How come so many married people are looking for some action on the side these days?
97447
I don't think people look for it as much as they just find it.  With both people working in a marriage, you spend more time with co-workers than you do with your spouse.  When that happens, work relationships can turn into sexual relationships.   One day at work I turned to a co-worker of mine and I said to him, "Do you realized that you and I are the only two employees here that haven't been in an affair?"  I worked with about twenty people and the next month he was in an affair also.
54219
Some people do that because they may be afraid of committment. Others because they have a trust problem. They had bad relationships in the past. So they have a hard time trust their spouse. Or because they are stupid.
1180746
yes, yes, yes!  I have been married with my huband for 11 years, with him for 15 and have never never cheated.  However, there have been many women who wanted him.  In today's women there is this idea that married men are better and will risk their own marraige to be with someone else.  Maybe they are bitter at their men and are getting them back.  All I know is that women today are catching up to the men with this dirtly litte secret.
570357
some people are really nosy...some people truley think they can help.  but i think that the decision is completely that of the married couple.
138121
It sounds like maybe you're not being completely up front with them from the beginning about the 'being married' part. Maybe they're getting some kind of vibe from you that you're looking for someone to have an affair with. Are you going out of your way to get men friends? If so, why when you're married?
832063
Why not ask my ex-wife who thought it would be better to go out with a 53 year old married man instead of working on our marriage.  (Just a little vent here, I'll feel better, LOL.)\n\nI do believe too many folks give up too easily, or don't really try at all, or have unrealistic expectations of what marriage offers. \n\nMarriage is not give and take, it is give.\n\nI don't recall anything in my vows that said I'll be there unless I'm not happy.  They were a pledge to be there, regardless of circumstance.\n\nToo many folks either don't take traditional vows, or don't really think they mean anything, given the numbers of divorced people today.\n\nI don't know how to help folks decide that they are going to try.  All it takes if for one of the partners to bail out for the marriage to be over. \n\nSo we can coach and coach, but if one partner is selfish and chooses affairs, or abuse, or abandonment and divorce over working through the issues, I really don't know how you can solve that.\n\nI certainly wanted to work on the issues, but was unable to convince my ex-wife that her affair with a married man was a worse solution than working on our marriage.\n\nAnd the courts and society at large seems to go right along with her line of thinking.  If you are unhappy, don't bother looking at yourself, blame your partner and find another seems to be the way things are done.\n\nI agree, often they will end up with the same problems because they too are part of the problem, but failed to address that aspect of it.\n\nYou can run away from your spouse, but you cannot run away from yourself.  So if you have things that you need to address about yourself, then do that BEFORE you choose an affair or divorce.
361307
in some cases, yes. There are all types of people out there and some women love the "challenge". I know I got a lot of attention when I got married. Maybe some of the women felt safer talking to a married guy or they would want to be the "other lady" who gets the side attention without the strings; there's been both!! So...I guess it all depends on the guy and what he does in that type of situation.
265162
A couple theories here.Decades ago as unromantic as it sounds, women had more things to tie them to a marriage. Along with love, women usually weren't highly educated as they are today and most likely did not work out of the house. They were financially dependent on the husband.Also they had kids early in the marriage which solidified that bind even more. In todays society we are go-getters, we are educated, more often than not women are out there making the money and don't need the man to provide for them. WE also take responsibility for our reproduction and sexuality. We decide when we are ready to have a baby and don't just do it out of pressure to start a family. Also, women have more access to birth control methods that werent advertised decades ago.So sometimes we aren't as dependent on the man and have a desire to get out of the marriage and have the resources to actually do it. Also, marriages tend to last shorter because divorce has become more acceptable in our society. Not like decades before when you were looked at like scum if you had a divorce. Several reasons that marriages don't last. But there are always the ones that stand the test of time. I love my husband and would like to say our marriage will be the one that does last but in the society we live in today you just never ever know.
411573
i think there are a number of reasons why people are no longer getting married like they used to.  our society has changed drastically just in the past few decades.  divorce rates have rocketed and the number of people who believe in god, or practice christianity faithfully has decreased.  marriage isn't really taken seriously anymore.  another reason people are just dating is because women have become so independent in the past few decades.  no longer is our role to get married and be a stay at home mom raising six kids and cleaning house, etc.  many women are going to college to pursue degrees and aren't graduating until their mid to late 20's.  i know for myself, i am more focused on finishing school and enjoying time to myself before i decide i want to settle down and get married.  this is just a few of my own opinions on your question.  hope it helped a little.
1155651
What I find most interesting about this very good question is the tem "politics."  That's exactly what marriage is, politics!  How do you meet the needs of your partner and have your needs met in return!?  Is it possible?  The interesting thing about political figures is they tell you what you want to hear to get voted into office, and then they seldom if ever deliver!  Relationships are much the same way, we're all guilty of it, portraying what you want the other person to see, what you think they want to hear, and then once your married,.....it's out the window.  Then the true colors come shinning through!  What happened to the amazing man or women I fell in love with??  We ask ourselves scratching our heads.........we bought what we wanted to see, not what really is!  Perhaps we don't change so much once we're married?  Perhaps we just turn into who we really are, then we're insulted when we're not well received, or worse, we feel betrayed by what we have received!?  \nI think this is the situation when asking for what you want or communicating what does or does not work, becomes an issue, because you're already feeling betrayed and or critisized, so it's hard to be open to critisizim.  \nI guess it would help if both parties were completely open and dedicated to keeping it going regardless of their own isecurities, needs or ego's!?  My experience has been no results, and only more pain.....  So I don't know!?  Is honesty always the best policy, or is it what they don't know wont hurt them?  Must we play games in marriage in order to succeed?  I don't know....\nI spent my whole life looking forward to having the love of my life as my life long companion in marriage, and what I've discovered about being married, is that I've never felt more alone!\n\nI'm not sure if any of this really answers the question's at hand, or if it's only triggered more questions!?  But I appreciate your intellect, and thought process and thank you for inspiring my own inquisitive rant.....\n..\nU
155764
that happens in marriages alot...its more of a tension breaker to get things out in the open and get closer.
445049
I guess because it departs from tradition and what people are used to.  The women's movement was only 30-40 years ago, and a lot of people still aren't conditioned to the fact that a woman can find happiness and success on her own.  I am 27, rather attractive, own a business and make more money than most married couples my age, yet some people treat me like I've got one foot in the grave and had better hurry up and get married because 30 seems to be the magic deadline.  The truth is, I would love to get married when I'm damn good and ready to find the right one, whether it be tomorrow or when I'm 75.  I'm just not going to get married for the sake of marriage, which a lot of people seem to do (hence the divorce rate today).
250461
Yes, as it will chance normally throughout life...not just because of marriage. Time, weight, pregnancy, illness. It's not like they say 'husband and wife' and *poof*...They've changed..come on.
1153501
I'm assuming that you are getting these comments from older relatives? Our society is currently in flux and it no longer behooves women to marry young like it once did. Women are more and more often to be the ones to put off getting married because many women see marriage at a young age as a trap into domesticality.\n\nI mean, who really wants to have to hold down a job, do the majority of the household chores, do the majority of the child care, and then have to deal with the husband acting like his wife is really his mother? I mean even the most responsible men don't seem to know how to eat a healthy meal (pizza is NOT a food group!), how to scrub a toilet or wash a load of laundry (or how often such tasks need to be done), or how to write a grocery shopping list or a menu for a weeks worth of meals. \n\nI say, you go girl! Marriage is a raw deal for women. Men definately got the better end of the marriage agreement!
247016
It is one sign. Throughout history there's been sex crimes, etc. That people think cheating on a spouse is okay, that's newer.
463927
The same thing happened to my second wife.  We did it like rabbits when we were dating but once married, the activity dropped off quite a bit.  I am sure the rigors of married life has something to do with it and the comfort in being in a long term relationship.  I am sure it doesn't happen to all women nor men for that matter.  Could be that you just need to try something different every now and then.  Location, clothing, time of day, etc.  Variety is the spice of life.
1114007
What's with them is the fact that they don't know how to honor a committment. They are selfish in that they guage the success of their marriage on how THEY feel.  Once the new car smell goes away, they think it's time to trade for a new one.   It takes effort to keep a marriage exciting and to pull through the periods of time when things are a little low, which is inevitable.   However, a lot of people are too into themselves and not their marriage.