n\nIf they are really opposed to my marriage, then they would RSVP that they aren't coming.
682566
I think when you have finally let go of the fact your marriage did not work out and are peace with the fact it didn't work and are not carrying around any ghosts.\n\nThen you will be ready to put your time and energy into a new relationship or be ready to date. I think if you are not over the past, then it will ruin even fun dates, because your heart just won't be in it.
926056
While it is strange do not worry about it. Since you are divorced you do not want to be buried there and your boys will most likely want to be buried by their wives unless they should die before they get married and that is not likely to happen.•
965954
Umm, why is this guy who is supposed to love you so much getting listening to what other people say about you and taking his relationship cues from that advice?  He shouldn't be listening to anyone else but himself.  Moreover, he's being unreasonable with this whole move thing, but that's characteristic of men--they can be selfish.  Still, if you have explained to him that it's difficult for you and he still doesn't get it, then stop explaining.  Nothing is served by you constantly having the same discussion/argument with him about you two living together and you moving to the USA.  Moreover, if what you're doing to comfort him about his grandmother isn't working, then stop.  My experience has been that it's hard to comfort men when a close relative, friend, etc. passes away.  My ex-husband's father died after we had been married for one year and I had no idea how to comfort him except to remind him of what our religion says about death.  Other than that, the only people who could comfort him properly were other family members (i.e. siblings) because they were going through the same thing.  Just be there for him, call him to check on him, make sure he's not slipping into depression and if you can, pay a personal visit to him just to reiterate that you care and love him and will be there for him in his time of need.
951114
my cousin was the same way her husband and 4mth old son died nov 2002 she got married dec 03 but of course they needed to date so she got with him 8 mnths after they died i honestly dont think thats enough time for you to get over someone that u love...i think it will  hit u later on in life! i wouldnt move on give it sometime for your wounds to heal
70560
It was my grandmother's funeral. I was 15. A guy I had had a crush on for years was with his family. He was 18. I was a kind of basket case b/c I was very close with my G-ma and had been alone in the house with her when she had her heart attack and died. He came over and asked if I was ok. I told him I would be ok but thanks for asking. He didn't say much else, but he just stood there beside me. After the funeral, when we were all at my grandparents' house, he came to me and asked again if I was ok. I told him yeah, I was. He asked me to take a walk with him so we could talk. I went and we stopped in the neighborhood park. We were sitting on the swings when he said that he was worried about me b/c I looked so fragile. (yes he really said that!) He asked me if I had any boyfriends. He had never shown any interest in me before! (He later told me he thought he was helping to take my mind off things by asking me about boyfriends!) I told him no I had only one guy I really liked and he didn't even know I was alive. He asked me who it was and he would talk to him! I told him flat out it was him. He said, "You like ME? Why didn't you ever say anything?" I told him that I never said anything b/c I was afraid he didn't like ME b/c he never acted like he even knew I was alive. After that we dated for 2 years and then he went into the military. He was killed in a car accident in 1984.
240407
What i did, was take time out from dating, to get to really know myself, what i really want, how I will get it, what I want from the man & the relationship, til you do all that & more you will find & go with the same kinda guy you were married to, because that's what your used to & comfortable with. I went 9 yrs & didn't date, it was time enough for me, you may not need that amt of time, my marriage was very abusive, so I had to know in my heart I truely had put down the old baggage & was ready to trust again, I also knew I wasn't gonna do everything to keep the man happy, I wanted happiness too, hope this helps
998909
Girl, if you're a Christian, you know the Bible tells us not to be unequally yoked (in marriage).  And the reason a Christian dates is for the sole purpose of getting married.  He sounds manic.  He needs medication.  You should pray for him, but like the other woman said, get away from him.  You won't be deserting him.  He'll live.  And perhaps his aunt and uncle do have it good, but it's not about what we have here on earth.  It's about what we get after death, and the saved individual gets eternal life in heaven with Christ.  Tell your boyfriend to stick his foot in a burning fire, and then ask him if he wants to spend eternity with his whole body in there.  Yes, it does seem like nonbelievers are just as blessed as Christians.  But just think about what comes after you die.  Remember, you're a stranger here.  You don't belong here.  You're just passing through.
96136
You could tell him/her that since your previous conversation about dating a coworker, you've had a change of heart. Really, what can he/she do? I've found that it's always best to tell one how you truly feel (in a nice way, of course, if you're upset about something) rather than hold it in. He/she can either accept the invitation to date or decline the invitation to date. Either way, whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right? I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, love. God bless you!\n\nHope that helped!
226449
I know what you mean...i don't understand what happens to people..they say there vows for better or worse till death do us part then they get bored or things go down hill and they just think throwing it all away and cheating is the answer...Im lucky my parents have  been married for 30 years and still act like love  birds...ive been married for seven and they've been great so far but people need to learn when they start getting bored or looking around they need to talk to there spouse and come up with ways to keep it interesting.....people need to read the bible more and bring jesus into there life..
921267
obviously not..............how old are you now?,but it's really not your place. you weren't married to either to know what happened.Until you ask and find the reason, then you decide whether you should be upset or accept it.
843268
You can't make her want to be with you.  It's ok to let her know that you are sad, but don't waste your time pining away for someone who has moved on.
218488
I am not married, but I wouldn't stay married out of convenience. Instead, I would try to make the marriage work. I would try to identify exactly which of my needs (and my partner's needs) are not being met and how to fix them. I take marriage vows extremely seriously. I would never tell someone I would be with them until death do us part, for better or worse, unless I truly meant it.
1146702
The idiots always tend to answer first.  \n\nLife WILL get better.  I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your wife.  Speaking from some experience, I am "seeing" a widower who was married to his wife for 20-something years.  I did not know him or her when they were married and it will be one year this month since she passed away and he has two teenage children.\n\nIt will be hard and it will probably get harder for you as holidays come and go but you have to hang in there.  You should be so thankful that you met the love of your life, many of us never get that chance.  My guy never thought he would be with another woman, never wanted to.  It is still difficult for him at times and I have difficulty dealing with it at times too.  He pulls away from me to deal with it and I kind of freak out (read my posted questions).  He tells me that it is kind of hard for him to believe that his marriage is over and he sometimes feels like he is cheating.  Give it time.  Time is the only thing that will heal your pain.  Hang in there and live life for that baby of yours, she needs you to be happy.  If you need to talk, feel free to contact me - I kind of understand.
238939
It happened to me. My husband and my sister no less.  It ruined my marriage, even after 28 years I haven't forgiven him.  He ended up with a terminal illness- Multiple Sclerosis for 15 years. He passed away in 2004. I felt like I had to stay and help him.  His actions affected my relationship with my older son and my sister...not that she was worth a second chance. But, I did try.  My mother, father, and baby sister didn't talk to me for 15 years- yea, like it was my fault. My brother and I remained estranged until he passed away. All I did was stay with the guy.  Big mistake! My younger son is not really part of the family every one shuns him because he looks like my husband. My sister's daughter ended up being an outcast and tried to commit suicide twice. What should you do?  Move on...make a life for yourself, find someone that respects you and loves you for who you are now... don't wait it will only hurt you! I am 53 back in college and making a life for myself for the first time. I have never been happier. I plan on traveling and staying alive! With as much enthusiasum as possible..If you need to have someone beside you I am sure that there will be that certain someone around the corner.  For myself, I just love being myself. One day maybe I'll meet someone but, for now my happiness and peace of mind it what counts to me.
434229
Dated some...yes, married one....NEVER.  I don't want to be kissing a human ashtray for the rest of my life and let me add ewwww!