If my divorce isn't final, how do I disclose that to a man I'm interested in?
90078
Wait until its final.Don't be in such a rush.That's probably why you are getting a divorce now,you need to take your time.
376022
Well, this time do things by the book.  Keep him out of the loop.  Get your information directly from the Court and your attorney; if you soon-to-be ex tells you anything different, CONTACT the body concerned and double-check.  In other words, don't be Ms Gullible in future!\n\nIn the meantime, sever all contact with him if that's the only way you can do it.
507498
Tell him as soon as he is legally divorced from this woman, then you would love to go out with him.
161352
I'm not one to really talk since I've been divorced twice, but still, I think that unless he's abusing you or your kids, give him a chance to remind you of why you married him in the first place. "For better or worse" There is nothing worse than regret, and if you decide to end the relationship without serious counsuling or prayer (if you're religious) that you may wind up regreting leaving the man whose stood by you all those years. And 9 is a big number, so unless you've been lying to yourself and him for that long, you're marriage deserves a lengthy examination.
633382
Just lay it out for him...\nSay, look I know this is what you want, but it's not going to happen. I've moved on, hell, I'm married! I would love to stay friends, but that is ABSOLUTELY all your going to get out of me....\n\n...honesty is always the best policy!\nGood Luck!
404593
If final means it is completely resolved then I don't think there is much you can do except move foreward. Take the oportunity to reflect on your marriage and learn from the experience. It may help you in your future relationships. good luck.
1127634
No...you shouldn't tell him, nor should you be involved or get involved with him. So long as he is married there is that chance no matter how slim that he could reconcile with his wife, and you shouldn't be there to make that impossible or harder for him to do. You are also only opening yourself up to hurt by being involved...best to stay away.
174128
I am in the same boat. My b/f is currently going through a divorce and if we wanted to marry, we wont be able to until his divorce is final.
645176
Telling someone that you want to split, it is impossible to avoid at least one very long, involved conversation.\n\nI Guar-an-tee that if you tell him, "i'm not happy anymore" "I don't love you anymore" "I don't feel the same" "I want a divorce" "things have changed" etc, etc, etc; that he will ask "IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE?"  \n\nThe only way to keep him from asking this question is to tell him flat-out "There's someone else."\n\nEven though others have brought up the very valid point that telling him that you are no longer happy in your marriage IS the truth, there's no way of getting out of this without lying unless you admit WHY you are no longer happy.\n\nThere is nothing wrong with what you are going through, it is a shame both for yourself and your husband.  My ADVICE is to come clean up front and tell him why you are leaving.  It might make it easier for him to let you go.  He will, of course, feel betrayed, used, unwanted, inferior and will not have a very high opinion of you.  It might get you the out that you need, to be bluntly honest.\n\nBear in mind two things: In some states, an aggrieved spouse can sue for adultery, "alientation of affections" (targeted at the adulterous spouse's lover) or "Inflicted Induced Emotional Stress" towards, I think, either or both of you.  You'll want to find out via websites or a lawyer if any of these are applicable to your state.\n\nFinally, consider your husband.  Is he the type that might go postal?  An odd and insensitive question, perhaps, but a good number of people have lost their lives to spouses they have hurt.  \n\nConsider all the factors at play and make your decision.  I hope that everything lines up so that you feel (relatively) comfortable in admitting the whole truth, because it can and will be a huge load off of your chest.\n\nI wish you, your husband, and your love all the best.
647823
It's possible, but unlikely.  He is not divorced til those papers are signed, sealed and delivered.  He's been lazy in finding out.  If he has no paperwork, he doesn't care whether he's divorced or not.  Or, he's just lazy.  If he's truly serious about you, he should make sure his divorce is final.  If you have to drive him to the courthouse yourself.\nI was not in a hurry to get the paperwork done, until I knew I was ready to remarry.  Well, that time came and I went to the nearest paralegal and had them get it done in time.  To make sure, I filed them myself.\n\nI hope everything works out for you.
301614
Yes.\n\nI don't even need to know anything else about the situation. If you two want to be together, you can wait until the divorce papers are finalized.\n\n:)
955334
honey to let you know i am basically going threw the same thing but i am the divorced one w/a child. and there is this wonderful guy.. put just give it time. if he really likes you he will let you know or just come out and ask him where you stand in his life. or you can ask him what he really want in life.. but don't push the issue. remember he does have a child and he doesn't want some body that is going to come and go in there life.. :)
1167754
Just pay extra attention to him first, and then it should feel easier to find the right time and way to tell him! :)
883082
If the divorce was not final, a new marriage (wherever solemnized) is invalid and your ex should be able to get a declaration to that effect, or an annulment. It is possible, but unlikely, that under Peruvian law (for some reason) he was considered already validly divorced, in which case the answer would be different.\n\nUnless there was fraudulent intent, prosecution for bigamy is unlikely. There's too much for the prosecutors to prove, and it wouldn't be in the public interest even if technically feasible.\n\nHe should discuss the matter with his lawyer. I'm confident the lawyer will give advice consistent with what I have said.\n\n(I will not address the issue of countries -- not Peru -- where customary and polygamous marriages are allowed.)
1130673
Well, hon, unfortunately you are trapped in a self created mess and you will have to face the consequences of your actions when they are revealed. Do I think your husband knows? Of course he knows! He may not know about it in concrete, factual terms, but he knows something is going on based on your actions, behavior and the subtle clues you've left behind. Unfortunately, when we are thrust into the throes of lust and passion, even though we tend to think we are being secretive and subtle about it, we aren't. In fact, we are screaming it across a loudspeaker. How? By the way we dress, act, and so forth. According to a private investigator I know, 98% of the partners of people that are having affairs KNOW that this is what is going on because they have "intuited" it. Thus, your hubby is asking probing questions to verify what he senses in you. It is possible however, and you need to be aware of this, that others have seen you with your lover, and may have reported it back to your husband. Again, as subtle and as cool as we think we are, we aren't. People watch.\n\nDo I think you should confess? Yes I do. This is risky because he may become so hurt and betrayed by your actions he may file for divorce, but this is a chance you have to take. Remember, as an adult you have to be responsible for your actions in life, and you have to sometimes pay the consequences for your actions. He may want to divorce you, or maybe he won't. In fact, he may want you to go for marriage counseling together to work it through. But you won't know this for sure until you carefully and sensitively discuss this with him. \n\nChances are he is going to want to know why you did this and you are going to have to look deep within yourself to find the root causes of your actions. You absolutely must take ownership of your actions, and apologize accordingly. You can't change the past now, but you can remedy it by acknowledging what you did and taking action to resolve the problem, build trust again with your partner, and forgive yourself. Look within. On the surface many of us venture into affairs because we want a different kind of attention from another man than what we are getting at home. Sometimes, we are drawn to someone because they possess something that our partner doesn't and we find it captivating. Sometimes we want to spice up our lives and have a bit of adventure, just as you said. But usually the root cause of our actions, beneath the excitement and forbidden nature of it all, is that we feel unappreciated, unloved, and undervalued by our partners and think - hope really -that someone else will give that to us. What we want, in effect, is a boost to our low self esteem, which is something we can garner from within ourselves rather than having to get it from outside sources.\n\nThe bottom line is simple: You are going to have to face the music, hon. I know you are scared of this, but maintaining a secret will create a larger wedge between you. This is far more damaging to a relationship because relationships must be built on honesty and trust, and without that, you have nothing. Relationships with secrets are doomed to fail because secrets always have a way of coming to the surface. And finally, unresolved issues between the two of you will affect not only your marriage, but your kids as well, and that isn't fair to them.\n\nI wish you good luck.
244874
first you need to find out if it is legal to run an add in a paper letting the person know youre divorcing him. cuz in some states you can get in touch with someone and they will run an add in the paper and your spouse will have a certain amount of time to answer,if he does not answer, your granted the divorce, so ask the court house or talk to a lawyer. good luck
1151619
No you don't have to tell him. What you did during your break is your business and your business alone. \n\nHowever, know there is the possibility that he will ask. And by not answering or lying you will reveal more about your relationship than you might care to admit. \n\nAlso know that he may find out one day. People talk and you'd be surprised how small the world really is. He'll not only learn the truth but also learn that you kept it from him. \n\nI, personally. am always skeptical of relationships that have breaks, but that's just me. A lack of trust is hardly going to do wonders for your relationship now that you're back together, especially since you've already decided to part at least once.\n\nBut as I've said, you don't *have* to tell him.