Arranged marriage at 15, Ive been with him 20 years, I hate to hurt him, but im not loving him like he loves?
87423
Do you have an education? Do you have children?  How will you take care of yourself if you leave him?  Where/which country do you live in?  Will society in your country accept your divorce?  Romance is nice and exciting, but the flames of first romance dim over time and real life sets in.  I am so very tired of hearing I love him/her, but I am not in love"......True love encompasses respect and loyalty and support, not just when things are good, but more so when life is hard.   An arranged marriage that is not a happy marriage is tough, but before you make a decision to end your marriage, be prepared to take care of yourself.  The chances of you falling into a second unhappy marriage are high if you can't take care of yourself.
447741
I would have a serious conversation with him. It would be a shame to wait another 5 years just to hear again what you're hearing now. Why doesn't he want to marry you? I would think that the prospect of marrying the person you love would make you work harder towards your goals if you know that you will be married after. Talk to him. Let him know how you feel. If marriage and children are important to you then he needs to know. He may just be nervous about commitment, but if he really loves you he will need to face that fear. Im sorry but if he doesnt feel the same way then you need to move on. I know that will be painful but its better than wasting the next 5+ years of your life hoping he will change. If he agrees to marry you, make sure its really what he wants. You will be miserableif he married you because he felt he had no choice. Best of luck.
1185473
Well, do you love him? You have had a child together so you have to think of the kid too.. But do not stay for only that reason.\n\nI do not think the age is the problem, I think maybe you feel like you might have gotten with him for a father figure, I am going to guess and say that I bet someone told you that..\n\nIf you love him hun, marry and have a wonderful life.. If you are not sure, then do not marry him...And if you do not love him, then you really should move on and find someone you love and who loves and adores you.. We all deserve that!
689885
You are what you are and if he truly loves you, he will definitely respect your feelings. Dont do anything that you feel uncomfortable with now... make things clear now- its better than repenting later. Understanding, mutual respect and honesty are the very basics of any relationship. If he cant compromise and make adjustments now, it doesnt bode well for the future too, does it? So speak out whats in your mind- let him know how you feel. Explain to him that you come from a conservative background and that you dont feel comfortable with the relationship getting physical so soon. DONT DO ANYTHING THAT U FEEL IS NOT RIGHT!
673245
In a word YES. In theory, you both did the right thing.\nThe time to decide this may not be for you is BEFORE you walk the aisle. Working that out before the wedding was a blessing for you. Imagine what would happen if he came up with that NOW. Yes, its true that the ones you love most have the greatest ability to hurt. That it still hurts shows how invested you were then and now. Perhaps a review of attitude is in order. When he broke up he said he didn't love you but realized he was wrong. Unless he's given you cause to question his love now, remember that his hindsight (always 20/20)showed him that he does. Try to view that time as a reaffirmation that you belong together. Then the feelings will become positive. The ability to look past that kind of thing and get over it will prepare you for staying in the relationship and work it out. The more you replay that time the greater the chance those feelings will get in the way of your relationship today.
57590
Um.... yes, i think thats why ur name is crazy chic. That is insane. You may feel like you love him but you dont. trust me. He's 30 so he knows all the best things to say to you that you might think are sweet and thoughtful...well, hes had 30 years of experience. you may think he loves you and all but a 30 year old man wants nothing from a 17 year old girl except sex...even if you havent had sex yet, you will because he'll pressure you to. He's 30 for god's sake. he's old enough to be your father!!! trust me please, i have been in a situation like this before, i am also 17 and was dating a 27 year old guy. Dont let this man hurt you like i let mine.
66780
Congratulations on quitting smoking.\n\nIt is too bad that the two of you are allowing a marriage proposal to be used as leverage. This sounds very unhealthy, and is probably indicative of a very immature outlook on your relationship. What makes you think that he completes you anyway?\n\nGrow a backbone! Become the person you would want to be in spite of him. Either he never really loved you in the first place, in which case you'll be better off for growing into your own, or he'll fall in love with you all over again with a woman he truly admires - he'll be begging you to marry him - at which point you may realize you can do better than his sorry a$$.
52826
There is no way you can get around not hurting him.  It is going to happen.  Sorry!  Just be honest and talk with eachother.  I'm sure you are grown and can handle the situation.  Best of Luck to you!
1111618
First of all, your age matters. I didn't see your age, but assuming that you are of age, 19 +, you just have to set the record straight.\nI married my sweetheart when I was 20, and we have had our problems, but we have never once regretted what we did. We love each other, and now our parents accept it.\nOf course, when we first got together, our parents were the same. We ended up having a huge fallout, and we both told our parents that with or without their blessings, we were going to have our own successes and failures, and we would like their support, but that is all. If we fail, be there, if we succeed, please congratulate us. Most of all be happy, if you can't we don't need you running our lives, as when we were younger. Thank them for their love and concern, but they must allow you, as they did, fail or succeed on your own.\nAll is well now, we all get along well, it just takes time for the relationship, on all levels, to mature. Of course, proving that you are capable to take care of yourself also requires you standing on your own, and not going running to Mommy and Daddy for a handout. It's a two edged sword, but it's worth it. Growing up sucks, but we all have to do it, physically. Some of us mentally grow up, others never do, you just have to figure out which one you are going to do, you can't have it both ways!\nGood luck!
313234
Well, I'm glad you too love other. But both of you are far too young to get married. You see, even adults make mistakes in marriage when they rush into these things. So, I would suggest that you keep your friendly relationship until both of you are adults. By then, you will be more mature and can decide whether you want to spend the rest of your lives with each other in love. So, hang on together and wait another 4 years (at least). Good luck.
810992
You need to talk to him on a serious tip and let him know how you feel and tell him that it is time to change cause it is not cute any more and that you love him and that if there is something you  need to change you would for him cause that is what marriage is about.
1160266
Not at all. Forget about one year u can marry 20 years younger man. It is a matter of your choice. Most of Holy Prophet ( PBUH) wives were older than him. Allah ( God) gives u complete authority to choose your partner
1106758
Oh my...how complicated indeed. Love story like in the books, but I guess yours is reality. Stop and think for a moment here...what is your intention? The only person in this triangle relationship who really seems to be in a mess is you.\nDo you really deserve to feel this way? What did you do wrong? The answer is nothing....this whole situation is not your fault....and now you add to your misery, the need to explain your every move to someone who hasn't really done everything he could to be with you...Oh, believe me if he really wanted you ...no matter which culture...he wouldn't have just married the girl his parents wished for him to marry. Even in India nowadays ( I heard) young people go against their parents wish and marry who they want to marry. Wake up and face reality. You don't owe him anything...no justifications...nothing! You lost him when he married that woman...and he lost you....now don't lose yourself, too. Take care and start loving yourself for a change.
715212
Your question brought tears to my eyes.  Your life sounds like mine when I was 20.  My so called boyfriend and I are 5 years apart also and we have a child together.  Your fiance sounds just like mine years ago. The life you are living is a hard one, I can feel your pain.   I left my boyfriend several times because of his controlling crazy ways. My friends werent good enough, he didnt like me to go out, he was jealous of anything and everything.  And he accused me of sleeping with anybody and everybody (male, female, dog, cat, if I looked at it I was sleeping with it).  He couldnt hold down a job either.  He was a good father also.  Remember men like this make good fathers because they are CONTROLLING. I used to think is this all there is for me like you do but trust me its not.  You can take your child and raise it by yourself.  I raised 2 kids at your age by myself.  Trust me this man is only going to drag you down.  Here I am years 15 years later and I am STILL going back and forth with the same man.  Only difference is now he has changed he is no longer that controlling jerk he used to be.  But it took 15 years to get here. And that is only because he matured in some areas but in other areas he is still a jerk.  We dont live together so why am I holding on? I am working on myself now to figure that out.  My question to you is.  Do you want to wait 15 years like me for this man to finally treat you with the respect you deserve? I can see your like me, you need to save yourself from yourself.  I thought I was in love, funny thing is I still do, but I also know what is best for me.  Men like this never change.  Mine changed his controlling ways but only because he had no choice.  I have figured out through the years that guys like this are always going to find a way to hurt you.  The hurt never stops.  Don't say you made your bed so you should lie in it.  No one deserves the kind of treatment you receive.  I really think you will be able to make a good life for you and you child.  I did.  I am successful and have 2 great kids.  Funny thing is now "jerk" wants to settle down.  But the past is some thing you never forget.  Especially when he is still doing little stupid things that hurt me.  Like I said the hurt never stops.  I would love to give you strength and advice to help you through this because I can sense there is probally more to your story just like their is more to mine.  Dont think you are being selfish.  That was my problem years ago.  I put everyones happiness before my own.  Only sacrifice you need to make is for your child, remember that.  Your child needs to be raised in a loving argue free environment.  It is going to be hard.  Beause this guy has ahold of your mind, more than a hold on your heart.
1121218
I think that you should over think this! You shouldn't get married to someone that you are not in love with. Liking someone and loving someone is completely different. Once you marry them that should be it. You shouldn't go into marriage counting on the divorce card as a back door. You really have to stick together through good and bad, sickness and health, richer or poorer and it should be forever 'til death do you part. People that go into marriage half-hearted are the ones raising the divorce rate. If you feel this way, you should talk to him about it. If you know that he's going to propose and you go and date someone else...that's a sure way of knowing you are not ready to settle down with him. You should be truthful to him and yourself. At the same time, you should marry someone that you can be yourself with. Best wishes.
20553
If you love the woman get married. My dad is going to get married and i dont like the woman but i id do anything to make my dad happy. Im 17 and shes been with me since i was 8 i think. I still dont like her. if you are loving and raise the child right i think hell accept you as a member of the family. He may never "love" you but dont take it the wrong way. I dont love anyone in the world except my dad and thats because hes been with me all my life. Do what ur heart tells you. I also suggest speaking with the childs mother and try to end this animosity. its useless to badmouth you when youre in love and are going to go through with your new life.
661949
No, no my darling - you are better off without him.  You tell your family that he hurt you and left you and they will love and feel your pain.  Do it as soon as possible - and he can go to the devil if he changes his mind.  You deserve more than that.  For goodness sakes, there are plenty of 40 year old men who would gladly give their right arm for the love of a sweet 25 year old - let alone men closer to your age who are able to handle a loving, caring relationship.  Please turn your back on this person and face the future knowing that you have passed this test and that your life will be all the more wonderful for the courage you show.\n\nPeace!