Ex-hus gave me herpes. Do I tell new guy immediately or wait to see if feelings develop-rejection either way?
81508
I always told guys "too soon" (atleast my friends told me that). If I had the slightest sexual attraction and thought there was a chance we could end up in bed... Still, I was met with very little rejection. Usually it came out no later the second or third date when we got to the "sharing life stories" part of the dinner conversation :-). I would be like "... ya, last year my boyfriend was dishonest... I'm on Valtrex because he gave me herpes. Valtrex prevents outbreaks and spread...I always use condoms anyway". \nAfter the first year, it became more difficult to tell guys so soon because I was simply used to living with it and, even having been rejected very few times and talked about it alot, it is still stressful to tell a new potential partner!\nI'm currently in a serious relationship, but if I were dating now, I would probably wait longer until things got serious.\nAlso, during the first year of having it, I was in the southern part of the midwest- where people just talk more and tell their life stories more. Out here in a "big city" on the coast-- the culture isn't so narrative and people are different as far as what they tell and when.\nI would do what's comfortable for you and what feels right in the moment with the other person. \nDefinitely tell them before sleeping with them; If they caught it from having sex with you and were NOT informed, then you could be held legally liable (I lost the specific legal references, but there are cases of people being sued for giving their partners herpes).
1000215
whoa.....you man ho you!\n\n:)\n\nUhm, depends. if she is going to be another notch in your belt, dont tell her. for me it would eb a turn off, just cause thats gross.\n\nIf I really liked the guy, i would probably WANT to know, but you know what they say, truth hurts.\n\nMaybe dont go into all the truthfull details, just allude to a sex past if you really like the girl and want to get serious.\n\nHonesty and trust and truth and committment are the biggest things for a future, not what you did in the past!\nGet yourself checked though
1104695
I read your question and your answers.....no one attacked you. I was expecting to read some evil, vulgar things....but no.  There was one or two in which they were quite blunt with you, but all the others were quite sensitive and informative.\n\nBut, on this thing people are going to be jerks. Even to the most legit questions get a$$hole remarks. \n\nPersonally, I think you should have confirmed the rumor with him, before just dumping him. I mean, you've known the guy for  4 years, so you HAVE to know how is with women......right?\n\n To avoid that happening again is kind of an impossibilty. Because, most people put on such a facade in the beginning of a relationship.
73113
Don't bring up your ex-lovers.  And if he insists, then tell him as little as possible, and remind him that that was then, this is now.
428444
Herpes is VERY manageable and the frequency of attacks depends on your immune system and how your body is reacting to the virus... the body generally adapts and you cease having outbreaks after about 7 years- but you can spread it even after then!\n\nI caught it 2 years ago. It's traumatic when it first happens. I got lucky as far as having people to talk to, though- my boss, a coworker, my aunt (who has never given it to her husband and had kids)...\nThe emotional pain of getting "it" can be devastating! Obviously, you catch herpes from sex. Usually with someone you trust. It sucks.\n\nIf it helps any, there are ALOT of guys out there who are VERY sympathetic and will date (and sleep with) you anyway. Herpes does not make you "damaged goods".\n\nI do think it's important to get on the daily dose of acyclovir, valtrex, or zovirax before becoming sexually active again. This way, when you meet someone you are interested in having sex with, you have done all that you can do to prevent the spread of it and with a condom their risks will be VERY minimal.\n\nThis also helps when you decide to tell a guy. Usually I've been like "um... well, I always use condoms anyway, but I also take Valtrex for herpes to reduce the transmission rate...". Then I tell him that it reduces the asymptomatic shedding by 80-90% and if we use a condom, and I'm not having an outbreak, his risks will be VERY small. I usually blurt it out around the second date or whenever we start talking about sex.\n\nAlso, when you do go dating again, older men (age 30+) are MUCH more understanding. Guys in their 20s just don't haven't been around the block enough, for the most part. Most older guys have usually been with a chick who has "it".\n\nIf you're having an outbreak, epsom salt baths can help sooth it. Bathing does not spread the herpes virus.\n\nTry not to think of yourself as "sick" if you can help it. I find it's best (for my stress levels as well) just to deal with things matter-of-factly, educate myself on the facts, screw everything else, and treat myself like a queen.\n\nCatching herpes made me, oddly enough, respect myself MORE. I caught it from being assaulted, so maybe the anger-releasing assertiveness-learning "**** it all" attitude was also a way of dealing with THAT stress. As I said, I was very lucky to have people around me who I could talk to. I was also lucky in that I was able to reconnect with my body, not generalize one incident to "men in general", and to have supportive male friends (I got thouroughly spoiled in the months following).\nSorry for getting off on the ramble there- so much to say...\n\nAnyway- hope that atleast some of this helps- feel free to contact me....
214772
First of all being a virgin has nothing to do with being in love with someone. I commend you on being a virgin. If you really feel that you love this guy I don't see any reason why you shouldn't tell him. The minute you fall in love with someone your heart becomes vulnerable to hurt. But, you do get over it. The real hurt happens when you have given up your virginity to this guy or any other guy. I would take it slow and you will know when you are ready. Don't do anything just because he may pressure you. Believe me if he truly loves you and respects you he will let you decide when and if you want to give yourself to him totally.\n\nI was a virgin when I got married and to this day I have no regrets. I find these days that girls give up their virginity too fast and lose all respect for themselves. Be proud of who you are and never let any boy, guy or man take that away from you.
253629
I would say tell them and tell him soon, you don't want to keep leading him on. I would also say honesty is the policy in this situation, just be honest with him let him know how you are truly feeling and why. More than likely your going to hurt him a little but as long as your honest and gentle with his feelings, I think you will both be okay.
956141
I think you should go with your gut feeling. If you don't feel like hooking up with him yet then don't do it. Your friends already warned you that he could be a player and its nothing more hurtful then giving in to temptation and then getting your feeling hurt. I think you should talk to the guy and tell him how you feel about the situation and if he doesn't understand where you're coming from then its obviously that he's not the right guy for you. And to answer your other question about if he grabs you after you tell him no....then he doesn't respect you and you should move on.
468511
You are smart. Make sure he is tested for Hepatitis, not just HIV. I would request HSV and VDRL serologies also. These would rule out syphillis and herpes. Repeat these in 3 and 6 months after as well and use condoms.\n\nConsider his willingness to do the testing and allay your fears as a sign that he is committed to the relationship and respects you.
458887
I think I'd move on or call him.  I hate these little dating games.  I flirted with a guy for over 2 months it was mutual, and I expressed my attraction and he never responded.  No call, no nothing.  So, if they don't call, screw them, and if they call 8 months later, screw them then, too!
999010
Unfortunately there is no other way to make him feel more protected. You did use a condom and that is about the only way to prevent the spread of it besides abstaining completely. Back off of him and give him time to think about what he wants from a relationship with you and if he even wants to be with you. I suggest joining a few groups of Yahoo that is designed for people with herpes. You can find someone who already has the disease so you dont have to go through a mess like this again.
211036
You need to wait till your older hun. Way older or at least a couple of years. Guys are jerks anyways. (usually)
77450
Break anything romantic off immediately.  You do not want to be the victim of his sexually transmitted disease.  Let him know that you like him as a person.  If you feel comfortable with maintaining a friendship because you like him as a person, then let him know that.  Also let him know that you don't appreciate being lied to about his sex status.
941371
It's too late to second guess, you already mailed the letter. I wouldn't have done that, personally. I really think that if he wanted it to go past friendship, he would've let you know before; I'm sorry sweetie, but I'm afraid you're gonna end up feeling hurt and embarrassed that you did this. I would forget about having a relationship with this guy.....
998530
Been there, done that. Yes it can be very dreadful. I know how you feel. \n\nI got genital herpes about 5 years ago. I have dated a few guys since then, and I have told EVERY one of them before I became sexually active with them. I can tell you I have never had a bad experience or reaction to telling any of them though. Although, that's not true for some people. When I know the relationship is getting serious I'll sit them down and explain it to them. The best thing I have found to do is to get as much good information about the virus as you can. This way when they ask you questions like, can I get it? How do I get it? Is is deadly? Is it treatable? etc, you will have the right information and you will be able to explain it to them. Also, provide them with some good websites, that way when it's convenient for them, they can go online and read about it themselves. \n\nI am currently engaged to a great guy right now. I told him when we were first dating that I had the virus and I sat him down and explained it all to him. He was concerned of course, but after some serious talks he understood it better. He accepted that he would probably get it from me someday. After a few months, he did end up getting the virus. But we are still together and plan on marrying soon. \n\nDon't let this affect you dating life! There are plenty of guys out there that would completely understand the situation. Even one of the guys I have dated also had the virus! So don't feel like you are the only one, a lot of people have it.\n\nYou can email me if you like. Good luck to you!
406025
Get tested asap and not sleep with them without protection ever again.  How long has it taken them to mention it? It doesn't change them as a person, but you need to ask about their honesty from the beginning - the same with any relationship.  If there has been a lot of secrets/lies you need to ask yourself if you can trust them ever again.
998832
Hunny except for age and the fact that I'm a lesbian and not a guy, I know where you're coming from. I tried everything I could think of to try and get my ex's attention and I found that the best thing is to just ask. Start slow though, make small talk and work hints about sexuality into it. Once you get a positive that he "bats for the same team" if you will then relax and tell him. Sorry if that's not the answer you were looking for but I don't know what else to tell you.\nWell good luck sweetheart, I hope you get your man!\nIthy