After i had my children, it is hard for me to be intimate with my husband,could it be a medical problem.?
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I hope this articles helps you\n\nSex after childbirth?\n\nBy Joannah Bharose\n\n\nSunday, March 20th 2005\n \n \n Monique is 26. She had her baby when she was 24. Now she can't remember the last time she had sex. In fact, the idea of sex turns her off and she now channels all her energies towards her toddler, a girl. \n\n"I have no interest in sex and I feel fat. Sometimes he does not seem that attractive anymore," she said of her husband, whom she married when she turned 23. Monique had been going to the gym for the last six months and has lost over 20 pounds, but still has no interest in sex, she said. \n\n"Before the baby it was good, now I'm always tired and we have both gotten fat, nothing is the same," she complained. \n\nStacey is 27. She has five-and three-year-old boys. Stacey admitted that she only has sex because her husband wants it. "Since my first child I just never seemed to enjoy it anymore." \n\n"I have no interest, if he wants it then, but I have not had an orgasm since my first child was born," she said. \n\nThese couples are not alone. What they are going through is not new. Having a baby changes a woman's sex life forever, and the repercussions can be painful and sometimes result in break-ups. \n\nA lot changes for a woman when she has a baby, physically and mentally. \n\nAccording to local gynaecologist/obstetrician Dr Spencer Perkins, nearly every woman has a period of depression after having a baby, and couples have to work together otherwise they can get into serious difficulties. \n\nAfter giving birth, many women go through a period of adjustment to their "new" body. This might result in little or no interest in sexual intercourse immediately following childbirth. \n\nMost women spend a lot of time dwelling on the issue of losing the weight they gained during pregnancy, and worry if they will ever get their figure back again and whether they are still attractive to their partner. \n\n"They might not feel desirable, because the sex might not feel good to her and her partner," Perkins said. "Having a supportive partner is important," he pointed out. \n\nPerkins said: "Women have depression to varying degrees after pregnancy and physically they undergo a lot of stress during the pregnancy and childbirth. It is a painful process. Everything changes. Sleep pattern changes, and her focus which have negative effects." \n\nCouples can have sex at anytime after childbirth once the woman feels that she is physically up to it. \n\nIt is common for new mothers to feel very dry and lack the vaginal lubrication that had been normal. This is due to the reduced estrogen after the delivery of the placenta. \n\nBecause there is decreased tone in the perineal muscles, women and their partners may notice less pleasurable friction during intercourse. For the women, orgasms may also be less intense for the first few months. \n\nThe baby passage, which can be up to ten centimetres, invariably causes permanent damage to vaginal muscles with tearing or cutting. Some of it will heal. \n\nPerkins also highlighted that men may not derive as much pleasure because of the changes in the vaginal muscles. "These are normal occurrences after giving birth." \n\nTo help increase muscle tone, there are a number of pelvic exercises that a woman can do. (See sidebar.) Alternatively, women can have reconstructive surgery. \n\n"Many people do, especially if the damage reduces the enjoyment of intercourse for the man," Perkins said. \n\nAnother undesirable side effect is incontinence, the involuntary leakage of urine at times of laughing, coughing or during physical activity like sex. \n\nPerkins said none of these problems should be ignored, but dealt with as soon as possible. \n\n"Men need to take time and patience and maturity to help their partners through this difficult time. Sometimes just talking with a doctor might no
542123
it sounds like it..just talk to him about whats going on...ur married and i hope everything works out..congrats on the new baby
712243
I've never heard of anything like this before......before we started that aspect of our relationship my (now) husband got blue balls and felt really sick and chills and such.....maybe you hold out so long that that happens to you.  I am so sorry to hear that!
394297
I think there might be some mental disturbance. Both of you need to see doctors, it happens sometimes in such relationships, as you would admit its kinda different then normal. More over are you sure you are completely healthy?
27648
You should be more specific.  Are YOU having trouble or your other half.\n\nBeing pregnant can make a lot of things go through both of your minds.  Sex is no problem unless there's a complication and you should ask your doctor.  For a man it can be a problem just because of the psychological part not wanting to do any harm to the baby.
269705
I'm in the same boat as you!  Actually my husband and I just had a detailed conversation about this last night. He says that it makes him feel dirty and he doesn't think it is normal.  He is also gentle and caring and loving and not that I don't appreciate all those great qualities about him,sometimes I'd like for him to do something totally unexpected and out of his norm.  After the talking though,he seems set in his ways and isn't willing to even try. I suppose I could offer you the same advice and TALK to him and see what his point of view is. You could also try getting some mild toys and start out slow and see where that gets you?  Sorry,can't be of more help,but I think everyone has their own mindset and that's a hard one to change ,especially if they are adamant about their viewpoint.  Good luck though!  I'll put you on my watch list and maybe learn something too!!  ZOYA.\n\nEDIT: To Dklyde:  That is a very good question!!\nHowever we now have 3 children and that takes precedence over my sexual needs when it comes to the thought of leaving.
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I felt the same way alot! This may seem strange to say but maybe he should have his testosterone level checked. That is the age it gets low and my husband had those symptoms and that's what it was. Also, what do you need to talk about. I needed to talk about how to fix problems and my husband took unpleasant issues that we needed to discuss as wanting to start an arguement. Also men don't need the connection quite as much as women do I think. It is so hard to live with. There are so many women that are going through the same thing. Maybe there should be e-harmany for women who need to get connected with other woman in the same situations so they can go out, have fun and complain about their husbands. A support group or something. Just leave him on the couch and maybe take some classes and do fun things for yourself before you think there is something wrong with you. It is him not you. He should see a doctor to rule out a medical condition. He may also be suffering from depression. Have you sat him down and in a nice, loving way tell him your concerned about him and NEED his imput? Write him a letter of how you feel if he finds it hard to sit and listen to converstation. Good luck! My husband got treated for low testosterone and depression and it got a whole lot better. If he refuses to even try, leave. There is no point in being unhappy. Life is too short. Live life either way. Alone but married, or alone and not married but open to finding someone else and hope you find someone else. Some people tend to relax and not try to please the other person after awhile also.
373901
Look I went through the same thing with my ex wife ....I started to realize it wasn't any thing I could do.... Cause it wasn't just up to me it was up to her too.....You can only carry some one for so long before you end up being the same person....I know it will be hard but maybe it is time to move on ....Don't be anybodies fool... You need to start a life that gives you some comfort and happiness..Sounds like you need it....And I know you have a child ,but wouldn't you rather have you child have all the love he/she could get from you ? Rather than you being so worried about what your husband is doing late at night.When you woory about what your husband is doing you take away the focus your child needs .... Hope that helps a little\nEXPLAYA here
1019086
it may be a medical prob. check with your family physician.
225372
just because it gets hard doesn't mean you need to have sex...\n\ni think you have other issues you want to take care of.  talk them out with your wife, not with us.
1179880
yeah...i say talk to a doctor and see if there is anyway to "heal" it...and in the mean time, stop having rough sex, or any sex at all, you might be ruining your chances for kids at any time in the future
876117
I don't have this problem myself, but my mom does.  You should go to that clinic, there is meds you can take for this.  I doubt that you need surgery.  Do you have kids?  After having babies i know this can happen to some women.  Good luck-hope this helps!
120035
I'm an advid listener of Dr. Drew's Love Line, and apparently this is very common. In his mind he's still making the transition of you from being his lover to mother of his child. That, and being a guy, I could definitely relate to the other posts thus far - having sex after watching a kid pop out would definitely be a bit strange. Try talking it over with him and spicing up your sex life with something new, such as sexy lingerie, roleplaying, etc.. Something new will help redefine you from the sexual relationship you had prior to the child.
1032750
I think anytime someone is unable to control a behavior, there is going to be a problem. Fertility & erection should not be a problem, but the obsession will.  Talk with your doctor about getting some help.
307192
Welcome to parenthood my dear! I share the same kids with my spouse and we rarely have any time together. I've heard that it gets better as the kids get older and more independant.\nJust hang on and remember that you are shaping their lives, helping to mould them into better people. It's all worth it and though it may be more difficult when they are not your biological children, but your impact on there lives is just as important. Good Luck!
1031648
it doesn't sound good. I say, see your doctor. There may have been some complication after the birth that is just now manifesting itself. Don't wait. You have a child who needs  you to be healthy.
845116
its actually a pretty common problem, he probably has ED (erectile dysfunction). There are meds that REALLY work, i think cialis is best. he probably will be pretty sensitive to talking about it, so bring it up gently. you don't want to be plagued with this your whole marriage. also, you need to be able to communicate about EVERYTHING, even sensitive topics like this. good luck!