I am married to my 2d husband for 23yrs. He has heart trouble & I feel he's using that to control me.?
96733
Dear.....Do what you have to do.....don't let his sickness control you....you can have compassion and try to help him get better.....but you have a life too. You did enough and you shouldn't feel guilty about anything.....If you want to go out with a friend ...do it!..You can't stay beside him forever.
794197
First off DO NOT MAKE YOUR KIDS TAKE CARE OF HIM.It isn't their responsibility.It is his to take care of them not the other way around.Next, It didn't do any good to cut down on smoking to lower his blood pressure and then turn around and gain weight.Excessive weight hurts your blood pressure more than anything.He is much more likely to die due to obesity and high b.p. than the smoking.But, really it sounds like he is trading one addiction for another.My be try counseling? Just try to do what you can before he get any larger and gets sicker.My husband never wanted to say anything to  me about my weight because he didn't want to hurt my feeling. I wish he had.I let myself get to 216 pounds.And I ended up with high b.p. I didn't see a problem with my weight or eating habits I am a big girl always have been. And I figured I don't drink,smoke,use drugs.So I am safe from having too many problems I have no addictions like everyone else I know and surely food isn't an addiction it is necessary.I told myself that right up until it almost killed me.Last year at 33 years old I suffered a stroke. And my only plausible risk factor the doctor could find was my obesity.Do what you can to stop him now or lose him later.It won't be easy for him but he must recognize his eating has an addiction.It is important for his survival.
1139301
Your insecure about your marriage. You and he need to work to make it stronger for your sake. It doesn't mean he is cheating, just you have some doubts...
392028
I know how you feel, I'm also married to an uncaring man.  It's really hard to be with a selfish person.  I'd say try to talk to him, but he may not be responsive.  If he loves you, he'll honor your request to talk about the way your lives is going.  If he doesn't, busy yourself with friends and hobbies.  Sometimes they make an about face when you're not at their beck and call.  But no matter what happens, be strong, you have you and your daughter to worry about.  Good Luck!
947460
My husband is 14 years older. You cannot control your heart.
926906
Oh dear, maybe you are putting too much emphasis on your marriage. It seems that the new car smell has worn off. It sounds like you still love your husband, but you feel as though something is missing. It is, your life. Whatare you doing with yourself to decompress? Your mate and your child shouldn't be the only focus in life. Get a hobby. I mean that in the most genuine and caring way. Find a healthy form of exercising those mental muscles that will also boost your self esteem. And for goodness sake, do not get involved with another man, any kind of way. You have to realize that you are going thru a new chapter in your life, it is growing pains that you are having, just like when you were an adolescent. Keep the activity simple but very rewarding.Your blues will pass, but keep your personal activity.
418874
Its possible that both of you are trying to fill the roles of wife and husband. What I mean is not seeing each other as people,not dealing with things as they are but trying to do things as you think they should be dealt with. Maybe he thinks he should be in charge, telling you what to do what to spend. I think its time you 2 have a good long talk and find out how each of you really feels clear the air. Oh one other thing to think about your at that stage in a relationship where your past the first glow of love and seeing him as he really is, time to work at the relationship build it up or see if it can be worked out.
885720
According to me u both shud go thru Counselling,and sort out the problem by talking to him.,Why is he doing such things. I think he really loves u ,but maybe due to some work pressure he might be able to see u, if u think he is cheating u,better u get rid of this marriage ,or else it will affect both of ur life.Dont marry anyone just for the sake of the marriage,u shud first know the guy with whom u r marrying.Anyways my gut feeling says ur problem will be solved and u will lead a good life with ur hubby.Dont take unneccessary tensions orelse it will affect ur child health.God Bless u
410736
if you want your marriage to work you are going tohave to draw a line under it. i know its easier said than done. try and think of the good things in the relationship whenever you feel yourself distrusting him, thats what i did.
422284
I really hate to break this to you but its not good.  He sounds very controlling.  My recommendation is that you both go through pre-marital counceling or split up.  If he is doing this, this early on, he is sending you very strong clues as to what he will be like once the papers are signed.  Please, postpone the wedding if its set or stop the engagement.  He has to want to change.  You cant make him do so.  At the same token, you dont deserve to be belittled at all by ANY person.  That is called verbal and emotional abuse.  And, when there is abuse of any kind this early on, it tends to escalate later.  You are not his property.  He can not tell you what to do.  I know this will be so hard for you because its obvious that you still love him but you have to believe me on this one.  I was married to 2 men that did very similar things to what you just discribed.  It dam near ruined me.  \n\nPack your stuff if you are living together and leave.  Tell him you will return once he has gotten counceling and not before that.  Dont take his appologies because abusers will appologize, be good for a SHORT time, then do it all over again and each time will be worse.  I speak from experience.  And I pray for your sanity right now.  I really hope you do the right thing.  This time, listen to your head and not your heart.
549335
Well in my opinion I believe your husband feels you are going to Dr. Phil for help instead of him, but if he is like most men, they do not help anyway.  Have you talked to counselors before about your feelings?  I think you need to find a good friend or a counselor to get this out and have someone to talk to about it.  I don't think it is healthy to go back to older harder times always, but sometimes it is good, it is just what we need Women need to cry sometimes, now when I say sometimes I am not referring to everyday ;) I hope one day you can let the past go some. Hope you find someone that you can talk to also. Goodluck
465635
My heart truly goes out to you and I know if I found myself in this situation it would totally crush me also.  You are perfectly normal reacting the way you are.  It would be extrmely hard to let this child into your life because its like a kick in the teeth each and everytime you see the child.  Its a constant reminder of what has happenned.  Try thinking of it this way:  You were seperated when this happenned so atleast technically it was not an affair.  Your husband thought his marriage was over and didnt think u loved him anymore so he turned to find comfort else where.  BUT he loves YOU and now u r back together and trying to work it all out.  I know it will be very very difficult for u cuz I know it would be for me but you are right- this child does need a father in his life.  You r right- he did not ask for this to happen to him- and he didnt pick his parents.  Take the time you need to sort thru your feelings and talk and confide ALL your feelings with your husband.  Let him know u need time to adapt to this major shock in your life.  You need to search your heart and soul.  If you truly love your husband and cannot imagine life without him- then some way some how you will eventually have to adjust to this child.  YOU DO NOT EVER HAVE TO ACCEPT this other woman.  In fact I suggest u never even meet the woman or see her!  Thats just TOO much to ask of your already broken heart!  But remember- this is an innocent child- after you have searched your heart- try to come to terms with this.  If you cannot you will have to end the marriage.  Remember:  U were seperated when this happenned!  Good luck to you sweetheart and my heart is with you.  Feel free to e mail me ANYTIME at cstinkerbell6969@yahoo.com  YOU DO HAVE A FRIEND and confidant out in this world!  I wish you the greatest success in all you do!
447946
I just answered your other question and I felt the need to answer this one too! Girl you are in a very emotional state right now, you need to cut all ties to this other man, this is why you are being so hard on yourself! You need to FOCUS! Stick to the topic at hand and that is that of your marriage! You need to start talking more to your husband and let him know you feel no emotional support from him and let him know how you are feeling (if you haven't already)!\n\nThere are alot of people that both of you have involved involuntarily, they did not ask to be in the situation, you need to be the adult here and finish what you started right? Do what YOU KNOW is right not what every one tells you too! I hope you do get some answers here that will help in your decision making, but ultimately the decision is yours to make. Good Luck to you!
1006072
I would seek couples counseling if I were you.  You definitely need to address the issue of his marriage. I think that a counselor would help him to understand that stringing you along while he's still got a wife is not right. If he won't go to counseling with you then maybe you should go by yourself. Determine your goals for the relationship that you want to have and strive for them.\n\nIf he's not open to seeking counseling then he doesn't care about you. Because if he did he would do anything to keep you. Since you're not married and he's uncooperative I would suggest leaving him.
57686
U R IN A VERY VERY DELICATE POSITION.I FEEL HE IS "ACTING" CHILD LIKE. IT WOULD BE BETTER IF U LIVE SEPARATELY FROM UR IN-LAWS IF IT IS AFFORDABLE
276854
As much as you seem to love this man I think you deserve a hell of alot better!  This man does not respect you as a wife or as a person.  He takes your feelings and stomps all over them.  He is being totally immature and sounds like a totally controlling man.  YOU deserve a man who is going to love you,respect your feelings, and wont run out like a spoiled child when u have a disagreement!  Temper Tantrums r for 3 year olds not grown men.  And the fact that he didnt even want to save the marriage and go to counseling says volumes about the kind of man he really is.  LET HIM GO!  Find a real man!  Life is way too short to be spending it in a loveless marriage.  I met my hubby in 10th grade in highschool and we have now been married 22 years!  My husband would never dream of treating me like this!  Cuz he knows Id kick his butt!  smile!  Get rid of him, let him run, let him take the cowards way out.  YOU told him u would file for divorce if he left again- and he left.  THAT alone says he doesnt care about the marriage.  I feel so badly for you, I know this has to be hurting you terribly and wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better for u but unfortunately I cant.  But I do believe in you.  You r a strong woman.  YOU can do this and you will find a man who will truly love you I PROMISE!  Lose this guy and get yourself a real man!  Good luck to u
597745
I noticed in your question you stated "again."  This is obviously not a happy healthy relationship.  Are the two of you married?  If not, run......don't walk.  There's always someone out there who knows well how to respect a lady.  \n\nIf you're married, the two of you need counseling.  If he refuses to participate, you'll have to decide how long you want to live like that.