Need help with 14 year old son ! ? Ideas how to help him in life!?
81874
People tend to say that the best thing you can do is show a teenager that you love them and are there for them by sitting down with them face to face and asking them what is wrong, what is troubling them.  By doing this you are showing genuine concern for them and where they are at in their life.  Don't talk to him like is a child, talk to him like he is a young man, and tell him that he can talk to you about anything and you will not get mad at him.  Let him know that this time in his life might be fraught with much confusion, and he might make bad decisions sometimes but that it will be okay as everyone makes mistakes and needs help at sometime in their life.
978599
stop feeding him\n--seriously, what is his motivation to do something when his basic needs are being met while he does nothing?\n\nSomeone else recently asked a similar question -- tha answers are up for voting:\nhttp://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ama65ijE_0w1eh4IfS5M_Evsy6IX?qid=20061116144514AAiVdbe\n\nYour expectations have to be made clear.  As we got older, my mother established the rule that once we turned 18, we had to be full-time students earning good grades or we had to pay rent.  I went to college for a while, but dropped out -- I got a job because I knew she required rent, and I also knew she wouldn't give me any money to go hang out with my friends or to put gas in my car.  When I decided to go back to school, I still worked for spending money, but she didn't charge rent.
548395
Don't know what age son is however,                   respect him as a person first and don't compare him to others.\nIf he gets something right no matter how small, praise him. If he gets it wrong sit with him and discuss how he can get it right the next time.\nYoung people do well at different things they are not all good at one thing, remember that when you are trying to motivate him
540585
I agree with Heather, don't send your boy away. I am sure you think that you have tried everything, and if that is the case, try it again. Have an intervention, get others involved, be their friend, and try to find the root of the problem. You can do this!
561408
Give him a day when you are there for him\nand sharing with him the things he enjoys\ndeveloping his creative skills and encouraging him  and supporting in learning new things and growing.Give him toys tools or new clothes.Give him fresh fruit not sweets.Give him gentle advise,a listening ear and an understanding heart.give him some training in some new skill.Give him a responsibility and your trust with it.Give him your love and affection.and let him know his family,parent,guardian... or whoever you are...cares..Give him a heritage to be proud of.....give him  protection but give him freedom.Give him values character ,dignity  ,and integrity.So much more you can give your son whatever age he is.You are  trully.blessed.(by the way I NEVER READ any POEM YOU suggest.Is there one or are you asking me to make one up for you?)
910331
First of all, remember children are far more resilient that adults realize.  If you're strong, your son will be as well.  \n\nYou both need to sit your son down and talk to him.  Explain to him where daddy will be and what he'll be doing.  Get a calendar and show him just how long it'll be.  Then tell him he can start marking off days until daddy comes home.  Also, explain to him that things come up in the military and it might be a bit longer or shorter.\n\nTake pics of daddy and son together.  Put them in a photo album just for your son.  Also, when our daughter was young, I got a non-breakable plastic picture frame.  It was part of her daily toys she played with.  Whenever she played, there was daddy, right along with her.\n\nThere's no telling when he'll be able to make phone calls.  It's not always convenient to have your son there or awake when the calls come in.  However, as often as possible, he should call to talk to your son as well as you.  Also, have him write and adress letters specifically for your son.  It makes them feel special if their not just part of the letters to mom.\n\nOther than that, all I can tell you is to be strong.  He WILL pick up on whatever emotions you're feeling.  If you're upset, he's going to be.  If you cry, he's going to cry too.  Kids are very strong and very smart.  They honestly usually do as well as the parent at home does.  Be sure not to change his routines or do things different than you normally do.  \n\nGood luck!!  Tell your hubby to stay safe and "thanks" from one who's been through it 3 times already.
628977
First of all, please have him evaluated by a psychiatrist. There are so many mental disorders that strike men at about the age of 15 on up. I can't say what his problem might be, but the sooner you have him evaluated , the sooner you can get him the help he needs. It may as simple as some medication or re-education on a possible learning disorder.
646802
You seem to be in a tough spot - not only do you have to worry about your son, but about your other children as well, because they are certainly watching how you respond to this problem.  Try taking a look at this website - http://www.4troubledteens.com/toughlove.html as this organization has helped many, many parents deal with issues such as yours.  Please make sure that your first priority is the safety of the rest of your family - and good luck to you all.
247176
Honey you are 14 and your whole life ahead of you. Tell him\nyou want to be friends ONLY! If his feelings are true and strong enough he will wait till your older. You need to find you before something happens you can't undo. Good Luck.
74817
This must be such a difficult situation for your entire family.  You must be feeling as if you no longer know you son. You must feel as if you are walking on jello and that your whole world has fallen apart.  You must be thinking what will become of all the hopes and dreams I had for this boy of mine!  These feelings are all normal. You are not alone, I spent many sleepless nights hoping I could go back to the time when my child was small and I was holding that little boy in my arms.  But let's consider something very important: Your son was comfortable enough to come and talk to you about this situation.  That seems to say that your lines of communication are open between the both of you.  That is a blessing!  It says a great deal to how you raised your son and you should take comfort from that.\n\nWith your open communication and his trust in you  don't allow yourself to fall into the trap of becoming preachy and letting him know how wrong this is or to throw him.  The damage that will done by doing that can not be undone!\n\nThis is a time to sit down with him and discuss all the options.  You need to understand how he is feeling, what he wants to do about this situation, and how he is going to be responsible for this child.\n\nIts about him right now not you, and that is going to be very difficult to do, I know I have been there.  The more you can all listen and you guide with gentleness the better off you will all be.  Other people will say support him, but if you have not had many, many talks with him about his goals, worries, concerns and desires for all of this you will never know how to support him.\n\nNow, what he chooses may not be what you would choose.  At 17, he is feeling like a child and an adult.  He is conflicted by what he feels, he wants to be a little boy and have this all go away, and he wants to be a man and take care of it himself; but you have to be there to give him all the information he will need to make the choice.  If you do it right with little judgment and guilt he will choose well.\n\nGive him ALL the information both sides. Now, here comes the really hard part.  His girlfriend holds a great deal of the cards, and what she finally decides may not be what you or your son want.  Be prepared for that.  She and her family may want nothing to do with you.  They may view you as the cause of all this trouble.  They want to force your son into doing something that is not right.  Be prepared for that.  The more you have thought this all through and discussed everything with your son the better the outcome will be.\n\nWe can not force her, her family or you son into doing anything.  There can only be gentle guiding. \n\nWhen all is said and done the greatest thing we can rely on is faith that God is the author of all good things.  If we look at this with the eyes of faith we will see that this has the potential of becoming a beautiful experience of growth and strength.\n\nFeel free to call me: 517-290-8930
18322
how old is this guy? if he is a teenager i suggest you let his parents know he is thinking of suicide.if he is older i guess you will just have to wing it and do the best you can by trying to get him to get help.
200242
Have to police or the courts order him to leave.  He need to learn to stand on his own two feet.  He might just need a wake up call.  Give him a bus pass for him to get around.  There should be a way for him to get his own grants and loans.  Tell him to either help around the house, get a job and get out.  I lnow this is a very hard thing to do as a parent but it is time for him to find his wings.  There are a lot of adults who get loans to goto school.  Tell him it is time to wake up and smell the coffee.
952217
Bribery might help, give him something to look forward to at the end of each nine weeks and if he does well you could take him on a mini trip or buy him a game he wants. Some kids are motivated in diff ways so don't worry it might be something personal in his life like friends or girls, hope all goes well!
342859
Try getting him to apply places that will really get him involved in people. A grocery story, a restaurant, somewhere where he can help people. A lot of times that really makes a kid feel good, even a 16 year old guy. But don't get him a job where he's going to be doing silly things. He's old enough now to realize that he needs to be doing something constructive. Gas stations are great, but I wouldn't start looking there. Also, keep in mind what he is interested in. If he likes animals, get him interested in an animal shelter or a vets office. Stuff like that would really boost his pride, too.
898897
I am 14 too and a boy and a way you would suprise a boy was to sit with him at school or whatever and start talking to him then go buy him a cookie or something and ask him out then boys like when they are full lol jk. but just start talking to him and add that in it will suprise him
470486
I think it's very sad that other kids are being cruel to your son, and I'm also disappointed and concerned that his father is unable to accept his son's orientation. On the other hand, I'm very happy to hear that your son has a supporting and understanding mother like yourself. He's going to need your support, and it sounds like you will be there to give it to him. \n\nI know, and I imagine a lot of us know, how it feels to be harrased in school because of being different than others. I didn't deal with it very well - I internalized everything, and I was too humiliated to tell my family what kids would call me in school. I wish I had had a supportive parent that understood how I felt, even if it was only one parent that understood, and not the other.\n\nI'm sure your child will be very successful and happy in the future - this is just going to be a rough time (possibly). Getting him into support groups for gay youth as soon as possible would probably be a great idea. When I was about 22 I started going to a support group, and I finally realized that what I am is completely and totally okay. \n\nI'm rooting for your son, and I hope he gets to grow up feeling good about himself! It will make such a difference in his life if he knows that, no matter what anyone says, he's awesome and valuable. As for your husband, what about family counseling with a gay friendly counselor? If not that, how about a conversation between you and your husband about setting new, realistic expectations for his son. He may not get the macho guy that he was hoping for, but if your husband can find the strength in himself (and this takes a real man) to be proud of and support his gay son, he will have done what so many men can't. He could also save himself a lot of hurt and disappointment down the road.\n\nHere's hoping for happiness, love and compassion for all of you!
418980
it is not just your son who needs to be seen through this\ncrisis, the whole family suffers .I have experience with my boy and adhd.\n\nin one way as he is only 14yrs old you still are in time to seek help\n\ni received so much support from a website  the link is below that i would recommend this to anyone in your circumstances.\nThere is a Dr who gives free medical advice, and loads of people to offer you the advice and support ,that you so clearly need.