how do i move on with my life after 25 years of marriage, i am now single and having hard time moving forward.
79934
First off, I am so sorry for what happened. I am divorced myself and I thought it was so hard to move on without him. But thanks to my circle of friends and my job. I kept myself occupied on everything. I started hanging out with my friends to dinner, movie, or just a little chitchat any where. I shopped a lot too to keep my mind occupied. It took me a couple of years to move on but not completely. I have children with this man (ex) and had to support them myself. BUT I look at everything that's happened in a positive way. Things happened for a reason and I did not believe that until I met my current spouse who totally rocks my world.\n\nI did not search to find him. I pray though that LIFE should be better now. \n\nStay focus on yourself and your children (if any). Surround yourself with friends who are there to keep you smiling. Avoid friends who keep talking about what happened when its way too old. \n\nBelieve me, it helps me a lot!
1103626
This is a very long answer! I am sorry, but I had to write this! Bear with me....\n\nAs a woman who is 50 and who went through her own mid life crisis (and divorce and self reinvention) over the last ten years and  who felt very much as you do now, I would like to share some things that helped me to get out of negative self talk. I have learned how to view mid life as a wonderful time of growth, which got me out of a bad mind set.\n\nHon, the first mistake you are making is defining yourself and your personal value on whether or not you have a boyfriend or husband. You are not unique in this mindset. I did the same thing, but no one defines us or determines our self worth and value, EXCEPT ourselves. Thinking that a man will define your self worth and your placement in this world will only serve to make you depressed and feel as alone as you do now. The only person who defines you and your self worth is YOU. No one else can do this. Instead of thinking that someone else is responsible for definining you, LOOK WITHIN. You are a unique individual, with your own skills, gifts, ideas, mind and thoughts that make you who you are. If you only seek out men to define and complete you, you will feel alone, as you do now. You feel alone and empty because you are not looking within yourself to find the things that you possess to bring you self nurturance and self love - to define the woman you are now.\n\nMost women define and value themselves as complete when they have a boyfriend or husband because we are socialized by our families and the media to believe this is the case. We are taught that to be of value we must achieve the ultimate goal in life: to get married, have a family, own a house, and so forth. Those of us who decide to have a career, in addition to marriage, are taught that having "it all" makes us more worthy. If we choose not to marry or have kids, then something is wrong with us (although this is changing, thank god). If we wind up getting divorced, we are viewed as being failures and that because our marriages failed, we are not capable of having a relationship or worse, something is wrong with us. Married friends may shun us (or not), family members query us about whether or not we are dating, or if we will ever remarry, and as a consequence, we feel anxious and apart from society. We feel as if we are outsiders looking in. When we believe this, we feel lost.\n\nDivorce is hard, especially when you are in your mid forties and going through perimenopause. That adds to the confusion and the negative feelings we have. With hormones rising and falling, we feel different and are different in many ways. It is a time, generally - and without divorce - of questioning and assessing our lives, what we have accomplished or didn't, what we want to do in the future, and what changes we want to make. We fear aging and growing older, and dying too young or too soon. We fear the changes our bodies are going through. Our looks change somewhat and we feel old, ugly, less attractive. Even though this is a scary  and a weird time in our lives, we needn't feel this way. Experience and wisdom comes with age, and even if our bodies are not as firm as they once were, and even if we gain a bit of weight or have tons of gray hair, we are still beautiful. I feel better and more beautiful NOW than I did in my twenties and thirties! I may not be as thin as I was, but that is okay - I accept and honor the woman I am now. I receive the beauty I possess now with welcome arms and more confidence than I ever had before. Why? I accept the woman I am today. It gets better, really and you CAN GET THROUGH IT.  \n\nSome suggestions: One of the best things I ever did when I got divorced was to go to therapy with a psychologist who specialized in divorce. She also held a weekly group session (for an hour an a half) with her other female clients (6 or 7 of us) and we worked together on finding our paths AND releasing our hurt, and anger towa
1032725
How long has it been since you divorced?  You just might need more time.  You'll know  when you're ready for a serious relationship again.  Take time to find yourself again and reassess what you want out of life and in a mate.  If you don't feel you're doing ok on your own, seek some counseling.  It really does help to talk things out and put them on the table.
407139
Take the time to do the things you enjoy that you maybe didn't get a chance to do before.  Now you only have yourself to consider. Date.  Have fun.  Go out with your friends.  There is life after couplehood, and even another love.  With what you've learned from this relationship, probably a better one!
1146702
The idiots always tend to answer first.  \n\nLife WILL get better.  I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your wife.  Speaking from some experience, I am "seeing" a widower who was married to his wife for 20-something years.  I did not know him or her when they were married and it will be one year this month since she passed away and he has two teenage children.\n\nIt will be hard and it will probably get harder for you as holidays come and go but you have to hang in there.  You should be so thankful that you met the love of your life, many of us never get that chance.  My guy never thought he would be with another woman, never wanted to.  It is still difficult for him at times and I have difficulty dealing with it at times too.  He pulls away from me to deal with it and I kind of freak out (read my posted questions).  He tells me that it is kind of hard for him to believe that his marriage is over and he sometimes feels like he is cheating.  Give it time.  Time is the only thing that will heal your pain.  Hang in there and live life for that baby of yours, she needs you to be happy.  If you need to talk, feel free to contact me - I kind of understand.
696820
Give it time. Get out and get back into things. It does take awhile, but can be done. I stayed single for over 2 years before I was ready to get back out there. Don't give up hope. When i thought i would never meet anyone again..I did. Your whole attitude will change. Make some new friends and try things that you never have. You will be able to show these new things to the kids too.
602587
Speaking as one that was in a 25 year marriage that failed, when it first happened , the LAST thing I wanted was another relationship right then. I went out with several ladies, and I really liked some of them, but NO realtionship! Years later, I think I'm now emotionally ready for one. He probably cares a great deal for you, and in time, I see a future there possibly, but not now for sure. Just be patient, love him, and you just might get the man of your dreams. Good Luck!!
300677
It takes time.  I'm still not over my ex and that was 7 years ago.  I know that doesn't sound promising, but that isn't what life is about.  You learn to deal.  As time goes by it gets easier.  If you really love someone they will always hold a special place in your heart, even 50 years down the road.  Don't try to get over it.  Cry, listen to sad music, wear pj pants, and eat ice cream.  Everyone needs to wallow.  Eventually you will want to start living again and be happy and you will. Don't try to be friends though.  When things are that serious and one still has feelings and you try to "just be friends", the one with the feeling, you, will always get hurt in the end.  You'll realize it's not enough and you'll never heal that way.  Just remember not to shut love out because of one jerk.  Life is too long to live it alone and lonely.
797244
i think like that sometimes, im 25 and just split up with the man of my dreams and best friend. we were engaged and i thought that was it for me happy ever after, but it dont always work like that. maybe one day i just dream these days and it hurts but i got my lil girl and we do lots of things together and beilieve it or not it is a bonus being able do what you want. if your early 20's and no kids get out with the girls enjoy yourself first. i missed out on all that and it still didnt get me happily married. i do have a beautiful daughter though that i wouldent swap for the world. im going for a career in nursing so that should keep me busy. stop looking thats what im gonna do. good luck chick.x
808299
That is very hard!!!!  I'm sorry to hear about your rocky marriage.  Relationships are hard and it is extremely hard to let go of a fantasy, I went through that recently.  Sometimes you just need to let go in order to move on with your life.  Good luck!!!!!
100137
It took ten years for my poor poor heart to mend after I divorced my husband of 13 years b/c he had a baby with an aquaitance of mine and I felt sorry for her not being married and all gave her a baby shower and gave her all my childs things (i did not know it was his child til later). It just takes time. I dove into my work and made new friends (seeing as how all my old friends knew it was his child and did not tell me) and spent some quality time with myself. I got to know me really well and decided I really liked the new me. Just give yourself time to heal and get involved with work and friends. It does help. Oh and try not to drown your sorrows in alchol and drugs. I tried that I lost everything I had AGAIN and had to start over. Good luck to you and try and hang in there the world has a lot to offer if you will just stop and look around. I am happily married now to a wonderful and caring man that adores me! I am living proof that your heart can and will mend. I may stil be cracked but it will heal.
456893
Well, obviously it is not a new idea to her, and it may be that your moodiness is exactly the problem that has made her think about it.  Honestly, you don't want to try to hold onto her if she wants to go, and you can always find someone new.  \n\nAs long as you have been married, you should have a little trouble getting use to dating again, but once you do you won't be sorry to be on your own.  \n\nThere are lots of single women out there to enjoy, so do it.  Let her go.  She has voiced it, and it is pretty much inevitable I think.\n\nYou could try counseling, if you want to save it, But you must do something.  Don't expect it to just go away.  Don't blame her for the timing.  Realize that this is something that has been building for some time.
1150829
Now that you're divorced, and probably alone, your mind is playing tricks on you. Remember how bad it REALLY was! Remember the times he said things that weren't true, or called you names? Get out of the house, and meet somebody new. That's the only way you're going to get over him for good. He threw you, and the kids, out of the house. He NEVER treated you good! Make yourself move on if you have to, but do move on! Good Luck!!
1079112
Start from the beginning from when you first started dating. Go back to the place you met. Revisit old past times together. Start doing the things you used to do before your life became busy. \n\nDon't forget to look back and find out what that person really means to you. Spice things up a little, do something that you would not ordinarily do. You may have become to predictable with your day in and day out routine. Do some new things.\n\nPray about it as well. It'll work, you have nothing to worry about.
319485
Let's see...you married a man who had failed at 5 marriages before you, right? And I assume it was always the woman's fault that the marriage went south, right? I suggest that you have learned, hopefully, a very expensive lesson...people do not change, regardless of how much you want them to. I am sorry, but where were you when all this money was disappearing? Where were you when he was living high on your expense account. Your were "smitten??" I think the proper word for it is, "you lost your mind." NOw, pay your bills and go one with life. Not much else you can do. But I would hope that your are much wiser in the "from now on" than you have been in the "way back then."
41385
find peace within yourself\nyou can be alone and not be lonely\nwhen you become happy with who you are, you lose the loneliness.go to your church or social events\nhang out with your friends ,if your marriage is over move on.
721868
a few things - I live alone - had a partner for close to 27 years - he passed away.\n\nMy job - I know I will go home to sleep in order to go to work the next day - my job is ok - but I have 14 more years to go and I am anxious to retire - but I try to think how each day brings me one day closer - sometimes it works, but other times it doesn't.\n\nI simply have to be patient.