My husband just told me that he has had relationships with men in the past. What should I do?
92829
Get yourself tested for STDs ASAP, especially HIV.\nSecondly, as tough as it may be for you, leave him. He's told you he wants to do it again, and he will, with or without your consent. His behavior will also put you at risk.
553364
You have a right to be worried because many people cheat because it is addictive.  However, everyone deserves to be judged by their current relationship and not their past.  Who this man is with you and the relationship you have with him is unique and shouldn't be compared to his previous relationship.  Be smart and keep your eyes open but give this relationship a chance and don't throw it away just because your scared your relationship will end up like his before.
371520
No, but I did know a guy once that after I had sort of fooled around with him (we didn't do very much) that we were talking and in the middle of some conversation he mentioned that he had a girlfriend and that he was bisexual. I think he actually thought that if he came clean and said he was bisexual that somehow that made it okay, but when I asked if his girlfriend knew he said no he didn't know how to tell her. And I remember being a bit sarcastic and saying something like "You just say, hey I love you very much, but I want you to know that I'm bi." I think he just laughed and said it wasn't that easy. I asked him if he loved her, he said yes. Then I asked why he was out having sex with guys then (since earlier he had told me that he had met this guy and they did this or he met this guy and did this, etc). He said because he liked having sex with guys. I remember kinda scorning him a bit about not being faithful to his girlfriend to which he simply replied "But I'm bisexual". I remember saying very clearly "That doesn't mean that this isn't cheating. If she doesn't know and she hasn't said it's okay for you to sleep with guys or even to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend, then as far as I'm concerned this is cheating." Ironically he had the nerve to contact me a few years later to tell me he was going to marry her. I asked him if he was still having sex with guys, etc. He told me he wasn't. Then I talked to one of my gay friends who was talking about a guy that sounded familiar that he had sex with a few nights before. I asked his name and sure enough it was him. I went to his work and confronted him about it and he admitted that he had had sex with my friend and then casually mentioned a few other guys I also know. I told him he better tell his fiance, since he still hadn't, or not marry her if he didn't want to do that and that if he didn't tell her and was still going to marry her that my friends and I were going to tell her. I guess that was enough because he broke off the engagement and eventually a few years later did tell her that he was bisexual. To which she calmly replied "Oh neat!" And from conversations with her about it she said that it wouldn't have bothered her if he had wanted a boyfriend, too, so long as the boyfriend was bisexual and it was okay for her to sleep with that guy, too. (to each their own I guess) The point was that he was scared to tell her and in the end she would've been fine with it. Last I checked, he hasn't even dated or been with a girl in a long time and is actually now in a long term relationship with a guy.\n\nAs for me, I'm in a committed relationship myself. I don't know too many guys that have been with girls and slept with guys. I have met atleast one or two straight guys that occasionally like to get a bj from a guy (I know because they often went to some of my gay friends to get them....which at first shocked me, but once they explained that it was better than masturbating and that really it would be better if they could just find a girlfriend but that you take what you can get....oddly many of them are now married and they met those girls through us gay men who with our help usually introduced them and everytime I see them they seem very happy, one that I know even has three kids already...and according to the girl, who was a friend, they have a very healthy sex life)
826355
My husband knows every single detail of my sordid past.  Stripping, drug use, partying with coke dealers, etc, etc, etc.  He puts it behind us.  All he cares about is who we are now and how we treat each other.  If he wasn't there then he doesn't know how it really was.  If he doesn't want to accept you for who you are now, because of who you were then....\n.....he isn't worth the effort.  So tell him what I said.  If he can't get over it still, leave him and find another guy, 'cause you'll never be happy and neither will he.
382231
Sounds like you got yourself in a little trouble. Well your husband must not be doing something right or you would not be in love with another man in the first place. First off tell this man how you feel and let him know if there is gonna be something serious between the two of you it cant go on this way for ever because its just not fair to any of you and if he feels the same way about you then maybe its time you let your significant others go. Second is this man going to be worth losing your husband over. And third when you look into the future can you picture yourself not with your husband and also him with another women? Life is to short if your truly in love with this man go with your heart, and dont wait untill its to late.
377668
The question isn't whether or not it was cheating what you should ask yourself is what's the possibility that someone else might tell him what happen.  If you tell him he might forgive you but I doubt it but if he hear it from someone else you can forget it.  You can tell him I said if he is a good man meaning secure and confident he should believe you and let it go.
459092
Call him on it.  It sounds like neither of you trust each other, so if you get down to the root of the problem, hopefully you can overcome it.  Have you done anything for him to feel betrayed?  It sounds like he's reading them.  Just call him on it and have a conversation about it.
671168
Dont! It is not your fault. You husband has always liked Men and because he was such a coward. He was afraid of what people would think of him. Do not beat yourself up about. Im sure you love him. Just pray that he gets delivered from what ever it is he's going through and move on.
888385
I think everyone has untold secrets. I wouldn't tell him unless he specifically asked.  Then I would not lie to him.  I am sure he has secrets and they should be kept that way.  Your shrink is right in saying the past is the past and has nothing to do with him.
763703
It appears you have a lot of doubts and questions about this man. He is certainly sending up enough red flags. You need to love yourself enough to get out now and save yourself a lifetime of wondering.
995000
you take your own advice, dont you think. men cheated on you\nthough out your relationship. so why would you do the same with\nthis young man. and  the fact that he said it ok that his girfriend\ndid not find out, some nerve. you will regret this.
681884
got married ! thought the guy was nice . i didnt listen to his ex who told me he was a homo . thought she was just being nasty . found out on my own he had probably been with more men than i have .\nneedless to say he is now my ex.
536548
Sounds like he is going through chages and it is possible he is cheating on you! How long have you been married? Because some guys are one way and then after they get married they show their true colors! (And yes women are the same way!) I have more or less went through the same ting resently!
1167906
I would say move on.. not only does he have no respect for other women, but you as his wife, you should be getting the most.\n\nHe thought nothing of your feelings when he was doing it.. and now that it is out in the open.. how does he feel??? \n\nI would say if he shows no remorse.. don't even bother... move on.. life is too short.. and us women are settling for jerks!!
279374
Well ive never been threw it but ill be more then happy to give you my 2 cents with out calling you a slut, i think part of it is your husbands fault for not making sure you have what you need, now i know alot of people are going to scream for me saying that but its the truth, in a marriage part of our job is doing everything possible to make sure our partner is getting everything we need from them emotionally or sexually. Thats just the way it works for a healthy marriage, The only bit of advice i could give you not being actually in that situation is to eather pick on or the other, i can see you feeling even more torn when your feelings for this other guy are fostered even more and you cant act on it, not to mention the emotional and sexual frustrations that can easily bring. I can understand why you turned to this other man for support you wernt getting at home. But i can only see you hurting yourself in the long run if you dont cut ties with one of them. That is unless you totally dont love your husband anymore and your just in it for everything youve envested on a tangable level that you dont want to lose. But honestly do you think if you bumped this relationship up with this other guy you would be able to continue this double life, i hate to label it that way but thats the only thing i can think of to call it right off the top of my head, but i think you understand where im coming from. You need to set a game plan in your head on where you want to go in life if things with this other guy keep developing, what happens if this guy says ok ill chuck my marriage will you chuck yours? what if he talks about you guys meeting and making a full flaired affair? What if your husband finds out about whats going on how will you respond? How will your husband? Im not saying i know what you should do or what you need to do, but if i were you i would get a clear picture of what i wanted from your husband or from this other guy. Do you think there would be a possiblity you would be more happy in your marriage if your husband started to work with you on your problems with the marriage? Do you think there is any hope for you marriage now? Do you think your husband is doing the same thing you are on some sort of level? IF he was how do you feel about it? I think you need to ask yourself these kinds of questions and in deep deep detail figure out what you want to do, i dont think anyone in here can really answer those kinds of questions and give you any much more of a clear picture then you seriously thinking about this i wish you all of luck and i really hope you get something figured out on this *HUGS*
689341
I have been married for 21 years.  First you have to be honest and communicate with your spouse.  If you had been, he may not have been spying on you.  Talk to your husband about it.  If he is uncomfortable with you two off somewhere, you should respect his feelings.  Only communicate with your friend if your husband is aware of conversations, meetings, etc.  My husband knows the male friends I may talk to or he can read the emails we send each other.  I also know of his female friends.  If it is innocent, then keep it in the open.  Would you really be o.k. if the shoe was on the other foot and your husband was off with a "girl" friend?  Alone?
848264
Eventually if you want to have a serious relationship and marriage with this guy, everything is going to have to come out into the open. It won't be easy, but if he truely loves you he should be accepting of what has happened to you. Remind him that there was an agreement that the two of you made not to talk about the past and now that he has shared with you and you are understanding that you would like to be able to have the same reaction.