We are in love and he is married & hasn't left yet after 28 years. Help...?
90375
Sounds like he isn't leaving.  28 years is a LONG, LONG, time.
235158
If I were you, why struggle with who you're going to believe and just get away from the drama.  What was his reaction?  \n\nIf he's not divorced, he's still married and you don't want to be strung along thinking that it may happen.  If he still wants you, he'll get it done quick and then the two of you can carry on, but until that's done, don't be the one waiting for it to happen.  \n\nGood Luck!
412994
All of your thoughts are definetly valid ones.  You know that the beginning of "where's this going" relationship stuff is NO picnic.All I can say is, keep your eyes WIDE OPEN.  Pay close attention to any RED FLAGS along the way (if there are any).  You know, it's just one of those things in life that really, only time will tell.  By all means don't put yourself in the position to feel obligated in to rushing in to anything.  I WOULD recommend paying close attention to his ACTIONS.  Be cautious of charming talkers.  Please, allow time to take it's course.  \n\nI would be curious why he feels it's necessary for you to know where he is, even if it is work related.  To me, it's just a bit odd.  That would get on my nerves after a while.  I mean, his employer is the one that really needs to know where's he's at all the time, not you. That's merely MY opinion.  Is he borderline needy without actually being needed?  Not that there's any crime of being 45 years old, having never married.\n\nAhh.  Like I said, just allow time to take it's course.  If it's really meant to go anywhere, then it surely will.\nDon't be too hard on him, or yourself.  Just be smart, okay?\nTake care.\n\nP.S.  Hey there c68!  I sure hope this turns out to be something good for you.  Be patient, enjoy each other, learn about each other.Maybe this is one that deserves your time.  I really do hope he's a good person.  Keep on your toes.  You seem to be a smart cookie.  Keep it up!\nI'm thinkin' about ya and if it helps, I'm pullin' for ya too. (Well, you know,...for both of you)  Take care.
1044282
we have been married 22 yrs, and still goin strong, every night and them some......why do u ask?
995689
If in doubt, don't.  That's a good rule for every aspect of life. Sounds like you may be having some doubt, just by the way you asked if there's a "test."  The true test is the test of time.  If he and you are able to make it this far, then love will wait. Love doesn't just ...go away.   Let things take their course.  If you truely love him, and he loves you, then things will fall into place on their own.  Best of luck to you!
9442
You cant hold on to something thats not there...You can continue to do your end of the vows and pray that he will have a change of heart but ultimatley in marriage love comes and goes but its commitment to that person that will keep a marriage.  Apparently hes never had that commitment to hold on to you for "better or for worse".  He obviously moves according feeling not any thing else.  You keep your end if hes not willing than let it go--More advice? chrystaldr@yahoo.com
1018598
You know what? I don't think it is fair what some of the others have said..i think it is entirely possible to lose abit of that...and what you need to do is relive a lot of the past...remember a lot fo the romantic things you did for him and sneak those things back in to your repetoire...by that I mean...I sent my wife an Easter card when she went back to see her family in South America and she loved it..my wife and I started off by writing and emailing and while we've known each other for 11 years we've been married for 7.  I always try to do things, read old letters, look at pictures and read diaries of things we did together and I try to do them again...go to fine restaurants (tough with a child) but we do what we can.  I haven't fallen out of love with my wife but I think that it is necessary for you to start dating your husband on a weekly basis so that it doesn't happen again-FLIRT WITH HIM-go park..hehe whatever.....life is a long journey..sometimes it seems as though your priorities with children and work that sometimes you may lose the spark a bit..just light the pilot light again and do what you can to get his attention and it doesn't have to go back to the bed-especially if you are trying to see where his feelings lie with you...(no pun intended)...yeah that will get his attention in the short run..as it will in most men...BUT....it won't stand for the long run...so there has to be more.  maybe play hard to get a little..make him feel as though he has to give chase a bit...don't play the game too long...but...entice him..take him out for ice cream or even to a ball game EVEN if you HATE baseball or football...or a concert if he doesn't care for sports...\namusement park..you get the idea...do things that he LOVES to do that you would normally not care so much for because you CARE about doing stuff he is interested in...it is just an idea...surprise him...
870964
Oh sister! If you love this man and he - clearly - loves you too...hang on to it. Do the best you can with the distance. Or just agree to email, write, talk on the phone and see where you both are after the 2 1/2 years are over. Real love between two people is too rare to let it go. If you believe in your heart and mind that you are in love with this man and you feel his love in return - do whatever you have to do to make this work...even if that means waiting for him.\n\nI hope he comes home safe. Best wishes for happiness!!
162794
Are you really in love with him or the fact that you can talk to him?  Remember, what exists online is a unique enviroment where we all feel protected to some degree.  In the real world the level of comunication between you and this other person will probably not be the same.  Plus there is so much more to being in love with someone and having a relationship.  If your married still then do you really want to risk what you have for something that may not exists?  If your not married, then go slow and get to know this person gradually outside of just chatting because its not just your life but your kids life that you have to be concerned about.
18240
You've got two of your most important reasons right in your question...you need to move on & he is married. Honestly, this is exactly where I would start the conversation. Plus, one of the things you might not have considered is that you deserve more, as in someone who loves you & no one else. When you make the break, make it clean & permenant - don't let him try to tell you that he will think about leaving his wife or any of that other prattle. It will take time but your heart will heal...\n\nGood luck!
1024629
You won't unless you ask him.  You wouldn't want to be asking the same question in 30 years.  Believe when I tell you, it could go on for 30 years, I've been there.  Always to afraid to ask because I'm afraid he will say something I don't want to hear.  It's crazy.  Although, on my 30th birthday I had this big bash and he came alone because he knew that's what I wanted.  I got really wasted (it was birthday) and I got really bold and after 18 years (I met him when I was 11) I asked him had he been in love with me (past tense).  His response, suprisingly, was yes.  I asked why he never told me and he said because I thought you knew.  Long story short, I was engaged, he was engaged so we let it go.  We are still holding on the this "Friendship" maybe one day we'll get it right.  We keep looking back and not shutting the door.  I know after all this time, we need to stop coming in and out of each other's lives, but the lie we tell is "we're just friends"...\n\nDon't let this be you.  Find out now and if he doesn't feel the same way, you can go on with your life now and not look back.  \n\nI hope this helps.
359950
There are other occupations where spouses are seperated for long periods of time and alot of those survive. Tell him that you think the marriage is starting to drift because he isn't around much anymore. Ask him to prehaps take sometime off and possibily cut down hours (if it would allow him to see you). Also another soultion would be to move in with him.
524888
Sounds as if he has moved on in his mind and left you and the marriage behind. Sad that after 8 years. How you can improve your marriage is how you react to the sitution right now. Don't beg or bug him about anything. Give him some room and the old saying if you set someone free and they come back they are yours is very true............
447741
I would have a serious conversation with him. It would be a shame to wait another 5 years just to hear again what you're hearing now. Why doesn't he want to marry you? I would think that the prospect of marrying the person you love would make you work harder towards your goals if you know that you will be married after. Talk to him. Let him know how you feel. If marriage and children are important to you then he needs to know. He may just be nervous about commitment, but if he really loves you he will need to face that fear. Im sorry but if he doesnt feel the same way then you need to move on. I know that will be painful but its better than wasting the next 5+ years of your life hoping he will change. If he agrees to marry you, make sure its really what he wants. You will be miserableif he married you because he felt he had no choice. Best of luck.
424891
If you still love him,tell him the true. Do not make the same mistake I made. I'm been married for seven years, but I still feeling something for my ex-boyfriend. I know isn't love,but maybe butterflies in my stomach. That is strange or not?
510340
If you can see he is not truly commited:\n\nIf you can bear with it, then you should know it is time to move on. You know this is not gonna work out. Where will this lead to, if you go on like this? He will never be yours. \n\nWhat is the point of mixing around with this sort of people? In fact, you should know by now he isn't worth it. \n\n\nIf you can see he is commited but hesitant:\n\nThen find out why. There must be something troubling him.\nHis family opposition perhaps. Try to resolve it with him. If it is his family, perhaps you can find some ways to present yourself to impress them. \n\nTry also to tell him it is time to make his own decision and not let others interfere. After all, if you both marry, it will be your new life and no one elses.
533077
This is a situation that takes lots of time and consideration. I know what you mean I'm in the same boat. I'm 23 with 2 kids and I love my husband dearly, but there is one old boyfriend who makes my heart skip a beat but I know that we weren't meant for each other or things would have happened differently. You love your husband, if you didn't you would've left him by now. The only thing that's different now is the new guy. My advice to you is not to tear up a family of 3 years just because the grass looks greener on the other side, because it never is! Women are hopeless romantics and we would do almost anything to be swept off our feet and ride off into the sunset with prince charming on his white horse. But if you were to leave this man of 3 years what would be different with the new one? Three years from now will be the same story. You have to learn how to make things in your current relationship stay fresh and vibrant. You have to keep the flame burning. When a fire starts to die you just add more wood. Not wait till it burns out and then start a new one. Trust me, if both of you work at it and you keep open and honest communication between you and your spouse you will have a relationship that is almost unheard of now a days!