I'm in a difficult marriage in which there is no sex.  Should I have an affair which would be just about sex?
95781
no, if your partener is impotent go to doc, otherwise get conunciling
470924
Well if divorce is not an option, I can't help you.. Although a loveless marriage is no way to live, it would be better of separating and finding a new love, you can always visit or have your kids visit you...
862303
Nothing good will come out of an affair no matter how much you think you love each other.  If your marriage is over anyway, then perhaps you should get divorced, then try to find another boyfriend.  But to stay in a bad marriage with the hopes that something better will come along is wrong.  You want to avoid heartbreak, but it will only be worse in the end.
3255
Such a difficult question!  I ought to know.  This is the situation I am in.  I have filed.  In my case, this was not just one offense.  Even though this was the first "technical" adultery, i.e. the first in-flesh fornication (that I know of!), there have been years of infidelity in one form or another, e.g. viewing of pornography, visiting strip clubs, socializing with women w/out me.  I found out about all these things very much after the fact, as I was lied to for many years, beginning during our courtship.  There was much emotional and psychological abuse.  He has no respect for me.  I hung in there all this time and worked my hardest to make things better, including making him go to marriage counseling, because I personally believed it was my duty due to the covenant I had made with God.  ...but this for me was the last straw, and by God's merciful permissive will, this choice is provided for in scripture.  I hope you have not suffered in this way, but if you have....as excruciating as I know it is....have courage to leave him.  Maintain your self-respect while you still can.  Hold him accountable for his actions, once and for all.  If he truly changes and becomes a reformed person, it will become obvious, and perhaps you can one day reconcile.  If he doesn't...well, then, you are better off.  Now, if on the off chance that you have had a very healthy marriage and this was, as far as you know, a single transgression (...rather than a relationship or multiple cases of adultery.  In my husband's case..this was a six month emotional attachment and relationship, involving much debauchery, too), it would of course be desireable to God if you could reconcile, particularly if there are children involved.  ..but seek wise counsel.  His true remorse and commitment to real change is imperative.  Either way, seek counsel for yourself.  The trust that has been breached will take years to rebuild.  Above all, be good to yourself.  There is NO excuse for his choice.  God bless..and be strong.
5719
A heterosexual relationship without sex is a platonic relationship - there's nothing wrong with that, but it's not the same as boyfriend/girlfriend.  Sex is certainly not the most important part of a relationship - love is.  If two partners love each other, they may want to express that love physically.  I would think that a relationship without sex would probably fall apart, but so would a relationship that's only about sex.  I've been there and while it was fun, it didn't last very long.
199394
I would think one of the key things you can do is to make sure you have a significant relationship outside of the bedroom.  There's nothing with safely enjoying intercourse with the one you love, but anything in excess is dangerous.  When most all speech/conversation is just a prelude to sex, the relationship might be in trouble.  \n\nYes it may be difficult, but if you really want this to last you'll put the work in to making those communication efforts and restraining yourself.  But it will take work.
225372
just because it gets hard doesn't mean you need to have sex...\n\ni think you have other issues you want to take care of.  talk them out with your wife, not with us.
845196
So if you split up, then what's gonna happen? You're gonna find somebody you can have amazing sex with but a horrible relationship? What's better? Sex isn't everything you know. You don't have to be at it every night. If you don't have sex for a while then it will be amazing when you do get down to it. Otherwise it is just like eating chocolate for the sake of eating it. Be happy that you have such a soul mate, it is so hard to find somebody like that. It is more important than sex. Think 30-40 years ahead! Do you want to be on your own or do you want to be with a real companion? I say you work at it, agree that you have sex at some intervals and no pressure from either of you. Spontaneity is, like you said before, something to be praised. Spointaneity in sex is the real key to a long relationship. Many marriages fail because the partners aren't friends at all. They are just former sex partners but they can't find each other interesting anymore. So just think about it. If it ain't broke, don't fix it!
929862
Its a sad world that produces such consistently narrow minded responses as the ones above.\n\nEvery single one of the above repondents equates Marriage with Sex, not Love.\n\nSex plays an often small if not non existent part in many marriages.   It is inevitable that in some marriages one partner may have a strong sexual urge where the other doesn't.  \n\nThe nature of an individual's sexual urge or even orientation may change over time whilst not necessarily affecting the love one has for a partner.\n\nIn such circumstances an otherwise healthy loving relationship may be put under strain if there is not an outlet for those urges.\n\nInfidelity is commited by the heart not the loins.  \n\nThere are many avenues one can explore to find a sexual release that is emotionally limited.   These avenues, USED SENSIBLY, can fill a gap in your life and relieve an itch before it consumes both yourself and your marriage.
381973
You should see that you are physically compatible. What if you found out on your wedding night that the sex between you, for purely physical reasons was not ever going to be any good? It would mean for a potentially unhappy marriage. I say go for it!
471755
Did you have an orgasm??????? Then yes,you got what you wanted! It shouldn't be called sex anyway. If you want sex, then masturbate yourself and wait until your wife is able to "makelove" with you.
446670
Sex is a wonderful, and integral part of a marriage. If one party is no longer interested, there IS a reason. Seek counseling and get to the bottom of it!! My (now ex) wife would not, and we had sex 4 times the last 6 months we where together.. Or I should I had sex 4 times, she had it a lot more, so I found out later.. Like I said, something is wrong.. .Depression, cheating, resentments, physical illness, something!
1145787
I think that you should never have an affair, for whatever reason. There is a serious sense of mistrust, no loyalty or faithfulness and above all love. How can you say you love someone and be an infidel? Even if you weren't able to "you know", she shouldn't be running around in bed with someone else. That's like you dying and she's being intimate with someone else. You aren't even dead yet. No, I do NOT agree with this. Some woman would say but men do it....but that does not make it right or okay. Wrong is wrong. Cheating is cheating. Work out the problem. Best wishes and take care.
940857
what do you mean spiritual intimacy?are you talking about praying together or laying together?...you develop your sexual relationship like everyone else...its no different just because you are christian.sex is designed for married couples anyway...your intimacy is a natural development but you must allow it to develop by spending time with each other inside and out of the bedroom
133265
Stop and think about all the things you could loose if your husband somehow found out about your affair. Is it really worth it? You need to make a choice. You can't have it both ways.\n\nMarriage is all about loyalty, commitment, honesty, maturity. If you don't have those things, then you don't really have a marriage so you might as well end it. If you don't want to end your marriage, then you know what you have to do. End the relationship. \n\nThen you need to take a good hard look at why you had an affair anyway. Was it for the excitement? If so, find a way to put excitement back in your marriage. Your husband was the man you fell in love with, committed to, made a vow to. Would you want him to have an affair? Consider how it would make you feel, then do everything in your power to be the kind of partner you would want him to be.\n\nWhether or not you decided to tell him about the affair is a decision you have to make. You would be taking a chance that he will walk out and never look back. On the other hand, you would be making the first step toward an honest relationship instead of living a lie, and you wouldn't have to worry about him hearing about your affair from someone else.\n\nPeople are human and make mistakes. It's what we do when we are faced with our mistakes that determine our character. The choice is yours. Good luck.
806064
I'm in the same boat as you and think you should keep away from fornication. Waiting until your wedding night really shows your new wife that you have waited your entire life to be with her. Sex has nothing to do with love; it is lust and really shouldn't be a factor outside of marriage because both participants know fine well after they have sex they have nothing moer they can give to one another. Outside of wedlock shows they are struggling to keep their relationship going. I know I may sound ignorant but thats the way I see things, it's the way I raised myself. Thinking of showing my devotion to my future (hopefully) wife rather than pleasing my own lust.
717326
Let me guess--you still think you're a good Christian, too? You know the answer to this question. You quit having affairs, get your act together, apologize to them (and to God) and get your life straightened out. Don't tell me it can't be done--you know it can. Sex is meant for marriage alone and then with one woman (not a dozen or even two). You are hurting them, hurting yourself, and you may end up a daddy long b4 you intended to. Quit the CRAP!!\n\nPS: God doesn't listen to sinners in sin--only when they ask for and WANT forgiveness and a change of life.