How do you deal when a spouse dont suport when you take a pay cut in a job to be happier?
85825
Allow him to disagree but do not faulter in your choice. Accuse him of distrust. Do not allow him to use subcurrent tacticle manipultion to convince you of being wrong and maintain an over view of your chioce. Be strong
1036972
I would say come to terms with your wife, does she know that you feel this way? If so she probably isn't happy either.\nThe baby at this point is the most important thing. I am glad that you care enough to not just up and leave them. It will all work out better if you and your wife are happy, because then the child wont be raised in an unhappy home. Bottom line... Be happy :)
174157
This may not have occurred to you but you should consider it:\na lot of men feel pressure after they have children, buy homes ect. to maintain the same lifestyle as before and in his eyes he may be diong the extra time at work for YOU and your child, he most likely feels that it is His responsability to take care of you and to provide for you so you should remember that if this is his mind set he may feel that it is a sacrifice he is making for his family.\nyou absouloutly need to keep that in mind and sit down together and talk to him about it, tell him that you know he might feel pressure to take care of you and your child or children,  and that it isn't that you don't appricate his efforts , it is just that you miss your time together and as important as the finances may be, that you would prefer adjusting your lifestyle to less money than to adjust to having him away so often.\nthis will put thing in a way he will find eaiser to understand and he will not feel nagged or threatened.
381250
last year my husband was dignosed with depression (after counless years of suffering from it),so he decided to quit his job to see if it would make him any happier, but in the end being stuck in the house all the time gave him time to dwell on all the negatives which made him worse, and he tried to kill him self twice, but now he is back at work and although he always complains about his job atleast he has something to get up for in the morning, and I think he maybe starting to turn a corner concerning the depressing. Maybe you could try going to college or a new job and working towards the career you've always wanted, but really think hard about giving up work altogether.
278804
For everything that he withholds from you, withhold something from him, until he decides to share.  I don't just mean sex, there are many things you could not give him that would make him feel as if he were missing something important from his life, which is probably how you feel with no money of your own.\n\nYou could refuse to cook, or clean, or even have a conversation.  When he comes home from work and is frustrated about something, you could refuse to listen to his problems.  Eventually he'll realize it's worthwhile to share, especially if his saves him from medical/phychiatric bills further down the road due to the bottled up emotions you never allowed him to vent.
289309
There is really no way to just cope if you love the person and don't feel like they are giving you the attention, love and affection you need. I have found that things are alot easier when I stay busy and try to keep my mind off certain things that remind me of the negative things. I try many things to keep myself busy from going to eat or have a beer after work to playing online games or just doing some school work. If you have children together it makes things harder because you want to kinda put on a show and spend time with the kids togeather. If you don't have kids I would suggest finding some friends separate from your spouse. Spend some time with them or just plain talking to someone about it helps so much.
531674
You should be happy you married a very good spouse...\neveryone does feel bored over things that is the same most of the time...\n-working would help if you are stay at home wife,\n-have your own business where you can put those energies,\n-join some foundations... this would not only make you happy but for a good cause.\ntell your husband how you feel... he may have some better ideas then... a second honeymoon...
894478
First of all, love is not a feeling. Love is not about feeling happy or not feeling happy with our spouses. If not being happy at the current time was a reason for divorce, then, we'd have even higher divorce rates.\n\nIt seems you can immediately help yourself by making the decision to be in the moment with your husband as fully yourself. Don't hide yourself, don't pretend to be something you're not...but just be your genuine self.\n\nIf you are feeling this way about your marriage, the chances are good that your husband may be feeling some of the same feelings.\n\nLove is a decision to be committed and to stay committed. Love is a commitment. Be committed to being your honest genuine self, and be committed to being in your marriage as your genuine honest self.\n\nIf you can do this, your relationship is bound to improve. If not, then you can think about other alternatives. But till then, I'm afraid you haven't earned the right to leave
619910
Hey, \n\nI don't know if 'I can really be of much help cause I myself am not married, But I really am sorry for what you are having to go through. I just want to say that if you are not happy anymore and if you don't think things are going to work don't put yourself through that, cause it will make you start to feel more hatred towards him and make you miserable. It is normal for women to feel insercure when having to start over after that many years, but I don't think you will have any problems finding someone to love and who will love you back. If you don't try how do you know? I am a cosmetologist and I have many clients who are going throught the same thing and none of them regret there choice of leaving. Go pamper yourself get a makeover and make your self feel better then get out there and have fun. That's what they are doing. You may feel like you won't make it but trust me on this one you will be just fine. I hope this helps you! And sorry I couldn't be more help, but as much as you hate to hear it you are the only one who can make you happy!
1014907
I truely understand how you feel but........ you need move on with your "own" life. You are 100% correct. Life is very unfair. It will not help you to be bitter or angry about your situation. I know that it's very hard to be happy when things like this happens but there are always other options. First, you can not undo what is already done. So get a baseball bat and go out back and beat the heck out of a tree until you get tired. It will make you feel better. I pity that poor tree.\nSecond, only you can make yourself "happy". Do things for yourself first. Buy a new dress or outfit. Take yourself to a sit down lunch. The point here isn't to spend alot of money but to do something for yourself. Put yourself first. It will make you feel better and don't ever think that you don't deserve it. Contact a friend (female) and spend some time with them. Maybe even take in a movie together. Get the idea?\nMoney - the root of all greed! No two people are the same and this goes for the amount of pay they are getting even if the work is the same. There must be a reason for the other person making more then you. But here again, no matter what the reason you need to let it go and move on.\nSo here are a few suggestions for you.\n1) Learn how to be happy with yourself, surround yourself with other people who are having "fun" and not dumping all their problems on you. Leave your problems at home!\n2) Your situation is no different then many other women your age, so you need to take charge of your life and your "Finances" (money) I know that you have heard the saying "work smarter and not harder". Do it! At work do what you were hired to do, get your paycheck and leave work at work. Next time you leave work stop and take a few minutes to look at the sky, the trees, and many other things around you. Realize that you are alive and that you have alot to offer to this world.\n3) Trusting a man again. This will probably be the hardest thing for you to do but..... life goes on. Don't judge all men by what your ex has done to you. There are alot of men out there that will care about you for being you. Your ex seems to measure things by his play toys instead of his heart. And remember this - when you die you can't take it with you!     I know. It hurts  because of all those years that you work for the things that you both had. Remember those materialize things can always be replaced.\n4) Look at the website listed below. Kim has a book out that talks about women taking charge of their life and why. You just might be interested.\nBy the way - working for someone else only pays your immediate bills. To be financally independent is all mind set and about attitude.\n\nHope this helped.\nHappiness always
700263
I had a colleague like you --- she had two children, she worked full time, (teacher) and he did nothing.  He was diagnosed with depression, took the pills sometimes, but did nothing.  Her children were raised in an environment where their father never worked.   He, however, ran the show.  She left her job, (his decision to move)  they pulled all of the $$ out of her retirement account, and moved to another state.  Now they are in their 50's, she has no job security, no retirement plan, and he never helped financially...... \n\nMarriage is made up of Respect Admiration, and Passion.  Two of these are gone in your relationship, maybe all three.  You may wish to rethink this marriage.  What a guy does for his living is his definition of who he is.  Your husband is nothing -- a house husband..... not a biggie in any real man's world... In fact, a house-wife is not a big definition even to a woman anymore.  So, it appears from your note, that you are doing both side of the marriage deal -- running the household, and bringing home the bacon..... not really very satisfying....   And life, after all, should be all sorts of things -- fun, sharing, raising children together, enjoying hobbies, working to inprove your professional status, adding to your education, enjoying vacation and camping together..... yadayadayada.   Your note indicates none of this.....  I think you already know what you really need to do.....
1093569
I'm guessing maybe there are other things upsetting him... like too many other things in life are not going his way...  Perhaps his mind is so heavily fixed on these other situations that he has no time for any more -- that may be any thing (any thing!) you do or say.  If he needs time to think about situations, his mind may not be able to tolerate one more "any thing" that he has to respond to -- whether it is "Is it raining outside?" or "How are we going to pay the light bill?"  All he can do is "snap" or appear annoyed at you, because that somehow (he thinks) gives him more time to ponder his situations -- he "needs to" get back to worrying.  It could be things he over heard at work (like "sales are down") and he's worried about future lay-offs.  It could be the cost of living is going up and his pay isn't.  It could others (seemingly) out to get his job.  It may be unbearable "office politics".  \n\nI may be way off base.  But you (in my opinion) need to find a time when you can talk to him.  Find out what the other things are that might be aggravating him.  Talk things out -- and don't cry!  Be encouraging and support -- if those situations call for it.  \n\nIf a person is not feeling well, too, he/she might snap at the slightest things.  Even if he is just tired, he may snap.  Eat right, exercise, rest.... both of you.  \n\nYou didn't mention your/his age.  Could it be a "middle aged crisis"?  That, you should talk to him or others about who may have experienced the same thing.  But my best advice is to talk to him.  Couples need to be able to talk about ANY situation if they want their marriages to work.  Good communications is key -- open and honest communications.\n\nGood luck.
865531
If you are not happy in your marriage then this should've told you to look at the reasons why you're not happy and attempt to fix the problem.  \n\nLooking for the fix outside of the marriage isn't going to fix your problems.  I suggest you and your husband see a marriage counselor.
434857
hmmmm...tough life!\ni understand its never easy to go in for change at this stage in life when one especially feels like sitting back and looking at the life one has lived and smiling about it.\ni guess one shot at trying to salvage a 20 yr old marriage would be justified, so none of you two can blame oneself or the other one for not having done anything to preserve the marriage. and maybe it went this far just because u both have been waiting for the other one to speak up or adjust to you....and the distance kept on increasing gradually till it reached where it is today.\nit is never too late to start afresh, and neither to restart the same old life either.\nstart with talking to each other about the problems u both had(no fighting though)\ntry marriage counselling once(for yr kids if not yrself)\nand meanwhile try to make yr life lil more interesting, start working part time or something.\nand if nothing works...then u think about the rest\nface reality...u hav worked on yr life for 20 yrs and u hav 2 kids...u just cant let it go purely because someone thinks she can take yr place, but like i said earlier...no screaming and creating a mess, try and keep yr exteriors calm(very difficult, but thats the only way regretfully, even if u feel like shooting people)
741691
I think, if your husband has been honest, and has told you he is happy with your arrangement, then I do not see why this is up for discussion with your GF's?  As to their thinking you should "give up your career", what kind of conversations are you having with your gf's?  I say leave well enough alone.  If your arrangement is working for you two, then its your business, try keeping it that way by not discussing it with people who have no reason to be included in the decision making process.  If you have some question as to whether your husband is really happy or unhappy, try asking him DIRECTLY and not using your gf's as go betweens, ok?  OK!  Good luck!
245549
When you've given everything you have to make it work and find it still isn't enough.  When your spouse refuses to try and make things work.  When you've cried so much that there are no tears left and you know that if you stay you will be unhappy forever.
609193
Money is important, but happiness counts more than that, if ur money cannot buy u happiness whats the use, at times u got to take decisions with ur heart and not with ur mind. I can understand ur situation. But everyone has a right to be happy , so why deprive urself. move on, u never know the happiness the other job will give might reflect in better productivity and can also result in pay hike..best of luck and move on