how can i reconcile with my grown son when my inlaws always interfere?
84560
Clearly the `always` interfere part is a problem.\nyou must find a way to prevent them from interfering\nwhether it is just through \ndirect communication <avoidance> \nor through changing what they think of you <mitigation>\nWhat sway do they have over your grown son?
1068237
honestly, it's tricky when dealing with in-laws and even siblings.\nmoney will ALWAYS get in the way.\n\nit sounds like you guys were doing a great job at being family by doing things for each other...until the furniture.\n\ni would be firm and explain that there was no agreement for payment for your wedding services or their truck services...so, all these situations are exclusive from each other.\ntell them that you guys feel you are asking a reasonable price and if they don't want it for that price, then that's o.k. and you'll find someone else!\nbe kind and courteous about it, but don't feel that you are obligated to take a financial hit for family.\n\ni would prob make a family price a little lower than i would a stranger price, but they shouldn't haggle with family...that's poor manners.\nif they can't afford it, then suck it up, explain it's out of their price range and go find something else!  \n\nif they want to throw a fit, then they are the only ones looking selfish.  you guys look like you're trying to help them by selling some furniture.\n\njust be firm and now, you know how they view favors...for the future.\n\ntake care.
850151
YOUR HOUSE. YOUR RULES.  \n\nRequest your brother to refrain from telling jokes in front of your in-laws.  He must be able to do this at other events (like at church, weddings, funerals) and at work (if not he must be a sexual harassment lawyers dream come true).  \n\nIf he feels he is unable to comply with YOUR HOUSE YOUR RULES then please either do not attend or show up after your in-laws have left, where he can open the trap up.\n\nThere will be no pleading, discussion or reasoning.  I do not tolerate fowl language during working hours from co-workers and if they do not like it they know they can get a job somewhere else.\n\nAlso inform him the the punishment could be you showing everyone pictures of him as a baby (naked on the bearskin rug or wearing your dresses), all of which either he will deny you have or be scared you really will.  If you don't tell him paint shop pro works wonders on the old family pictures.\n\nGood luck
848570
It's not an easy thing to deal with, you have to think about what is best for yourself, your husband and most importantly your son.\n\nYes, I strongly recommend counceling as well. You also have to have a heart-to-heart with your husband and find out what he wants as well as tell him what you want.\nYour son will not be happy living in a family where happiness comes last. You two have a job to do and that's to set a good example to your son.\nIf you two truly love each other and want to stay together, then it can be worked out, but you both have to communicate with each other. \nI have a dear friend who's gay who was married for a time as well. He married because he wanted a family, to him that was more important than his being gay. \nHe actually came out to his wife and they had originally decided to stay together to start a family. But someone else thought it was terrible and convinced his wife to put him out of the house. \n\nI know both of them and she had said a few years afterward that it was probably the worst decission of her life. She regrets it terribly.\nHe was very hurt because he really did love her and really wanted a family with her. \nThey both knew he was gay, it was something they originally were prepaired to deal with. It was only once he was 'outted' to a family 'friend' that things got ugly. \n\nGranted, neither of them speak to this person now as a result of what happened. But the damage is done and they can't go back. \n\nJust make sure whatever you two decide, it's something that you both really want, you both can live with and neither of you will regret. \n\nAlways remember your son comes first in all of this. Make sure, if you do decide to split, to keep the lines of communication open for your son to know his father. \nWhen my husband and I split up, I never said anything bad about his father in front of our son. I let him know his father and make up his own mind about him when he was old enough. Now he and his father aren't all that close, but that was my son's choice, not mine.
315035
They are in your house and will just have to deal with who you are. I know you feel like it matters what they think, but if you're already married to the guy then he obviously doesn't care what his parents think. Be yourself, and just try to be nice to them. If they talk down to you, etc, get your husband to talk to them and explain that he doesn't appreciate them disrespecting you in your own home. Stand your ground!
249513
I understand your feelings.  Talk to Hubby about it.  Make him understand how it makes you feel.  He should be willing to help with your feeligns.  Some compromise is in order.  Because of the kids, they inlaws will be a part of your life, but how much a part is something you two can discuss.  Sounds to me like he can give a little, and you can as well.  Good luck!
564662
There are some strategies you might want to consider:\n\n1) Foster a closer relationship with him. At first glance this may seem out-of-point, but a closely-knit family develops closer bonds between family members and this translates into more responsible behaviour.\n\n2) Share stories of yourself when you were younger, the kinds of things that you used to help your parents do around the house and reminisce about how fun it was.\n\n3) Avoid threats - ways that encourage him towards voluntarily chipping in as a member of the family should be used over punitive methods that may repel him further, especially at this rebellious phase during the teen years.\n\nMany eastern societies, like those in countries such as Singapore, Japan or Hong Kong do not adopt the western practice of youngsters moving out of the family home once they reach a certain age. In fact, most children stay with their parents until they get married. Hence the family bond is very strong in such cultures, which emphasizes responsibility towards the family.\n\nI'm sure your son will help more around the house. Start him off gently and I'm sure you'll enjoy the extra help around the house.\n\nCheers!\nALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE
176088
FIRST OF ALL YOU NEED TO PARAY TO GOD TO GIVE YOU STRENGTH TO BE ABLE TO KNOCK THE H*** OUT OF THEM IF THEY GET IN YOUR FACE AGAIN, BECAUSE IT IS NOT UNFAIR OF YOU SO DO NOT THINK THAT WAY. YOU SHOULD TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THEM AND MAKE NO QUALMS ABOUT IT. THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN YOUR DEFENSE WHEN YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND HAD THAT ARUGUMENT AND HE WAS DISRESPECTING YOU, INSTEAD THEY USED IT FOR THEIR TIME TO VENT HOW THEY FELT ABOUT YOU. YOU NEED TO SIT DOWN AND TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND ABOUT THIS ISSUE, AND LET HIM KNOW HOW  YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS. DO NOT DEPEND ON YOUR HUSBAND TO SHIELD YOU FROM THEM, BECAUSE IT SEEMS THAT IS IS DEFINETLY SLACKING IN THAT DEPARTMENT. YOU BETTER LET THEM KNOW WHERE TO GET THE HECK OFF AT, AND THE NEGATIVITY THAT THEY HAVE TOWARDS YOU IS MUTUAL (EVEN IF IT IS NOT THEY DONT HAVE TO KNOW THAT), BECAUSE YOU HAVENT DID ANYTHING TO DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THAT. \nFURTHERMORE YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEM THOSE ARE YOUR HUSBAND'S PARENTS NOT YOURS, DO NO FEEL THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED TO THEIR SON THAT YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEM. TO MAKE THINGS EASIER FOR YOU DO GOT TO THEIR HOUSE, AND DO NOT LET THEM COME TO YOUR, IF YOUR HUSBAND WANT TO SEE THEM THEN HE CAN GOT OVER THERE.  \nYOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE "UNDERSTANDING" ABOUT A D*** THING, AND YOUNEED TO TELL YOUR HUSBAND THAT YOU ARE NOT GOING TO KISS THEIR A**** JUST TO GET ALONG WITH THEM, AND IF HE DONT WATCH THEN HE WILL BE BACK AT HOME WITH HIS MOM AND DAD.  YOU ARE A WOMAN IN YOUR OWN RIGHT, AND YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THEIR CRAP. I HOPE THIS HELPS!!!
879424
I hate my in-laws. They are always in my marriage. They expect my husband to cater to their needs and forget that he has a family on his own to take care of. I undrestand that he is suppose to help them but they call him for any and everything like when they went out of town they wanted him to stay in their house for two weeks without his family.
804266
well you best talk to your spouse and let the in laws hang because they are on the outside and the important one at this point is the one your with. but explain what happen and that you meant no harm.
244209
You need to sit your husband down and explain to him exactly how you feel.  Then you need to avoid your in-laws to salvage your mental health.  Allow your husband to visit them whenever he wants, but you stay home or go to a movie.  Seriously, my mother-in-law hated me and she broke up my marriage in the end.  It sounds like you need a vacation....
694372
My mother in law didnt like me either. She said it wouldnt last a year. Well its been 32 years and we no longer speak to her because she pulled some rel nasty stunts on our children. I say stay with him and ditch the mother in law too.
116053
mostly in-laws are hard to get along with each other.  some reasons are both sides are so insecure with each other.  u are in the center.  dont take her side or your family side be in the middle.  did u ever talk to your mom if she knows any reason why your wife is treating them like that?  u can talk to your wife and tell her that your family is not comfortable that the way she treats them.  but dont be sound like you are taking your family side.  she might freak out and start an argument.  its really hard if your family get invloved with your marriage.  sometimes u feel like u need to choose between them.  but i'm pretty sure u both love your family and your wife.  u dont want to hurt any of them.  u have to talk to them.  u dont have to leave your wife u just need to talk to her about that problem.
367511
Well you could write them a letter about how you feel and leave it at that! And then go on with your plans together. They will either learn to live with their son's decision or they won't.\n\nThe parents aren't the ones in this relationship and if you both love each other, do what you need to do to be together. DON'T NOT be  together because of them. they are not in this relationship you both are, and you two should be happy. They'll get over it, it may take years, but at least you won't have to worry about your mother-in-law butting into your business, right off the bat.
881813
Sometimes, blood is NOT thicker than water. Your are his wife, and now become #1, in his life, along with children, if you have any.\nGoodness, what going on, it's a wonder that you both have not just said\n"enough is enough", and shut them out of you lives. Your husband is in agreement with you.\nWhy not discuss it with you husband, and tell him how you feel.\nYou do have to be rude to his mother, and stup to her level!\nSure, they keep ringing......They want you both to help them now.....\nWhat were they thinking before...that you both would just forget, and forgive?\nAsk you husband, if you can politely say.....Thank you for the birthday wishes,\nhowever, we have a life of our own now. I am sorry, but our hands are tied,\nand we cannot help you in any way....something like that.....\nLet your husband speak to them also.  No way, you both have made a life, without them,and put up with all the abusive language from them....\nTell them to move into the property that was put in the daughters name.\nDo not feel guilty!!!!  and do not change your lives, not with that kind of in-laws.\nGo girl, and your husband.....do not put up with it....you both only live once, and its Your Life and Your husbands!!!!
318609
I'm planning a wedding and dealing with a mother-in-law... \n(and we're in a similar situation)\nIf you want more people to come offer to pay for them!  I konw traditionally it's the bride's family that pays for the reception and all that... but if you would really like to have a few more of your family members there then I'd say offer to pay and talk to them about it.  It's a lot to ask for an extra 25-30 people.  That can be thousands.  \n\nAlso, Your son is a man.  Let him handle it.  But if you decide to get involved don't do any passive-agressive stuff cause that can get between him and his fiancee.  I'm sure if he had a problem with it he'd speak up.\n\nMy future MIL is always blaming me when anything dealing with her son is to her disliking.  They are adults making decisions and plans together.  Speak with them about it and make sure that you view them as doing this together.\n\nAnd this is just my 'blah blah blahing' but please try to make sure that you're not expecting too much from your son's wedding.  It is his wedding and his fiancee's  wedding.
817359
It actually sounds like your in law problems aren't as bad as some folks.  On his side, if it's pretty much the little sister that doesn't get along with you try developing a relationship with her, take her to lunch, call & chat with her if possible.  Maybe you guys just need to find some common ground.  If his family feels intimidated by your outspokeness, try toning it down around them a little.  Sometimes it can be a real learning experience to just listen to other folks.  It's probably just different communication styles.  Again, just look for as much common ground as you can find.\nOn your side, I think your mom needs to get a grip.  Your husband sounds like he's good to your son - what does your mom want - for you to hold out for the guy whos in jail?  She needs to learn to accept your choice.  Best wishes!