How do you deal with a deceptive mother-in-law?  She treats me poorly when my husband is not around.?
88168
My mother in law was the same way.  My husband didn't want to get involved because he said it was like a soap opera.  But then he did get involved and we no longer talk to his side of the family.\n\nYour husband needs to get involved for the sake of your marriage. She needs to tell you why she acts like that.  Most likely it's the same old thing of she feels like she is loosing a son.  Hopefully she would be willing to talk about it.  I started with a very polite letter but face to face would be better.  Work out a way that she can continue to be part of his life if that is what the problem is.  But your husband needs to support you!\n\nWe would e-mail and I showed my husband everything.  She would also yell at me on the phone and then tell him I was yelling at her.  He figured it out.  We went through counseling and she couldn't even be honest there.  So that is when we both said enough and don't have any communication with them anymore. You have to do what is best for your family.\n\nProof is always the best but your husband should trust you there and be willing to work out a solution.  But if your mother in law won't talk about it there isn't much you can do but avoid her.  But don't let it affect you. I ended up having major heath problems because of the stress.  It's her problem not yours!
1113427
I'd tell off my mother-in-law! \n\nI'd tell her it is NOT okay to hit me, it is not okay to put me down in front of my children, her son CHOSE me so she needs to forget aout his ex, she needs to stop saying she wants to fins him a new wife, she needs to stop lying, she needs to stop steeling my things, especially my underwear, and she needs to keep her nose in her own business. I know hoe to keep my man happy, while hers is walking out the door every month becuase he's fed up of her. If she's not careful, one of these time's he's not going to come back.
14297
Let it get back to your mother in law that you don't believe she made those statements, because you can't imagine that she would ever say something so awful about you and your kids.  \n\nThen the ball is in her court.
442060
Do you know that 7 in 10 women do NOT get along with their mother-in-laws?\n\nI'm also one of that 7...it doesn't get easier but there are ways of dealing with them.\n\nGo buy "Toxic In-Laws" by Susan Forward, it helped me understand & deal my MIL & FIL better...they can't be "fixed" nor will they change.\n\nThere are also several other books out there dealing with this topic...just look up "Toxic Inlaws" on Amazon.
641139
It's your mother. Screw other people and what they think.  Move her into your house and let the brother in law and husband fight it out with each other. You and your mom can watch from the sidelines.
923095
Screen your phone calls and answer when it conveniences you.  I wouldn't completely ignore her, but also set a time when you won't answer the phone anymore (example after 9:30pm).  You and your husband having time alone without being interupted is very important.
829206
your husband is the one that needs to put his foot down! tell him what is going on..and that you would NEVER put up with this kind of behavior if it were your own mother/sister. \nyou married him, not his mother...yes she is part of your family but she doesn't and shouldn't have a say in YOUR life together. \nhonestly i would look to move away! * that's what i encouraged my husband to do when we got married. we moved my mother in law to Hawaii! * \nif your hubby won't put his foot down then your going to be the one to say something. it may be hard, but YOUR HIS WIFE! that car you borrowed is YOURS as much as it is your husbands...you need to stand up for yourself.\nbe firm but cordial, and tell her that you understand that she loves her son very very much, but so do you. and you are his wife. \nhe is a grown man, and you two want her to be part of your life, but you don't want her controlling it. tell her that you feel like she doesn't like you, and that your trying your best to be a good wife to her son. but you will NOT let her make you feel guilty about the decisions that you make together as a couple. ask her how she would feel if HER mother in law butted in the way she did? \n\nperhaps talking w/your father in law might help? or a brother in law?
634457
Does she have a daughter? If yes, ask her how she would feel if her daughter was being treated the same way like she's treating you right now. If she doesn't have any daughter, ask her how she would feel if her husband's mother hated her and treated her the same way like she's treating you right now. You're the one who is married to her son; you're the one who makes her son happy. She'd better deal with it if she does love her son. Tell her how badly she treats you will only hurt her son and not you because you will forgive her hatred since you love your husband too much to put him in an awkward situation. Good luck.
1058787
unfortunately, my husband's mother is the same breed. I just avoid the woman at all costs. fortunately, my husband agrees, but I don't know if yours will. \n\nI doubt confronting her would help, if she is as childish as my mother in law, but you could try talking to her, tell her your daughter feels left out and it hurts her feelings. goodluck whatever you decide
455235
What you wrote sounds like my story. I've got the same problem with my mother in law. My husband really appreciates that I act like I'm stupid. \nI refuse to drop down to her level and when she is really mean to me I just smile and nod. Sometimes I think she tries her hardest to piss me off, but I won't give her that joy.\nFor your husband it's probably best to ignore the situation and play along like you all get along. It's not worth splitting up families over. You may regret it if your husband decides to choose for you and stops speaking to his mom.\nBe happy she doesn't live IN your house. \n\nStay the respectable party and don't let your feelings show! I know this is tough but it's the most peaceful way. Good luck, don't let her drive you mad, you've got the upper hand!
554794
When she behaves like that ask her how she would feel if you treated her the way she treats you.  \n\nYou are not her mother so there is very little you can do.  You have to let things go because she is not your child.  Unfortunately, her mother is raising a child that will turn into an uphappy adult.
662922
tell mom-in-law to do things your way in your home or hit the highway...[its your life] make your own choices..
621447
Here is arecent one.  My mother in law has been ranting and raving about throwing me a baby shower since January (Im due at the end of this month)  \n2 weeks ago she tells me that she doesnt have the money anymore and she would rather just take me to the store.  So I was dissapointed, but I had to deal with it.\nSo my sister in law ends up inviting some relatives over from my dads side of the family ( I am not even close with them, she just planned the event so that I would get some seriously needed gifts) She never met Danny's mom so she didnt even think of inviting her.  it was a small get together with under 10 people.. no big deal but a great gesture!\nSo long story short, the monster in law is not speaking to me now.  Mind you this was a surprise shower I didnt know until I walked in... not only is she not speaking to me but neither are his 2 sisters.  I could have the baby any second and I feel like this tension is not only unecessary but really hurt ful and mean. \nThere is my story!
809102
Wow. I'm not sure that anyone will really have an answer to all of that, but one thing to try for sure is going through the courts to find a good councellor for her. If that doesn't work, you could always consider a boot camp. My brother attended one after going through alot and putting my family through hell and back. He's a changed person because of it. If it comes down to her using your husband in one of her "plots", I would seek help from a paid professional. If she is lying to hurt you, there has to be something going on in her head that makes her think that it's ok to do. I hope this helps in any way.
842658
Your mother in law is forgetting the meaning of THANKSgiving.\n\nDO NOT let your marriage be dragged into the mess.  If you ate with your MIL last year then YOU and YOUR husband should honor your sisters wish to have the whole family together.   Explain to dragon lady that this is the first time in years your family has been together and RE invite her to enjoy a day with NO work. \nI lived it the WRONG way for 23 years I spent holidays at my in laws because we are neighbors and my mother in law DEMANDS it.  My mom lived 3 hours away and my  household was used to the big family get together next door.  SO we ALWAYS went to the in laws...So MY mom had a 3 or 4 person Thanksgiving .  \nMy mom died in June and I wish I had spent more Holidays with her. \n\nIf YOUR mother in law lives near by,  and your husband sees her regularly~  Then let her whine about Thanksgiving.    She should NOT be allowed to manipulate YOUR life with YOUR husband.    Visit her for PIE at her home after dinner, but do NOT give in and eat there.\n\n\nSorry so long , but TRUST me... I lived it the wrong way for 23 years...
1035983
Sorry you are dealing with 2 psychos that don't know their place.  I'd ignore them as much as possible, but I would put my foot down if they tried to run your life. Your hubby is going to deal with them as he chooses b/c they are his family, but I think they need to see that you are not to be messed with.  When you say no, don't waver.  They can leave if they don't like it.  Let them try to manipulate all they want. It's up to you to not allow them to mess with your life.  Your husband will see them for who they are. And he may step up and tell them to back off in private so they save face. But either way, you can't control him or them....just put your foot down.  Good luck. My mother in law is a manipulative witch.  My husband just  wants to move far away from her and gets tired of her behavior, but feels he can't change his mom.  I think he's right.
767935
Tough situation, but the mother-in-law always seem to win.  Don't feel guilty for not going out with someone who makes you feel unwanted.  Since it's your husband we are talking about, don't you get to spend time with him anyway away from his mother?  He's your husband and you can have your way with him  anytime you want.  Stay home and wait for him, speak to mom, and keep it simple.