Why would anyone go back to an abusive relationship?
95484
No.....I use to be in an abusive relationship and now way no how....would I ever go back.
63068
Studies have shown that men who are abusive rarely change.  As much as you may love him, and as much as he may love you, it's not worth risking your life to be with him.
1171867
Honestly, sounds like new guy was getting really attached to you. And by going back to your ex, even if it was a verbal agreement that didn't last tlong.. you scared new guy off.\n\nHe is probably going to need some time to get over that. If you really want to be with him, put some time in and show him that it was a stupid mistake and won't happen again.\n\nAlso, on another note, why give someone who has hit you a second chance? Please think about that. Abuse is a pattern that will not stop without serious counseling, if that. I would steer clear of the ex if I was you.
743442
When we are in love we are willing to look past things-this doesn't mean that it is necessarily going to be a good result.  We see hope for a better future, we wish for the best, and we are more likely to forgive.  Unfortunately for those who are emotionally and physically abused, their self esteem continues to deteriorate until there is barely anything left.  When someone feels this low it is hard for them to realize they deserve better-they need good friends to keep encouraging them to be brave and to walk away from the abuse.  They have to take control over their own lives and start building themselves back up again.  This is very common - My tip-don't let abuse get away on you-at the first sign walk away-every woman deserves better!
860440
I left 2 previous relationships that were abusive. It got to the point where it was a life or death situation. I had to leave to save the life of my child and myself. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. Right now I'm doing well rebuilding a better life for my little boy. I didn't want him growing up thinking that the way my ex treated us was right or the norm. I give props to every woman who has had the courage to leave. For those who haven't yet, I pray for your safety until you do. There has been a drastic rise in the number of women being killed by ex's lately and I knew if I didn't leave, I'd be next. I thank God for making a way of escape. Be encouraged.
1057637
You already know that you are not the things that this person has called you, you said so yourself. Now all you need to do is get that person out of your system and move on with your life. Meet new people, try new things. I think that when people are abusive to other people weather it's emotional, physical or verbal it's because that have low self esteem and they want to bring someone down with them. You do not deserve to be treated just anyway. Now that you are out of this relationship you can chooses how you want to be treated. DO NOT let anyone treat you any other way then you want to be. Good luck.
1059137
Stacy,\n\nWhen you've spent as much time with someone you love as you have and during that time also struggle together through various dependencies then even those struggles become things we tend to hang on to, despite the bad times associated with them. They become a connection to what we learn to perceive as our own reality so we hang on to them because we find hope or security in them even when that apparent reality is in fact not healthy or secure at all. You've made changes in your personal life obviously to discard some of those dependencies while your significant other has not. Yet you hang on to the one dependency that in the last 5 years has been a constant in your life and that is him, his very presence of being there close to you, touchable and reachable. You still see each other, you sleep together and you do this because you choose to look past his unwillingness to change. Why? Because for you, despite the past, you still try to find hope in a situation that seems to never offer any in return and you can't see yourself either giving up or drastically changing your life to leave it all behind. Maybe this is because you feel you have put so much into it and because by still being with him in certain ways it allows you to believe it may all change. Or, maybe you're just afraid to look to a future of starting over and rebuilding your life without him. Starting over can always be a scary proposition for any of us and just taking the first step is the most scary of all. Not unlike when a child pulls themselves up to the coffee table and for the very first time takes that single step without holding on. We risk falling down but if we measure our risks to minimize the fall then we find security in that and pull ourselves up and take another step. Reading all that you've written and having somewhat experienced similar situations I would be inclined to believe that for you to move on, as you want to do, you truly need a whole new start. New surroundings, new friends and new opportunity and again in my experience I've found the best way to do that is to put distance between myself and the past somewhere new and start fresh in life. Maybe this is for you too or at least something to consider. Scary thought? Sure it is but for someone who's obviously been through as much as you have then I suspect you're a strong young woman who is more than capable of doing so. I will hope for the best for you and should you need a friend in the future then all you have to do is reach out.\n\nBest Wishes Always
229868
Take time for yourself and heal yourself or you may  find yourself attracting another abuser. You need to regain your confidence before putting yourself out there and after five years of emotional abuse some wear and tear has been done to your confidence.So take it slow, especially with some of the wolves out there you need to be in tip top shape to take the plunge again.
107233
I see mostly women answering this one, so here's my take: There is always going to be somebody else that is better. These sort of things happens to guys as well...I am one of those guys, and I left when it got bad.  Bad enough that she decides to call the cops on me when I broke up with her, purposely made a few marks on herself, and I do an over-nighter. That was 5 years ago. Now I finished school (college) and got an awesome job, now I need someone to share my new life with, and I know she is out there.  Bottom line is this: You can do just fine w/o the abuse, probably better...and when you find yourself where you want to be in life, try again!  Best wishes to ya!
198520
Unless you want to get hurt again. You already know what he did and he knows it too. So why go through it again? Are you sure he won't remember what he did and not do it again, and again? If you go back to him, you are the only one to blame.
477877
no I thought I knew him dated 6 years but now he turned abusive and I never thought he would do that.by the way thanks for your rude answer to my question.a person never deserves to be abused even if I was bitter which I wasn't I just wanted him to show he cared.but after being abused by someone I thought loved me and would never hurt me yes I am bitter now.
716221
Some folks get to feeling really sorry for themselves and think that the world has ended because they had a disagreement with their partners.  Fact of life is thought that we are going to have arguments with mates, friends etc. throughout our lives.  A lot of people believe that this form of self abuse will prove their love and devotion to the other and that they will accept them back after this.  Majority of time if partner does return to relationship it is because of guilt of some other foolish believe that only they can act as Savior to this person. Live is not meant to go as we want all the time and the sooner people realize this the less of this type of behaviour will be occurring.
196641
You walk out of the abusive person's life and the relationship, and never look back. Do not give second chances, or that person the satisfaction of trying to make you feel guilty or that you "owe" them, and your payment to them for 6 years is to stay with them.
420356
They do it because they are dumb. I just got out of a realtionship like that and he wants me back. He is a big loser all they want is sex and if you don't give it to them, they WILL cheat. I cryed so much over him...hes a loser
416127
Alot of women are afraid of change for the most part!  They don't wanna believe in their hearts that the one they love could ever hurt them or betray them in that way that they have to leave them!  Alot of it is false security and hope that things will get better than they are!  I would leave now if I felt uncomfortable at all in the relationship so I did not wast anymore time on something and someone that was going no where!
668419
Most people who have been hurt in the past have a hard time opening up with someone new as to letting their defenses down and to be hurt again. Some just fear any type of commitment in general.\n\nThis life is full of chances. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. But life is alot better when you have someone to share it with, even if it is for a short while.
485739
Yes they do because they are stupid and undeserving of pity. If they are too stupid to leave when someone beats them they deserve it or like it. Most wiil say Im scared to leave or I have nowhere to go or but hes a good provider or he takes care of the kids etc.... Its all bs. I had 3 ex gfs slap me before and I walked out and never spoke to them again, I dont put up with abuse but some sick and twisted people like it. Feel no pity for them as they arent even human, even a dog will try to run away if it knows its going to get beat.